This trouble doubtless occurs sufficiently often and in different ways
enough in the existence of married women, for this personal incident to
become the type of the genus.
The Caroline in question here is very pious, she loves her husband very
much, her husband asserts that she loves him too much, even: but this
is a piece of marital conceit, if, indeed, it is not a provocation, as
he only complains to his wife’s young lady friends.
When a person’s conscience is involved, the least thing becomes
exceedingly serious. Madame de ——- has told her young friend, Madame de
Fischtaminel, that she had been compelled to make an extraordinary
confession to her spiritual director, and to perform penance, the
director having decided that she was in a state of mortal sin. This
lady, who goes to mass every morning, is a woman of thirty-six years,
thin and slightly pimpled. She has large soft black eyes, her upper lip
is strongly shaded: still her voice is sweet, her manners gentle, her
gait noble—she is a woman of quality.
Madame de Fischtaminel, whom Madame de ——- has made her friend (nearly
all pious women patronize a woman who is considered worldly, on the
pretext of converting her),—Madame de Fischtaminel asserts that these
qualities, in this Caroline of the Pious Sort, are a victory of
religion over a rather violent natural temper.
These details are necessary to describe the trouble in all its horror.
This lady’s Adolphe had been compelled to leave his wife for two
months, in April, immediately after the forty days’ fast that Caroline
scrupulously observes. Early in June, therefore, madame expected her
husband, she expected him day by day. From one hope to another,
“Conceived every morn and deferred every eve.”
She got along as far as Sunday, the day when her presentiments, which
had now reached a state of paroxysm, told her that the longed-for
husband would arrive at an early hour.
When a pious woman expects her husband, and that husband has been
absent from home nearly four months, she takes much more pains with her
toilet than a young girl does, though waiting for her first betrothed.
This virtuous Caroline was so completely absorbed in exclusively
personal preparations, that she forgot to go to eight o’clock mass. She
proposed to hear a low mass, but she was afraid of losing the delight
of her dear Adolphe’s first glance, in case he arrived at early dawn.
Her chambermaid—who respectfully left her mistress alone in the
dressing-room where pious and pimpled ladies let no one enter, not even
their husbands, especially if they are thin—her chambermaid heard her
exclaim several times, “If it’s your master, let me know!”
The rumbling of a vehicle having made the furniture rattle, Caroline
assumed a mild tone to conceal the violence of her legitimate emotions.
“Oh! ’tis he! Run, Justine: tell him I am waiting for him here.”
Caroline trembled so that she dropped into an arm-chair.
The vehicle was a butcher’s wagon.
It was in anxieties like this that the eight o’clock mass slipped by,
like an eel in his slime. Madame’s toilet operations were resumed, for
she was engaged in dressing. The chambermaid’s nose had already been
the recipient of a superb muslin chemise, with a simple hem, which
Caroline had thrown at her from the dressing-room, though she had given
her the same kind for the last three months.
“What are you thinking of, Justine? I told you to choose from the
chemises that are not numbered.”
The unnumbered chemises were only seven or eight, in the most
magnificent trousseau. They are chemises gotten up and embroidered with
the greatest care: a woman must be a queen, a young queen, to have a
dozen. Each one of Caroline’s was trimmed with valenciennes round the
bottom, and still more coquettishly garnished about the neck. This
feature of our manners will perhaps serve to suggest a suspicion, in
the masculine world, of the domestic drama revealed by this exceptional
chemise.
Caroline had put on a pair of Scotch thread stockings, little prunella
buskins, and her most deceptive corsets. She had her hair dressed in
the fashion that most became her, and embellished it with a cap of the
most elegant form. It is unnecessary to speak of her morning gown. A
pious lady who lives at Paris and who loves her husband, knows as well
as a coquette how to choose those pretty little striped patterns, have
them cut with an open waist, and fastened by loops to buttons in a way
which compels her to refasten them two or three times in an hour, with
little airs more or less charming, as the case may be.
The nine o’clock mass, the ten o’clock mass, every mass, went by in
these preparations, which, for women in love, are one of their twelve
labors of Hercules.
Pious women rarely go to church in a carriage, and they are right.
Except in the case of a pouring shower, or intolerably bad weather, a
person ought not to appear haughty in the place where it is becoming to
be humble. Caroline was afraid to compromise the freshness of her dress
and the purity of her thread stockings. Alas! these pretexts concealed
a reason.
“If I am at church when Adolphe comes, I shall lose the pleasure of his
first glance: and he will think I prefer high mass to him.”
She made this sacrifice to her husband in a desire to please him—a
fearfully worldly consideration. Prefer the creature to the Creator! A
husband to heaven! Go and hear a sermon and you will learn what such an
offence will cost you.
“After all,” says Caroline, quoting her confessor, “society is founded
upon marriage, which the Church has included among its sacraments.”
And this is the way in which religious instruction may be put aside in
favor of a blind though legitimate love. Madame refused breakfast, and
ordered the meal to be kept hot, just as she kept herself ready, at a
moment’s notice, to welcome the precious absentee.
Now these little things may easily excite a laugh: but in the first
place they are continually occurring with couples who love each other,
or where one of them loves the other: besides, in a woman so
strait-laced, so reserved, so worthy, as this lady, these
acknowledgments of affection went beyond the limits imposed upon her
feelings by the lofty self-respect which true piety induces. When
Madame de Fischtaminel narrated this little scene in a devotee’s life,
dressing it up with choice by-play, acted out as ladies of the world
know how to act out their anecdotes, I took the liberty of saying that
it was the Canticle of canticles in action.
“If her husband doesn’t come,” said Justine to the cook, “what will
become of us? She has already thrown her chemise in my face.”
At last, Caroline heard the crack of a postilion’s whip, the well-known
rumbling of a traveling carriage, the racket made by the hoofs of
post-horses, and the jingling of their bells! Oh, she could doubt no
longer, the bells made her burst forth, as thus:
“The door! Open the door! ’Tis he, my husband! Will you never go to the
door!” And the pious woman stamped her foot and broke the bell-rope.
“Why, madame,” said Justine, with the vivacity of a servant doing her
duty, “it’s some people going away.”
“Upon my word,” replied Caroline, half ashamed, to herself, “I will
never let Adolphe go traveling again without me.”
A Marseilles poet—it is not known whether it was Mery or Barthelemy
—acknowledged that if his best fried did not arrive punctually at the
dinner hour, he waited patiently five minutes: at the tenth minute, he
felt a desire to throw the napkin in his face: at the twelfth he hoped
some great calamity would befall him: at the fifteenth, he would not be
able to restrain himself from stabbing him several times with a dirk.
All women, when expecting somebody, are Marseilles poets, if, indeed,
we may compare the vulgar throes of hunger to the sublime Canticle of
canticles of a pious wife, who is hoping for the joys of a husband’s
first glance after a three months’ absence. Let all those who love and
who have met again after an absence ten thousand times accursed, be
good enough to recall their first glance: it says so many things that
the lovers, if in the presence of a third party, are fain to lower
their eyes! This poem, in which every man is as great as Homer, in
which he seems a god to the woman who loves him, is, for a pious, thin
and pimpled lady, all the more immense, from the fact that she has not,
like Madame de Fischtaminel, the resource of having several copies of
it. In her case, her husband is all she’s got!
So you will not be surprised to learn that Caroline missed every mass
and had no breakfast. This hunger and thirst for Adolphe gave her a
violent cramp in the stomach. She did not think of religion once during
the hours of mass, nor during those of vespers. She was not comfortable
when she sat, and she was very uncomfortable when she stood: Justine
advised her to go to bed. Caroline, quite overcome, retired at about
half past five in the evening, after having taken a light soup: but she
ordered a dainty supper at ten.
“I shall doubtless sup with my husband,” she said.
This speech was the conclusion of dreadful catalinics, internally
fulminated. She had reached the Marseilles poet’s several stabs with a
dirk. So she spoke in a tone that was really terrible. At three in the
morning Caroline was in a profound sleep: Adolphe arrived without her
hearing either carriage, or horse, or bell, or opening door!
Adolphe, who would not permit her to be disturbed, went to bed in the
spare room. When Caroline heard of his return in the morning, two tears
issued from her eyes; she rushed to the spare room without the
slightest preparatory toilet; a hideous attendant, posted on the
threshold, informed her that her husband, having traveled two hundred
leagues and been two nights without sleep, requested that he might not
be awakened: he was exceedingly tired.
Caroline—pious woman that she was—opened the door violently without
being able to wake the only husband that heaven had given her, and then
hastened to church to listen to a thanksgiving mass.
As she was visibly snappish for three whole days, Justine remarked, in
reply to an unjust reproach, and with a chambermaid’s finesse:
“Why, madame, your husband’s got back!”
“He has only got back to Paris,” returned the pious Caroline.