SHAMELA ANDREWS _to_ HENRIETTA MARIA HONORA ANDREWS.
O Madam, I have strange Things to tell you! As I was reading in that
charming Book about the Dealings, in comes my Master--to be sure he
is a precious One. _Pamela_, says he, what Book is that, I warrant
you _Rochester's_ Poems.--No, forsooth, says I, as pertly as I could;
why how now Saucy Chops, Boldface, says he--Mighty pretty Words, says
I, pert again.--Yes (says he) you are a d--d, impudent, stinking,
cursed, confounded Jade, and I have a great Mind to kick your A----.
You, kiss ---- says I. A-gad, says he, and so I will; with that he
caught me in his Arms, and kissed me till he made my Face all over
Fire. Now this served purely you know, to put upon the Fool for
Anger. O! What precious Fools Men are! And so I flung from him in a
mighty Rage, and pretended as how I would go out at the Door; but
when I came to the End of the Room, I stood still, and my Master
cryed out, Hussy, Slut, Saucebox, Boldface, come hither----Yes to be
sure, says I; why don't you come, says he; what should I come for
says I; if you don't come to me, I'll come to you, says he; I shan't
come to you I assure you, says I. Upon which he run up, caught me in
his Arms, and flung me upon a Chair, and began to offer to touch my
Under-Petticoat. Sir, says I, you had better not offer to be rude;
well, says he, no more I won't then; and away he went out of the
Room. I was so mad to be sure I could have cry'd.
_Oh what a prodigious Vexation it is to a Woman to be made a Fool
of._
Mrs. _Jervis_ who had been without, harkening, now came to me. She
burst into a violent Laugh the Moment she came in. Well, says she, as
soon as she could speak, I have Reason to bless myself that I am an
Old Woman. Ah Child! if you had known the Jolly Blades of my Age, you
would not have been left in the lurch in this manner. Dear Mrs.
_Jervis_, says I, don't laugh at one; and to be sure I was a little
angry With her.----Come, says she, my dear Honeysuckle, I have one
Game to play for you; he shall see you in Bed; he shall, my little
Rosebud, he shall see those pretty, little, white, round,
panting----and offer'd to pull off my Handkerchief.--Fie, Mrs.
_Jervis_, says I, you make me blush, and upon my Fackins, I believe
she did: She went on thus. I know the Squire likes you, and
notwithstanding the Aukwardness of his Proceeding, I am convinced
hath some hot Blood in his Veins, which will not let him rest, 'till
he hath communicated some of his Warmth to thee my little Angel; I
heard him last Night at our Door, trying if it was open, now to-night
I will take care it shall be so; I warrant that he makes the second
Trial; which if he doth, he shall find us ready to receive him. I
will at first counterfeit Sleep, and after a Swoon; so that he will
have you naked in his Possession: and then if you are disappointed, a
Plague of all young Squires, say I.----And so, Mrs. _Jervis_, says I,
you would have me yield myself to him, would you; you would have me
be a second Time a Fool for nothing. Thank you for that, Mrs.
_Jervis_. For nothing! marry forbid, says she, you know he hath large
Sums of Money, besides abundance of fine Things; and do you think,
when you have inflamed him, by giving his Hand a Liberty with that
charming Person; and that you know he may easily think he obtains
against your Will, he will not give any thing to come at all----.
This will not do, Mrs. _Jervis_, answered I. I Have heard my Mamma
say, (and so you know, Madam, I have) that in her Youth, Fellows have
often taken away in the Morning, what they gave over Night. No, Mrs.
_Jervis_, nothing under a regular taking into Keeping, a settled
Settlement, for me, and all my Heirs, all my whole Life-time, shall
do the Business----or else cross-legged, is the Word, faith, with
_Sham_; and then I snapt my Fingers.
_Thursday Night, Twelve o'Clock._
Mrs. _Jervis_ and I are just in Bed, and the Door unlocked; if my
Master should come----Odsbobs! I hear him just coming in at the Door.
You see I write in the present Tense, as Parson _Williams_ says.
Well, he is in Bed between us, we both shamming a Sleep, he steals
his Hand into my Bosom, which I, as if in my Sleep, press close to me
with mine, and then pretend to awake.--I no sooner see him, but I
Scream out to Mrs. _Jervis_, she feigns likewise but just to come to
herself; we both begin, she to becall, and I to bescratch very
liberally. After having made a pretty free Use of my Fingers, without
any great Regard to the Parts I attack'd, I counterfeit a Swoon. Mrs.
_Jervis_ then cries out, O, Sir, what have you done, you have
murthered poor _Pamela_: she is gone, she is gone.----
_O what a Difficulty it is to keep one's Countenance, when a violent
Laugh desires to burst forth._
The poor Booby frightned out of his Wits, jumped out of Bed, and, in
his Shirt, sat down by my Bed-Side, pale and trembling, for the Moon
shone, and I kept my Eyes wide open, and pretended to fix them in my
Head. Mrs. _Jervis_ apply'd Lavender Water, and Hartshorn, and this,
for a full half Hour; when thinking I had carried it on long enough,
and being likewise unable to continue the Sport any longer, I began
by Degrees to come to my self.
The Squire, who had sat all this while speechless, and was almost
really in that Condition, which I feigned, the Moment he Saw me give
Symptoms of recovering my Senses, fell down on his Knees; and O
_Pamela_, cryed he, can you forgive me, my injured Maid? by Heaven, I
know not whether you are a Man or a Woman, unless by your swelling
Breasts. Will you promise to forgive me: I forgive you! D--n you
(says I) and d--n you says he, if you come to that. I wish I had
never seen your bold Face, saucy Sow, and so went out of the Room.
_O what a silly Fellow is a bashful young Lover!_
He was no Sooner out of hearing, as we thought, than we both burst
into a violent Laugh. Well, says Mrs. _Jervis_, I never saw any thing
better acted than your Part: But I wish you may not have discouraged
him from any future Attempt; especially since his Passions are so
cool, that you could prevent his Hands going further than your Bosom.
Hang him, answered I, he is not quite so cold as that I assure you;
our Hands, on neither side, were idle in the Scuffle, nor have left
us any Doubt of each other as to that matter.
_Friday Morning._
My Master sent for Mrs. _Jervis_ as soon as he was up, and bid her
give an Account of the Plate and Linnen in her Care; and told her, he
was resolved that both she and the little Gipsy (I'll assure him)
should set out together. Mrs. _Jervis_ made him a saucy Answer; which
any Servant of Spirit, you know, would, tho' it should be one's Ruin;
and came immediately in Tears to me, crying, she had lost her Place
on my Account, and that she should be forced to take to a House, as I
mentioned before; and that she hoped I would, at least, make her all
the amends in my power, for her Loss on my Account, and come to her
House whenever I was sent for. Never fear, says I, I'll warrant we
are not so near being turned away, as you imagine; and, i'cod, now it
comes into my Head, I have a Fetch for him, and you shall assist me
in it. But it being now late, and my Letter pretty long, no more at
present from
_Your Dutiful Daughter_,