My eyes are dim with childish tears,
My heart is idly stirr'd,
For the same sound is in mine ears,
Which in those days I heard.
Thus fares it still in our decay;
And yet the wiser mind
Mourns less for what age takes away,
Than what it leaves behind.
WORDSWORTH.
After consultation with friends, and much serious consideration on such a
momentous subject, it having been finally settled on between the wife and
myself to educate Benjie to the barber and haircutting line, we looked
round about us in the world for a suitable master to whom we might
entrust our dear laddie, he having now finished his education, and
reached his fourteenth year.
It was visible in a twinkling to us both, that his apprenticeship could
not be gone through with at home in that first-rate style which would
enable him to reach the top of the tree in his profession; yet it gave us
a sore heart to think of sending away, at so tender an age, one who was
so dear to his mother and me, and whom we had, as it were, in a manner
made a pet of; so we reckoned it best to article him for a twelvemonth
with Ebenezer Packwood at the corner, before finally sending him off to
Edinburgh, to get his finishing in the wig, false-curl, and hair-baking
department, under Urquhart, Maclachlan, or Connal. Accordingly, I sent
for Eben to come and eat an egg with me--matters were entered upon and
arranged--Benjie was sent on trial; and though at first he funked and
fought refractory, he came, to the astonishment of his master and the old
apprentice, in less than no time to cut hair without many visible shear-
marks; and, within the first quarter, succeeded, without so much as
drawing blood, to unbristle, for a wager of his master's, the Saturday
night's countenance of Daniel Shoebrush himself, who was as rough as a
badger.
Having thus done for Benjie, it now behoved me to have an eye towards
myself; for, having turned the corner of manhood, I found that I was
beginning to be wearing away down the hillside of life. Customers, who
had as much faith in me as almost in their Bible with regard to every
thing connected with my own department, and who could depend on their
cloth being cut according to the newest and most approved fashions, began
now and then to return a coat upon my hand for alteration, as being quite
out of date; while my daily work, to which in the days of other years I
had got up blithe as the lark, instead of being a pleasure, came to be
looked forward to with trouble and anxiety, weighing on my heart as a
care, and on my shoulders as a burden.
Finding but too severely that such was the case, and that there is no
contending with the course of nature, I took sweet counsel together with
James Batter over a cup of tea and a cookie, concerning what it was best
for a man placed in my circumstances to betake myself to.
As industry ever has its own reward, let me without brag or boasting be
allowed to state, that, in my own case, it did not disappoint my
exertions. I had sat down a tenant, and I was now not only the landlord
of my own house and shop, but of all the back tenements to the head of
the garden, as also of the row of one-story houses behind, facing to the
loan, in the centre of which Lucky Thamson keeps up the sign of the
Tankard and Tappit Hen. It was also a relief to my mind, as the head of
my family, that we had cut Benjie loose from his mother's apron-string,
poor fellow, and set him adrift in an honest way of doing to buffet the
stormy ocean of life; so, every thing considered, it was found that
enough and to spare had been laid past by Nanse and me to spend the
evening of our days by the lound dykeside of domestic comfort.
In Tammie Bodkin, to whom I trust I had been a dutiful, as I know I was
an honoured master, I found a faithful journeyman, he having served me in
that capacity for nine years; so, it is not miraculous, being constantly,
during that period, under my attentive eye, that he was now quite a
deacon in all the departments of the business. As an eident scholar he
had his reward; for customers, especially during the latter years, when
my sight was scarcely so good, came at length to be not very scrupulous
as to whether their cloth was cut by the man or his master. Never let
filial piety be overlooked:--when I first patronized Tammie, and promoted
him to the dignity of sitting crosslegged along with me on the working-
board, he was a hatless and shoeless ragamuffin, the orphan lad of a
widowed mother, whose husband had been killed by a chain-shot, which
carried off his head, at the bloody battle of the Nile, under Lord
Nelson. Tammie was the oldest of four, and the other three were lasses,
that knew not in the morning where the day's providing was to come from,
except by trust in Him who sent the ravens to Elijah. By allowing Tammie
a trifle for board-wages, I was enabled to add my mite to the comforts of
the family; for he was kind, frugal, and dutiful, and would willingly
share with them to the last morsel. In the course of a few years he
became his mother's bread-winner, the lasses being sent to service--I
myself having recommended one of them to Deacon Burlings, and another to
Springheel the dancing-master; retaining Katie, the youngest, for
ourselves, to manage the kitchen, and go messages when required.
Providence having thus blessed Tammie's efforts in the paths of
industrious sobriety, what could I do better--James Batter being exactly
of the same opinion--than make him my successor; giving him the shop at a
cheap rent, the stock in trade at a moderate valuation, and the good-will
of the business as a gratis gift.
Having recommended Tammie to public patronage and support, he is now, as
all the world knows, a thriving man; nor, from Berwick Bridge to Johnny
Groat's, is it in the power of any gentleman to have his coat cut in a
more fashionable way, or on more moderate terms, than at the sign of the
Goose and the Pair of Shears rampant.
Leaving Tammie to take care of his own matters, as he is well able to do,
allow me to observe, that it is curious how habit becomes a second
nature, and how the breaking in upon the ways we have been long and long
accustomed to, through the days of the years that are past, is as the
cutting asunder of the joints and marrow. This I found bitterly, even
though I had the prospect before me of spending my old age in peace and
plenty. I could not think of leaving my auld house--every room, every
nook in it was familiar to my heart. The garden trees seemed to wave
their branches sorrowfully over my head, as bidding me a farewell; and
when I saw all the scraighing hens catched out of the hen-house I had
twenty years before built and tiled with my own hands, and tumbled into a
sack, to be carried on limping Jock Dalgleish's back up to our new abode
at Lugton, my heart swelled to my mouth, and the mist of gushing tears
bedimmed my eyesight. Four of Thomas Burlings' flour carts stood laden
before the door with our furniture, on the top of which were three of
Nanse's grand geraniums in flower-pots, with five of my walking-sticks
tied together with a string; and as I paced through the empty rooms,
where I had passed so many pleasant and happy hours, the sound of my feet
on the bare floor seemed in my ears like an echo from the grave. On our
road to Lugton I could scarcely muster common sense to answer a person
who wished us a good-day; and Nanse, as we daundered on arm-in-arm, never
once took her napkin from her een. Oh, but it was a weary business!
Being in this sober frame of mind, allow me to wind up this chapter--the
last catastrophe of my eventful life that I mean at present to make
public--with a few serious reflections; as it fears me, that, in much of
what I have set down, ill-natured people may see a good deal scarcely
consistent with my character for douceness and circumspection; but if
many wonderfuls have befallen to my share, it would be well to remember
that a man's lot is not of his own making.
Musing within myself on the chances and changes of time, the
uncertainties of life, the frail thread by which we are tacked to this
world, and how the place that now knows us shall soon know us no more, I
could not help, for two or three days previous to my quitting my dear old
house and shop, taking my stick into my hand, and wandering about all my
old haunts and houffs--and need I mention that among these were the road
down to the Duke's south gate with the deers on it, the waterside by
Woodburn, the Cow-brigg, up the back street, through the flesh-market,
and over to the auld kirk in among the headstones? For three walks, on
three different days, I set out in different directions; yet, strange to
say! I aye landed in the kirkyard:--and where is the man of woman born
proud enough to brag, that it shall not be his fate to land there at
last?
Headstones and headstones around me! some newly put up, and others mossy
and grey; it was a humbling yet an edifying sight, preaching, as forcibly
as ever Maister Wiggie did in his best days, of the vanity and the
passingness of all human enjoyments. Mouldered to dust beneath the turfs
lay the blithe laddies with whom I have a hundred times played merry
games on moonlight nights; some were soon cut off; others grew up to
their full estate; and there stood I, a greyhaired man, among the weeds
and nettles, mourning over times never to return!
The reader will no doubt be anxious to hear a few words regarding my son
Benjie, who has turned out just as his friends and the world expected.
After his time with Ebenezer Packwood in Dalkeith, he served for four
years in Edinburgh, where he cut a distinguished figure, having shaved
and shorn lots of the nobility and gentry; among whom was a French
Duchess, and many other foreigners of distinction. In short, nothing
went down at the principal hotels but the expertness of Mr Benjamin
Wauch; and, had he been so disposed, he could have commenced on his own
footing with every chance of success; but knowing himself fully young,
and being anxious to see more of the world before settling, he took out a
passage in one of the Leith smacks, and set sail for London, where he
arrived, after a safe and prosperous voyage, without a hair of his head
injured. The only thing that I am ashamed to let out about him is, that
he is now, and has been for some time past, principal shopman in a
Wallflower Hair-powder and Genuine Macassar Oil Warehouse, kept by three
Frenchmen, called Moosies Peroukey.
But, though our natural enemies, he writes me that he has found them
agreeable and chatty masters, full of good manners and pleasant
discourse, first-rate in their articles, and, except in their language,
almost Christians.
I aye thought Benjie was a genius; and he is beginning to show himself
his father's son, being in thoughts of taking out a patent for making
hair-oil from rancid butter. If he succeeds it will make the callant's
fortune. But he must not marry Madamoselle Peroukey without my especial
consent, as Nanse says, that her having a Frenchwoman for her daughter-in-
law would be the death of her.
CONCLUSION.
He prayeth well, who loveth well
Both man, and bird, and beast--
He prayeth best, who loveth best
All things both great and small;
For the dear God who loveth us,
He made and loveth all.
COLERIDGE.
On first commencing this memoir of my life, I put pen to paper with the
laudable view of handing down to posterity--to our children, and to their
children's children--the accidents, adventures, and mischances that may
fall to the lot of a man placed by Providence even in the loundest
situation of life, where he seemed to lie sheltered in the bield of piece
and privacy;--and, at that time, it was my intention to have carried down
my various transactions to this dividual day and date. My materials,
however, have swelled on my hand like summer corn under sunny showers;
one thing has brought another to remembrance; sowds of bypast marvels
have come before my mind's eye in the silent watches of the night,
concerning the days when I sat working crosslegged on the board; and if I
do not stop at this critical juncture--to wit, my retiring from trade,
and the settlement of my dear and only son Benjie in an honourable way of
doing; as who dares to deny that the barber and haircutting line is a
safe and honourable employment?--I do not know when I might get to the
end of my tether; and the interest which every reasonable man must take
in the extraordinary adventures of my early years, might be grievously
marred and broken in upon through the garrulity of old age.
Perhaps I am going a little too far when I say, that the whole world
cannot fail to be interested in the occurrences of my life; for since its
creation, which was not yesterday, I do not believe--and James Batter is
exactly of the same mind--that there ever was a subject concerning which
the bulk of mankind have not had two opinions. Knowing this to be the
case, I would be a great gomeril to expect that I should be the only
white swan that ever appeared; and that all parties in church and state,
who are for cutting each other's throats on every other great question,
should be unanimous only in what regards me. Englishmen, for instance,
will say that I am a bad speller, and that my language is kittle; and
such of the Irishers as can read, will be threaping that I have abused
their precious country; but, my certie, instead of blaming me for letting
out what I could not deny, they must just learn to behave themselves
better when they come to see us, or bide at home.
Being by nature a Scotsman--being, I say, of the blood of Robert Bruce
and Sir William Wallace--and having in my day and generation buckled on
my sword to keep the battle from our gates in the hour of danger, ill
would it become me to speak but the plain truth, the whole truth, and any
thing but the truth. No; although bred to a peaceable occupation, I am
the subject of a free king and constitution, and, if I have written as I
speak, I have just spoken as I thought. The man of learning, that kens
no language saving Greek, and Gaelic, and Hebrew, will doubtless laugh at
the curiosity of my dialect; but I would just recommend him, as he is a
philosopher, to consider for a wee, that there are other things, in
mortal life and in human nature, worth a moment's consideration besides
old Pagan heathens--pot-hooks and hangers--the asses' bridge and the
weary walls of Troy; which last city, for all that has been said and sung
about it, would be found, I would stake my life upon it, could it be seen
at this moment, not worth half a thought when compared with the New Town
of Edinburgh. Of all towns in the world, however, Dalkeith for my money.
If the ignorant are dumfoundered at one of their own kidney--a tailor
laddie, that got the feck of his small education leathered into him at
Dominie Threshem's school--thinking himself an author, I would just
remind them that seeing is believing; and that they should keep up a good
heart, as it is impossible to say what may yet be their own fortune
before they die. The rich man's apology I would beg; if, in this humble
narrative, in this detail of manners almost hidden from the sphere of his
observation, I have in any instance tramped on the tender toes of good
breeding, or given just offence in breadth of expression, or vulgarity of
language. Let this, however, be my apology, that the only value of my
wonderful history consists in its being as true as death--a circumstance
which it could have slender pretensions to, had I coined stories, or
coloured them so as to please my own fancy and that of the world. In
that case it would have been very easy for me to have made a Sinbad the
Sailor's tale out of it--to have shown myself up a man such as the world
has never seen except on paper--to have made Cursecowl behave like a
gentleman, and the Frenchman from Penicuik crack like a Christian. And
to the poor man, him whom the wise Disposer of all events has seen fit to
place in a situation similar to that in which I have been placed,
ordaining him to earn daily bread by the labour of his hands and the
sweat of his brow, if my adventures shall afford an hour or two's
pleasant amusement, when, after working hours, he sits by his bleezing
ingle with a bairn on each knee, while his oldest daughter is sewing her
seam, and his goodwife with her right foot birls round the
spinning-wheel, then my purpose is gained, and more than gained; for it
is my firm belief that no man, who has by head or hand in any way
lightened an ounce weight of the load of human misery, can be truly said
to have been unprofitable in his day, or disappointed the purpose of his
creation. For what more can we do here below? The God who formed us,
breathing into our nostrils the breath of life, is, in his Almighty power
and wisdom, far removed beyond the sphere of our poor and paltry offices.
We are of the clay; and return to the elements from which we are formed.
He is a Spirit, without beginning of days or end of years. The extent of
our limited exertions reaches no further than our belief in, and our duty
towards Him; which, in my humble opinion, can be best shown by us in our
love and charity towards our fellow-creatures--the master-work of his
hands.
I would not willingly close this record of my life, without expressing a
few words of heartfelt gratitude towards the multitude from whom, in the
intercourse of the world, I have experienced good offices; and towards
the few who, in the hour of my trials and adversities, remained with
faces towards me steadfast and unalterable, scorning the fickle who
scoffed, and the Levite who passed by on the other side. Of old hath it
been said, that a true friend is the medicine of life; and in the day of
darkness, when my heart was breaking, and the world with all its concerns
seemed shaded in a gloom never to pass away, how deeply have I
acknowledged the truth of the maxim! How shall I repay such kindness?
Alas! it is out of my power. But all I can do, I do. I think of it on
my pillow at the silent hour of midnight; my heart burns with the
gratitude it hath not--may never have an opportunity of showing to the
world; and I put up my prayer in faith to Him who seeth in secret, that
he may bless and reward them openly.
Sorrows and pleasures are inseparably mixed up in the cup set for man's
drinking; and the sunniest day hath its cloud. But I have made this
observation, that if true happiness, or any thing like true happiness, is
to be found in this world, it is only to be purchased by the practice of
virtue. Things will fall out--so it hath been ordained in this scene of
trial--even to the best and purest of heart, which must carry sorrow to
the bosom, and bring tears to the eyelids; and then to the wayward and
the wicked, bitter is their misery as the waters of Marah. But never can
the good man be wholly unhappy; he has that within which passeth show;
the anchor of his faith is fixed on the Rock of Ages; and when the dark
cloud hath glided over--and it will glide--it leaves behind it the blue
and unclouded heaven.
If, concerning religious matters, a tone of levity at any time seems to
infect these pages, I cry ye mercy; for nothing was further from my
intention; yet, though acknowledging this, I maintain that it is a vain
thing to look on religion as on a winter night, full of terror, and
darkness, and storms. No one, it strikes me, errs more widely than he
who supposes that man was made to mourn--that the sanctity of the heart
is shown by the length of the face--and that mirth, the pleasant mirth of
innocent hearts, is sinful in the sight of Heaven. I will never believe
that. The very sun may appear dim to such folks as choose only to look
at him through green spectacles; as by the poor wretch who is dwining in
the jaundice, the driven snow could be sworn to as a bright yellow. Such
opinions, however, lie between man and his Maker, and are not for the
like of us to judge of. For myself, I have enjoyed a pleasant run of
good health through life, reading my Bible more in hope than fear; our
salvation, and not our destruction, being I should suppose its purpose.
So, when I behold bright suns and blue skies, the trees in blossom, and
birds on the wing, the waters singing to the woods, and earth looking
like the abode of them who were at first formed but a little lower than
the angels, I trust that the overflowing of a grateful heart will not be
reckoned against me for unrighteousness.
THE END.
EDINBURGH: PRINTED BY BALLANTYNE AND HUGHES
PAUL'S WORK, CANONGATE.
Footnotes:
{120} See Dr Jamieson.--P. D.