the young ladies and Jemima up stairs to their apartment, while tea was
getting ready. During this interval, William climbed upon his father's
knee, and as Mr. Placid was holding both his hands while he leaned back
his head till it nearly touched the ground, he pulled him up, and
kissing him, said, I am surprised, my boys, that you have not more
politeness, than to neglect Miss Piners in such a manner, and endeavour
to excuse it by further rudeness. Why, I do not want them, replied
William, and must not I speak the truth? You always tell me that the
naughtiest thing I can do, is to tell lies; and, I am sure, I am very
sorry they are come, for I like to have Jemima to ourselves; so pray,
Sir, what would you choose I should do? I would have you, my dear,
returned his papa, always endeavour to behave with good-nature and
politeness. You cannot think how much it will recommend you to general
approbation; nor of how great importance an attention to the trifling
graces of your conduct will prove in future life. And although you,
William, may not be glad of your cousins' company (which, in my opinion,
is rather a churlish speech), yet you might have behaved with civility;
might have inquired after your uncle and aunt, have reached them each a
chair to sit down upon, and if you had not (as you cannot do it with
truth) said you was glad to see them; yet you might have taken such
notice, by speaking kindly to them, as to vindicate yourself from the
charge of rudeness and ill-manners, which you have now incurred.--But as
we are boys, Sir, said Charles, such a neglect is not so bad in us, as
it does not so much signify. We are not, you know, expected to sit prim
all the day, as the girls do, and play the lady. O! how I should hate to
sit with my hands before me, bridling like them for a whole afternoon
together, without moving any more than my stick when I put it up in the
corner! I would not be a girl to go into company in such a manner for
the world!--I am glad to see you satisfied with your destination,
replied Mr. Placid; but you are much mistaken, I assure you, if you
think the study of politeness is unnecessary to a man; and however you
may flatter yourselves with an exemption from those more confined rules
of behaviour which young ladies are expected to observe, yet I would
advise you to remember, that a constant attention to your carriage is at
all times necessary, if you would wish to be loved and esteemed, or to
meet with success in your undertakings.--You, Charles, have frequently
remarked the amazing difference which is visible between Colonel
Armstrong, and Sir Hugh Forester, though the one is a man of more sense,
of larger fortune, and equally worthy as the other; yet, you regard the
Colonel with admiration, and are too apt to treat the Baronet with
ridicule and contempt; so great are the advantages of that polish, which
can only be acquired in early youth by diligent and constant attention:
for if you accustom yourself to lounge about, to eat with your fingers,
or hold your knife and fork so low that they scarcely save them from the
grease; if you slovenly dirt your clothes, either omit to bow at all or
else bend your body as aukwardly as Jack Carter, the plough-boy; in
short, if by any such trifling neglect you acquire a habit of clownish
ill-manners, you will fail to gain that respect which is only paid to
true merit, when accompanied by the graces. Custom has made it necessary
for you to be particularly attentive to the wants of those with whom you
are in company: you should use yourselves to watch when a lady's cup is
empty, that you may be ready to take it from her; or any thing has
fallen down by accident, that you may with briskness pick it up; when a
chair is wanting, to fetch it; or to give any assistance in your power
in those trifles which occur every day; and which, by attending to, you
will learn a habit of doing, as it were, mechanically; that is, without
the trouble of thinking about it, in the same manner as you eat your
dinner, without reflecting all the time what you are doing.--I confess,
said Charles, that Colonel Armstrong has always struck me as the most
agreeable man I ever saw; but he does not seem to take any peculiar
trouble to behave better than other people. On the contrary, I have
heard my mamma say, that he is more easy in his manners than Sir Hugh,
who labours to be polite, without in the least looking like a
gentleman.--That ease which you mention, said his father, is the degree
of perfection which I am so solicitous to have you acquire, and which is
the most difficult thing to attain, though it appears to be exercised
without trouble or attention. You must therefore endeavour, by the
influence of custom, to gain those natural advantages, which can only be
learned in the early season of youth, and to the neglect of which it is
to be ascribed, that so few men (comparatively speaking) are either
polite or graceful.
[Illustration]
Tea being now ready, Mrs. Placid and the young ladies made their
appearance; and Master Placids, to show they had profited by their
papa's advice, both ran to fetch a chair for Miss Sally, and reaching it
at the same time, pushed with such force against each other, that
Charles hurt William's forehead, and very nearly threw him down; at
which he expressing great sorrow, declared the accident was by no means
intended.--I wish I had not been so polite! said William, rubbing the
place; but I know, brother, you would not hurt me designedly, so pray do
not say any more about it, for I do not mind such a trifle.--I hope not,
said his papa, and I would not have you discouraged at the effects of
your aukwardness; for, my dear boy, it is to that, rather than your
politeness, that this terrible disaster is owing; for had you minded
where you were going, you would not so violently have encountered each
other; and either of you might, unhurt, have carried the chair to your
cousin, who has been waiting all this time without one. And this is a
proof of what I just now mentioned, that the grace which you admire in
Colonel Armstrong, will not be easily obtained, unless you be careful to
attend to what you are doing.--As Mr. Placid concluded this sentence, he
was interrupted by the entrance of Master Wagstaff, a young gentleman of
about thirteen, who had been for some years at Eaton, but was then
returned for the vacation. His father was a near neighbour to the vicar,
and had sent his son to invite the family to dine with him the next day;
to which Mr. and Mrs. Placid consented; and at the time appointed, they
set out for the Grove, which was the name of Mr. Wagstaff's house. On
their arrival, they found the company walking before dinner in the
garden. The party consisted of Mr., Mrs., and Miss Wagstaff, and an old
gentleman of the name of Crossly, and a young lady who was his niece.
She was just turned of fifteen, was very pretty and genteel, but
extremely affected in her manner and conversation; pretended to be
afraid of animals and insects, and tossed herself into a thousand
ridiculous attitudes at the sight of a spider, an earwig, or a wasp.
They were soon joined by Master Wagstaff and one of his school-fellows,
who was on a visit to him during the holidays; he was about the same
age, and was called Bob Sprightly.
[Illustration]
When they had walked for some time, they returned into the drawing-room;
and Mr. Crossly took up his snuff box, which he had left on the table,
declaring, he was rejoiced to find it, for that he was always
uncomfortable in its absence. Miss Myra, the young lady above-mentioned,
expressed her dislike to such a disagreeable habit, and declared, that
to be in the room when it was open always made her sneeze. Her uncle
looked at her with some displeasure, and ascribed it to her fanciful
maggots; saying, it was the best remedy for a head-ach he had ever
experienced, and that it never had any disagreeable effect on himself;
adding, as she was so squeamish, he would hold his box out of the window
while he took a pinch, from fear of offending her delicate nostrils. So,
saying he did as he had proposed, keeping his hand at a great distance,
and taking a large pinch, he snuffed it up with uncommon haste and
avidity. No sooner had his nose received the powerful scent, than he
began to cough, choke, and sneeze in such a manner as alarmed the
company, though Miss Myra seemed inclined to rejoice at it, and Bob
Sprightly, with his friend Samuel, could with difficulty refrain from a
violent burst of laughter. At length the old gentleman, being somewhat
recovered, began to reproach his niece with her treachery, in having
filled his box with pepper, which he declared it to be. She denied the
charge, and disowned any knowledge of the adventure. The truth indeed
was this: while Mr. Crossly was walking in the garden, the young
gentlemen found his box on the table, and thinking the effect would
afford them some occasion for their mirth, had desired the footman to
procure them a quantity of ground pepper, which they mixed with a little
snuff, and carefully replaced the box where they found it. I have
already informed you of the success of their scheme, in which they had
the more readily engaged, as Mr. Crossly was a man of no very agreeable
disposition, and, by his ill-nature, had rendered himself obnoxious to
their dislike. The preceding accident, it may be supposed, did not
increase his good-humour; and, to say the truth, he was in no great
harmony during the rest of the day.
[Illustration]
Some time after this, as Miss Myra was stooping to pick up her scissars,
Bob contrived to put a large spider upon the lappet of her cap, which
very quietly marched about without being perceived, and entertained
itself with the prospect of her ribbons, gauze, and flowers, surveyed
her curls, and examined the beauty of a bow which hung from the middle
of her head-dress. It afterwards very leisurely took its progress down
her neck, the tickling sensation of its footsteps she attributed to some
loose locks, which she stroked up with her hand. This motion quickened
its descent, and it now invaded her shoulder, and took its path quite in
sight down her arm, where she first discovered its appearance. With a
scream, which the whole house might have heard, she hastily jumped
across the room and overset a little table, at which the ladies were at
work, and which falling on poor Jemima, gave her a most violent blow on
the head and shoulders, she being at a distance playing with her cousins
at cards. The company, who were all ignorant of this sudden disturbance,
begged Miss Myra to inform them what was the matter with her? which she
at length complied with, by exclaiming, A spider! a spider! What shall I
do? Take it off, or I shall faint!--This Samuel immediately did; but as
her affectation was truly ridiculous, he was determined to divert
himself still further with the effects of her folly. In the mean time
her uncle blamed her, with some warmth, for the childish foolishness of
her behaviour. One would have thought, said he, it had been a giant
instead of a spider with which you were engaged. Such an outcry, indeed,
for nothing at all--I am quite ashamed of you! And pray see what
mischief you have done to Miss Placid! The young lady, in some
confusion, apologized for the hurt which her impetuosity had occasioned;
and Jemima, who was seldom ruffled by a trifling accident, soon resumed
her usual cheerfulness, though she felt the pain for a considerable
time. Peace and order being once more re-established, a basket of fruit
was brought to please the children, together with some biscuits, and
some small seed cakes, which Mrs. Wagstaff had provided for their
entertainment.
Miss Myra was politely offered some by Master Sprightly; and upon
opening an apricot, a second object of her aversion presented itself,
not less dreadful than the former, a large earwig dropped into her lap.
Notwithstanding the late mischance which had happened, in consequence of
such a weak indulgence of her fears, she again shrieked as if violently
hurt, and started from her seat, which she kicked back at the same time,
without any regard to her uncle, who was stooping down behind her chair
to pick up the stalk of a bunch of currants, which he had let fall.
[Illustration]
The chair met his face with such violence, as to knock out one of his
front teeth, which had been loose a great while, and which he had
carefully preserved, as it much assisted his speech. You may imagine,
therefore, that this event did not restore him to a very placid state,
as he had already been sufficiently discomposed by the former
circumstances which I have mentioned.
[Illustration]
Added to her uncle's displeasure, Miss Myra had, in some degree,
suffered herself; having torn a muslin apron which she was working, and
which she had unpinned to show to Miss Wagstaff. Such was the state of
affairs, when Mr. Speedmore, a young country gentleman, entered the
room. He was about seventeen, very tall, and clumsy in his appearance,
and entirely destitute of those graces which Mr. Placid had, the
preceding evening, recommended to his sons. As soon as he had muttered
over his first compliments to the master of the house, he sneaked
himself into a chair that stood near the door, and sitting down on one
side of it, placed an oak stick, which he held in his hand, between his
legs, and leaning his chin upon the top, sometimes nibbled the head, and
at others gnawed a piece of his glove, which happened to be unsewed.
Miss Myra surveyed his figure with the utmost contempt, and whispered to
her companion, Miss Wagstaff, that she should like to teaze such a boor;
which, she supposed, might be easily done, by obliging him to speak, as
he absolutely seemed to have lost his tongue.
In consequence of this resolution, she addressed herself particularly to
him, and inquired, whether he had been to a camp, which was at some
little distance from Smiledale? and whether he had yet learned, or
intended to learn, the manual exercise? To this question, as he was very
inattentive, he at first returned no answer; and upon its being
repeated, he misunderstood her meaning, and replied--No, Miss! I have
seen no Emanuel, nor do I know any such person.--This misapprehension
afforded great entertainment to the younger part of the company, who
laughed for some time at his mistake; till Mr. Placid inquired into the
cause, and, with great good-nature, blamed them for the indulgence of
their mirth at Mr. Speedmore's expense; and Miss Wagstaff, with a smile
at Miss Myra, added, That the laugh was turned since the earwig had
escaped. She blushed at the consciousness which she felt at the reproof,
and giving her friend a tap on the shoulder, enjoined her to be silent,
declaring, she would not again speak to the young man, though he should
gnaw his stick down to the ferrel.
[Illustration]
Mrs. Placid, though in some measure recovered from her late
indisposition, still continued extremely weak. The coach was therefore
ordered to attend them early; and taking their leave of the company,
they all returned home; when the young folk, after wishing them
good-night, retired to-bed. The next morning at breakfast, Miss Piner
began the conversation, by showing how awkwardly Mr. Speedmore had
behaved, and what a cross gentleman she thought Miss Myra's uncle
was.--I was so glad when the snuff made him sneeze and cough! said Miss
Sally.--And, I am sure, he deserved it, said William; for last Sunday
when we were coming home from church, he stood at the little gate in the
church-yard with fat Mr. Stopway, and would not let Tom Gibbons pass;
but took him by the shoulder, and shook him for being so rude, as to
push his way between two gentlemen. And is that the cause, returned his
father, that you rejoice so heartily at the inconvenience which he
suffered? Why, my dear, you take Tom's affront sadly to heart; but so
far from thinking it ill-natured of him to tell such a poor boy of a
fault, I dare say, he intended it as a kind admonition; for Tom has not
any body to instruct him in those common attentions of civility, which
are necessary to recommend even a day-labourer to regard. And if Mr.
Speedmore had the advantage of a friend to hint to him the use of
politeness, it might have saved him from the censure of your cousin, who
seems to have been quite astonished at the rusticity of his manners.
That young man, continued he, has received no advantage from his
education; his father having neglected to improve him in any thing but
the sports of the field, in which his own time is entirely engaged, and
to which he has brought up his son; so that you ought rather to
compassionate his misfortune, than ridicule his defects; and from
observing how unpleasing such a roughness of manners will make a person
of a good disposition, learn to bestow greater assiduity in the
cultivation of your own graces. But I am too apt to forget, Sir, said
Charles, that though I always intend to mind your advice, and think it
very just and reasonable at the time you are speaking to me, yet, when I
pass by a gentleman, I frequently do not pull off my hat till he is out
of sight and then I recollect it would have been more polite so to have
done; and thus in other cases, I do not remember to attend when any body
in company is addressing themselves to me; because I am busy, either in
looking out of the window, or playing with something that is near me,
and so they are obliged to speak several times before I hear they are
talking to me. But you should take pains not to forget any thing that
you are taught, replied Mr. Placid, or otherwise there will be no use in
my taking the trouble to instruct you. I will tell you a story, Charles.
There was once a gentleman and a lady who had two children, a boy and a
girl. They were somewhat like you; that is, were troubled with short
memories: for although they were frequently told to hold up their
heads, turn out their toes, and say, Sir and Madam; when they addressed
any body, they constantly forgot to do it. Their papa was one day
lamenting this negligence of his children to a person who paid him a
visit, and who replied, that if he would trust them to his management,
he would engage in a short time so deeply to impress it upon their
minds, that they should ever after retain his instructions on their
memory. To this proposal the gentleman very willingly agreed; and Master
Ben and his sister Peggy accompanied their papa's friend to his house.
As they were acquainted with the design of their visit, he addressed
them the next morning in terms to this purpose:--As you well know what
is expected from you, and have been fully instructed in the requisite
attentions of polite behaviour, I shall hope you will observe them very
minutely; and in order to remind you when you are forgetful, I shall
keep this little spur in my hand; and whenever I see occasion shall take
the liberty of applying it, which will give you a sharp degree of pain;
and therefore, I dare say, you will take care to avoid it. Besides this,
I shall, as opportunities arise, punish your neglect by the loss of your
meals, or any thing else which I may think proper to deprive you of; and
the sooner you remember to observe every thing which you are desired,
the sooner you will return to your parents; with whom, if your memories
remain sufficiently good to do as you are bid, you will continue; but
whenever that fails you, they will turn you to my instructions. The
young folk listened very attentively to this discourse, and promised
obedience to his commands; in which promise their intention was to be
sincere, and he caressed them accordingly. But, my dear Charles, little
Ben soon forgot, that to loll his arms on the table at dinner-time was
by no means consistent with good manners; upon which his new tutor
applied his spur with such success to his elbows, that the smart he
experienced, in a moment occasioned their removal. His sister had soon
reason to sympathize with his misfortune from her own feelings; for as
she had an ugly custom of drinking with her mouth full, and breathing in
her glass, the reminding spur attacked her cheek so sharply, that the
smart would not let her forget the cause which had given an opportunity
for its use.
[Illustration]
Another day she ate her breakfast with such immoderate haste, that the
spur was applied to suggest the necessity of chewing her food more, and
not swallowing it as if she was afraid of losing it; which in effect she
did, for it was taken from her, because she cried at the pain which her
monitor occasioned, without minding its admonition. When she sat
cross-legged, she was surprised by the spur's touching her knee; and
when she illiberally scratched her head, it attacked her fingers; when
she stooped her head, she felt it in her neck; and, in short, was so
continually tormented with its painful invasion, that she was obliged,
as well as her brother (who was equally annoyed), to remember at all
times to behave gracefully. When, therefore, they had acquired this
necessary degree of attention, they were permitted to return home. They
never forgot the useful admonition of the friendly spur; as on any
occasion in which their memory proved defective, it was sufficient to
tell them, they should return to the gentleman who kept it in his
possession, and they immediately acted in a becoming manner. And do you
not think, Charles, concluded Mr. Placid, that such a spur would be of
infinite use to you, as you are so often apt to forget what it is of
great consequence to remember?
Miss Piners smiled at each other, they being both conscious, as well as
Master Placid, that they had frequent occasions for its use. Indeed,
from this time, whenever any of them were guilty of any omission or
neglect, they were apt to laugh at each other and call out, That the
spur was wanting! By which means they frequently became more cautious
than they would otherwise have been.
Jemima, whose natural sweetness of temper led her at all times to be
obliging, very seldom afforded them an opportunity of applying the hint
to her; but Miss Piners, who, as hath been before observed, were
frequently very silly and ill-natured, often deserved a more severe
reproof than to be told they stood in need of the spur.
One day, when Miss Sally came down stairs, she found Miss Placid seated
at a table, making a pin-cloth for her wax-doll, in order to keep its
frock clean, while her sister had taken possession of the middle of the
window-seat, of which Sally begged to partake, and desired her to move a
little farther, and make room for her, which Ellen very crossly
refused.--Do pray, sister! said she, get another seat for yourself, for
you cannot come here, I assure you!--There is room enough for us both,
said Sally, and all the chairs are occupied. One has got a paper on it
full of William's shells; another has a band-box with my aunt's gauze;
and those two by the door, our dolls are asleep upon; you keep one
employed with your work, and I must not take that, for it is the chair
my aunt was sitting on, and I suppose she will want it again on her
return.--I do not care, said Ellen; I tell you, I shall not let you
come! so you may stand, if you like it, or go to the other window,
cannot you?--But I want to be near the table! so pray do, returned
Sally, endeavouring to squeeze herself into the seat; while her sister,
putting her hand against the wainscot, kept her place with all the force
she was mistress of; nor would give up an inch to the endeavours of
Sally, who now likewise growing warm by opposition, exerted all her
force to maintain the part she had gained; till at last she got pretty
near the centre, without having indeed any considerable advantage; for
both sisters were as close to each other as can well be imagined, each
with an extended arm against the window-shutter, and pushing against
each other with increasing anger and malevolence.