A stub-nosed Primary Pupil, richly endowed with old-gold Freckles,
lived in a one-cylinder Town, far from the corroding influences of the
Stock Exchange.
He arrived during the age of Board Sidewalks, Congress Gaiters, and
Pie for Breakfast.
The Paper Collar, unmindful of the approaching Celluloid, was still
affected by the more tony Dressers. Prison-made Bow Ties, with the
handy elastic Fastener, were then considered right Natty.
Limousines, Eugenics, Appendicitis, and the regulation of Combines
were beyond the rise of the Hill, so the talk was mostly about the
Weather and Married Women.
The baptismal Cognomen of the mottled Offspring was Alexander Campbell
Purvis, but on account of his sunny Disposition he was known to the
Countryside as Aleck.
One morning the Lad did his crawl from under the Quilt at an hour when
our Best People of the new Century are sending away the empty Siphons.
He was acting on a Hunch.
The far-famed Yankee Robinson show, with the Trick Mule and the
smiling Tumblers, had exhibited the day before on the vacant Lot
between the Grist-Mill and the Parsonage.
Aleck was familiar with the juvenile Tradition that Treasure could be
discovered at or near the trampled Spot on which the Ticket-Wagon had
been anchored.
It was known that the agitated Yahoos from up in the Catfish Country
were likely to fumble and spill their saved-up Currency, thereby
avoiding the trouble of handing it over to the Grafters later on.
Aleck was the first Prospector to show. He got busy and uncovered a
Silver Buck.
It looked about the size of a Ferris Wheel.
While beating it for the parental Roof he began laying out in his Mind
all the Pleasures of the Flesh that he could command with the Mass of
Lucre.
The miscue he made was to flash his Fortune in the Family Circle.
After breakfast he found himself being steered to the Farmers &
Merchants' Bank.
He was pried away from the Cart-Wheel and given a teeny little Book
which showed that he was a Depositor.
"Now, Alexander C.," said his Ma, "if you will shin up the ladder and
pick Cherries every day this week at two cents per Quart, by nightfall
of Saturday you will have another Case-Note to put into Cold Storage."
"But, if I continue dropping the proceeds of my Labor into the
Reservoir, what is there in it for me?" asked the inquisitive Chick.
His mother replied, "Why, you will have the Gratification of moving up
to the Window at the Bank and earning a Smile of Approbation from old
Mr. Fishberry with the Throat Whiskers."
So the aspiring Manikin clung to the perilous Tree-Tops day after day,
dropping the ruby Cherries into the suspended Bucket, while all of the
Relatives stood on the ground and applauded.
One day there was a Conference and it was discovered that little Aleck
was solvent to the extent of $2.80.
"Would it not be Rayzorius?" queried the Sire of Alexander; "would it
not be Ipskalene if Aleck kept on and on until he had assembled five
whole Dollars?"
Thus spurred to Endeavor by a large and rooting Gallery, the Urchin
went prowling for Old Iron, which he trundled off to the Junkman.
Also for empty Bottles, which he laboriously scoured and delivered at
the Drug Store for a mere dribble of Chicken Feed.
The sheet of Copper brought a tidy Sum, while old Mrs. Arbuckle
wondered what had become of her Wash-Boiler.
With a V to his Credit, Aleck put a Padlock on every Pocket in his
Store Suit and went Money-Mad.
He acquired a Runt and swilled it with solicitude until the Butcher
made him an offer.
It was a proud Moment when he eased in the $7.60 to T. W. Fishberry,
who told him to keep on scrouging and some day he would own a share in
the Building & Loan.
Our Hero fooled away his time in School until he was all of eleven
years old, when he became associated with one Blodgett in the Grocery
Business, at a weekly Insult of Two Bones.
All the time Aleck was cleaning the Coal-Oil Lamps or watching the New
Orleans Syrup trickle into the Jug, he was figuring how much of the
Stipend he could segregate and isolate and set aside for the venerable
Mr. Fishberry, the Taker-In up at the Bank with the Chinchilla on the
Larynx.
For ten long years the White Slave tested Eggs and scooped the C
Sugar.
When Aleck became of Age, Mr. Blodgett was compelling him to take $30
the first of every month.
He lived on Snowballs in the Winter and Dandelions in the Summer, but
he had paid $800 on a two-story Brick facing Railroad Street.
His name was a Byword and Hissing among the Pool-Players.
Nevertheless, he stood Ace High with the old Two-per-cent-a Month up
at the Abattoir known as the Farmers & Merchants' Bank.
The Boys who dropped in every thirty Days came to know him as a Wise
Fish and a Close Buyer. They boosted at Headquarters, so the first
thing you know Aleck was a Drummer, with two Grips bigger than
Dog-Houses and a chance to swing on the Expense Account.
A lowly and unsung Wanamaker would be sitting in his Prunery, wearing
Yarn Wristlets to keep warm and meditating another Attack on the
Bottle of Stomach Bitters in the Safe, when Aleck would breeze in and
light on him and sell him several Gross of something he didn't need.
The Traveling Salesman dug up many a Cross-Roads overlooked by the
Map-Makers.