A CONFESSION
The summer day was near its death when Colonel Aubrey rode up the stately
avenue, whose cool green arches were slowly filling with shadows. Fastening
his spirited horse to the iron post, he ascended the marble steps, and John
received his card, and ushered him into the front parlour. The next moment
Irene stood at the door; he turned his head, and they were face to face
once more.
Never had her extraordinary beauty so stirred his heart; a faint flush
tinged his cheek, but he bowed frigidly, and haughtily his words broke the
silence.
"You sent for me, Miss Huntingdon, and I obeyed your command. Nothing less
would have brought me to your presence."
She crossed the room and stood before him, holding out both hands, while
her scarlet lips fluttered perceptibly. Instead of receiving the hands he
drew back a step, and crossed his arms proudly over his chest. She raised
her fascinating eyes to his, folded her palms together, and, pressing them
to her heart, said, slowly and distinctly--
"I heard that you were ordered to Virginia, to the post of danger; and
knowing to what risks you will be exposed, I wished to see you at least
once more in this world. Perhaps the step I am taking may be condemned by
some as a deviation from the delicacy of my sex--I trust I am not wanting
in proper appreciation of what is due to my own self-respect--but the
feelings which I have crushed back so long now demand utterance. Russell, I
have determined to break the seal of many years' silence--to roll away the
stone from the sepulchre--to tell you all. I feel that you and I must
understand each other before we part for all time, and, therefore, I sent
for you."
She paused, drooping her head, unable to meet his searching, steady black
eyes riveted upon hers; and, drawing his tall athletic figure to its utmost
height, he asked defiantly--
"You sent for me through compassionate compunctions, then--intending, at
the close, to be magnanimous, and, in lieu of disdain, tell me that you
pity me?"
"Pity you? No, Russell; I do not pity you."
"It is well. I neither deserve nor desire it."
"What motive do you suppose prompted me to send for you on the eve of your
departure?"
"I am utterly at a loss to conjecture. I once thought you too generous to
wish to inflict pain unnecessarily on any one; but God knows this interview
is inexpressibly painful to me."
A numbing suspicion crossed her mind, blanching lip and cheek to the hue of
death, and hardening her into the old statue-like expression. Had he,
indeed, ceased to love her? Had Salome finally won her place in his heart?
He saw, without comprehending, the instantaneous change which swept over
her features, and regarded her with mingled impatience and perplexity.
"If such be the truth, Colonel Aubrey, the interview is ended."
He bowed, and turned partially away, but paused irresolute, chained by that
electrical pale face, which no man, woman, or child ever looked at without
emotion.
"Before we part, probably for ever, I should like to know why you sent for
me."
"Do you remember that, one year ago to-night, we sat on the steps of the
factory, and you told me of the feeling you had cherished for me from your
boyhood?"
"It was a meeting too fraught with pain and mortification to be soon
forgotten."
"I believe you thought me cold, heartless, and unfeeling then?"
"There was no room to doubt it. Your haughty coldness carried its own
interpretation."
"Because I knew that such was the harsh opinion you had entertained for
twelve months, I sought this opportunity to relieve myself of an unjust
imputation. If peace had been preserved, and you had always remained
quietly here, I should never have undeceived you--for the same imperative
reasons, the same stern necessity, which kept me silent on the night to
which I allude, would have sealed my lips through life. But all things are
changed; you are going into the very jaws of death, with what result no
human foresight can predict; and now, after long suffering, I feel that I
have earned and may claim the right to speak to you of that which I have
always expected to bury with me in my grave."
Again her crowned head bowed itself.
Past bitterness and wounded pride were instantly forgotten; hope kindled in
his dark, stern face, a beauty that rarely dwelt there, and, throwing down
his hat, he stepped forward and took her folded hands in his strong grasp.
"Irene, do you intend me to understand--are you willing that I shall
believe that, after all, I have an interest in your heart--that I am more
to you than you ever before deigned to let me know? If it, indeed, be so,
oh! give me the unmistakable assurance."
Her lips moved; he stooped his haughty head to catch the low fluttering
words.
"You said that night: 'I could forgive your father all! all if I knew that
he had not so successfully hardened, closed your heart against me.' Forgive
him, Russell. You never can know all that you have been to me from my
childhood. Only God, who sees my heart, knows what suffering our long
alienation has cost me."
An instant he wavered, his strong frame quivered, and then he caught her
exultingly in his arms, resting her head upon his bosom, leaning his
swarthy hot cheek on hers, cold and transparent as alabaster.
"At last I realize the one dream of my life! I hold you to my heart,
acknowledged all my own! Who shall dare dispute the right your lips have
given me? Hatred is powerless now; none shall come between me and my own. O
Irene! my beautiful darling! not all my ambitious hopes, not all the future
holds, not time, nor eternity, could purchase the proud, inexpressible joy
of this assurance."
"Instead of cherishing your affection for me, you struggled against it with
all the energy of your character. I have seen, for some time, that you were
striving to crush it out--to forget me entirely."
"I do not deny it; and certainly you ought not to blame me. You kept me at
a distance with your chilling, yet graceful, fascinating _hauteur_. I had
nothing to hope--everything to suffer. I diligently set to work to expel
you utterly from my thoughts; and I tell you candidly, I endeavoured to
love another, who was brilliant, and witty, and universally admired. But
her fitful, stormy, exacting temperament was too much like my own to suit
me. I tried faithfully to become attached to her, intending to make her my
wife, but I failed signally. My heart clung stubbornly to its old worship;
my restless, fiery spirit could find no repose, no happiness, save in the
purity, the profound marvellous calm of your nature. You became the synonym
of peace, rest; and, because you gave me no friendly word or glance,
locking your passionless face against me, I grew savage toward you. Did you
believe that I would marry Salome?"
"No! I had faith that, despite your angry efforts, your heart would be true
to me."
"Why did you inflict so much pain on us both, when a word would have
explained all? When the assurance you have given me to-day would have
sweetened the past years of trial?"
"Because I knew it would not have that effect. A belief of my indifference
steeled you against me--nerved you to endurance. But a knowledge of the
truth would have increased your acrimony of feeling toward him whom you
regarded as the chief obstacle, and this, at all hazards, I was resolved to
avoid. Because I realized so fully the necessity of estrangement, I should
never have acquainted you with my own feelings had I not known that a long,
and perhaps final, separation now stretches before us. In the painful
course which duty imposed on me, I have striven to promote your ultimate
happiness, rather than my own."
"Irene, how can you persuade yourself that it is your duty to obey an
unjust and tyrannical decree, which sacrifices the happiness of two to the
unreasonable vindictiveness of one?"
"Russell, do not urge me; it is useless. Spare me the pain of repeated
refusals, and be satisfied with what I have given you. Believe that my
heart is, and ever will be, yours entirely, though my hand you can never
claim. I know what I owe my father, and I will pay to the last iota; and I
know as well what I owe myself, and, therefore, I shall live true to my
first and only love, and die Irene Huntingdon. More than this you have no
right to ask--I no right to grant. Be patient, Russell; be generous."
"Do you intend to send me from you? To meet me henceforth as a stranger?"
"Circumstances, which I cannot control, make it necessary."
"At least you will let me hear from you sometimes? You will give me the
privilege of writing to you?"
"Impossible, Russell; do not ask that of me."
"Oh, Irene! you are cruel! Why withhold that melancholy comfort from me?"
"Simply for the reason that it would unavoidably prove a source of pain to
both. I judge you by myself. I want neither your usefulness in life nor
mine impaired by continual weak repining. If your life is spared I shall
anxiously watch your career, rejoicing in all your honours, and your noble
use of the talents which God gave you for the benefit of your race and the
advancement of truth."
"I am not as noble as you think me; my ambition is not as unselfish as you
suppose. Under your influence other aims and motives might possess me."
"You mistake your nature. Your intellect and temperament stamp you one of
the few who receive little impression from extraneous influences; and it is
because of this stern, obstinate individuality of character that I hope an
extended sphere of usefulness for you, if you survive this war. Our country
will demand your services, and I shall be proud and happy in the knowledge
that you are faithfully and conscientiously discharging the duties of a
statesman."
He shook his head sadly, placing his palm under her chin, and tenderly
raising the face, in order to scan it fully.
"Irene, give me a likeness of yourself as you stand now; or, if you prefer
it, have a smaller one photographed to-morrow from that portrait on the
wall, and send it to me by express. I shall be detained in Richmond several
days, and it will reach me safely. Do not, I beg of you, refuse me this. It
is the only consolation I can have, and God knows it is little enough! Oh,
Irene, think of my loneliness, and grant this last request!"
His large brilliant eyes were full of tears, the first she had ever seen
dim their light, and, moved by the grief which so transformed his
lineaments she answered hastily--
"Of course, if you desire it so earnestly, though it were much better that
you had nothing to remind you of me."
"Will you have it taken to-morrow?"
"Yes."
She covered her face with her hands for some seconds, as if striving to
overcome some impulse; then, turning quickly to him, she wound her arms
about his neck, and drew his face down to hers.
"Oh, Russell! Russell! I want your promise that you will so live and govern
yourself that, if your soul is summoned from the battlefield, you can
confront Eternity without a single apprehension. If you must yield up your
life for freedom, I want the assurance that you have gone to your final
home at peace with God; that you wait there for me; and that, when my work
is done, and I, too, lay my weary head to rest, we shall meet soul to soul,
and spend a blessed eternity together, where strife and separation are
unknown."
His black locks lay upon her forehead as he struggled for composure, and,
after a moment, he answered solemnly--
"I will try, my darling."
She put into his hand the Bible, which she had carefully marked and which
bore on the blank leaf, in her handwriting, "Colonel Russell Aubrey, with
the life-long prayers of his best friend."
The shadow fled from her countenance, which grew radiant as some fleecy
vapour suddenly smitten with a blaze of sunlight, and clearer and sweeter
than chiming bells her voice rang through the room.
"Thank God for that promise! I shall lean my heart upon it till the last
pulsations are stilled in my coffin. And now I will keep you no longer from
your regiment. I know that you have many duties there to claim your time.
Turn your face toward the window; I want to look at it, to be able to keep
its expression always before me."
She put up her waxen hand, brushed the hair from his pale, dome-like brow,
and gazed earnestly at the noble features, which even the most fastidious
could find no cause to carp at.
"Of old, when Eurystheus threatened Athens, Macaria, in order to save the
city and the land from invasion and subjugation, willingly devoted herself
a sacrifice upon the altar of the gods. Ah, Russell! that were an easy
task, in comparison with the offering I am called upon to make. I cannot,
like Macaria, by self-immolation, redeem my country--from that great
privilege I am debarred--but I yield up more than she ever possessed. I
give my all on earth--my father and yourself--to our beloved and suffering
country. My God! accept the sacrifice, and crown the South a sovereign,
independent nation!"
She smothered a moan, and her head sank on his shoulder; but lifting it
instantly, with her fathomless affection beaming in her face, she added--
"To the mercy and guidance of Almighty God I commit you, dear Russell,
trusting all things in His hands. May He shield you from suffering,
strengthen you in the hour of trial, and reunite us eternally in His
kingdom, is, and ever shall be, my constant prayer. Good-bye, Russell. Do
your duty nobly; win deathless glory on the battlefield in defence of our
sacred cause; and remember that your laurels will be very precious to my
lonely heart."
He watched the wonderful loveliness of face and form, till his pride was
utterly melted, and, sinking on his knees, he threw one arm around her
waist exclaiming--
"O Irene, you have conquered! With God's grace I will so spend the residue
of my life as to merit your love, and the hope of reunion beyond the
grave."
She laid her hand lightly on his bowed head as he knelt beside her, and, in
a voice that knew no faltering, breathed out a fervent prayer, full of
pathos and sublime faith--invoking blessings upon him--life-long
guardianship, and final salvation through Christ. The petition ended, she
rose, smiling through the mist that gathered over her eyes, and he said--
"I now ask something which I feel that you will not refuse me. Electra will
probably soon come home, and she may be left alone in the world. Will you
sometimes go to her for my sake, and give her your friendship?"
"I will, Russell, for her sake, as well as for yours. She shall be the only
sister I have ever known."
She drew his hand to her lips, but he caught it away, and pressed a last
kiss upon them.
"Good-bye, my own darling! my life angel!"
She heard his step across the hall; a moment after, the tramp of his horse,
as he galloped down the avenue, and she knew that the one happy hour of her
life had passed--that the rent sepulchre of silence must be re-sealed.
Pressing her hand over her desolate heart, she murmured sadly--
"Thy will, not mine, O Father! Give me strength to do my work; enable me to
be faithful even to the bitter end."