WOOD. Oh, that's Susan, is it? Lovely Susan! embrace your Woodcock!
(_rushes with open arms at SUSAN, who, alarmed, rushes out screaming_)
MRS. C. (_clasping her hands_) And this is my work!
WOOD. Yes, you've done it Carver! never mind; don't cry, old girl!
(_throwing his arm round MRS. CARVER'S neck_)
MRS. C. Oh, Marmy, Marmy, if you've any love for Caroline, leave this
wicked, abominable, detestable town this very morning by the very
first train, and go back to Stow-on-the-Wold--I implore! I entreat
you!
WOOD. (_after a pretended struggle with himself, then smiling
benignantly_) Carver, your tears have conquered! do with me as you
will. (_throws himself into her arms and makes a wry face over her
shoulder, then looking towards L._) Swansdown! what the deuce can he
want? (_retiring to back as SWANSDOWN enters, L._)
SWANS. (_as he enters_) It's all right, Woodcock---- (_seeing MRS.
CARVER_) Madam--I----
MRS. C. Mr. Swansdown, I know all; your duel with my unhappy
son-in-law----
SWANS. (_aside_) Bravo! she's on the wrong scent. (_aloud_) Well,
madam, I presume I have as much right to sympathize with the Federals
as he has with the Confederates?
WOOD. (_who has been trying to attract SWANSDOWN'S notice by making
signals_) He's made a mess of it! I knew he would.
MRS. C. Federals--Confederates! I see--a subterfuge to conceal the
_real_ cause of your quarrel. You may rely on receiving a letter of
apology--ample apology from Mr. Woodcock!
SWANS. Not till he's recovered the use of his right arm, I beg.
WOOD. (_behind_) Eh? of course; it was the _right_ arm! (_taking his
left arm out of the sling and inserting the right_)
MRS. C. The _right_ arm, you mean the _left._ (_WOODCOCK changes arms
again_)
SWANS. The right! I think I ought to know.
MRS. C. The left! I suppose I can believe my eyes.
SWANS. Right!
MRS. C. Left!
SWANS. Right! }
} (_louder_)
MRS. C. Left! }
WOOD. (_who has kept on changing arms rapidly_) Oh, bother! there!
(_stuffing both arms into the sling_)
_Enter MRS. LARKINGS hurriedly, at C. from L._
MRS. L. (_running to WOODCOCK_) She's here--Caroline! she's heard of
the duel; that you are wounded in the right arm--(_WOODCOCK who has
both arms in the sling, draws out the left_) though of course I knew
it was the left, (_WOODCOCK changes arms again_) when luckily--I don't
know how it came into my head--I told her it was not her husband but
mine who--she's here--don't undeceive her; but first off with this.
(_dragging the sling violently off WOODCOCK'S neck_)
_Enter MRS. WOODCOCK, hurriedly C. from L._
MRS. W. (_running to WOODCOCK_) You are not wounded? it was not you
then--Oh, I'm so happy! (_here LARKINGS appears at C._)
MRS. L. (_seeing him, runs to him and flings the sling over his neck_)
Hush, not a word! (_taking hold of his right arm and thrusting it
violently into the sling_)
LARK. (_crying out with pain_) Oh!
MRS. L. (_aside to him_) That's right--pretend it hurts you! (_leading
him down_) Here is the real culprit; but as he is sufficiently
punished already, I forgive him. (_aside to LARKINGS, who is about to
speak_) Hush! You'll have to wear the sling for a week. I'll tell you
why another time!
LARK. With all my heart. (_aside to WOODCOCK shaking his hand_) Thanks
to you, my wife suspects nothing!
SWANS. (_aside, to WOODCOCK, and shaking WOODCOCK'S other hand_)
Thanks to you, no one suspects mine!
WOOD. And thanks to both of you, (_shaking both their hands_) I'm
going back to Stow-on-the-Wold--that is, if our kind friends assure us
that success has crowned "WOODCOCK'S LITTLE GAME!"
_Curtain._