dark hall I wished that I might die. Ah, if I could only have heard one
kind word from him I would—well, I am sure that you would not have had
this story for your book, but I suppose,” said the girl with a dreamy
sigh, “that the foundation of your work is cemented together with the
mortar made from mistakes.”
“Yes, I quite agree with you, that if there were no sorrow in this world
this book never would have been written.”
“Well, back to the story,” she said, with a toss of her head, as though
she would have it done with.
“Yes, go on.”
“I returned to bed but not to sleep; I tossed about in frantic efforts to
forget the burning wound I felt. When daylight came I arose and dressed
myself without calling my maid. My eyes were so red and swollen that I
could not go down to breakfast at the usual hour and when I did go I
asked for my father.
“‘Law sakes alive, honey, you fadah done lef de place mos’ an houah
ago,’ said my old black mammy.
“‘Did he leave any word for me?’ I asked.
“‘No, Mis’ Abbie, he jes went and nevah said nothin’.’
“My heart fell within me. I had intended to try again to explain to him
my resolutions of the day before. Later in the day I learned that my
father had gone on a ten days’ trip. Oh, how desolate I felt, with no one
but the colored servants about. I am not surprised now that I was easily
persuaded to leave my home, and it came about in this way: On the evening
of the day of my father’s departure, a man came to our house on business;
he was not an entire stranger for he had been there many times before
although I had seen but little of him. He was a noted horseman from
California and his business, like my lover’s, was to purchase horses.
He was received into our house and all the generous hospitality of a
Kentucky home was extended to him, and I, being the only member of the
family at home, took upon myself the duty of entertaining our guest. He
was a man of fifty and his gray hairs added much to his polite dignity.
He was a much traveled man and his stories of adventure were so thrilling
and interesting that he quickly had me wrapped in attention. The evening
being warm, we sat on the broad gallery (better known as a veranda in the
North) and after asking my permission, he lit a cigar and as he leisurely
puffed and blew out clouds of smoke, he explained to me how he had been
all over the world, and where he lived. In doing so he painted such
pictures of the beauties of nature that I lost interest in the little
world that I had always known. A new desire was created within me and
then a new thought came to me. I wondered if this kind old gentleman had
any daughters of his own, and if he had I wanted to hear about them; that
desire was followed with the thought that it would be nice if my father
were like him. I finally asked him if he had a daughter, but he seemed
reticent as to her. At last with a struggle born of desperation I asked
him if his daughter loved him and should come to him for advice would he
give it.
“‘Bless your heart, yes, any father would do that,’ said he.
“I did not think he could hear me crying softly, and I made no reply
for some moments, that my quivering voice might not be the talisman of
betrayal. At last I ventured to say, ‘It would be so nice if such were
really the case.’
“At that he said, ‘Come here, little girl, and tell me what the trouble
is.’
“With that great desire to unload my heart, I could not resist. I needed
but one invitation. I told him all. When I had finished he said, ‘I know
your father very, very well, and do not think he will consent, but I will
help you.’
“‘Oh! you will,’ I exclaimed, ‘I knew you would; you are so good, so
kind;’ and I fell upon my knees in front of him.
“The plans were quickly made. I was to leave the house the next day, go
to the railway station which was but a mile distant, buy a ticket and
go to Indianapolis, wait until my benefactor could go to Cincinnati to
secure the release of my lover, then they would join me and we would
be married. It all carried nicely. After we were married the question
arose as to how to keep out of reach of my father’s wrath. That was soon
settled by our accepting an invitation to visit our champion in San
Francisco. My father made no attempt to follow me so far as I know.
“We set up housekeeping in the West. My husband was devoted to me and
we could never thank our ‘good Samaritan,’ as we called him, enough
for helping us. As you well know, a Southern bud soon bursts into a
full grown flower, consequently I was not long in developing into a
full fledged woman, and in spite of my tender years, I felt the full
importance that devolved upon me, when, after twelve months of wedded
life, a baby girl came to brighten our home.
“My husband had not entered into business of any kind, he having plenty
of money, and as he said, cared to do nothing but love his ‘little girl.’
Happy? I was as happy as an angel and sometimes think that the memory
of those days keeps me alive now; again, the thought almost crushes me.
I shall never forget the first cloud that hovered over my sunlit career
of wifehood and motherhood. It was in the evening of one of the days of
the great race meet. I was waiting for my husband to come home, sitting
in the window as was my custom. It was after nightfall, but many of the
pleasure seekers of the day had extended the revelry into twilight sport.
Handsome equipages, loaded with gaily dressed women and well groomed men,
rolled by one after another. Some were singing, while some more fortunate
carried buglers and other musicians. I had not attended the races, on
account of not wishing to leave the baby, but Harry, my husband, had
gone. We had been invited by our old friend and while Harry gently
protested that he would not go a step without me, he finally consented
after considerable persuasion on my part. At nine o’clock in the evening
my weary vigil was rewarded. A four-in-hand drawing a handsome tally-ho
drew rein in front of our home. I could not see any of the faces and the
first intimation I had of Harry’s being in the crowd was a remark some
one addressed to him, saying, ‘It’s all dark, Hal, old man, nobody at
home, don’t get out.’
“Then I heard him say, ‘Oh yes, I know she is here waiting for me, and I
must leave you.’
“Then a jangle of maudlin voices, one saying one thing and one another,
but among the many things that were said were, ‘Goodnight, sweetheart,’
and ‘Here, kiss me once more before you leave.’ ‘Be sure and come up
tomorrow.’
“I could stand no more; I moved from my position to a point where I could
touch the button which turned on the electric lights, then I heard this:
“‘Hist, sh—be still,’ and then in the brave and manly tones, I heard him
thank his host. The host asked to be remembered to me, and to assure
me that he was sorry I could not be with them, etc.,—then respectable,
cheery good nights, were the parting salutes.
“Harry came into the house and as was his custom, took me in his arms. I
discovered that he had been drinking, but uttered no word of reproach,
neither did he offer to explain. Next day after he had gone down town,
I sent a note to our old friend which he answered in person. I begged
him not to take Harry on any more escapades. He laughingly answered that
a man must see a little of the world; I did not like his manner, and
frankly asked him to tell me all about the affair.
“‘There’s nothing to tell,’ said he, ‘except that as you know, Harry is
a fine fellow and a good entertainer, and I needed him to help to take
care of that jolly little party and I must say that he was a success. Ah,
yes—Harry is a prime favorite, and you, my little girl, should be proud
to know that since he has been so unfortunate as to lose every dollar of
his own that he can yet be of such service to me that I can afford to pay
him a princely sum for his good qualities.’
“‘Lost every dollar! why, what do you mean Mr. ⸺?’
“‘I mean that unfortunate speculation has caused your husband to—to—Ah,
well never mind, little girl, I did not come here to tell you bad news,
but, rather to comfort and assist you. Come, come, cheer up,’ he said, as
he laid his hand on my bowed head in a kindly manner.
“‘But I implore you to tell all. All, everything!’
“‘Yes, let the worst be known. It is I who can help him most, I, his wife
who has shared his comforts during days of plenty who must now cling to
him in his penniless misery.’
“‘Oh, come now, don’t take it so hard, it is not so bad as that; he can
make a very comfortable living for you and the baby.’
“‘But how? He has no money,—no business,—no position.’
“‘Have I not just told you that as an entertainer he was valuable? I can
use him to good advantage. You see, little girl, I travel much, have many
horses, and consequently many followers. During racing season I sometimes
have a full carload of ladies and gentlemen going where I go and backing
my horses, and we entertain the hosts who gather at the race tracks.’
“‘Oh, you are so kind, sir; and we can travel and help you,’ I said
eagerly.
“‘Well, yes, or rather Harry can, but you see, little girl, you must not
want to go.’
“‘Why not, why cannot I go too? I will do all I can to help; I want to go
with Harry, and I know he will want me.’
“‘Yes, all that is true, but you can see, my dear girl, the people we
have are—well—at any rate you might not like them.’
“‘But I will try, I will do all I can to make them like me.’
“‘Yes, I know,—but the truth of the matter is they are not fit for you to
associate with.’
“‘Not fit—why, what do you mean? Not fit companions for me and yet my
husband is to become your hireling and mingle with them.’
“My blood boiled, my heart seemed to leap to my throat, while my temples
throbbed until my head was in a whirl.
“‘Oh, but you see that is another matter,’ said my caller. ‘With your
husband going it is simply a business proposition, while with you, to say
the least, it would ruin your reputation.’
“‘And my husband’s name, how about that? Is that not to be considered?
Am I to sit at home idle and permit my husband to join a party of men
and women whose companionship is of such a nature as would ruin a decent
woman who happened to be in their company? No! no, Mr. ⸺, if the company
is unfit for me, it is not good enough for him.’
“‘But you must live.’
“‘Yes, but not on the price of my husband’s honor.’
“‘Oh, my! what a fine little lady you are, but come now, think it over
a while and I will see you later, and here, for fear you will need
something, take this,’ and he pushed a roll of bills into my hand, then
added, as he saw the look of disgust on my face, ‘it is all right, I owe
it to Harry and you are entitled to it.’
“I took the money and he departed.
“That night Harry did not come home, though I watched and waited until
nearly daylight. When morning came, I sent a note to Mr. ⸺, asking for
Harry. He replied that he would see me later in the day, and if Harry was
not home by the time he called, he would tell me where he had gone.
“Gone—what did all this mean? Oh, the agony of that day. When night
came I was years older. As I then thought the climax of my sorrows was
reached. In the evening our old friend called to inform me that Harry
had recently been drinking and gambling, and associating with improper
persons until not only was all his money gone, but his good name as
well; in fact, he had incriminated himself by obtaining money by false
representations, and had left for parts unknown.
“‘But that need not have bothered him, for the man he had defrauded was
our old friend himself, and he would not have punished him, for my sake
if for no other reason,’ so he told me by way of explanation.
“Oh, what was I to do? Left almost destitute and disgraced by my baby’s
father. Our friend kindly offered to assist me, but how could I accept
it? for I knew no way by which I could repay him. Well, finally he left
me, after doing all he could to comfort me while I wept, using the
kindest words and softest tones. He averred no harm could come to me from
any source, and as a parting salute kissed my tear stained cheek and
said, ‘rather than have you suffer, little girl, I will personally supply
all your wants.’
“The long hours dragged on until gray streaks of dawn were visible
breaking in the East before my weary eyes closed in slumber. I was
awakened early by the maid, only to be notified that I had a caller who
insisted on seeing me at once.
“I dressed hurriedly and sallied forth to greet my caller, who proved to
be a neighbor lady. She was one of those people who at times suddenly
become deeply interested in other people’s affairs. She had just run in
to tell me that it was something terrible the way I was carryin’ on.”
“‘Just think,’ she said, ‘your husband gone and left you, and all because
of that old dog who comes here every night! Oh, I am sorry for you, but I
want you to know that you are not the first woman who has been deserted
by her husband on account of seeing too much of that “licentious old
cur.”’
“I was too dumfounded to answer her, and only told her that I did
not understand, consequently did not choose to enter into a lengthy
discussion of the matter. I closed the short but stormy interview by
asking to be excused and was highly gratified by seeing my early and
impertinent caller pass out with her nose high in the air.
“My time was absorbed during the morning hours trying to determine the
cause of her violent abuse of our friend. My mind was relieved about
the luncheon hour, when I had another caller; this one also a neighbor
and a woman of refinement. She came to console me in my trouble, saying
among other things, that it was an event which had been looked for as the
inevitable result, for many weeks. I was not overjoyed at the particular
kind of consolation which she dealt out, but my spirit was subdued to
some extent and my anger of the early morning somewhat mollified. I was
curious to know in just what position I was.
“My second caller soon made me acquainted with facts that surprised
me. She told me that the uncouth old lady who had called first was the
mother of a poor unfortunate, who had at one time possessed a charming
figure and a pretty face; their former residence had been in the slums
of the city. One day our friend saw her and took a fancy to her, induced
her to accompany him in a round of debauchery, and while yet under the
influence of the drunken infatuation, he had purchased the beautiful
home near by and moved the girl and her mother into it; but the flower
soon faded and the attraction which the poor young thing had held for
him was soon gone. He settled with them in a financial way that afforded
the means to maintain the well located home. The fact that he paid no
further attention to them angered the old lady and she made use of every
opportunity to abuse and decry him.
“That same evening I was favored with another call from the gentleman
himself; he had heard nothing from Harry, and could give me no
information as to his whereabouts. I asked him for advice and he
suggested that I wait a reasonable time for news from Harry, and if I
did not hear from him, he thought it would be well for me to start out
to find him. Next day the agent who had charge of the house in which we
lived, called.
“‘I came,’ he said, ‘to collect the rent.’
“‘I was not aware that we owed any rent,’ was my response.
“‘Oh, yes, two months.’
“‘But I was under the impression that my husband leased the premises for
a year.’
“‘So he did, but did not pay the rent for a year.’
“In my ignorance of city affairs I never dreamed but that city homes were
rented the same as farms. Then, with a happy thought, I said, ‘I will pay
you, how much is it?’
“‘Well, the fact is, if you want the house it will be $150 per month.’
“‘But that is more than we were to pay.’
“‘Yes, I know, but I have been compelled to raise the rent.’
“‘Why?’ then thinking of the lease I said, ‘does not the contract hold
good?’
“‘No, you see you have forfeited your rights in the lease by a failure to
pay according to the terms stipulated in it.’
“‘But why do you ask double?’
“‘I have reasons which I would rather not make known to you.’
“‘I suppose it is because my husband is away, and you think you are in a
position to take advantage of me,’ I said warmly.
“‘No, it is not that, but if you insist on knowing, I will tell you.’
“‘Proceed.’
“‘I am sorry, but it is because this is an irreproachable neighborhood,
and some of the residents of this locality object to your living here
any longer, and as I have many clients in this immediate vicinity, it
behooves me to heed their demands.’
“I was almost too wild to speak but finally found my mind and tongue in a
co-operative state long enough to ask him the reason why I was ostracised
by the neighbors.
“‘Because you have Mr. ⸺ call here, and it is a well known fact that he
was the cause of your husband’s leaving you.’
“My head swam, my throat ached as I forced back the sobs which almost
choked me. My pride was not to be crushed in this manner, so I went to
my room and produced the roll of bills which this man, whose very touch
seemed poison to a woman’s name, had given me; for the first time I
counted the money, just three hundred dollars, how gladly and proudly I
handed it to the agent, never thinking where my next dollar was coming
from, and he, crafty man that he was, gave me two receipts, one for the
two months we owed him, at seventy-five dollars per month, the other
for one hundred and fifty dollars in advance. Within two hours after he
left the house I received a notice that my rent had been raised to three
hundred dollars per month, and in addition he must ask me to give him
a secured lease. What to do I did not know. I sat down and wrote to my
father. I waited five days for the answer which I hoped would contain
an enclosure, during which time I remained indoors not speaking to a
person except my maid. I fed my soul on the anticipation that I should
be able to live down the unearned shame which had fallen upon me. I
knew, of course, when papa understood my position he would be liberal,
and that after all, the pitiless neighbors must apologize to me, for I
was as good as any of them. The reply came. Oh, joy of heaven and earth!
how I kissed the envelope on which was the well known chirography of my
dear old papa. Then with trembling hands and joyous exclamations, I tore
the end off, and nervously pulled out the reply. The sheet on which the
answer was written was crumpled and clinched tightly in my hand when I
regained consciousness; the maid and the kind old doctor were the only
ones with me; the doctor soon left and I read the answer again, ‘Better
get the man who helped you to marry that dog, to help you now.’ That was
all, and that was written across the back of the envelope which contained
the letter which I had written him. Just at nightfall the door bell
rang; the maid reported that my old friend had called. But the doctor
had left strict orders that I see no one, and she sent him away; in less
than an hour several bottles of the rarest wine that his famous cellar
contained, were sent to me, along with an armful of most beautiful cut
flowers.
“For three weeks I laid in a bed of fever, during which time the only
feminine voices that reached my ears were those of the trained nurse and
my maid. Each day dainty ices and fresh flowers were sent to me, all by
the hand of the man whose acquaintance was a black mark on the white
character of any woman.
“During all those days of tossing in burning delirium, no women in the
neighborhood crossed the threshold of my home. I often thought as I
rolled and twisted in search of some cool spot in the bed, that if some
kind hearted woman would just come in and touch me or look on me with a
feeling of friendship, I would have been ready to take a good cry, then
close my eyes to all things earthly. But no—I lived to feel the sting of
and be despised by my sex.
“After I recovered my old friend called. I was so grateful for all he had
done, that he really seemed near to me; then I told him the incident of
the lease, and my appeal to my father, whereupon he scolded me gently,
for not having come to him in the first place.
“When I was able to go out he took me for a drive; his company was all
the pleasure I enjoyed. Women whom I had known, turned their noses up
when I met them on the street. Finally the time came for the rent to be
paid again. I was still weak from my recent illness. We had just started
for a drive when the agent called again. I told him at the door that I
had not the money with which to pay the enormous sum due for rent, and
it ended by his giving me notice to vacate.
“Next day a special messenger brought me a signed receipt for a year’s
rent, together with a brief note from my friend, saying that he had just
bought the property and was now the landlord. I could not see then what
it all meant, but I know now, that I was simply sold to the highest
bidder, and the buyer conducted the sale and purchase all on his own
account.
“I shall never forget my seduction; it occurred right there where I
had known so many happy hours with Harry, in the same room where I had
been accustomed to receive his beautiful caresses, there in the midst
of condemning neighbors; flowers filled the room in wild profusion.
We had a dinner, my friend had invited a few gentlemen to spend the
evening, the feast of good things was freely washed down with wine.
A musician had kept the piano ringing out sweet melodies; everything
appeared bright; words seemed soft and soothing, time passed quickly, the
callers were gone all too soon, in fact, just as I had begun to fully
enjoy the evening, they seemed to fade away almost before I knew they
were gone. The lights were lowered, as though being smothered by the
perfume that filled the house; everything looked soft and velvety, the
flowers organized themselves into a kaleidoscopic scene as though they
understood that it was time for retirement and so effectually blended
their different hues as to cause one to feel that sweet repose abided in
the air.
“I was so glad when I reached my bed and realized in a dreamy way that I
was being disrobed and fondled at the same time. At last with the silken
folds of a new gown, that I did not know was in my wardrobe, clinging
softly to my excited, trembling form, I reached the point where the
curtain must be drawn.
“When I awoke the next morning, my head throbbed wildly, my eyes smarted,
while my hands seemed pale and weak. As I staggered from room to room
in search of I don’t know what, strange sights met my gaze; a table in
a bad state of disorder, chairs misplaced and flowers whose heads had
once been held high in the air were now drooping, while many petals were
scattered about the room. An air of desolation hovered in every nook
and corner, the atmosphere seemed stifling, the rays of morning sun
straggled through the half open slats of the window shutters. My heart
was heavier than ever before, the consolation I sought when I thought of
my seducer’s kindness in comparison to my father’s cruel treatment was
of small consequence. I tried to blame my father for the loss of that
which heretofore I had held so holy and sacred, that even the thought of
surrendering it to any man not rightfully possessing it had never entered
my innocent mind. I went to the little nursery and there in the morning
light, my baby was slumbering in perfect peace, no trial, no sorrow, no
temptation had as yet come to the pure infantile heart.
“The following nights for a fortnight were only repetitions of the acts
of the night just described. I learned to sleep by day, and as the shades
of evening gathered, shutting out the glaring light of the setting sun,
I would find myself engaged with my toilet, endeavoring to appear at my
best, for my friend took great pains to compliment me on my personal
appearance, consequently my pride knew no bounds.
“Every night he spent with me fondling me as a child does a new toy, and
why not? Was I not a new plaything for this man of millions?
“I had lost interest in my baby, so much so, that I would not see her
for days at a time, leaving her to the care of a nurse girl. I had given
up hope of ever seeing Harry again, and cared little about him. He had
willfully wronged and deserted me, he was a thing of the past to my
frivolous mind. If I became blue and depressed, I would have the maid
bring me a bottle of wine from the well stocked cellar. But all this must
end. A change such as the frailties of humanity seek, is sure to come. I
grew tired of the solitude that I had to contend with; I was a prisoner.
One day I told my friend that I wanted to travel some.
“‘All right,’ said he, ‘I am going to Chicago, I start in two days, get
ready and make the trip with me.’