Gruffanuff, who had seen what had happened with the King, and knew that
Giglio must come to grief, got up very early the next morning, and went
to devise some plans for rescuing her darling husband, as the silly old
thing insisted on calling him. She found him walking up and down the
garden, thinking of a rhyme for Betsinda (TINDER and WINDA were all he
could find), and indeed having forgotten all about the past evening,
except that Betsinda was the most lovely of beings.
"Well, dear Giglio," says Gruff.
"Well, dear Gruffy," says Giglio, only HE was quite satirical.
"I have been thinking, darling, what you must do in this scrape. You
must fly the country for a while."
"What scrape?--fly the country? Never without her I love, Countess,"
says Giglio.
"No, she will accompany you, dear Prince," she says, in her most coaxing
accents. "First, we must get the jewels belonging to our royal parents,
and those of her and his present Majesty. Here is the key, duck; they
are all yours, you know, by right, for you are the rightful King of
Paflagonia, and your wife will be the rightful Queen."
"Will she?" says Giglio.
"Yes; and having got the jewels, go to Glumboso's apartment, where,
under his bed, you will find sacks containing money to the amount of
L217,000,000,987,439, 13s. 6-12d., all belonging to you, for he took
it out of your royal father's room on the day of his death. With this we
will fly."
"WE will fly?" says Giglio.
"Yes, you and your bride--your affianced love--your Gruffy!" says the
Countess, with a languishing leer.
"YOU my bride!" says Giglio. "You, you hideous old woman!"
"Oh, you--you wretch! didn't you give me this paper promising marriage?"
cries Gruff.
"Get away, you old goose! I love Betsinda, and Betsinda only!" And in a
fit of terror he ran from her as quickly as he could.
"He! he! he!" shrieks out Gruff; "a promise is a promise if there are
laws in Paflagonia! And as for that monster, that wretch, that fiend,
that ugly little vixen--as for that upstart, that ingrate, that beast,
Betsinda, Master Giglio will have no little difficulty in discovering
her whereabouts. He may look very long before finding HER, I warrant. He
little knows that Miss Betsinda is--"
Is--what? Now, you shall hear. Poor Betsinda got up at five in winter's
morning to bring her cruel mistress her tea; and instead of finding her
in a good humor, found Gruffy as cross as two sticks. The Countess boxed
Betsinda's ears half a dozen times whilst she was dressing; but as poor
little Betsinda was used to this kind of treatment, she did not feel
any special alarm. "And now," says she, "when her Majesty rings her bell
twice, I'll trouble you, miss, to attend."
So when the Queen's bell rang twice, Betsinda came to her Majesty and
made a pretty little curtsey. The Queen, the Princess, and Gruffanuff
were all three in the room. As soon as they saw her they began,
"You wretch!" says the Queen.
"You little vulgar thing!" says the Princess.
"You beast!" says Gruffanuff.
"Get out of my sight!" says the Queen.
"Go away with you, do!" says the Princess.
"Quit the premises!" says Gruffanuff.
"Alas! and woe is me!" very lamentable events had occurred to Betsinda
that morning, and all in consequence of that fatal warming-pan business
of the previous night. The King had offered to marry her; of course her
Majesty the Queen was jealous: Bulbo had fallen in love with her; of
course Angelica was furious: Giglio was in love with her, and oh, what a
fury Gruffy was in!
{ cap }
"Take off that {petticoat} I gave you," they said, all at once,
{ gown }
and began tearing the clothes off poor Betsinda.
{ the King?" }
"How dare you flirt with {Prince Bulbo?" } cried the Queen, the
{Prince Giglio?"} Princess, and Countess.
"Give her the rags she wore when she came into the house, and turn her
out of it!" cries the Queen.
"Mind she does not go with MY shoes on, which I lent her so kindly,"
says the Princess; and indeed the Princess's shoes were a great deal too
big for Betsinda.
"Come with me, you filthy hussy!" and taking up the Queen's poker, the
cruel Gruffanuff drove Betsinda into her room.
The Countess went to the glass box in which she had kept Betsinda's old
cloak and shoe this ever so long, and said, "Take those rags, you little
beggar creature, and strip off everything belonging to honest people,
and go about your business"; and she actually tore off the poor little
delicate thing's back almost all her things, and told her to be off out
of the house.
Poor Betsinda huddled the cloak round her back, on which were
embroidered the letters PRIN. . . . ROSAL . . and then came a great
rent.
As for the shoe, what was she to do with one poor little tootsey sandal?
The string was still to it, so she hung it round her neck.
"Won't you give me a pair of shoes to go out in the snow, mum, if you
please, mum?" cried the poor child.
"No, you wicked beast!" says Gruffanuff, driving her along with the
poker--driving her down the cold stairs--driving her through the cold
hall--flinging her out into the cold street, so that the knocker itself
shed tears to see her!
But a kind fairy made the soft snow warm for her little feet, and she
wrapped herself up in the ermine of her mantle, and was gone!
"And now let us think about breakfast," says the greedy Queen.
"What dress shall I put on, mamma? the pink or the pea-green?" says
Angelica. "Which do you think the dear Prince will like best?"
"Mrs. V.!" sings out the King from his dressing-room, "let us have
sausages for breakfast! Remember we have Prince Bulbo staying with us!"
And they all went to get ready.
Nine o'clock came, and they were all in the breakfast-room, and no
Prince Bulbo as yet. The urn was hissing and humming: the muffins were
smoking--such a heap of muffins! the eggs were done, there was a pot
of raspberry jam, and coffee, and a beautiful chicken and tongue on the
side-table. Marmitonio the cook brought in the sausages. Oh, how nice
they smelt!
"Where is Bulbo?" said the King. "John, where is His Royal Highness?"
John said he had a took hup His Roilighnessesses shaving-water, and
his clothes and things, and he wasn't in his room, which he sposed His
Royliness was just stepped hout.
"Stepped out before breakfast in the snow! Impossible!" says the King,
sticking his fork into a sausage. "My dear, take one. Angelica, won't
you have a saveloy?" The Princess took one, being very fond of them; and
at this moment Glumboso entered with Captain Hedzoff, both looking very
much disturbed.
"I am afraid Your Majesty--" cries Glumboso.
"No business before breakfast, Glum!" says the King. "Breakfast first,
business next. Mrs. V., some more sugar!"
"Sire, I am afraid if we wait till after breakfast it will be too late,"
says Glumboso. "He--he--he'll be hanged at half-past nine."
"Don't talk about hanging and spoil my breakfast, you unkind, vulgar
man you," cries the Princess. "John, some mustard. Pray who is to be
hanged?"
"Sire, it is the Prince," whispers Glumboso to the King.
"Talk about business after breakfast, I tell you!" says his Majesty,
quite sulky.
"We shall have a war, Sire, depend on it," says the Minister. "His
father, King Padella. . . ."
"His father, King WHO?" says the King. "King Padella is not Giglio's
father. My brother, King Savio, was Giglio's father."
"It's Prince Bulbo they are hanging, Sire, not Prince Giglio," says the
Prime Minister.
"You told me to hang the Prince, and I took the ugly one," says Hedzoff.
"I didn't, of course, think Your Majesty intended to murder your own
flesh and blood!"
The King for all reply flung the plate of sausages at Hedzoff's head.
The Princess cried out "Hee-karee-karee!" and fell down in a fainting
fit.
"Turn the cock of the urn upon Her Royal Highness," said the King,
and the boiling water gradually revived her. His Majesty looked at his
watch, compared it by the clock in the parlor, and by that of the church
in the square opposite; then he wound it up; then he looked at it again.
"The great question is," says he, "am I fast or am I slow? If I'm slow,
we may as well go on with breakfast. If I'm fast, why, there is just the
possibility of saving Prince Bulbo. It's a doosid awkward mistake, and
upon my word, Hedzoff, I have the greatest mind to have you hanged too."
"Sire, I did but my duty: a soldier has but his orders. I didn't expect
after forty-seven years of faithful service, that my sovereign would
think of putting me to a felon's death!"
"A hundred thousand plagues upon you! Can't you see that while you are
talking my Bulbo is being hung?" screamed the Princess.
"By Jove! she's always right, that girl, and I'm so absent," says the
King, looking at his watch again. "Ha! there go the drums! What a doosid
awkward thing though!"
"O, papa, you goose! Write the reprieve, and let me run with it," cries
the Princess--and she got a sheet of paper, and pen and ink, and laid
them before the King.
"Confound it! Where are my spectacles?" the Monarch exclaimed.
"Angelica! Go up into my bedroom, look under my pillow, not your
mamma's; there you'll see my keys. Bring them down to me, and--Well,
well! what impetuous things these girls are!" Angelica was gone, and had
run up panting to the bedroom, and found the keys, and was back again
before the King had finished a muffin. "Now, love," says he, "you must
go all the way back for my desk, in which my spectacles are. If you
would but have heard me out. . . . Be hanged to her! There she is off
again. Angelica! ANGELICA!" When his Majesty called in his LOUD voice,
she knew she must obey, and came back.
"My dear, when you go out of a room, how often have I told you, SHUT THE
DOOR. That's a darling. That's all." At last the keys and the desk and
the spectacles were got, and the King mended his pen, and signed his
name to a reprieve, and Angelica ran with it as swift as the wind.
"You'd better stay, my love, and finish the muffins. There's no use
going. Be sure it's too late. Hand me over that raspberry jam, please,"
said the Monarch. "Bong! Bawong! There goes the half-hour. I knew it
was."
Angelica ran, and ran, and ran, and ran. She ran up Fore Street, and
down High Street, and through the Market-place, and down to the left,
and over the bridge, and up the blind alley, and back again, and round
by the Castle, and so along by the Haberdasher's on the right, opposite
the lamp-post, and round the square, and she came--she came to the
EXECUTION PLACE, where she saw Bulbo laying his head on the block!!! The
executioner raised his axe, but at that moment the Princess came panting
up and cried Reprieve! "Reprieve!" screamed the Princess. "Reprieve!"
shouted all the people. Up the scaffold stairs she sprang, with the
agility of a lighter of lamps; and flinging herself in Bulbo's arms,
regardless of all ceremony, she cried out, "Oh, my Prince! my lord! my
love! my Bulbo! Thine Angelica has been in time to save thy precious
existence, sweet rosebud; to prevent thy being nipped in thy young
bloom! Had aught befallen thee, Angelica too had died, and welcomed
death that joined her to her Bulbo."
"H'm! there's no accounting for tastes," said Bulbo, looking so very
much puzzled and uncomfortable that the Princess, in tones of tenderest
strain, asked the cause of his disquiet.
"I tell you what it is, Angelica," said he, "since I came here
yesterday, there has been such a row, and disturbance, and quarrelling,
and fighting, and chopping of heads off, and the deuce to pay, that I am
inclined to go back to Crim Tartary."
"But with me as thy bride, my Bulbo! Though wherever thou art is Crim
Tartary to me, my bold, my beautiful, my Bulbo!"
"Well, well, I suppose we must be married," says Bulbo. "Doctor, you
came to read the Funeral Service--read the Marriage Service, will you?
What must be, must. That will satisfy Angelica, and then, in the name of
peace and quietness, do let us go back to breakfast."
Bulbo had carried a rose in his mouth all the time of the dismal
ceremony. It was a fairy rose, and he was told by his mother that he
ought never to part with it. So he had kept it between his teeth, even
when he laid his poor head upon the block, hoping vaguely that some
chance would turn up in his favor. As he began to speak to Angelica, he
forgot about the rose, and of course it dropped out of his mouth. The
romantic Princess instantly stooped and seized it. "Sweet rose!" she
exclaimed, "that bloomed upon my Bulbo's lip, never, never will I part
from thee!" and she placed it in her bosom. And you know Bulbo COULDN'T
ask her to give the rose back again. And they went to breakfast; and as
they walked, it appeared to Bulbo that Angelica became more exquisitely
lovely every moment.
He was frantic until they were married; and now, strange to say, it was
Angelica who didn't care about him! He knelt down, he kissed her hand,
he prayed and begged; he cried with admiration; while she for her part
said she really thought they might wait; it seemed to her he was not
handsome any more--no, not at all, quite the reverse; and not clever,
no, very stupid; and not well bred, like Giglio; no, on the contrary,
dreadfully vul--
What, I cannot say, for King Valoroso roared out "POOH, stuff!" in a
terrible voice. "We will have no more of this shilly-shallying! Call the
Archbishop, and let the Prince and Princess be married offhand!"
So, married they were, and I am sure for my part I trust they will be
happy.