The Court Painter of his Majesty the King of Crim Tartary returned to
that monarch's dominions, carrying away a number of sketches which he
had made in the Paflagonian capital (you know, of course, my dears, that
the name of that capital is Blombodinga); but the most charming of all
his pieces was a portrait of the Princess Angelica, which all the Crim
Tartar nobles came to see. With this work the King was so delighted,
that he decorated the Painter with his Order of the Pumpkin (sixth
class) and the artist became Sir Tomaso Lorenzo, K.P., thenceforth.
King Valoroso also sent Sir Tomaso his Order of the Cucumber, besides a
handsome order for money, for he painted the King, Queen, and principal
nobility while at Blombodinga, and became all the fashion, to the
perfect rage of all the artists in Paflagonia, where the King used to
point to the portrait of Prince Bulbo, which Sir Tomaso had left behind
him, and say "Which among you can paint a picture like that?"
It hung in the royal parlor over the royal sideboard, and Princess
Angelica could always look at it as she sat making the tea. Each day it
seemed to grow handsomer and handsomer, and the Princess grew so fond
of looking at it, that she would often spill the tea over the cloth, at
which her father and mother would wink and wag their heads; and say to
each other, "Aha! we see how things are going."
In the meantime poor Giglio lay upstairs very sick in his chamber,
though he took all the doctor's horrible medicines like a good young
lad: as I hope YOU do, my dears, when you are ill and mamma sends for
the medical man. And the only person who visited Giglio (besides his
friend the captain of the guard, who was almost always busy or on
parade), was little Betsinda the housemaid, who used to do his bedroom
and sitting-room out, bring him his gruel, and warm his bed.
When the little housemaid came to him in the morning and evening, Prince
Giglio used to say, "Betsinda, Betsinda, how is the Princess Angelica?"
And Betsinda used to answer, "The Princess is very well, thank you, my
Lord." And Giglio would heave a sigh, and think, "If Angelica were sick,
I am sure I should not be very well."
Then Giglio would say, "Betsinda, has the Princess Angelica asked for
me today?" And Betsinda would answer, "No, my Lord, not today"; or, "She
was very busy practicing the piano when I saw her"; or, "She was writing
invitations for an evening party, and did not speak to me"; or make some
excuse or other, not strictly consonant with truth: for Betsinda was
such a good-natured creature that she strove to do everything to prevent
annoyance to Prince Giglio, and even brought him up roast chicken and
jellies from the kitchen (when the Doctor allowed them, and Giglio was
getting better), saying, "that the Princess had made the jelly, or the
bread-sauce, with her own hands, on purpose for Giglio."
When Giglio heard this he took heart and began to mend immediately;
and gobbled up all the jelly, and picked the last bone of the
chicken--drumsticks, merry-thought, sides'-bones, back, pope's nose,
and all--thanking his dear Angelica; and he felt so much better the next
day, that he dressed and went downstairs--where, whom should he meet
but Angelica going into the drawing-room? All the covers were off the
chairs, the chandeliers taken out of the bags, the damask curtains
uncovered, the work and things carried away, and the handsomest albums
on the tables. Angelica had her hair in papers: in a word, it was
evident there was going to be a party.
"Heavens, Giglio!" cries Angelica: "YOU here in such a dress! What a
figure you are!"
"Yes, dear Angelica, I am come downstairs, and feel so well today,
thanks to the FOWL and the JELLY."
"What do I know about fowls and jellies, that you allude to them in that
rude way?" says Angelica.
"Why, didn't--didn't you send them, Angelica dear?" says Giglio.
"I send them indeed! Angelica dear! No, Giglio dear," says she, mocking
him, "I was engaged in getting the rooms ready for His Royal Highness
the Prince of Crim Tartary, who is coming to pay my papa's Court a
visit."
"The--Prince--of--Crim--Tartary!" Giglio said, aghast.
"Yes, the Prince of Crim Tartary," says Angelica, mocking him. "I dare
say you never heard of such a country. What DID you ever hear of? You
don't know whether Crim Tartary is on the Red Sea or on the Black Sea, I
dare say."
"Yes, I do: it's on the Red Sea," says Giglio; at which the Princess
burst out laughing at him, and said, "Oh, you ninny! You are so
ignorant, you are really not fit for society! You know nothing but about
horses and dogs, and are only fit to dine in a mess-room with my Royal
Father's heaviest dragoons. Don't look so surprised at me, sir: go
and put your best clothes on to receive the Prince, and let me get the
drawing-room ready."
Giglio said, "Oh, Angelica, Angelica, I didn't think this of you. THIS
wasn't your language to me when you gave me this ring, and I gave you
mine in the garden, and you gave me that k--"
But what k-- was we never shall know, for Angelica, in a rage, cried,
"Get out, you saucy, rude creature! How dare you to remind me of your
rudeness? As for your little trumpery twopenny ring, there, sir--there!"
And she flung it out of the window.
"It was my mother's marriage-ring," cried Giglio.
"I don't care whose marriage-ring it was," cries Angelica. "Marry the
person who picks it up if she's a woman; you shan't marry ME. And give
me back MY ring. I've no patience with people who boast about the things
they give away! I know who'll give me much finer things than you ever
gave me. A beggarly ring indeed, not worth five shillings!"
Now Angelica little knew that the ring which Giglio had given her was a
fairy ring; if a man wore it, it made all the women in love with him;
if a woman, all the gentlemen. The Queen, Giglio's mother, quite an
ordinary-looking person, was admired immensely whilst she wore this
ring, and her husband was frantic when she was ill. But when she called
her little Giglio to her, and put the ring on his finger, King Savio did
not seem to care for his wife so much any more, but transferred all his
love to little Giglio. So did everybody love him as long as he had the
ring; but when, as quite a child, he gave it to Angelica, people began
to love and admire HER; and Giglio, as the saying is, played only second
fiddle.
"Yes," says Angelica, going on in her foolish ungrateful way. "I
know who'll give me much finer things than your beggarly little pearl
nonsense."
"Very good, miss! You may take back your ring too!" says Giglio, his
eyes flashing fire at her, and then, as his eyes had been suddenly
opened, he cried out, "Ha! what does this mean? Is THIS the woman I have
been in love with all my life? Have I been such a ninny as to throw away
my regard upon you? Why--actually--yes--you are a little crooked!"
"Oh, you wretch!" cries Angelica.
"And, upon my conscience, you--you squint a little."
"Eh!" cries Angelica.
"And your hair is red--and you are marked with the smallpox--and what?
you have three false teeth--and one leg shorter than the other!"
"You brute, you brute, you!" Angelica screamed out: and as she seized
the ring with one hand, she dealt Giglio one, two, three smacks on the
face, and would have pulled the hair off his head had he not started
laughing, and crying,
"Oh dear me, Angelica, don't pull out MY hair, it hurts! You might
remove a great deal of YOUR OWN, as I perceive, without scissors or
pulling at all. Oh, ho, ho! ha, ha, ha! he he he!"
And he nearly choked himself with laughing, and she with rage; when,
with a low bow, and dressed in his Court habit, Count Gambabella,
the first lord-in-waiting, entered and said, "Royal Highnesses! Their
Majesties expect you in the Pink Throne-room, where they await the
arrival of the Prince of CRIM TARTARY."
VIII. HOW GRUFFANUFF PICKED THE FAIRY RING UP, AND PRINCE BULBO CAME TO
COURT.
Prince Bulbo's arrival had set all the court in a flutter: everybody was
ordered to put his or her best clothes on: the footmen had their gala
liveries; the Lord Chancellor his new wig; the Guards their last
new tunics; and Countess Gruffanuff, you may be sure, was glad of an
opportunity of decorating HER old person with her finest things. She was
walking through the court of the Palace on her way to wait upon their
Majesties, when she espied something glittering on the pavement, and
bade the boy in buttons who was holding up her train, to go and pick up
the article shining yonder. He was an ugly little wretch, in some of the
late groom-porter's old clothes cut down, and much too tight for him;
and yet, when he had taken up the ring (as it turned out to be), and was
carrying it to his mistress, she thought he looked like a little cupid.
He gave the ring to her; it was a trumpery little thing enough, but too
small for any of her old knuckles, so she put it into her pocket.
"Oh, mum!" says the boy, looking at her "how--how beyoutiful you do
look, mum, to-day, mum!"
"And you, too, Jacky," she was going to say; but, looking down
at him--no, he was no longer good-looking at all--but only the
carroty-haired little Jacky of the morning. However, praise is welcome
from the ugliest of men or boys, and Gruffanuff, bidding the boy hold
up her train, walked on in high good-humor. The Guards saluted her
with peculiar respect. Captain Hedzoff, in the anteroom, said, "My
dear madam, you look like an angel today." And so, bowing and smirking,
Gruffanuff went in and took her place behind her Royal Master and
Mistress, who were in the throne-room, awaiting the Prince of Crim
Tartary. Princess Angelica sat at their feet, and behind the King's
chair stood Prince Giglio, looking very savage.
The Prince of Crim Tartary made his appearance, attended by Baron
Sleibootz, his chamberlain, and followed by a black page carrying the
most beautiful crown you ever saw! He was dressed in his travelling
costume, and his hair, as you see, was a little in disorder. "I have
ridden three hundred miles since breakfast," said he, "so eager was I to
behold the Prin--the Court and august family of Paflagonia, and I could
not wait one minute before appearing in Your Majesties' presences."
Giglio, from behind the throne, burst out into a roar of contemptuous
laughter; but all the Royal party, in fact, were so flurried, that they
did not hear this little outbreak. "Your R. H. is welcome in any dress,"
says the King. "Glumboso, a chair for His Royal Highness."
"Any dress His Royal Highness wears IS a Court-dress," says Princess
Angelica, smiling graciously.
"Ah! but you should see my other clothes," said the Prince. "I should
have had them on, but that stupid carrier has not brought them. Who's
that laughing?"
It was Giglio laughing. "I was laughing," he said, "because you said
just now that you were in such a hurry to see the Princess, that you
could not wait to change your dress; and now you say you come in those
clothes because you have no others."
"And who are you?" says Prince Bulbo, very fiercely.
"My father was King of this country, and I am his only son, Prince!"
replies Giglio, with equal haughtiness.
"Ha!" said the King and Glumboso, looking very flurried; but the former,
collecting himself, said, "Dear Prince Bulbo, I forgot to introduce to
Your Royal Highness my dear nephew, His Royal Highness Prince Giglio!
Know each other! Embrace each other! Giglio, give His Royal Highness
your hand!" and Giglio, giving his hand, squeezed poor Bulbo's until the
tears ran out of his eyes. Glumboso now brought a chair for the Royal
visitor, and placed it on the platform on which the King, Queen, and
Prince were seated; but the chair was on the edge of the platform, and
as Bulbo sat down, it toppled over, and he with it, rolling over and
over, and bellowing like a bull. Giglio roared still louder at this
disaster, but it was with laughter; so did all the Court when Prince
Bulbo got up; for though when he entered the room he appeared not very
ridiculous, as he stood up from his fall for a moment he looked so
exceedingly plain and foolish, that nobody could help laughing at him.
When he had entered the room, he was observed to carry a rose in his
hand, which fell out of it as he tumbled.
"My rose! my rose!" cried Bulbo; and his chamberlain dashed forwards and
picked it up, and gave it to the Prince, who put it in his waistcoat.
Then people wondered why they had laughed; there was nothing
particularly ridiculous in him. He was rather short, rather stout,
rather red-haired, but, in fine, for a Prince, not so bad.
So they sat and talked, the Royal personages together, the Crim
Tartar officers with those of Paflagonia--Giglio very comfortable with
Gruffanuff behind the throne. He looked at her with such tender eyes,
that her heart was all in a flutter. "Oh, dear Prince," she said, "how
could you speak so haughtily in presence of Their Majesties? I protest I
thought I should have fainted."
"I should have caught you in my arms," said Giglio, looking raptures.
"Why were you so cruel to Prince Bulbo, dear Prince?" says Gruff.
"Because I hate him," says Gil.
"You are jealous of him, and still love poor Angelica," cries
Gruffanuff, putting her handkerchief to her eyes.
"I did, but I love her no more!" Giglio cried. "I despise her! Were she
heiress to twenty thousand thrones, I would despise her and scorn her.
But why speak of thrones? I have lost mine. I am too weak to recover
it--I am alone, and have no friend."
"Oh, say not so, dear Prince!" says Gruffanuff.
"Besides," says he, "I am so happy here BEHIND THE THRONE, that I would
not change my place, no, not for the throne of the world!"
"What are you two people chattering about there?" says the Queen, who
was rather good-natured, though not over-burthened with wisdom. "It is
time to dress for dinner. Giglio, show Prince Bulbo to his room. Prince,
if your clothes have not come, we shall be very happy to see you as you
are." But when Prince Bulbo got to his bedroom, his luggage was there
and unpacked; and the hairdresser coming in, cut and curled him entirely
to his own satisfaction; and when the dinner-bell rang, the Royal
company had not to wait above five-and-twenty minutes until Bulbo
appeared, during which time the King, who could not bear to wait, grew
as sulky as possible. As for Giglio, he never left Madam Gruffanuff all
this time, but stood with her in the embrasure of a window, paying her
compliments. At length the Groom of the Chambers announced His Royal
Highness the Prince of Crim Tartary! and the noble company went into the
royal dining-room. It was quite a small party; only the King and Queen,
the Princess, whom Bulbo took out, the two Princes, Countess Gruffanuff,
Glumboso the Prime Minister, and Prince Bulbo's chamberlain. You may be
sure they had a very good dinner--let every boy or girl think of what he
or she likes best, and fancy it on the table.*
* Here a very pretty game may be played by all the children saying what
they like best for dinner.
The Princess talked incessantly all dinner-time to the Prince of Crimea,
who ate an immense deal too much, and never took his eyes off his plate,
except when Giglio, who was carving a goose, sent a quantity of stuffing
and onion sauce into one of them. Giglio only burst out a-laughing
as the Crimean Prince wiped his shirt-front and face with his scented
pocket-handkerchief. He did not make Prince Bulbo any apology. When the
Prince looked at him, Giglio would not look that way. When Prince Bulbo
said, "Prince Giglio, may I have the honor of taking a glass of wine
with you?" Giglio WOULDN'T answer. All his talk and his eyes were for
Countess Gruffanuff, who you may be sure was pleased with Giglio's
attentions--the vain old creature! When he was not complimenting her,
he was making fun of Prince Bulbo, so loud that Gruffanuff was always
tapping him with her fan, and saying, "Oh, you satirical Prince! Oh,
fie, the Prince will hear!" "Well, I don't mind," says Giglio, louder
still. The King and Queen luckily did not hear; for her Majesty was a
little deaf, and the King thought so much about his own dinner, and,
besides, made such a dreadful noise, hob-gobbling in eating it, that
he heard nothing else. After dinner, his Majesty and the Queen went to
sleep in their arm-chairs.
This was the time when Giglio began his tricks with Prince Bulbo, plying
that young gentleman with port, sherry, madeira, champagne, marsala,
cherry-brandy, and pale ale, of all of which Master Bulbo drank without
stint. But in plying his guest, Giglio was obliged to drink himself,
and, I am sorry to say, took more than was good for him, so that the
young men were very noisy, rude, and foolish when they joined the ladies
after dinner; and dearly did they pay for that imprudence, as now, my
darlings, you shall hear!
Bulbo went and sat by the piano, where Angelica was playing and singing,
and he sang out of tune, and he upset the coffee when the footman
brought it, and he laughed out of place, and talked absurdly, and fell
asleep and snored horridly. Booh, the nasty pig! But as he lay there
stretched on the pink satin sofa, Angelica still persisted in thinking
him the most beautiful of human beings. No doubt the magic rose which
Bulbo wore caused this infatuation on Angelica's part; but is she the
first young woman who has thought a silly fellow charming?
Giglio must go and sit by Gruffanuff, whose old face he, too,
every moment began to find more lovely. He paid the most outrageous
compliments to her:--There never was such a darling. Older than he
was?--Fiddle-de-dee! He would marry her--he would, have nothing but her!
To marry the heir to the throne! Here was a chance! The artful hussy
actually got a sheet of paper, and wrote upon it, "This is to give
notice that I, Giglio, only son of Savio, King of Paflagonia, hereby
promise to marry the charming and virtuous Barbara Griselda Countess
Gruffanuff, and widow of the late Jenkins Gruffanuff, Esq."
"What is it you are writing, you charming Gruffy?" says Giglio, who was
lolling on the sofa, by the writing-table.
"Only an order for you to sign, dear Prince, for giving coals and
blankets to the poor, this cold weather. Look! the King and Queen are
both asleep, and your Royal Highness's order will do."
So Giglio, who was very good-natured, as Gruffy well knew, signed the
order immediately; and, when she had it in her pocket, you may fancy
what airs she gave herself. She was ready to flounce out of the room
before the Queen herself, as now she was the wife of the RIGHTFUL King
of Paflagonia! She would not speak to Glumboso, whom she thought a
brute, for depriving her DEAR HUSBAND of the crown! And when candles
came, and she had helped to undress the Queen and Princess, she went
into her own room, and actually practiced on a sheet of paper, "Griselda
Paflagonia," "Barbara Regina," "Griselda Barbara, Paf. Reg.," and I
don't know what signatures besides, against the day when she should be
Queen forsooth!