Paflagonia, ten or twenty thousand years ago, appears to have been one
of those kingdoms where the laws of succession were not settled; for
when King Savio died, leaving his brother Regent of the kingdom, and
guardian of Savio's orphan infant, this unfaithful regent took no sort
of regard of the late monarch's will; had himself proclaimed sovereign
of Paflagonia under the title of King Valoroso XXIV., had a most
splendid coronation, and ordered all the nobles of the kingdom to pay
him homage. So long as Valoroso gave them plenty of balls at Court,
plenty of money and lucrative places, the Paflagonian nobility did not
care who was king; and as for the people, in those early times, they
were equally indifferent. The Prince Giglio, by reason of his tender
age at his royal father's death, did not feel the loss of his crown and
empire. As long as he had plenty of toys and sweetmeats, a holiday
five times a week and a horse and gun to go out shooting when he grew
a little older, and, above all, the company of his darling cousin, the
King's only child, poor Giglio was perfectly contented; nor did he
envy his uncle the royal robes and sceptre, the great hot uncomfortable
throne of state, and the enormous cumbersome crown in which that monarch
appeared from morning till night. King Valoroso's portrait has been
left to us; and I think you will agree with me that he must have been
sometimes RATHER TIRED of his velvet, and his diamonds, and his ermine,
and his grandeur. I shouldn't like to sit in that stifling robe with
such a thing as that on my head.
No doubt, the Queen must have been lovely in her youth; for though
she grew rather stout in after life, yet her features, as shown in her
portrait, are certainly PLEASING. If she was fond of flattery, scandal,
cards, and fine clothes, let us deal gently with her infirmities, which,
after all, may be no greater than our own. She was kind to her nephew;
and if she had any scruples of conscience about her husband's taking the
young Prince's crown, consoled herself by thinking that the King, though
a usurper, was a most respectable man, and that at his death Prince
Giglio would be restored to his throne, and share it with his cousin,
whom he loved so fondly.
The Prime Minister was Glumboso, an old statesman, who most cheerfully
swore fidelity to King Valoroso, and in whose hands the monarch left
all the affairs of his kingdom. All Valoroso wanted was plenty of
money, plenty of hunting, plenty of flattery, and as little trouble as
possible. As long as he had his sport, this monarch cared little how
his people paid for it: he engaged in some wars, and of course
the Paflagonian newspapers announced that he had gained prodigious
victories: he had statues erected to himself in every city of the
empire; and of course his pictures placed everywhere, and in all the
print-shops: he was Valoroso the Magnanimous, Valoroso the Victorious,
Valoroso the Great, and so forth;--for even in these early times
courtiers and people knew how to flatter.
This royal pair had one only child, the Princess Angelica, who, you may
be sure, was a paragon in the courtiers' eyes, in her parents', and in
her own. It was said she had the longest hair, the largest eyes, the
slimmest waist, the smallest foot, and the most lovely complexion of
any young lady in the Paflagonian dominions. Her accomplishments were
announced to be even superior to her beauty; and governesses used to
shame their idle pupils by telling them what Princess Angelica could do.
She could play the most difficult pieces of music at sight. She could
answer any one of "Mangnall's Questions." She knew every date in
the history of Paflagonia, and every other country. She knew French,
English, Italian, German, Spanish, Hebrew, Greek, Latin, Cappadocian,
Samothracian, Aegean, and Crim Tartar. In a word, she was a most
accomplished young creature; and her governess and lady-in-waiting was
the severe Countess Gruffanuff.
Would you not fancy, from this picture, that Gruffanuff must have been a
person of highest birth? She looks so haughty that I should have thought
her a princess at the very least, with a pedigree reaching as far back
as the Deluge. But this lady was no better born than many other ladies
who give themselves airs; and all sensible people laughed at her absurd
pretensions. The fact is, she had been maid-servant to the Queen when
her Majesty was only Princess, and her husband had been head footman;
but after his death or DISAPPEARANCE, of which you shall hear presently,
this Mrs. Gruffanuff, by flattering, toadying, and wheedling her royal
mistress, became a favorite with the Queen (who was rather a weak
woman), and her Majesty gave her a title, and made her nursery governess
to the Princess.
And now I must tell you about the Princess's learning and
accomplishments, for which she had such a wonderful character. Clever
Angelica certainly was, but as IDLE AS POSSIBLE. Play at sight, indeed!
she could play one or two pieces, and pretend that she had never seen
them before; she could answer half a dozen "Mangnall's Questions;" but
then you must take care to ask the RIGHT ones. As for her languages,
she had masters in plenty, but I doubt whether she knew more than a few
phrases in each, for all her presence; and as for her embroidery and her
drawing, she showed beautiful specimens, it is true, but WHO DID THEM?
This obliges me to tell the truth, and to do so I must go back ever so
far, and tell you about the FAIRY BLACKSTICK.
III. TELLS WHO THE FAIRY BLACKSTICK WAS, AND WHO WERE EVER SO MANY GRAND
PERSONAGES BESIDES.
Between the kingdoms of Paflagonia and Crim Tartary, there lived a
mysterious personage, who was known in those countries as the Fairy
Blackstick, from the ebony wand or crutch which she carried; on which
she rode to the moon sometimes, or upon other excursions of business or
pleasure, and with which she performed her wonders. When she was young,
and had been first taught the art of conjuring by the necromancer, her
father, she was always practicing her skill, whizzing about from one
kingdom to another upon her black stick, and conferring her fairy favors
upon this Prince or that. She had scores of royal godchildren; turned
numberless wicked people into beasts, birds, millstones, clocks, pumps,
boot jacks, umbrellas, or other absurd shapes; and, in a word, was one
of the most active and officious of the whole college of fairies.
But after two or three thousand years of this sport, I suppose
Blackstick grew tired of it. Or perhaps she thought, "What good am I
doing by sending this Princess to sleep for a hundred years? by fixing a
black pudding on to that booby's nose? by causing diamonds and pearls to
drop from one little girl's mouth, and vipers and toads from another's?
I begin to think I do as much harm as good by my performances. I might
as well shut my incantations up, and allow things to take their natural
course.
"There were my two young goddaughters, King Savio's wife, and Duke
Padella's wife: I gave them each a present, which was to render them
charming in the eyes of their husbands, and secure the affection of
those gentlemen as long as they lived. What good did my Rose and my Ring
do these two women? None on earth. From having all their whims indulged
by their husbands, they became capricious, lazy, ill-humored, absurdly
vain, and leered and languished, and fancied themselves irresistibly
beautiful, when they were really quite old and hideous, the ridiculous
creatures! They used actually to patronise me when I went to pay them
a visit--ME, the Fairy Blackstick, who knows all the wisdom of the
necromancers, and could have turned them into baboons, and all their
diamonds into strings of onions, by a single wave of my rod!" So
she locked up her books in her cupboard, declined further magical
performances, and scarcely used her wand at all except as a cane to walk
about with.
So when Duke Padella's lady had a little son (the Duke was at that
time only one of the principal noblemen in Crim Tartary), Blackstick,
although invited to the christening, would not so much as attend; but
merely sent her compliments and a silver papboat for the baby, which was
really not worth a couple of guineas. About the same time the Queen
of Paflagonia presented his Majesty with a son and heir; and guns
were fired, the capital illuminated, and no end of feasts ordained to
celebrate the young Prince's birth. It was thought the fairy, who was
asked to be his godmother, would at least have presented him with an
invisible jacket, a flying horse, a Fortunatus's purse, or some other
valuable token of her favor; but instead, Blackstick went up to
the cradle of the child Giglio, when everybody was admiring him and
complimenting his royal papa and mamma, and said, "My poor child, the
best thing I can send you is a little MISFORTUNE;" and this was all
she would utter, to the disgust of Giglio's parents, who died very soon
after, when Giglio's uncle took the throne, as we read in Chapter I.
In like manner, when CAVOLFIORE, King of Crim Tartary, had a christening
of his only child, ROSALBA, the Fairy Blackstick, who had been invited,
was not more gracious than in Prince Giglio's case. Whilst everybody was
expatiating over the beauty of the darling child, and congratulating
its parents, the Fairy Blackstick looked very sadly at the baby and its
mother, and said, "My good woman (for the Fairy was very familiar, and
no more minded a Queen than a washerwoman)--my good woman, these people
who are following you will be the first to turn against you; and as for
this little lady, the best thing I can wish her is a LITTLE MISFORTUNE."
So she touched Rosalba with her black wand, looked severely at the
courtiers, motioned the Queen an adieu with her hand, and sailed slowly
up into the air out of the window.
When she was gone, the Court people, who had been awed and silent in her
presence, began to speak. "What an odious Fairy she is" (they said)--"a
pretty Fairy, indeed! Why, she went to the King of Paflagonia's
christening, and pretended to do all sorts of things for that family;
and what has happened--the Prince, her godson, has been turned off his
throne by his uncle. Would we allow our sweet Princess to be deprived of
her rights by any enemy? Never, never, never, never!"