What people can find in Clarence Bulbul, who has lately taken upon
himself the rank and dignity of Lion of Our Street, I have always been
at a loss to conjecture.
"He has written an Eastern book of considerable merit," Miss Clapperclaw
says; but hang it, has not everybody written an Eastern book? I should
like to meet anybody in society now who has not been up to the second
cataract. An Eastern book forsooth! My Lord Castleroyal has done one--an
honest one; my Lord Youngent another--an amusing one; my Lord Woolsey
another--a pious one; there is "The Cutlet and the Cabob"--a sentimental
one; "Timbuctoothen"--a humorous one, all ludicrously overrated, in my
opinion: not including my own little book, of which a copy or two is
still to be had, by the way.
Well, then, Clarence Bulbul, because he has made part of the little tour
that all of us know, comes back and gives himself airs, forsooth, and
howls as if he were just out of the great Libyan desert.
When we go and see him, that Irish Jew courier, whom I have before had
the honor to describe, looks up from the novel which he is reading
in the ante-room, and says, "Mon maitre est au divan," or, "Monsieur
trouvera Monsieur dans son serail," and relapses into the Comte de
Montecristo again.
Yes, the impudent wretch has actually a room in his apartments on the
ground-floor of his mother's house, which he calls his harem. When Lady
Betty Bulbul (they are of the Nightingale family) or Miss Blanche
comes down to visit him, their slippers are placed at the door, and he
receives them on an ottoman, and these infatuated women will actually
light his pipe for him.
Little Spitfire, the groom, hangs about the drawing-room, outside the
harem forsooth! so that he may be ready when Clarence Bulbul claps hands
for him to bring the pipes and coffee.
He has coffee and pipes for everybody. I should like you to have
seen the face of old Bowly, his college-tutor, called upon to sit
cross-legged on a divan, a little cup of bitter black Mocha put into his
hand, and a large amber-muzzled pipe stuck into his mouth by Spitfire,
before he could so much as say it was a fine day. Bowly almost thought
he had compromised his principles by consenting so far to this Turkish
manner.
Bulbul's dinners are, I own, very good; his pilaffs and curries
excellent. He tried to make us eat rice with our fingers, it is true;
but he scalded his own hands in the business, and invariably bedizened
his shirt; so he has left off the Turkish practice, for dinner at least,
and uses a fork like a Christian.
But it is in society that he is most remarkable; and here he would, I
own, be odious, but he becomes delightful, because all the men hate him
so. A perfect chorus of abuse is raised round about him. "Confounded
impostor," says one; "Impudent jackass," says another; "Miserable
puppy," cries a third; "I'd like to wring his neck," says Bruff,
scowling over his shoulder at him. Clarence meanwhile nods, winks,
smiles, and patronizes them all with the easiest good-humor. He is a
fellow who would poke an archbishop in the apron, or clap a duke on the
shoulder, as coolly as he would address you and me.
I saw him the other night at Mrs. Bumpsher's grand let-off. He flung
himself down cross-legged on a pink satin sofa, so that you could see
Mrs. Bumpsher quiver with rage in the distance, Bruff growl with fury
from the further room, and Miss Pim, on whose frock Bulbul's feet
rested, look up like a timid fawn.
"Fan me, Miss Pim," said he of the cushion. "You look like a perfect
Peri to-night. You remind me of a girl I once knew in Circassia--Ameena,
the sister of Schamyl Bey. Do you know, Miss Pim, that you would fetch
twenty thousand piastres in the market at Constantinople?"
"Law, Mr. Bulbul!" is all Miss Pim can ejaculate; and having talked over
Miss Pim, Clarence goes off to another houri, whom he fascinates in a
similar manner. He charmed Mrs. Waddy by telling her that she was the
exact figure of the Pasha of Egypt's second wife. He gave Miss Tokely
a piece of the sack in which Zuleika was drowned; and he actually
persuaded that poor little silly Miss Vain to turn Mahometan, and sent
her up to the Turkish ambassador's to look out for a mufti.