The pulse of Napoleon is said to have made only 50 beats a minute.
* * * * *
_According to new regulations in the British army, each soldier in
barracks is allowed 600 cubic feet of air space, and if the diet of the
British soldier is the same as that of the Yank, the 600 feet is none too
much._
_Our Rural Mail Box_
=_Dorothy_=—Your friend has been spoofing you. Beware of freak poker
games. If you want to bet, cross the line to Tiajuana.
* * * * *
=_George_=—Stick ’em under the mattress to crease ’em but don’t have the
baby in bed.
* * * * *
=_Stock Clerk_=—There is only one sure way of making money following the
ponies.
* * * * *
=_Madame Bozo_=—Stout women should not wear tight waists. Sizes up to 48
bust in basement.
* * * * *
=_Howsitt Pheal_=—You won’t mind wearing amber glasses in the Islands,
Howsitt, you’ll get color blind anyhow.
* * * * *
=_Dottie_=—When he begins by saying, “Little girl, I’m old enough to be
your father”—well, look out!
* * * * *
=_George_=—It is rude for a man to fall asleep while his wife is talking,
but a man has to sleep some time.
* * * * *
=_Nisbet_=—You’re like the Scotchman who said “Don’t be backward in
coming forward.”
* * * * *
=_Luscious Lizzie_=—It is not considered correct table manners to blow on
your coffee to cool it. You had better pour it in your saucer.
* * * * *
=_Silas Sawyer_=—Chewing tobacco is all right in its place. Refrain,
however, from using it for decorative purposes.
* * * * *
=_Al B. Kirk_=—A Whuzzat is a trained tobacco-chewing dog employed by the
Southern Railway to run alongside of fast express trains to spit on the
coach trucks to keep the hot boxes from burning.
* * * * *
=_Fat Man_=—Your meaning is not quite clear. Do I understand you to say
you cannot dance except with a concave partner?
* * * * *
=_Johnny_=—I can’t use your story of the stove-pipe. It isn’t clean.
* * * * *
=_Sapp_=—If you want a set of teeth inserted, would advise that you go
and kick some cross bull dog.
* * * * *
=_Restauranteur_=—A swell meal would be dried apples and water, and you
can get a chicken dinner for ten cents at any feed store.
_A Christmas Gift!_
Whiz Bang’s greatest book—The Winter Annual Pedigreed Follies of
1921-22—hot off the press. Orders are now being mailed. There will be no
delay as long as the supply lasts. If your news stand’s quota is sold out—