_Tuesday, April 17th._--The re-opening of the House of Commons found Lord
FISHER in his accustomed place over the clock. What is the lure that brings
him so often to the Peers' Gallery? I think it must be his strong sense of
duty. As Chairman of the Inventions Board he feels he ought to lose no
opportunity of adding to his stock.
Quite the most striking feature of the afternoon was the pink shirt worn by
a well-known Scottish Member, whose name I refrain from mentioning to spare
him any additional blushes. It was of such an inflammatory hue that his
brother-legislators at first took it for a well-developed case of measles
(probably German) and sheered off accordingly. Nobody knows what caused him
to indulge in the rash act, but it is hoped in the interests of coherent
debate that he will not do it again.
Mr. DILLON was so much disturbed by the apparition that, having started out
to demand an immediate General Election unless the Government at once
granted Home Rule to the whole of Ireland, he finished by declaring that he
would be satisfied if they would promise to reform the franchise on the
lines proposed by the SPEAKER'S Conference. Incidentally he drew a fancy
picture of himself and his colleagues striving consistently for thirty-five
years to convert their brother-Irishmen to constitutional methods; from
which I infer that Mr. DILLON, very wisely, does not make a study of his
own old speeches.
[Illustration: PAPER SHORTAGE AT A GENERAL ELECTION.
[The Political Slate (with Sponge) has its obvious compensations.]]
As the engineer of two successive extensions of the life of Parliament Mr.
ASQUITH offered whole-souled support to the proposal to give a third
renewal to its lease. Apart from anything else, how could a General
Election be satisfactorily conducted when there was a shortage of paper and
posters were prohibited? "What's the matter with slates?" whispered a
Member from Wales. If every Candidate paraded his constituency sandwiched
between a couple of slates showing the details of his political programme,
it would certainly add to the gaiety of the nation, besides providing an
easy method of expunging such items as in the course of the contest might
prove unpopular.
A good many silly things have been said in the last month or two about
HINDENBURG and his imaginary "line," but the silliest of all perhaps was
the remark of _The Nation_ that the German retreat on the Somme "has found
our soldiers wanting." This article naturally gave great comfort to the
enemy, who possibly overestimates the importance of Mr. MASSINGHAM and the
significance of the title of his paper. It also found its way to the
British trenches, and caused so great an increase in the habit
traditionally ascribed to the British Army when in Flanders that Sir
DOUGLAS HAIG is understood to have suggested that an embargo should be
placed upon the further export of such literature.
What most strikes the imagination is that amid the most stirring events of
the greatest war in history British Legislators should devote three of
their precious hours to so trumpery an affair. Was this what the old jurist
had in mind when he called the House of Commons "The Great Inquest of the
Nation"?
_Wednesday, April 18th._--On the motion introduced in both Houses to
express the welcome of Parliament to our new Ally, Mr. BONAR LAW,
paraphrasing CANNING, declared that the New World had stepped in to redress
the balance of the Old; Mr. ASQUITH, with a fellow-feeling no doubt, lauded
the patience which had enabled President WILSON to carry with him a united
nation; and Lord CURZON quoted BRET HARTE.
A fresh injustice to Ireland was revealed at Question-time. England and
Scotland are to enjoy an educational campaign, in which hundreds of
speakers all over the country will dilate upon the necessity of reducing
the consumption and preventing the waste of foodstuffs. But like most other
patriotic schemes it is not to apply to John Bull's other island, though I
gather that it is at least as much wanted there as here.
On the third reading of the Parliament Bill the debate was confined to
Irish Members. Mr. FIELD, who is in the live-stock trade, led one
particularly fine bull into the Parliamentary arena. After complaining that
Members had no longer any power in the House, he went on to say, "We are
simply ciphers behind the leading figures on the Front Bench." Surely that,
arithmetically speaking, is the position in which ciphers are most
powerful.
_Thursday, April 19th._--The mental processes of Sir WILLIAM BYLES are
normally so mysterious that his suggestion that, with the Americans coming
in and the Germans making off, this was the psychological moment for the
British Government to initiate proposals for peace, did not strike the
House at large as specially absurd. It was, however, both surprised and
delighted when Mr. SWIFT MACNEILL interposed with an inquiry whether it
would not be time enough to talk about peace when the Germans ceased to
blow up hospital ships. When Mr. BONAR LAW tactfully observed that the
Supplementary Question was better than the answer he had prepared, one felt
that the prospects of an Anglo-Irish _entente_ had appreciably improved.
When the new MINISTER FOR EDUCATION deposited upon the Table a vast packet
of manuscript, and craved the indulgence of the House if he exceeded the
usual limits of a maiden speech, I thought of the days when the headline,
"The Duke of Devonshire on Technical Education," used to strike on my
fevered spirit with a touch of infinite prose. Mr. FISHER began in rather
professorial style, but he soon revealed a glowing enthusiasm for his
subject which thawed the House. His ambition is to transform the teachers
in our elementary schools from ill-paid drudges into members of a liberal
and liberally remunerated profession. Our record in the War has shown that,
as a Naval Officer wrote to him, "there is something in your d----d Board
School education after all."
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"The bride, who was given away by her father, was attended by Miss ----
as demonsoille d'honneur."--_Hawkes Bay Herald_ (_New Zealand_).
We fear this marriage was not made in heaven.
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[Illustration: _Polite Foreigner._ "IS ZAT YOUR BEAUTIFUL ENGLISH
THAMES--YES?"
_London Dame_ ("_on her guard_"). "I HAVEN'T THE SLIGHTEST IDEA."]
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