“WALLYPUG’S BLUSH LIMITED.”
“HOW do you do?” I began.
The little fellow bowed and smiled and brought forth a scrap of paper
and a pencil.
On the paper he wrote, “Quite well thanks, how are you?” and added the
words, “Can I be of any service to you?”
I pondered a moment, and then recollected that he would be a capital
medium of communication between the Wallypug and myself.
“Do you know where the stocks are?” I inquired.
Mr. Nobody nodded vigorously.
“His Majesty the Wallypug is there,” I ventured.
Mr. Nobody nodded again very energetically, and I could see that he
knew all about it. Moreover he wrote on his paper, “Poor Wallypug!” and
looked most sympathetic.
“Would you like to help him?” I inquired.
The little man nodded again, and seemed quite delighted at the prospect.
Handing him the half of the Gombobble which I had reserved for his
Majesty, I said, “Take this to the Wallypug immediately and, _if he is
quite alone_, tell him to eat it all, and on no account to tell any one
how he became possessed of it.”
Mr. Nobody nodded to show that he understood, and, taking the piece
of Gombobble, he squeezed through the bars of my cell, and was soon
running off in the direction of the stocks.
I awaited his return with some anxiety, and was delighted to see when
he did come back, that his face was beaming with delight.
[Illustration: MR. NOBODY NODDED.]
“His Majesty has regained his complexion, and is very grateful to you,”
he wrote hurriedly, clapping his hands and capering about.
“Now go and tell Oom Hi and the Kangaroo, and if they come to the
conclusion that his Majesty’s complexion has been restored through
using the stuff they call ‘Wallypug’s Blush,’ don’t say anything to the
contrary; it will put them into a good temper and perhaps make them
kinder to his Majesty.”
Mr. Nobody seemed quite to understand and hurried off again. He did not
come back, but about half an hour afterwards there was a noise at the
door of my cell, and after a great deal of fumbling at the lock, Oom Hi
and the Kangaroo entered.
Oom Hi carried a basin and the Kangaroo a bottle of Vimbril, or
Wallypug’s Blush, as it was now called.
They looked very amiable, and after some kind remarks about the weather
Oom Hi cleared his throat and said in a sort of apologetic voice:
[Illustration: OOM HI CARRIED A BASIN, AND THE KANGAROO A BOTTLE OF
VIMBRIL.]
“Er, we didn’t mean to be _too_ severe, you know, and what we have
done has been all for the best. You will be pleased to hear that my
invaluable preparation, ‘Wallypug’s Blush,’ has proved perfectly
satisfactory, and his Majesty the Wallypug is a living testimony to
its worth. His beautiful complexion has entirely returned, and I have
no doubt if we could persuade you to use it too it would be equally
successful in your case. You will try it, won’t you?” he pleaded
earnestly.
“Of course if my complexion, such as it is, is restored, I shall be
released from here?” I hazarded.
“Oh! certainly,” said both animals at once, and so after
surreptitiously devouring the remainder of the Gombobble, I permitted
the creatures to smear my face over with their precious rubbish on the
distinct understanding that I should be allowed to have a good wash
afterwards.
The Gombobble acted perfectly, and the animals were delighted when they
saw the result, as they of course put it down to the effect of their
“Wallypug’s Blush.”
“Go and fetch the Cockatoo,” said Oom Hi, “she shall judge for
herself.”
So the Kangaroo went off to fetch her.
“Wonderful preparation, isn’t it?” said Oom Hi, gazing affectionately
at his bottle of “Wallypug’s Blush.”
“Very!” I remarked.
“I _knew_ it must be good for something or another,” he went on, “but
of course we could not tell exactly what till we had tried. It _very
nearly_ cured a cold once, you know, when I called it Broncho, though I
am bound to admit that it was not exactly a success as Vimbril. Do you
think ‘Wallypug’s Blush’ a good title,” he asked anxiously.
“It’s a very striking one,” I admitted.
“I shall advertise it well in the _Daily Whyer_, you know, and—Oh!
here comes the Cockatoo,” he added, as that bird came bustling into the
cell.
“Now then, what’s this I hear?” she began, giving me a keen glance;
“‘Wallypug’s Blush’ restored your complexion. Why so it has, though I
cannot say much for it even now. However, since you have no longer a
blue face you are scarcely likely to be valuable as a curiosity, so you
had better get about your business,” and, flinging open the door, the
Cockatoo motioned me out with her crutched stick.
You may be sure I was not long in availing myself of my liberty and
hurrying to the spot where I had last seen his Majesty.
The stocks were empty, but a little further off I found A. Fish, Esq.,
who seemed delighted to see me.
“Well I dever!” he exclaimed; “I heard you were going to be exhibited
as a freak. What stories people do tell, to be sure.”
I briefly explained what had happened and inquired if he knew where the
Wallypug was.
“Oh yes, he’s gode back to the Palace,” said A. Fish, Esq. “He’s id a
rare way aboudt you.”
So I thought it best, in order to relieve his Majesty’s anxiety, to
seek him there.
It was now getting dusk, and seeing a light in his Majesty’s private
apartments, I went up and knocked at the door.
“Come in!” cried a voice which I had no difficulty in recognizing, and
on opening the door I found the good little man pacing to and fro in a
state of great agitation.
“Oh! it’s you,” he exclaimed in a relieved voice, and came forward to
welcome me eagerly. “I was just wondering how on earth I could get you
out of the Cockatoo’s clutches; she’s a wretched creature, isn’t she?”
“Well she is a trial, certainly,” I agreed, “and I think if I were
you I should adopt some very strong measures for preventing her from
interfering as she does.”
“Hm! yes,” said his Majesty, “let’s go and hear what the Doctor-in-Law
has to say about it; he may be able to advise us as to the best way of
putting her down, and though he will probably charge pretty stiffly for
it, his advice _is_ worth having sometimes.”
So we went together to the Doctor-in-Law’s room.
We were surprised to hear several voices talking excitedly within, and
when in reply to a rather impatient “Come in!” we opened the door,
we were astonished to see the Doctor-in-Law in his dressing-gown and
slippers, in busy consultation with Oom Hi, the Kangaroo, and the
Cockatoo.
“I’ve been greatly interested in hearing of the success of ‘Wallypug’s
Blush,’” said the little man, “and am just helping Oom Hi (ahem, for a
consideration) to draw up a prospectus for turning it into a Limited
Company. In consideration of the payment to me of several thousands
of pounds, I am about to become a director, and am to be paid several
thousands more for persuading the Cockatoo to join the board too.”
[Illustration: We were astonished to see the Doctor-in-Law in his
dressing-gown and slippers, in busy consultation with Oom-Hi, the
Kangaroo, and the Cockatoo.—Page 184.
_Wallypugland._]
“But,” I objected, “what do you claim that ‘Wallypug’s Blush’ does?”
“Oh, it restores people with blue complexions to their natural color,
you know.”
“But surely there will be a very limited sale,” I said; “there cannot
be very many people with blue faces, you know.”
“Oh, _of course_, you must try and spoil everything with your absurd
objections,” said the Cockatoo crossly.
“Yes, I really don’t see that your contention has much weight,” said
the Doctor-in-Law. “Provided it is only advertised enough, the public
will buy _any_ rubbish, whether it does what it professes to do or not.
And we shall simply call it ‘Wallypug’s Blush _for the complexion_,’
you know; besides, even if it doesn’t answer, we can turn it into
something else, Boot Polish or Hair Wash, you know.”
And so seeing them so busily and enthusiastically engaged in the
business of drawing up the prospectus, we said good-night and retired
to our rooms.