THE WHY AND WER-HAR-WEI RAILWAY.
“FANCY seeing you!” cried his Majesty, as we sat down beside the Fish
under the gombobble tree. “How ever did you get here? And what’s the
news at Why?”
“Oh, thad’s a log story,” said A. Fish, Esq., and proceeded to tell us
how that after we had escaped from Why, by means of the shute, there
had been a great commotion in the place, and the Doctor-in-Law was
furious. He declared that we should not slip through his hands in this
way, and had a long conversation with the Sister-in-Law and the others
as to the best way of affecting our capture. Finally they decided to
attach themselves to a long rope, and come down the shute in pursuit
of us.
A. Fish, Esq., made the excuse that his cold was too bad to permit him
to join the party, and waited till they had got a good way down, and
then cut the rope. He thought that this would be the best way of being
of service to us. And so it was, of course, for goodness only knows
where our pursuers were by this time.
A little while after he had cut the rope A. Fish, Esq., came across the
Crow, who told him that he had been informed by two duffer birds (which
was the name of the curious blue birds which we had noticed) that we
were here at Wer-har-wei, and had immediately set about to discover the
best way to get here.
He went in the first place to the station-master at Why, and found him,
as usual, engaged in squabbling with the porter.
They were arguing as to whether a certain signal should be up or down.
The station-master declared that the signal should always be up on the
up line and down on the down line. This the porter would not agree to,
so it was at last decided to put one up and one down and leave them so,
and then the engine-drivers could do as they pleased about going on or
stopping.
[Illustration: AS USUAL THE STATION-MASTER WAS SQUABBLING WITH THE
PORTER.]
When they had quite settled this dispute, A. Fish, Esq., had asked them
if there were any trains running between Why and this place, and at
first they had said no; but presently the porter remembered that there
was a certain train which started on some days and went no one knew
where.
No one was ever known to travel by it, and the engine-driver, who was
an old salamander by the name of Mike, was deaf and dumb, and could
neither read nor write, so that they had never been able to find out
from him where his train went to. It had some letters on it which
corresponded with those on the station-master’s collar, but no one
had ever been able to discover what they meant. They were popularly
supposed to stand for Weary Waiting and Horribly Wobbly Railway, the
initials on the station-master’s collar being W.W.H.W.R., but A.
Fish, Esq., had by a brilliant inspiration come to the conclusion
that they stood for Why and Wer-har-wei Railway, and when the train,
which consisted of only one carriage and the engine, came into the
station, he jumped in, to the intense surprise of Mike, who had never
had a passenger before, and who in his agitation recklessly put two
shovelfuls of coal into the furnace, and, giving a frantic “toot” on
the whistle, started off at full speed.
“It was a dreadful journey,” said A. Fish, Esq., “ad I dever had so
bedy ups and dowds id all by life.”
We didn’t quite understand what he meant by this at the moment, but a
little later on we discovered the reason to our cost.
After an eventful journey, A. Fish, Esq., had arrived at this place,
and had found on alighting from the train that no one was to be seen,
and he was just about to kick at the door of Ho-Lor’s house when
Kis-Smee came bounding out. Poor A. Fish, Esq., had been terribly
alarmed, and had made for the nearest tree, and was vainly trying to
climb up into it when we made our appearance.
“If I were you,” he advised, “I should certaidly cub back to Why at
odce, for the people all seeb to be rejoiced thad Madame and the
Doctor-id-Law have gode away, ad I think thad they would willingly
forgive you for having said, ‘Ad horse! ad horse! by kigdob for ad
horse!’”
After talking the matter over for a few minutes we decided that perhaps
it would be the best thing to do, and as the little blue station was
only just at the back of Ho-Lor’s house we thought that perhaps by
hurrying we should catch the same train back to Why by which A. Fish,
Esq., had come. So we set out to try and find the little blue people,
to bid them “good-by,” and thank them for their hospitality.
We found them at the station sitting beside Mike, to whom it appeared
they were in the habit of being very kind on his occasional visits.
They seemed quite sorry to hear that we were leaving them so soon,
and insisted upon making the Wallypug a present of Kis-Smee, and of
stuffing into my pocket an enormous gombobble as a souvenir of my
visit. Then there was just time to look at the “train” before we
started. I must say that of all crazy, ramshackle affairs it was quite
the worst that I had ever seen. To begin with, the wheels were all
sorts of shapes, and not one of them was quite round. There was only
one compartment, and that had no windows in it. And the engine! Well,
it was something like Puffing Billy, only a little worse.
There was no room for Kis-Smee in the carriage, so we were obliged to
chain him up on the roof, evidently much to his disgust.
I must confess to a certain feeling of uneasiness when, having taken
our seats, the engine gave a snort, and puffing out a volume of dense
black smoke and smuts, started us on our journey.
By reason of the odd shape of our wheels and the unevenness of the
rails the carriage pitched and tossed about like a ship at sea, and our
passage over a little wooden viaduct, where on either side the little
blue people stood waving their adieux with quaint little flags, was, I
am convinced, attended with considerable danger.
It was really a dreadful journey. The carriage pitched backward and
forward, and rolled from side to side with every revolution of the
wheels, while poor Kis-Smee, on the top, kept slipping about in the
most painful manner. His Majesty’s carpet-bag, which had not been
securely fastened to the top of the carriage, slipped off soon after we
started, and though we rang the bell violently Mike refused to stop,
and it was lost forever.
“Fortunately there was not much in it!” his Majesty gasped between
the jerks which the irregular motion of the train occasioned. “Only a
tooth-brush and small cake of soap.”
[Illustration: The carriage pitched backward and rolled from side to
side.—Page 138.
_Wallypugland._]
“But it felt quite full,” I remarked in surprise.
“Yes,” explained his Majesty. “I stuffed it full of paper and things,
because I thought that it would look so bad for a king to be traveling
about without any luggage.”
Just then there was a yelp and a howl from Kis-Smee, and looking out
of the window we found that the poor creature had fallen from the roof
and was hanging down by the chain which was attached to the top of the
carriage, and was in momentary danger of being strangled.
We managed, after a prolonged struggle, to haul him in through the
window, and, although we were rather crowded, to find room for him in
the carriage. We had hardly settled down into our places, however,
before the train came to a standstill, and Mike came to the door in a
great state of agitation.
“Av yez plaze, sor,” he began.
“Why! I thought you were deaf and dumb,” I cried.
“Och—that’s all gammon sure—oi can talk all roight, and hear all
roight too when it suits me purpose. Well, now, ye see when the dog
fell off the roof he upset me coal-scuttle, and never a bit of coal is
there left. Would ye be good enough, kind gentlemen, to go back and
pick some up off the line, it’s only about a moile and a half back.”
The engine, it appeared, could not be reversed, and, as there was no
chance of getting a supply anywhere else, nothing remained but for his
Majesty and myself to go back with the coal-scuttle and pick some of
the spilt coal up.
Kis-Smee bounded delightedly at our side; but we did not take A. Fish,
Esq., with us, as he complained of a pain in his tail, and we feared
that the long walk might make it worse.
“I shall amuse byself while you are away by giving Bike ad elocutiod
lessod,” he said, as we left him.
But Mike, who was undoing his bundle preparatory to having some dinner,
did not look very enthusiastic over the project, and I am almost
certain I heard him mutter, “Not if I know it,” as we were walking away.
We found the coal, as we expected, beside the line, after we had walked
a little over a mile, and his Majesty and myself picked it up, and
packing it in the scuttle, took turns in carrying it back to the train
again.
We had nearly arrived at the spot where the train was waiting for us,
when his Majesty noticed some curious flowers growing in a little copse
beside the line, and we put down our coal-scuttle and went to gather
them. While we were doing so, however, we heard a wild shout, and
looking up beheld an enormously tall and thin man running towards us,
gesticulating violently.
He was waving some wire and leather dog muzzles in one hand.
[Illustration: THE TALL THIN MAN WAS WAVING SOME MUZZLES.]
“Where’s his muzzle?” he demanded, pointing to Kis-Smee. “Can’t you see
the dog is mad and must be muzzled immediately?”
“I’m sure he’s not,” cried the Wallypug, indignantly, and patting
Kis-Smee’s head.
“He is,” declared the man. “All dogs are mad, and I insist upon them
being muzzled.”
“Very well,” I interposed. “You had better try and put a muzzle on this
one yourself.”
“Oh! I’ll soon do that,” cried the man, selecting a large muzzle from
the collection which he carried with him. “Come here, sir! Good dog,
then.”
Kis-Smee growled, and grinning more than ever made a dart at the man,
who dropped his muzzles and fled, screaming, “Mad dog! Mad dog!” at the
top of his voice.
His Majesty and myself, laughing heartily at his discomfiture, hurried
back to the train without meeting with any further adventures.
A. Fish, Esq., and Mike seemed to be rather cool towards each other, I
thought, and I heard afterwards that they had not got on at all well
with the “elocution” lesson—in fact, Mike had absolutely refused to be
instructed in that very necessary art.
Of course we told them of our adventure with the man in the wood, and
Mike explained that he was well known as “The Long Man of Muzzledom,”
and was quite harmless, though rather silly, being under the impression
that all dogs and cats were mad and should be muzzled.
“Well, he didn’t muzzle Kis-Smee, anyhow,” said his Majesty, as we took
our seats in the carriage, and the train once more started for Why.
After several hours of bumping and jolting, we were delighted to see
the familiar towers and gables of his Majesty’s palace in the distance,
and knew that we had at last arrived at the end of our journey.