So it came about that the women decided between themselves to save the
village from this fate, and to this end, while their menfolk were at
drink with Pieter Gans, they met together at the house of a certain
dame Syske, who was big, fat, loud-speaking, had hair upon her chin,
and had buried five husbands, or else seven, I dare not particularize
the number for fear of untruth.
There, as a rebuke to their drunken husbands, they quenched their
thirst with clear water.
When all were present, the younger ones assembled on this side and
the older on that, the ugly ones among the older, dame Syske opened
the talk by saying that they must all go forthwith to The Horn, and
there give these drinkers such a drubbing that they would be stiff
and sore for a week because of it.
The old and ugly ones applauded this proposal with their hands,
their feet, their mouths, and their noses. There was a fine noise,
you may well believe.
But the young and pretty ones kept silent as fishes, all save one,
very pretty, very fresh and very neat, bearing the name of Wantje,
who said very modestly, and blushing somewhat, that it was of no use
to belabour their worthy men in this fashion, but rather they must
bring them back to good ways by gentleness and laughter.
To this the dame Syske replied: "Little one, thou canst understand
nothing of men, for thou art but a maid, or so I believe. For my part
I know well enough how I managed my several husbands, and that was
neither by gentleness nor by laughter, I promise thee. They are all
dead, the worthy men (may God rest their souls!), but I remember them
clearly, and know very well that at the least wrongdoing I made them
dance the stick-dance on the field of obedience. None dared eat or
drink, sneeze or yawn, unless I had first given him leave. Little Job
Syske, my last, did my cooking for me in my own house. He made a good
cook, poor little man. But I had to give him many good beatings to
bring him to that, and so it was with the others as well. Therefore,
little one, give up all these laughters and gentlenesses of thine,
they are not worth much, I can tell thee. Let us rather go forthwith
and cut ourselves good staves of greenwood, easy enough to find now
that it is spring-time, and going off to The Horn let us make fall
a good shower of blows on these unfaithful husbands."
At this the old and ugly ones broke out afresh into monstrous howls
and tumult, crying, "Out upon them! out on the drunkards! They want
a good drubbing, they want a good hanging!"
VIII. Of the great wit which every woman has, and of the modest
conversation which the maid Wantje held with the worthies at the inn.
On the morrow all these good women met together once again, and drank
as before a great quantity of clear water; and afterwards went off,
armed with sticks, to the place where they knew their men were to
be found.
Before the door of The Horn they stopped, and there a great council
took place. The old ones wanted to go in with their sticks.
"No," said Wantje, with the young and pretty ones, "we would rather
be beaten ourselves."
"Hark to these sillies!" cried the old ones, "these poor silly
things. They have not an ounce of pride in their bodies, between
the lot of them. Be guided by us, gentle ewekins: we will avenge the
dignity of women for you upon these wretched drunkards."
"That you shall not," said the young ones, "as long as we are there."
"That we shall," howled the old ones.
But here a certain young and merry wife burst out laughing.
"See ye not," said she, "whence comes to these grannies so great a
rage and such a thirst for vengeance? 'Tis simple bragging, to make
us believe that their old croakers of husbands still care to sing
them songs."
At these words the old hags were thrown into such a state of fury
that one or two died of rage there and then. Others, having quite
lost their heads, wanted to kill the maids and young wives who were
laughing at them (and 'twas pretty music, all those fresh and merry
voices), but the dame Syske stopped them from that, saying that for
the present they must take counsel together and not kill one another.
Continuing their discussion, they quarrelled, argued, chattered,
jabbered in this and like fashion until curfew-time, when they
separated without having made up their minds to anything, by reason
of not having had time enough to talk it over.
And there were spoken in this assembly of women more than 877,849,002
words, each one as full of good sense as a cellarful of old wine.
Pieter Gans, who, as they said, had rabbit's ears, hearing in
the street a certain hum of chattering voices, cried out: "Alas,
alas! what is this now? Devils for a certainty, dear Jesus!"
"I will go and see, little coward," answered Blaeskaek. But on
opening the door he burst out laughing all at once, saying: "Brothers,
'tis our wives."
Thereupon all the drinkers rose and went to the door; some with bottles
in their hands, others brandishing flagons, others again clinking
their mugs together like church bells. Blaeskaek went out of the room,
crossed the threshold of the outer door, and stepped into the street.
"Well, wives," said he, "what brings you here with all this greenwood?"
At these words the young ones let fall their sticks to the ground,
for they were ashamed to be caught with such weapons.
But one old woman, brandishing hers in the air, answered for the
others: "We come, drunkards, to tell you the tale of the stick,
and give you a good thrashing."
"Woe, woe!" wept Pieter Gans, "that, I know, is my grandmother's
voice."
"So it is, scoundrel," said the old woman.
Meanwhile the Brothers of the Cheerful Countenance, hearing all
this, shook their sides merrily with laughing, and Blaeskaek said:
"Then come in, come in, good wives, and let us see how you do your
drubbing. Are those good greenwood staves you have brought?"
"Yes," said they.
"I am glad of that. For our part we have ready for you some good
rods, well pickled in vinegar, which we use for whipping disobedient
boys. 'Twill doubtless give you all sweet pleasure to feel their
caresses, and so recall the days of your youth. Will you be pleased
to try them? We will give you plenty."
But at these scoffing words the old women took fright and ran off as
fast as their legs would carry them, more particularly mother Syske,
making such terrible threats and noises as they went that they sounded
to those jolly Brothers like a flight of screeching crows passing
down the deserted streets.
The young ones stayed before the door of the inn, and 'twas affecting
to see them so humbly standing, gentle and submissive, waiting for
some kindly word from their husbands or sweethearts.
"Well," said Blaeskaek, "do you please to come in?"
"Yes," said they all.
"Keep them out," said Pieter Gans into Blaeskaek's ear, "keep them
out, or they will go chattering to the priests about the deviling,
and we shall be burnt, my good friend."
"I am deaf," said Blaeskaek; "come in, my dears."
Thereupon entered all these good women, and took up their places,
some by their husbands, others by their sweethearts, and the maids
in a line on a bench modestly.
"Women," said the drinkers, "you wish to join us?"
"Yes," said they.
"And to drink also?"
"Yes," said they.
"And have not come here to tell us temperance stories?"
"Nay," said they, "we have come without any other wish than to join
our good husbands and sweethearts, and laugh with them, if that may
be, with God's good will."
"Those are certainly fair words," said one old man, "but I suspect
beneath them some woman's artifice or other."
But no one paid him any heed, for by this time the women were seated
all about the table, and you might hear this: "Drink this, pretty
sweet, 'tis a draught from heaven." "Pour, neighbour, pour, pour out
some more of this sweet drink." "Who is a better man than I? I am the
Duke; I have good wine and good wife!" "Ho, there! broach a fresh cask
of wine; we must have the best there is to-day to pleasure these good
dames." "Courage! I have drunk too much; I am going to conquer the
moon. But wait a little first. For the present I stay by this good
wife of mine. Kiss me, sweet."
"This is not the place, before all these people," the women would
answer. And with many caresses and pretty ways each said to her man:
"Come away home."
They would indeed have been glad enough to go, all those good
drinkers, but did not dare do it, being shamefaced in this matter in
one another's presence.
Guessing as much, the women talked of going back.
"There, there!" said the old man, "is not that what I said. They want
to have us outside."
"Nay, my masters," said Wantje very sweetly, "but I pray you remember
that we are not accustomed to such strong drinks, nor even to their
smell. Therefore, master, if we feel the need to go out into the
fresh air 'tis assuredly without wanting to anger or sadden you in
any way whatsoever. May God keep you merry, brothers."
And thereupon the good women went off, though the men tried to keep
them back by force.
IX. Wherein it is seen that the learned Thomas a Klapperibus knew
what makes a drinker fidget on his stool.
Left thus to their pots and tankards they turned to one another
in wonder, saying: "Ah, look ye at these dames! Does it not always
fall out in this wise; that they would have us do whatever they bid,
and that with humility! Submissive they seem, tyrants they are. But
look ye, is it to male or female that belongs properly the right of
command in all matters? To the male. We are the males. Very well,
then, let us drink! And we will at all times carry out our own wishes,
which will presently be to sleep here in this inn, if we please."
After this fashion they talked together for some time, feigning great
anger, but being, in fact, eager enough to go and join their wives. By
and by they fell silent, and so remained for a while, some yawning,
others drumming tunes on the floor with their boots, others again, and
these many, fidgeting on their seats, as if they were on sharp thorns.
Suddenly a young townsman, but lately married, got up and left the
hall, saying that by the advice of a leech he was forbidden to drink
more than six-and-twenty mugs of ale, which number he had already
taken.
After he had gone they all began to excuse themselves, one with a pain
in his stomach, another with a headache, others with a melancholy
feeling or with the phlegm, and made off to their homes, excepting
only one or two among the older men.
And when they were once outside they hurried with all speed to join
their wives. Thus was borne out what was written by the learned Thomas
a Klapperibus in his great work De Amore, c. vi, wherein it is said,
that woman has more power than the devil.