Social life is important to the young; it can not be safely ignored in
school life, therefore I must have these interests in mind as I write,
and shall hope to help both the anxious parent and the thoughtful young
student who would know how to do the right thing at all times.
It is, however, a great deal more important to _be_ than to _do_; for it
is out of the _being_ that the _doing_ must come. The point requiring
the most anxious consideration is that we may learn to truly know and
love the principle upon which safe conduct depends.
He who loves purity for its own sake—who hates impurity because of its
vileness, instead of for the painful consequences which follow its
practise, will never go very far astray from those manners which are of
good report in any society on earth. He will instinctively avoid the
appearance of evil as far as he knows how evil appears.
There are a few principles which are always a safeguard and defense to
those who will be controlled by them, which if woven into familiar
thought will render correctness in the details of conduct spontaneous
and inevitable. And yet circumstances may modify this fact. It is
sometimes slow work to get hold of a principle; and some specific
teaching as to just what to do, and what not to do, will often be a
great help to even those who are pure of heart, and have a mind to avoid
the appearance of evil.
Every detail of life must take note of the fact that the human unit
called man was created male and female, and must begin his earthly
career as boy and girl, each at best but a half of this unit. This, with
many correlated facts, must be kept before us in the process of
training. Up to a certain period boys and girls can play together and
associate with perfect unconsciousness of any difference between them,
but the careful parent and teacher must be alert with reference to the
time when nature awakens, after which their association can only be
safely on two lines,—Christian work and general good fellowship; and
these always under the chaperonage of some reliable and mature woman.
This is especially necessary in all lines of work to which Christian
young people in these days of special activity among the youth would be
urged, such as missionary meetings, cottage meetings, Sabbath-school,
house-to-house visiting. Without such chaperonage, boys and girls, young
men and young women, should never go together, even in Christian work;
but girls by themselves, and boys by themselves.
This is made necessary by the fact that nature has been perverted, that
the enemy of all purity has taken possession of every avenue of thought,
even from the cradle, and has filled the mind of childhood with
unprofitable imaginings, for which the only cure is the knowledge of the
truth pure and simple, adapted to their comprehension, and such
opportunities for association as shall make them mutual helps without
stimulating that self-consciousness that leads to curiosity and evil
suggestion.
Any allusion which would give the children an idea of the anxious
thoughts which you entertain for them should be studiously avoided.
Teach and practise them in all which constitutes true decorum while they
are still too young to understand its significance and necessity, so
that when the time comes that the youth shall need “good form” habits
for the protection of a good name, he will have them already, as a part
of that second nature which good breeding produces. The first teaching
will naturally apply without any reference to sex differences, to that
conduct which should prevail between a company of girls and boys each in
companies by themselves.
First, as to manners in public. Boys and girls should grow up with the
idea that it is a great deal nicer for girls to keep each other company,
and for boys to do the same, than for boys and girls to go together.
Teach your boy to protect the girls of his acquaintance from any
annoyance which his presence anywhere could produce. Make him understand
that carefulness in this regard is the beginning of genuine manliness.
Teach both boys and girls to be reserved and modest in their deportment
toward all other boys and girls alike, boys toward boys, and girls
toward girls. That boisterous familiarity among boys together is so
unbecoming as always to breed contempt.
By this I would not have my readers infer that good form in behavior
must in the least interfere with the “good times” that children and
youth ought to enjoy. It does not prevent that happy freedom which can
alone make real “play” possible. Running, jumping, climbing trees,
shouting, hallooing, can all be done without any violation of a single
principle of good form as applied to childhood life. The trouble is that
many parents and teachers have the idea that any form of conduct to be
“good” must be grown-up and gray-headed, whereas one of the very worst
of bad forms is for a child to appear _old_. Good form, the genuine
sort, like every other good thing, will admit of any conduct which will
promote strength of body, soul, and spirit. Real strength, which must
always include the whole being, is perfectly safe, and a perpetual
source of joy in the Holy Guest. Many popular plays and games, however,
are so far removed from every principle which should control action and
association, that they can not be indulged without rudeness, brutality,
and in many cases that sort of familiarity which leads to immorality,
and should be thrown into the heap with all other bad manners.
It is bad form for two, three, or more persons to walk in an irregular
huddle on the street, as children sometimes do, going backward facing
the rear of the procession in order that conversation may be carried on.
Even young children should be taught that the running, leaping, jumping,
loud talking and laughter, which would be all right in the back yard, on
some playground, or in the open country, is never to be indulged on the
public street; that the moment the street is reached the deportment
should become quiet, and have thoughtful reference to the comfort of the
public.
They should understand the obvious reasons for this: A running child is
practically a blind and deaf one; he must have plenty of room, or he
will be almost sure to collide with something or somebody; in town will
be in danger of teams or cars. The rule for the street should be:
Steady, quiet, careful, eyes to the front, no loud talking or laughing,
no play, no swapping of knives, no reading, no chewing or eating, no
clearing the throat or spitting if it can possibly be avoided. If this
last is impossible, let it be done in the most unobtrusive manner,
behind a kerchief; in short, let nothing be done which would inevitably
draw the attention of passers-by, causing special notice and comment.
The craze for notoriety manifests itself in a thousand repulsive forms
of street behavior, through which the grossest temptations attack the
untaught and careless; and those parents who would protect their
children from many nameless dangers must teach them good form as applied
to street life.
Nowhere does good breeding reveal itself more quickly than in the quiet,
unobtrusive “I-am-minding-my-own-business” air of the girl or boy, who,
with an armful of books held closely, looking neither to the right nor
to the left, clips to and from school; or if walking and talking
together by twos, it is with steady carriage and voices so modulated
that no passer-by will overhear a word, nor think of being jostled.
Children should be taught by both word and example that when they are
about to meet any person on the street they should fall back into single
file at the right, while still far enough distant as to obviate all
danger of interference. Who has not found himself caught on the street
in a mob of schoolgirls or boys, often both together, who needlessly
monopolize the walk, as with loud talking, wrangling, jesting, jaws
working at both words and gum, they publish as upon the housetop the
utter lack of good form in the homes from which they have come? The
first blame for this disgusting spectacle always falls upon the
children; but in truth it all belongs to the homes out of which they
have tumbled pell-mell without that instruction and those fixed habits
which would have insured decorum and decency.
Every child should be taught to give courteous recognition to
acquaintances. The boys should lift the cap to each other as well as to
their elders, always to father and mother, if they chance to meet them
on the street; and the girls by some modest feminine salute of bow or
word. But some one may object that it seems “far-fetched” to train boys
to this formal mannerism. To which I reply in the old adage that the
“boy is father of the man.” The man in every relation in life will
follow the lead of boyish habits unless indeed in the interests of some
great conviction or self-interest he makes all things new. This can be
done, but even then the traces of early habits will often remain to
bring shame and confusion at some critical point when pleasure or profit
are at stake.