SHE DEMANDS AN EXPLANATION.
It all happened so naturally, with such an evident desire for her
happiness and comfort that each time Adelina felt the inability to
frustrate the plans of Harold and Mary. How her friends could feel that
her pleasure was so much involved was more than she could determine.
"Why should I, who am always well, need change, when you two never go
away?" Adelina asked, then added, without leaving time for an answer,
"it is not quiet for me now."
"It is strange how lively one curate can make a place. He is really the
only addition to the place that I can think of," rejoined Mr. Tracy,
half satirically. It will be readily seen that he had the man's
universal love of teasing. Though the remark was made in fun, the girl
betrayed confusion, at which Harold wondered. Could it be possible that
she had in so short a time begun to take an interest in this stranger,
or was there some latent thought of that other, whose love for her had
ended so disastrously for himself? Aloud, Harold said, "There's no
accounting for the love affairs of a young girl," which sententious
remark really expressed his inmost thoughts. Miss Fiske had regained her
equanimity ere long, and showed it by her readiness to indulge in
repartee.
"Harold," she said, "you get worse every year."
"In what way am I deteriorating? Ah, 'tis looks you doubtless mean," he
ruminatingly replied. "Not only every year, but every day I see my
natural head-gear vanishing." This was said as though he was sorely
wounded, with the pretense of ruefully feeling with caution the head
which proclaimed to all that the extreme paucity of hair was no
exaggeration on his part.
"That does not indicate a falling away of your lingual powers, however,"
saucily replied Adelina.
"Fie, every one knows my scarcity of words."
"Oh, yes, doubtless; when seen as I chanced to view you an hour ago. You
were quietly sleeping over a musty psychology. Yes, I admit you were
quiet then. Were you illustrating the chapter on sleep?"
"Mary, Mary, can you stand by and hear me thus maligned?"
"Mary knows better than to take up for you. Already you presume too much
on your past right of guardianship. Even a few moments ago you were
trying to dispose of me by sending me to the farthest corners of the
earth." As "the farthest corners of the earth" meant only a score of
miles, the good-natured controversy ended in laughter. A cloud had come
over the face of Miss Tracy at the last words of Adelina. The latter, on
reviewing her words, could only attribute it to the mention of her
departure. If the truth were known, Miss Tracy had been reminded of
something which had taken place prior to the above conversation. Adelina
knew nothing of this, except in so far as it related to the effect as
displayed on her friend's countenance when she had surprised her by her
sudden entrance to the room. Mary had evidently expected a quiet
retreat, and so was unprepared to greet Adelina in an impassive manner.
Adelina had felt hurt that she was not instantly taken into Mary's
confidence. It was so seldom that Mary showed any disposition towards
concealment with her. Adelina's thoughts were, however, interrupted as
far as this was concerned; for Harold and Mary were again discussing the
contemplated trip, and she did not wish to appear ungrateful to them for
planning what she inwardly objected to most decidedly. The little frown
that followed augured ill for the success of their project,
nevertheless. There was no need, she said, of her going away every May
and June. The mere fact that this took place at stated times each year
was monotonous, to say the least. If a change was necessary, she felt
that a change of time alone would be effectual in procuring good
results. It would break the monotony, if nothing more. This looked like
sheer obstinacy.
"See what humoring her has done," said Mr. Tracy, with a smile, that did
not conceal the underlying gravity. The gravity Adelina thought was only
the result of her alleged objection to the carrying out of his purposes.
Though she felt half reluctant to persevere in her own interests, she
said to herself that she would not be treated like a baby, and disposed
of in this summary manner. Aloud she said, "If you wish to dispose of
me, say so; it certainly looks as though you wished to get rid of me."
Then, ashamed of her petulant utterance, she hastened to add, "It does
seem that I might be permitted to know what concerns myself. What takes
place in my absence is no concern of mine, but to know why that absence
is necessary seems a most natural desire."
The reference to the taking place of something in her absence was not
premeditated; in fact, Adelina had not considered the significance of
her words. That the others had was obvious, as was revealed by the
questioning looks exchanged between brother and sister, interpreted as
wishing to know whether or not the other deemed a disclosure to be
plausible. Adelina looked from one to the other in amazement. Had she
prepared her words she would not have pronounced any more calculated to
produce consternation. So there was some reason for her being sent away
at a particular time; opposition would not have produced such an effect
as this. She was undecided as to her procedure. She well knew that there
is victory in the manner of accepting defeat. If she gracefully retired
she would lose all chance of whatever explanation that might be rendered
to her, though she was dubious that any would be vouchsafed. In the
event of remaining in a quiescent attitude, a revelation might be
effected. If she did the latter and found no hope of gratification
forthcoming, doubtless she would wish she had decided on the other
course. "Well," she argued, "I'll apply my knowledge; somewhere I have
read or heard that when you are undecided what to do, don't do
anything--a most convenient theory, at any rate." Having justified
herself in this conclusion, she assumed a carefully-studied air of
complete indifference, which maneuver would, she hoped, bring about best
results. When she was unoccupied and quiet, too, people generally
inquired if she was sick, which is frequently the case where an
excessive talker is concerned. The desired issue was forthcoming.
"Adelina," said Mr. Tracy, "we had no idea that you were concerned about
this affair. Had we known that you perceived any alteration in us, we
would long ago have decided that it was best to tell you all." Mr.
Tracy looked as though he scarcely knew how to proceed. When once he had
decided on the right course, however, he pursued it without deviation,
without any consideration of personal disinclinations or inconveniences
which might possibly accrue. Those who can thus felicitously form
certain decisions appertaining to their moral obligations, and having
arrived at such decisions, can unswervingly follow the proscribed mode
of conduct, should indeed be content.
"It is only natural, my child," resumed Mr. Tracy, "that you desire to
have revealed to you what so nearly concerns you." To a stranger Mr.
Tracy's manner might possibly have produced an impression of latent
irritation. The noblest natures, when endeavoring to overcome emotion
have often, unfortunately, inadequate means of expressing or manifesting
the beneficence actually belonging to them. There was no danger of a
misunderstanding here; daily intercourse with a man like this would bear
evidence of his nobility. After a slight interval devoted to
consideration as to his manner of procedure, he said, "Our wish to have
you away during May and June was for your own good."
"That I never doubted," replied Adelina, with a grateful look.
"If you remember, it was three years ago that we first proposed your
leaving us. Did you in no way associate it with something happening the
same year?"
"Dear Harold, when did anything so momentous take place?" Harold,
reflecting on his inability to prepare Adelina, added:
"It was the year poor Ralph Bamford was taken ill. Have you never
wondered where he has been since then?" As if to cover her confusion, he
quickly added:
"But of course you have; your natural kindness would lead you to
conjecture that far. His malady has never rendered him dangerous to
those about him, hence he has remained a portion of each year with us;
the rest of the time with a private family. It was through his ravings
that we learned the circumstances you know so well--better than any.
Since that time we have always had him with us the months when his
sickness is at the worst. Once he caught a glimpse of you--the effect
can readily be imagined. We have deemed it expedient to send you away to
prevent similar attacks." Mr. Tracy had spoken rapidly, as if to
eliminate the supposition that his hearer must be equally garrulous.
Even though the young girl's feelings had not been involved in
sentimentalities, such reminiscences would be painful to any endowed
with the capacity of sympathizing. She was really more indifferent
regarding her own situation than she was at the knowledge of pain
inevitably inflicted on another by herself. The majority of girls would
doubtless have preferred to evince no interest in the young man she had
formerly subjugated. Far from her was the intention of affecting the
anticipated lack of interest in his welfare. Even Harold and Mary would
have thought the desire to avert comment justifiable; however, Adelina
took the opposing course by continuing to interrogate them.
"Is he at all improved of late? Poor boy. I shall always feel that I am
to blame."
"Nonsense, my dear," returned Harold. "Then nothing but the event of
Ralph's recovery will restore your natural buoyancy?" Mary gave an
admonitory look, in order to curb this levity, and also lest the
reference to a supposititious recovery might raise hopes only to be
disappointed. Mr. Tracy had spoken as if only an ordinary sickness had
been at issue, as though there was no aberration of the mental
functions.
"Harold, is there anything to warrant us in thinking he will ever be
well again?" Adelina's question was not put as calmly as she deceived
herself into believing. Harold regretted his impulsive speech, and would
feign have recalled it. He cast a beseeching look at his sister to aid
in extricating him from the difficulties attending his folly.
"Adelina," he said, after giving to his sister a most reproachful look
for not entering the breach, "there can as yet be no certainty of
Ralph's recovery. We often hope where there is nothing to warrant us in
so hoping."
"You do not expect me to leave, now that I know that he is to be here so
soon?" the rising inflexion alone conveying the idea of interrogation.
That an answer was expected, however, was made manifest by the girl's
undisguised eagerness to learn the purport of the anticipated reply.
Mary was the first to respond.
"You are no longer a child, dear, and so must judge for yourself. Would
you prefer remaining?"
"I would," replied Adelina, then feeling how laconic was the answer,
added, "I would because there can be no detriment to him. I shall be so
careful not to agitate him." This last was said almost pleadingly.
"And not to let him see you," cautioned Harold.
"Would he recognize me now?"
"Yes, doubtless, the mind frequently at such times reverts to the past,
and appears momentarily to resume its former activity by similar
reminiscences."
"Then it would be much better if he did not know me," said Adelina, with
a praiseworthy forgetfulness of self, for it was most obvious that time
had not proved efficacious in diminishing what had once been friendship,
but which now had developed into a feeling not so readily explained, a
feeling which had not matured to the ripeness of love. The boundary line
was there, yet so fine as scarce to be detected. Even that may prove to
be the salvation of many a person's happiness, a barrier, seemingly of
little import, yet serving well those reflectively inclined. To the
impulsive, easily led by pity or personal feelings, it would be of less
moment, save in prolonging the interval of decision--which fact alone
might chance to prove invaluable. Adelina would assuredly have been
placed under the former category, though sympathy did frequently prompt
the desire of effecting what had only the semblance of working the
earliest good. It was not long, however, that indecision troubled her.
Added to her desire of performing some good office for Ralph, there was
in this case a wish to gratify herself. The former cause would have been
sufficient to make Adelina form her opinion about remaining. The ability
of doing good, or even the attempt to do so, without ulterior
motives--unless the knowledge of well-performed duty be called a
motive--was enough to secure Adelina's partisanship in any undertaking
of mercy.
"So I am to stay," cried she, after the discussion had ended to her
satisfaction.
"You generally do manage to have your way," smilingly replied Mary.
"There; that is what I have been contending for the past hour," put in
Mr. Tracy.
"Oh, indeed. I thought the argument began by discussing your silence,"
returned Adelina.
"Do any of you know that it is time for tea?" As this seemed remote from
the subject in hand, his young friend exclaimed:
"That is right, change the subject. Here is one of the many you
addressed who knows how late it is." She was half-way up the stairs
before the others appeared in the hall. Leaning over the banister, she
called back, laughingly:
"Talking does make one hungry, Harold; no wonder you mentioned tea. How
you have talked."