He kept the servant talking for a moment or two before she went for
Miss Carton. The old rector, she told him, was getting less and less
able to do much work. Old age had come almost suddenly upon him.
He seldom moved from the fireside. He was getting more and more
absent-minded. Once lately he had brought his umbrella into the
reading-desk. More and more did he leave all things to his children--to
Mary Carton and her younger sisters.
When the servant had gone, Sherman looked round the somewhat gloomy
room. In the window hung a canary in a painted cage. Outside was a
narrow piece of shaded ground between the window and the rectory wall.
The laurel and holly bushes darkened the window a good deal. On a
table in the centre of the room were evangelistic books with gilded
covers. Round the mirror over the mantelpiece were stuck various parish
announcements, thrust between the glass and the gilding. On a small
side-table was a copper ear-trumpet.
How familiar everything seemed to Sherman! Only the room seemed smaller
than it did three years before, and close to the table with the
ear-trumpet, at one side of the fireplace before the arm-chair, was a
new threadbare patch in the carpet.
Sherman recalled how in this room he and Mary Carton had sat in winter
by the fire, building castles in the air for each other. So deeply
meditating was he that she came in and stood unnoticed beside him.
‘John,’ she said at last, ‘it is a great pleasure to see you so soon
again. Are you doing well in London?’
‘I have left London.’
‘Are you married, then? You must introduce me to your wife.’
‘I shall never be married to Miss Leland.’
‘What?’
‘She has preferred another--my friend William Howard. I have come here
to tell you something, Mary.’ He went and stood close to her and took
her hand tenderly. ‘I have always been very fond of you. Often in
London, when I was trying to think of another kind of life, I used to
see this fireside and you sitting beside it, where we used to sit and
talk about the future. Mary--Mary,’ he held her hand in both his--‘you
will be my wife?’
‘You do not love me, John,’ she answered, drawing herself away. ‘You
have come to me because you think it your duty. I have had nothing but
duty all my life.’
‘Listen,’ he said. ‘I was very miserable; I invited Howard to stay with
us. One morning I found a note on the smoking-room table to say that
Margaret had accepted him, and I have come here to ask you to marry me.
I never cared for anyone else.’
He found himself speaking hurriedly, as though anxious to get the
words said and done with. It now seemed to him that he had done ill
in this matter of Miss Leland. He had not before thought of it--his
mind had always been busy with other things. Mary Carton looked at him
wonderingly.
‘John,’ she said at last, ‘did you ask Mr. Howard to stay with you on
purpose to get him to fall in love with Miss Leland, or to give you an
excuse for breaking off your engagement, as you knew he flirted with
everyone?’
‘Margaret seems very fond of him. I think they are made for each
other,’ he answered.
‘Did you ask him to London on purpose?’
‘Well, I will tell you,’ he faltered. ‘I was very miserable. I had
drifted into this engagement I don’t know how. Margaret glitters and
glitters and glitters, but she is not of my kind. I suppose I thought,
like a fool, I should marry someone who was rich. I found out soon that
I loved nobody but you. I got to be always thinking of you and of this
town. Then I heard that Howard had lost his curacy, and asked him up.
I just left them alone and did not go near Margaret much. I knew they
were made for each other. Do not let us talk of them,’ he continued,
eagerly. ‘Let us talk about the future. I will take a farm and turn
farmer. I dare say my uncle will not give me anything when he dies
because I have left his office. He will call me a ne’er-do-weel, and
say I would squander it. But you and I--we will get married, will we
not? We will be very happy,’ he went on, pleadingly. ‘You will still
have your charities, and I shall be busy with my farm. We will surround
ourselves with a wall. The world will be on the outside, and on the
inside we and our peaceful lives.’
‘Wait,’ she said; ‘I will give you your answer,’ and going into the
next room returned with several bundles of letters. She laid them on
the table; some were white and new, some slightly yellow with time.
‘John,’ she said, growing very pale, ‘here are all the letters you ever
wrote me from your earliest boyhood.’ She took one of the large candles
from the mantelpiece, and, lighting it, placed it on the hearth.
Sherman wondered what she was going to do with it. ‘I will tell you,’
she went on, ‘what I had thought to carry to the grave unspoken. I have
loved you for a long time. When you came and told me you were going to
be married to another I forgave you, for man’s love is like the wind,
and I prayed that God might bless you both.’ She leant down over the
candle, her face pale and contorted with emotion. ‘All these letters
after that grew very sacred. Since we were never to be married they
grew a portion of my life, separated from everything and everyone--a
something apart and holy. I re-read them all, and arranged them in
little bundles according to their dates, and tied them with thread. Now
I and you--we have nothing to do with each other any more.’
She held the bundle of letters in the flame. He got up from his
seat. She motioned him away imperiously. He looked at the flame in a
bewildered way. The letters fell in little burning fragments about
the hearth. It was all like a terrible dream. He watched those steady
fingers hold letter after letter in the candle flame, and watched the
candle burning on like a passion in the grey daylight of universal
existence. A draught from under the door began blowing the ash about
the room. The voice said--
‘You tried to marry a rich girl. You did not love her, but knew she was
rich. You tired of her as you tire of so many things, and behaved to
her most wrongly, most wickedly and treacherously. When you were jilted
you came again to me and to the idleness of this little town. We had
all hoped great things of you. You seemed good and honest.’
‘I loved you all along,’ he cried. ‘If you would marry me we would
be very happy. I loved you all along,’ he repeated--this helplessly,
several times over. The bird shook a shower of seed on his shoulder. He
picked one of them from the collar of his coat and turned it over in
his fingers mechanically. ‘I loved you all along.’
‘You have done no duty that came to you. You have tired of everything
you should cling to; and now you have come to this little town because
here is idleness and irresponsibility.’
The last letter lay in ashes on the hearth. She blew out the candle,
and replaced it among the photographs on the mantelpiece, and stood
there as calm as a portion of the marble.
‘John, our friendship is over--it has been burnt in the candle.’
He started forward, his mind full of appeals half-stifled with despair,
on his lips gathered incoherent words: ‘She will be happy with Howard.
They were made for each other. I slipped into it. I always thought I
should marry someone who was rich. I never loved anyone but you. I did
not know I loved you at first. I thought about you always. You are the
root of my life.’
Steps were heard outside the door at the end of a passage. Mary Carton
went to the door and called. The steps turned and came nearer. With a
great effort Sherman controlled himself. The door opened, and a tall,
slight girl of twelve came into the room. A strong smell of garden
mould rose from a basket in her hands, Sherman recognized the child who
had given him tea that evening in the schoolhouse three years before.
‘Have you finished weeding the carrots?’ said Mary Carton.
‘Yes, Miss.’
‘Then you are to weed the small bed under the pear-tree by the
tool-house. Do not go yet, child. This is Mr. Sherman. Sit down a
little.’
The child sat down on the corner of a chair with a scared look in her
eyes. Suddenly she said--
‘Oh, what a lot of burnt paper!’
‘Yes; I have been burning some old letters.’
‘I think,’ said John, ‘I will go now.’ Without a word of farewell he
went out, almost groping his way.
He had lost the best of all the things he held dear. Twice he had gone
through the fire. The first time worldly ambition left him; the second,
love. An hour before the air had been full of singing and peace that
was resonant like joy. Now he saw standing before his Eden the angel
with the flaming sword. All the hope he had ever gathered about him had
taken itself off, and the naked soul shivered.