Such, for some time, was the course of my meditations. My weakness, and
my aversion to be pointed at as an object of surprize or compassion,
prevented me from going into public. I studiously avoided the visits of
those who came to express their sympathy, or gratify their curiosity.
My uncle was my principal companion. Nothing more powerfully tended to
console me than his conversation.
With regard to Pleyel, my feelings seemed to have undergone a total
revolution. It often happens that one passion supplants another. Late
disasters had rent my heart, and now that the wound was in some degree
closed, the love which I had cherished for this man seemed likewise to
have vanished.
Hitherto, indeed, I had had no cause for despair. I was innocent of that
offence which had estranged him from my presence. I might reasonably
expect that my innocence would at some time be irresistably
demonstrated, and his affection for me be revived with his esteem. Now
my aversion to be thought culpable by him continued, but was unattended
with the same impatience. I desired the removal of his suspicions,
not for the sake of regaining his love, but because I delighted in the
veneration of so excellent a man, and because he himself would derive
pleasure from conviction of my integrity.
My uncle had early informed me that Pleyel and he had seen each other,
since the return of the latter from Europe. Amidst the topics of their
conversation, I discovered that Pleyel had carefully omitted the mention
of those events which had drawn upon me so much abhorrence. I could
not account for his silence on this subject. Perhaps time or some new
discovery had altered or shaken his opinion. Perhaps he was unwilling,
though I were guilty, to injure me in the opinion of my venerable
kinsman. I understood that he had frequently visited me during
my disease, had watched many successive nights by my bedside, and
manifested the utmost anxiety on my account.
The journey which he was preparing to take, at the termination of our
last interview, the catastrophe of the ensuing night induced him to
delay. The motives of this journey I had, till now, totally mistaken.
They were explained to me by my uncle, whose tale excited my
astonishment without awakening my regret. In a different state of mind,
it would have added unspeakably to my distress, but now it was more
a source of pleasure than pain. This, perhaps, is not the least
extraordinary of the facts contained in this narrative. It will excite
less wonder when I add, that my indifference was temporary, and that the
lapse of a few days shewed me that my feelings were deadened for a time,
rather than finally extinguished.
Theresa de Stolberg was alive. She had conceived the resolution of
seeking her lover in America. To conceal her flight, she had caused the
report of her death to be propagated. She put herself under the conduct
of Bertrand, the faithful servant of Pleyel. The pacquet which the
latter received from the hands of his servant, contained the tidings of
her safe arrival at Boston, and to meet her there was the purpose of his
journey.
This discovery had set this man's character in a new light. I had
mistaken the heroism of friendship for the phrenzy of love. He who
had gained my affections, may be supposed to have previously entitled
himself to my reverence; but the levity which had formerly characterized
the behaviour of this man, tended to obscure the greatness of his
sentiments. I did not fail to remark, that since this lady was still
alive, the voice in the temple which asserted her death, must either
have been intended to deceive, or have been itself deceived. The latter
supposition was inconsistent with the notion of a spiritual, and the
former with that of a benevolent being.
When my disease abated, Pleyel had forborne his visits, and had lately
set out upon this journey. This amounted to a proof that my guilt was
still believed by him. I was grieved for his errors, but trusted that my
vindication would, sooner or later, be made.
Meanwhile, tumultuous thoughts were again set afloat by a proposal
made to me by my uncle. He imagined that new airs would restore my
languishing constitution, and a varied succession of objects tend to
repair the shock which my mind had received. For this end, he proposed
to me to take up my abode with him in France or Italy.
At a more prosperous period, this scheme would have pleased for its own
sake. Now my heart sickened at the prospect of nature. The world of man
was shrowded in misery and blood, and constituted a loathsome spectacle.
I willingly closed my eyes in sleep, and regretted that the respite it
afforded me was so short. I marked with satisfaction the progress of
decay in my frame, and consented to live, merely in the hope that
the course of nature would speedily relieve me from the burthen.
Nevertheless, as he persisted in his scheme, I concurred in it merely
because he was entitled to my gratitude, and because my refusal gave him
pain.
No sooner was he informed of my consent, than he told me I must make
immediate preparation to embark, as the ship in which he had engaged
a passage would be ready to depart in three days. This expedition was
unexpected. There was an impatience in his manner when he urged the
necessity of dispatch that excited my surprize. When I questioned him as
to the cause of this haste, he generally stated reasons which, at
that time, I could not deny to be plausible; but which, on the review,
appeared insufficient. I suspected that the true motives were concealed,
and believed that these motives had some connection with my brother's
destiny.
I now recollected that the information respecting Wieland which had,
from time to time, been imparted to me, was always accompanied with airs
of reserve and mysteriousness. What had appeared sufficiently explicit
at the time it was uttered, I now remembered to have been faltering
and ambiguous. I was resolved to remove my doubts, by visiting the
unfortunate man in his dungeon.
Heretofore the idea of this visit had occurred to me; but the horrors
of his dwelling-place, his wild yet placid physiognomy, his neglected
locks, the fetters which constrained his limbs, terrible as they were in
description, how could I endure to behold!
Now, however, that I was preparing to take an everlasting farewell of my
country, now that an ocean was henceforth to separate me from him, how
could I part without an interview? I would examine his situation with my
own eyes. I would know whether the representations which had been made
to me were true. Perhaps the sight of the sister whom he was wont
to love with a passion more than fraternal, might have an auspicious
influence on his malady.
Having formed this resolution, I waited to communicate it to Mr.
Cambridge. I was aware that, without his concurrence, I could not hope
to carry it into execution, and could discover no objection to which
it was liable. If I had not been deceived as to his condition, no
inconvenience could arise from this proceeding. His consent, therefore,
would be the test of his sincerity.
I seized this opportunity to state my wishes on this head. My suspicions
were confirmed by the manner in which my request affected him. After
some pause, in which his countenance betrayed every mark of perplexity,
he said to me, "Why would you pay this visit? What useful purpose can it
serve?"
"We are preparing," said I, "to leave the country forever: What kind of
being should I be to leave behind me a brother in calamity without even
a parting interview? Indulge me for three minutes in the sight of him.
My heart will be much easier after I have looked at him, and shed a few
tears in his presence."
"I believe otherwise. The sight of him would only augment your distress,
without contributing, in any degree, to his benefit."
"I know not that," returned I. "Surely the sympathy of his sister,
proofs that her tenderness is as lively as ever, must be a source
of satisfaction to him. At present he must regard all mankind as his
enemies and calumniators. His sister he, probably, conceives to partake
in the general infatuation, and to join in the cry of abhorrence that
is raised against him. To be undeceived in this respect, to be assured
that, however I may impute his conduct to delusion, I still retain all
my former affection for his person, and veneration for the purity of his
motives, cannot but afford him pleasure. When he hears that I have left
the country, without even the ceremonious attention of a visit, what
will he think of me? His magnanimity may hinder him from repining, but
he will surely consider my behaviour as savage and unfeeling. Indeed,
dear Sir, I must pay this visit. To embark with you without paying it,
will be impossible. It may be of no service to him, but will enable me
to acquit myself of what I cannot but esteem a duty. Besides," continued
I, "if it be a mere fit of insanity that has seized him, may not my
presence chance to have a salutary influence? The mere sight of me, it
is not impossible, may rectify his perceptions."
"Ay," said my uncle, with some eagerness; "it is by no means impossible
that your interview may have that effect; and for that reason, beyond
all others, would I dissuade you from it."
I expressed my surprize at this declaration. "Is it not to be desired
that an error so fatal as this should be rectified?"
"I wonder at your question. Reflect on the consequences of this error.
Has he not destroyed the wife whom he loved, the children whom he
idolized? What is it that enables him to bear the remembrance, but the
belief that he acted as his duty enjoined? Would you rashly bereave him
of this belief? Would you restore him to himself, and convince him
that he was instigated to this dreadful outrage by a perversion of his
organs, or a delusion from hell?
"Now his visions are joyous and elate. He conceives himself to have
reached a loftier degree of virtue, than any other human being. The
merit of his sacrifice is only enhanced in the eyes of superior beings,
by the detestation that pursues him here, and the sufferings to which he
is condemned. The belief that even his sister has deserted him, and
gone over to his enemies, adds to his sublimity of feelings, and his
confidence in divine approbation and future recompense.
"Let him be undeceived in this respect, and what floods of despair and
of horror will overwhelm him! Instead of glowing approbation and serene
hope, will he not hate and torture himself? Self-violence, or a phrenzy
far more savage and destructive than this, may be expected to succeed. I
beseech you, therefore, to relinquish this scheme. If you calmly reflect
upon it, you will discover that your duty lies in carefully shunning
him."
Mr. Cambridge's reasonings suggested views to my understanding, that had
not hitherto occurred. I could not but admit their validity, but they
shewed, in a new light, the depth of that misfortune in which my brother
was plunged. I was silent and irresolute.
Presently, I considered, that whether Wieland was a maniac, a faithful
servant of his God, the victim of hellish illusions, or the dupe of
human imposture, was by no means certain. In this state of my mind it
became me to be silent during the visit that I projected. This visit
should be brief: I should be satisfied merely to snatch a look at him.
Admitting that a change in his opinions were not to be desired, there
was no danger from the conduct which I should pursue, that this change
should be wrought.
But I could not conquer my uncle's aversion to this scheme. Yet I
persisted, and he found that to make me voluntarily relinquish it, it
was necessary to be more explicit than he had hitherto been. He took
both my hands, and anxiously examining my countenance as he spoke,
"Clara," said he, "this visit must not be paid. We must hasten with the
utmost expedition from this shore. It is folly to conceal the truth
from you, and, since it is only by disclosing the truth that you can be
prevailed upon to lay aside this project, the truth shall be told.
"O my dear girl!" continued he with increasing energy in his accent,
"your brother's phrenzy is, indeed, stupendous and frightful. The soul
that formerly actuated his frame has disappeared. The same form remains;
but the wise and benevolent Wieland is no more. A fury that is rapacious
of blood, that lifts his strength almost above that of mortals, that
bends all his energies to the destruction of whatever was once dear to
him, possesses him wholly.
"You must not enter his dungeon; his eyes will no sooner be fixed upon
you, than an exertion of his force will be made. He will shake off his
fetters in a moment, and rush upon you. No interposition will then be
strong or quick enough to save you.
"The phantom that has urged him to the murder of Catharine and her
children is not yet appeased. Your life, and that of Pleyel, are exacted
from him by this imaginary being. He is eager to comply with this
demand. Twice he has escaped from his prison. The first time, he no
sooner found himself at liberty, than he hasted to Pleyel's house. It
being midnight, the latter was in bed. Wieland penetrated unobserved
to his chamber, and opened his curtain. Happily, Pleyel awoke at the
critical moment, and escaped the fury of his kinsman, by leaping from
his chamber-window into the court. Happily, he reached the ground
without injury. Alarms were given, and after diligent search, your
brother was found in a chamber of your house, whither, no doubt, he
had sought you. His chains, and the watchfulness of his guards, were
redoubled; but again, by some miracle, he restored himself to liberty.
He was now incautiously apprized of the place of your abode: and had not
information of his escape been instantly given, your death would have
been added to the number of his atrocious acts.
"You now see the danger of your project. You must not only forbear to
visit him, but if you would save him from the crime of embruing his
hands in your blood, you must leave the country. There is no hope that
his malady will end but with his life, and no precaution will ensure
your safety, but that of placing the ocean between you.
"I confess I came over with an intention to reside among you, but
these disasters have changed my views. Your own safety and my happiness
require that you should accompany me in my return, and I entreat you to
give your cheerful concurrence to this measure."
After these representations from my uncle, it was impossible to retain
my purpose. I readily consented to seclude myself from Wieland's
presence. I likewise acquiesced in the proposal to go to Europe; not
that I ever expected to arrive there, but because, since my principles
forbad me to assail my own life, change had some tendency to make
supportable the few days which disease should spare to me.
What a tale had thus been unfolded! I was hunted to death, not by
one whom my misconduct had exasperated, who was conscious of illicit
motives, and who sought his end by circumvention and surprize; but by
one who deemed himself commissioned for this act by heaven; who
regarded this career of horror as the last refinement of virtue; whose
implacability was proportioned to the reverence and love which he felt
for me, and who was inaccessible to the fear of punishment and ignominy!
In vain should I endeavour to stay his hand by urging the claims of
a sister or friend: these were his only reasons for pursuing my
destruction. Had I been a stranger to his blood; had I been the most
worthless of human kind; my safety had not been endangered.
Surely, said I, my fate is without example. The phrenzy which is charged
upon my brother, must belong to myself. My foe is manacled and guarded;
but I derive no security from these restraints. I live not in a
community of savages; yet, whether I sit or walk, go into crouds,
or hide myself in solitude, my life is marked for a prey to inhuman
violence; I am in perpetual danger of perishing; of perishing under the
grasp of a brother!
I recollected the omens of this destiny; I remembered the gulf to which
my brother's invitation had conducted me; I remembered that, when on the
brink of danger, the author of my peril was depicted by my fears in
his form: Thus realized, were the creatures of prophetic sleep, and of
wakeful terror!
These images were unavoidably connected with that of Carwin. In
this paroxysm of distress, my attention fastened on him as the grand
deceiver; the author of this black conspiracy; the intelligence that
governed in this storm.
Some relief is afforded in the midst of suffering, when its author is
discovered or imagined; and an object found on which we may pour out
our indignation and our vengeance. I ran over the events that had taken
place since the origin of our intercourse with him, and reflected on the
tenor of that description which was received from Ludloe. Mixed up with
notions of supernatural agency, were the vehement suspicions which I
entertained, that Carwin was the enemy whose machinations had destroyed
us.
I thirsted for knowledge and for vengeance. I regarded my hasty
departure with reluctance, since it would remove me from the means by
which this knowledge might be obtained, and this vengeance gratified.
This departure was to take place in two days. At the end of two days
I was to bid an eternal adieu to my native country. Should I not pay a
parting visit to the scene of these disasters? Should I not bedew with
my tears the graves of my sister and her children? Should I not explore
their desolate habitation, and gather from the sight of its walls and
furniture food for my eternal melancholy?
This suggestion was succeeded by a secret shuddering. Some disastrous
influence appeared to overhang the scene. How many memorials should I
meet with serving to recall the images of those I had lost!
I was tempted to relinquish my design, when it occurred to me that I
had left among my papers a journal of transactions in shorthand. I
was employed in this manuscript on that night when Pleyel's incautious
curiosity tempted him to look over my shoulder. I was then recording my
adventure in _the recess_, an imperfect sight of which led him into such
fatal errors.
I had regulated the disposition of all my property. This manuscript,
however, which contained the most secret transactions of my life, I was
desirous of destroying. For this end I must return to my house, and this
I immediately determined to do.
I was not willing to expose myself to opposition from my friends,
by mentioning my design; I therefore bespoke the use of Mr. Hallet's
chaise, under pretence of enjoying an airing, as the day was remarkably
bright.
This request was gladly complied with, and I directed the servant to
conduct me to Mettingen. I dismissed him at the gate, intending to use,
in returning, a carriage belonging to my brother.