Godless and wholly irreclaimable as Mr. Gibney and Mr. McGuffey
might have been and doubtless were, each possessed in bounteous
measure the sweetest of human attributes, to-wit: a soft, kind
heart and a forgiving spirit. Creatures of impulse both, they
found it absolutely impossible to nourish a grudge against
Captain Scraggs, when, upon returning to Scab Johnny's boarding
house that night, their host handed them a grubby note from their
enemy. It was short and sweet and sounded quite sincere; Mr.
Gibney read it aloud:
On Board the _Maggie_, Saturday night.
DEAR FRIENDS:
I am sorry. I apologize to you, Gib, because I hurt your
fealings. I also apologize to Bart for hurting the
fealings of his dear friend. Speeking of hurts you and
Gib hurt me awful with your kidden when you took the
_Chesapeake_ away from me so I jest had to put one over
on you. To er is human but to forgive is devine. After
what I done I don't expect you two to come back to work
ever but for God's sake don't give me the dead face when
we meat agin. Remember we been shipmates once.
P.P. SCRAGGS.
"Why, the pore ol' son of a horse thief," Mr. Gibney murmured,
much moved at this profound abasement. "Of course we forgive him.
It ain't manly to hold a grouch after the culprit has paid his
fair price for his sins. By an' large, I got a hunch, Bart, that
old Scraggsy's had his lesson for once."
"If you can forgive him, I can, Gib."
"Well, he's certainly cleaned himself handsome, Bart. Telephone
for a messenger boy," and Mr. Gibney sat down and wrote:
Scraggsy, old fanciful, we're square. Forget it and come
to breakfast with us at seven to-morrow at the Marigold
Café. I'll order deviled lam kidneys for three. It's
alright with Bart also.
Yours,
GIB.
This note, delivered to Captain Scraggs by the messenger boy,
lifted the gloom from the latter's miserable soul and sent him
home with a light heart to Mrs. Scraggs. At the Marigold Café
next morning he was almost touched to observe that both Gibney
and McGuffey showed up arrayed in dungarees, wherefore Scraggs
knew his late enemies purposed proceeding to the _Maggie_
immediately after breakfast and working in the engine room all
day Sunday. Such action, when he knew both gentlemen to be the
possessors of wealth far beyond the dreams of avarice, bordered
so closely on the miraculous that Scraggs made a mental resolve
to play fair in the future--at least as fair as the limits of his
cross-grained nature would permit. He was so cheerful and happy
that McGuffey, taking advantage of the situation, argued him into
some minor repairs to the engine. The work was so far advanced by
midnight Sunday that Scraggs realized he would get to sea by
Tuesday noon, so he dismissed Gibney and McGuffey and ordered
them home for some needed sleep. McGuffey's heart was with the
_Maggie's_ internal economy, however, and on Monday morning he
was up betimes, leaving Mr. Gibney to snore blissfully until
eight o'clock.
About nine o'clock, as Mr. Gibney was on his way to the Marigold
Café for breakfast, he was mildly interested, while passing the
Embarcadero warehouse, to note the presence of fully a dozen
seedy-looking gentlemen of undoubted Hebraic antecedents,
congregated in a circle just outside the warehouse door. There
was an air of suppressed excitement about this group of Jews that
aroused Mr. Gibney's curiosity; so he decided to cross over and
investigate, being of the opinion that possibly one of their
number had fallen in a fit. He had once had an epileptic shipmate
and was peculiarly expert in the handling of such cases.
Now, if the greater portion of Mr. Gibney's eventful career had
not been spent at sea, he would have known, by the red flag that
floated over the door, that a public auction was about to take
place, and that the group of Hebrew gentlemen constituted an
organization known as the Forty Thieves, whose business it was to
dominate the bidding at all auctions, frighten off, or buy off,
or outbid all competitors, and eventually gather unto themselves,
at their own figures, all goods offered for sale.
In the centre of the group Mr. Gibney noticed a tall, lanky
individual, evidently the leader, who was issuing instructions in
a low voice to his henchmen. This individual, though Mr. Gibney
did not know it, was the King of the Forty Thieves. As Mr. Gibney
luffed into view the king eyed him with suspicion. Observing
this, Mr. Gibney threw out his magnificent chest, scowled at the
king, and stepped into the warehouse for all the world as if he
owned it.
An oldish man with glasses--the auctioneer--was seated on a box
making figures in a notebook. Him Mr. Gibney addressed.
"What's all this here?" he inquired, jerking his thumb over his
shoulder at the group.
"It's an old horse sale," replied the auctioneer, without looking
up.
Mr. Gibney brightened. He glanced around for the stock in trade,
but observing none concluded that the old horses would be led in,
one at a time, through a small door in the rear of the warehouse.
Like most sailors, Mr. Gibney had a passion for horseback riding,
and in a spirit of adventure he resolved to acquaint himself with
the ins and outs of an old horse sale.
"How much might a man have to give for one of the critters?" he
asked. "And are they worth a whoop after you get them?"
"Twenty-five cents up," was the answer. "You go it blind at an
old horse sale, as a rule. Perhaps you get something that's
worthless, and then again you may get something that has heaps of
value, and perhaps you only pay half a dollar for it. It all
depends on the bidding. I once sold an old horse to a chap and he
took it home and opened it up, and what d'ye suppose he found
inside?"
"Bots," replied Mr. Gibney, who prided himself on being something
of a veterinarian, having spent a few months of his youth around
a livery stable.
"A million dollars in Confederate greenbacks," replied the
auctioneer. "Of course they didn't have any value, but just
suppose they'd been U.S.?"
"That's right," agreed Mr. Gibney. "I suppose the swab that owned
the horse starved him until the poor animal figgered that all's
grass that's green. As the feller says, 'Truth is sometimes
stranger than fiction.' If you throw in a saddle and bridle
cheap, I might be induced to invest in one of your old horses,
shipmate."
The auctioneer glanced quickly at Mr. Gibney, but noticing that
worthy's face free from guile, he burst out laughing.
"My sea-faring friend," he said presently, "when we use the term
'old horse,' we use it figuratively. See all this freight stored
here? Well, that's old horses. It's freight from the S.P.
railroad that's never been called for by the consignees, and
after it's in the warehouse a year and isn't called for, we have
an old horse sale and auction it off to the highest bidder.
Savey?"
Mr. Gibney took refuge in a lie. "Of course I do. I was just
kiddin' you, my hearty." (Here Mr. Gibney's glance rested on two
long heavy sugar-pine boxes, or shipping cases. Their joints at
all four corners were cunningly dove-tailed and wire-strapped.)
"I was a bit interested in them two boxes, an' seein' as this is a
free country, I thought I'd just step in an' make a bid on them,"
and with the words, Mr. Gibney walked over and busied himself in
an inspection of the two crates in question.
The fact of the matter was that so embarrassed was Mr. Gibney at
the exposition of his ignorance that he desired to hide the
confusion evident in his sun-tanned face. So he stooped over the
crates and pretended to be exceedingly interested in them,
hauling and pushing them about and reading the address of the
consignee who had failed to call for his goods. The crates were
both consigned to the Gin Seng Company, 714 Dupont Street, San
Francisco. There were several Chinese characters scrawled on the
top of each crate, together with the words, in English: "Oriental
Goods."
As he ceased from his fake inspection of the two boxes, the King
of the Forty Thieves approached and surveyed the sailor with an
even greater amount of distrust and suspicion than ever. Mr.
Gibney was annoyed. He disliked being stared at, so he said:
"Hello, Blumenthal, my bully boy. What's aggravatin' _you_?"
Blumenthal (since Mr. Gibney, in the sheer riot of his
imagination elected to christen him Blumenthal, the name will
probably suit him as well as any other) came close to Mr. Gibney
and drew him aside. In a hoarse whisper he desired to know if Mr.
Gibney attended the auction with the expectation of bidding on
any of the packages offered for sale. Seeking to justify his
presence, Mr. Gibney advised that it was his intention to bid in
everything in sight; whereupon Blumenthal proceeded to explain to
Mr. Gibney how impossible it would be for him, arrayed against
the Forty Thieves, to buy any article at a reasonable price.
Further: Blumenthal desired to inform Mr. Gibney that his (Mr.
Gibney's) efforts to buy in the "old horses" would merely result
in his running the prices up, for no beneficent purpose, since it
was ever the practice of the Forty Thieves to permit no man to
outbid them. Perhaps Mr. Gibney would be satisfied with a fair
day's profit without troubling himself to hamper the Forty
Thieves and interfere with their combination, and with the words,
the king surreptitiously slipped Mr. Gibney a fifty-dollar
greenback.
Mr. Gibney's great fist closed over the treasure, he having
first, by a coy glance, satisfied himself that it was really
fifty dollars. He shook hands with the king. He said:
"Blumenthal, you're a smart man. I am quite content with this
fifty to keep off your course and give you a wide berth to
starboard. I'm sensible enough to know when I'm licked, an' a
fight without profit ain't in my line. I didn't make my money
that way, Blumenthal. I'll cast off my lines and haul away from
the dock," and suiting the action to the figure, Mr. Gibney
departed.
He went first to the Seaboard Drug Store, where he quizzed the
druggist for five minutes, after which he continued his cruise.
Upon reaching the _Maggie_, he proceeded to relate in detail, and
with many additional details supplied by his own imagination, the
story of his morning's adventure.
"Gib," said McGuffey enviously, "you're a fool for luck."
"Luck," said Mr. Gibney, beginning to expand, "is what the feller
calls a relative proposition----"
"You're wrong, Gib," interposed Captain Scraggs. "Relatives is
unlucky an' expensive. Take, f'r instance, Mrs. Scraggs's
mother----"
"I mean, you lunkhead," said Mr. Gibney, "that luck is found
where brains grow. No brains, no luck. No luck, no brains. Lemme
illustrate. A thievin' land shark makes me a present o' fifty
dollars not to butt in on them two boxes I'm tellin' you about.
Him an' his gang wants them two boxes. Fair crazy to get 'em.
Now, don't it stand to reason that them fellers knows what's _in_
them boxes, or they wouldn't give me fifty dollars to haul ship?
Of course it does. However, in order to earn that fifty dollars,
I got to back water. It wouldn't be playin' fair if I didn't. But
that don't prevent me from puttin' two dear friends o' mine (here
Mr. Gibney encircled Scraggs and McGuffey with an arm each) next
to the secret which I discovers, an' if there's money in it for
old Hooky that buys me off, it stands to reason that there's
money in it for us three. What's to prevent you an' McGuffey from
goin' up to this old horse sale an' biddin' in them two boxes for
the use and benefit of Gibney, Scraggs, an' McGuffey, all share
an' share alike? You can bid as high as a hundred dollars if
necessary, an' still come out a thousand dollars to the good. I'm
tellin' you this because I know what's in them two boxes."
McGuffey was staring fascinated at Mr. Gibney. Captain Scraggs
clutched his mate's arm in a frenzied clasp.
"_What?_" they both interrogated.
"You two boys," continued Mr. Gibney with aggravating
deliberation, "ain't what nobody would call dummies. You're smart
men. But the trouble with both o' you boys is you ain't got no
imagination. Without imagination nobody gets nowhere, unless it's
out th' small end o' th' horn. Maybe you boys ain't noticed it,
but my imagination is all that keeps me from goin' to jail. Now,
if you two had read the address on them two boxes, it wouldn't
'a' meant nothin' to you. Absolutely nothin'. But with me it's
different. I'm blessed with imagination enough to see right
through them Chinamen tricks. Them two boxes is marked "Oriental
Goods" an' consigned (here Mr. Gibney raised a grimy forefinger,
and Scraggs and McGuffey eyed it very much as if they expected it
to go off at any moment)--"them two boxes is consigned to the Gin
Seng Company, 714 Dupont Street, San Francisco."
"Well, that's up in Chinatown all right," admitted Captain
Scraggs, "but how about what's inside the two crates?"
"Oriental goods, of course," said McGuffey. "They're consigned to
a Chinaman, an' besides, that's what it says on the cases, don't
it, Gib? Oriental goods, Scraggs, is silks an' satins, rice, chop
suey, punk, an' idols an' fan tan layouts."
Mr. Gibney tapped gently with his horny knuckles on the honest
McGuffey's head.
"If there ain't Swiss cheese movements in that head block o' yours,
Mac, you an Scraggsy can divide my share o' these two boxes o'
ginseng root between you. Do you get it, you chuckleheaded son of an
Irish potato? Gin Seng, 714 Dupont Street. Ginseng--a root or a herb
that medicine is made out of. The dictionary says it's a Chinese
panacea for exhaustion, an' I happen to know that it's worth five
dollars a pound an' that them two crates weighs a hundred and fifty
pounds each if they weighs an ounce."
His auditors stared at Mr. Gibney much as might a pair of
baseball fans at the hero of a home run with two strikes and the
bases full.
"Gawd!" muttered McGuffey.
"Great grief, Gib! Can this be possible?" gasped Captain Scraggs.
For answer, Mr. Gibney took out his fifty-dollar bill and handed
it to--to McGuffey. He never trusted Captain Scraggs with
anything more valuable than a pipeful of tobacco.
"Scraggsy," he said solemnly, "I'm willin' to back my imagination
with my cash. You an' McGuffey hurry right over to the warehouse
an' butt in on the sale when they come to them two boxes. The
sale is just about startin' now. Go as high as you think you can
in order to get the ginseng at a profitable figger, an' pay the
auctioneer fifty dollars down to hold the sale; that will give
you boys time to rush around to dig up the balance o' the money.
Tack right along now, lads, while I go down the street an' get me
some breakfast. I don't want Blumenthal to see me around that
sale. He might get suspicious. After I eat I'll meet you here
aboard th' _Maggie_, an' we'll divide the loot."
With a fervent hand-shake all around, the three shipmates parted.
After disposing of a hearty breakfast of devilled lamb's kidneys
and coffee, Mr. Gibney invested in a ten-cent Sailor's Delight
and strolled down to the _Maggie_. Neils Halvorsen, the lone
deckhand, was aboard, and the moment Mr. Gibney trod the
_Maggie's_ deck once more as mate, he exercised his prerogative
to order Neils ashore for the remainder of the day. Since
Halvorsen was not in on the ginseng deal, Mr. Gibney concluded
that it would be just as well to have him out of the way should
Scraggs and McGuffey appear unexpectedly with the two cases of
ginseng.
For an hour Mr. Gibney sat on the stern bitts and ruminated over
a few advantageous plans that had occurred to him for the
investment of his share of the deal should Scraggs and McGuffey
succeed in landing what Mr. Gibney termed "the loot." About
eleven o'clock an express wagon drove in on the dock, and the
mate's dreams were pleasantly interrupted by a gleeful shout from
Captain Scraggs, on the lookout forward with the driver. McGuffey
sat on top of the two cases with his legs dangling over the end
of the wagon. He was the picture of contentment.
Mr. Gibney hurried forward, threw out the gangplank, and assisted
McGuffey in carrying both crates aboard the _Maggie_ and into her
little cabin. Captain Scraggs thereupon dismissed the expressman,
and all three partners gathered around the dining-room table,
upon which the boxes rested.
"Well, Scraggsy, old pal, old scout, old socks, I see you've
delivered the goods," said Mr. Gibney, batting the skipper across
the cabin with an affectionate slap on the shoulder.
"I did," said Scraggs--and cursed Mr. Gibney's demonstrativeness.
"Here's the bill o' sale all regular. McGuffey has the change.
That bunch o' Israelites run th' price up to $10.00 each on these
two crates o' ginseng, but when they see we're determined to have
'em an' ain't interested in nothin' else, they lets 'em go to us.
McGuffey, my _dear_ boy, whatever are you a-doin' there--standin'
around with your teeth in your mouth? Skip down into th' engine
room and bring up a hammer an' a col' chisel. We'll open her up
an' inspect th' swag."
Upon McGuffey's return, Mr. Gibney took charge. He drove the
chisel under the lid of the nearest crate, and prepared to pry it
loose. Suddenly he paused. A thought had occurred to him.
"Gentlemen," he said (McGuffey nodded his head approvingly),
"this world is full o' sorrers an' disappointments, an' it may
well be that these two cases don't contain even so much as a
smell o' ginseng after all. It may be that they are really
Oriental goods. What I want distinctly understood is this: no
matter what's inside, we share equally in the profits, even if
they turn out to be losses. That's understood an' agreed to,
ain't it?"
Captain Scraggs and McGuffey indicated that it was.
"There's a element o' mystery about these two boxes," continued
Mr. Gibney, "that fascinates me. They sets my imagination
a-workin' an' joggles up all my sportin' instincts. Now, just to
make it interestin' an' add a spice t' th' grand openin', I'm
willin' to bet again my own best judgment an' lay you even money,
Scraggsy, that it ain't ginseng but Oriental goods."
"I'll go you five dollars, just f'r ducks," responded Captain
Scraggs heartily. "McGuffey to hold the stakes an' decide the
bet."
"Done," replied Mr. Gibney. The money was placed in McGuffey's
hands, and a moment later, with a mighty effort, Mr. Gibney pried
off the lid of the crate. Captain Scraggs had his head inside the
box a fifth of a second later.
"Sealed zinc box inside," he announced. "Get a can opener, Gib,
my boy."
"Ginseng, for a thousand," mourned Mr. Gibney. "Scraggsy, you're
five dollars of my money to the good. Ginseng always comes packed
in air-tight boxes."
He produced a can opener from the cabin locker and fell to his
work on a corner of the hermetically sealed box. As he drove in
the point of the can opener, he paused, hammer in hand, and gazed
solemnly at Scraggs and McGuffey.
"Gentlemen" (again McGuffey nodded approvingly), "do you know
what a vacuum is?"
"I know," replied the imperturbable McGuffey. "A vacuum is an
empty hole that ain't got nothin' in it."
"Correct," said Mr. Gibney. "My head is a vacuum. Me talkin'
about ginseng root! Why, I must have water on the brain! Ginseng
be doggoned! _It's opium!_"
Captain Scraggs was forced to grab the seat of his chair in order
to keep himself from jumping up and clasping Mr. Gibney around
the neck.
"Forty dollars a pound," he gasped. "Gib--Gib, my _dear_
boy--you've made us wealthy----"
Quickly Mr. Gibney ran the can opener around the edges of one
corner of the zinc box, inserted the claws of the hammer into the
opening, and with a quick, melodramatic twist, bent back the
angle thus formed.
Mr. Gibney was the first to get a peep inside.
[Illustration: "'_Great snakes,' he yelled--and fell back
against the cabin wall_"]
"Great snakes!" he yelled, and fell back against the cabin wall.
A hoarse scream of rage and horror broke from Captain Scraggs.
In his eagerness he had driven his head so deep into the box that
he came within an inch of kissing what the box contained--which
happened to be nothing more nor less than a dead Chinaman! Mr.
McGuffey, always slow and unimaginative, shouldered the skipper
aside, and calmly surveyed the ghastly apparition.
"Twig the yellow beggar, will you, Gib?" said McGuffey; "one eye
half open for all the world like he was winkin' at us an'
enjoyin' th' joke."
Not a muscle twitched in McGuffey's Hibernian countenance. He
scratched his head for a moment, as a sort of first aid to
memory, then turned and handed Mr. Gibney ten dollars.
"You win, Gib. It's Oriental goods, sure enough."
"Robber!" shrieked Captain Scraggs, and flew at Mr. Gibney's
throat. The sight reminded McGuffey of a terrier worrying a
mastiff. Nevertheless, Mr. Gibney was still so unnerved at the
discovery of the horrible contents of the box that, despite his
gigantic proportions, he was well-nigh helpless.
"McGuffey, you swab," he yelled. "Pluck this maritime outlaw off
my neck. He's tearin' my windpipe out by th' roots."
McGuffey choked Captain Scraggs until he reluctantly let go Mr.
Gibney; whereupon all three fled from the cabin as from a
pestilence, and gathered, an angry and disappointed group, out on
deck.
"Opium!" jeered Captain Scraggs, with tears of rage in his voice.
"Ginseng! You and your imagination, you swine, you! Get off my
ship, you lout, or I'll murder you."
Mr. Gibney hung his head.
"Scraggsy--an' you, too, McGuffey--I got to admit that this here
is one on Adelbert P. Gibney. I--I----"
"Oh, hear him," shrilled Captain Scraggs. "One on him! It's two
on you, you bloody-handed ragpicker. I suppose that other case
contains opium, too! If there ain't another dead corpse in No. 2
case I hope my teeth may drop overboard."
"Shut up!" bellowed Mr. Gibney, in a towering rage. "What howl
have you got comin'? They're my Chinamen, ain't they? I paid for
'em like a man, didn't I? All right, then. I'll keep them two
Chinamen. You two ain't out a cent yet, an' as for this five I
wins off you, Scraggs, it's blood money, that's what it is, an' I
hereby gives it back to you. Now, quit yer whinin', or by the
tail o' the Great Sacred Bull, I'll lock you up all night in th'
cabin along o' them two defunct Celestials."
Captain Scraggs "shut up" promptly, and contented himself with
glowering at Mr. Gibney. The mate sat down on the hatch coaming,
lit his pipe, and gave himself up to meditation for fully five
minutes, at the end of which time McGuffey was aware that his
imagination was about to come to the front once more.
"Well, gentlemen" (again McGuffey nodded approvingly), "I bet I
get my twenty bucks back outer them two Chinks," he announced
presently.
"How'll yer do it?" inquired McGuffey politely.
"How'll I do it? Easy as fallin' through an open hatch. I'm
a-goin' t' keep them two stiffs in th' boxes until dark, an'
then I'm a-goin' to take 'em out, bend a rope around their
middle, drop 'em overboard an' anchor 'em there all night. I see
th' lad we opens up in No. 1 case has had a beautiful job o'
embalmin' done on him, but if I let them soak all night, like a
mackerel, they'll limber up an' look kinder fresh. Then first
thing in th' mornin' I'll telephone th' coroner an' tell him I
found two floaters out in th' bay an' for him to come an' get
'em. I been along the waterfront long enough t' know that th' lad
that picks up a floater gets a reward o' ten dollars from th'
city. You can bet that Adelbert P. Gibney breaks even on th'
deal, all right."
"Gib, my _dear_ boy," said Captain Scraggs admiringly. "I
apologize for my actions of a few minutes ago. I was unstrung.
You're still mate o' th' American steamer _Maggie_, an' as such,
welcome to th' ship. All I ask is that you nail up your property,
Gib, an' remove it from th' dinin' room table. I want to remind
you, however, Gib, that as shipmates me an' McGuffey don't stand
for you shoulderin' any loss on them two cases o'--Oriental
goods. We was t' share th' gains, if any, an' likewise th'
losses."
"That's right," said McGuffey, "fair an' square. No bellyachin'
between shipmates. Me an' Scraggs each owns one-third o' them
diseased Chinks, an' we each stands one-third o' th' loss, if
any."
"But there won't be no loss," protested Mr. Gibney.
"Drayage charges, Gib, drayage charges. We give a man a dollar to
tow 'em down t' th' ship."
"Forget it," answered Mr. Gibney magnanimously, "an' let's go
over an' get a drink. I'm all shook up."
After the partners had partaken of a sufficient quantity of
nerve tonic, Mr. Gibney suddenly recollected that he had to go
over to Market Street and redeem the sextant which he had pawned
several days before. And since McGuffey knew, from ocular
evidence, that Mr. Gibney was "flush," he decided to accompany
the mate and preserve him from temptation. There was safety in
numbers, he reasoned. Captain Scraggs said he thought he'd go
back to the _Maggie_. He had forgotten to lock the cabin door.