don't propose to do so now."
"I will take you to dinner with a fascinating woman, an actress on the
boulevard. That will not offend you?"
"Offend me? far from it! in the old days, I would have invited you to
dine with four."
"Bravo! bravissimo! I see that we are made to get along together; you
are very jovial."
"I am much more so when I am not ill."
"Wait--just wait three minutes, if you please; I am going to make an
experiment with Coco."
Saint-Arthur hastily left Roncherolle and went to his room where he was
heard to close several doors. After a few moments he returned and asked:
"Well, did you hear?"
"What?"
"Did you hear my bird talking?"
"Not a sound!"
"Ah! victory! I took him into the little dressing room, beyond the two
rooms, and there he will stay. I made him talk a great deal, in fact."
"Did he say: 'Dutaillis is lovely?'"
"No, he said: 'Good-day, Monsieur Brillant!' but I will teach him, I
will persist, and so long as it doesn't inconvenience you----"
"I can't hear it at all now."
"Then it will go all by itself. Au revoir, my dear neighbor; overjoyed
to make your acquaintance. You will allow me to come and inquire for
your health?"
"Whenever you please."
"I shall please often. Au revoir then; at your service; don't move."
"Oh! there's no danger of that!"
"To be sure; I keep forgetting your gout; what a thoughtless creature I
am!--Your servant."
Saint-Arthur bowed to the ground this time, then left the house, saying
to Beauvinet, whom he passed on the way:
"I have seen the gentleman who rooms beside me, and he is a delightful
man, a man of the greatest merit, a man whom I expect to see a great
deal of; and _sapristi!_ no one had better speak ill of him in my
presence; whoever does so will have me to reckon with!"
The young man of the house was thunderstruck at these words, and in his
effort to recover his wits, he pulled his wig over his left ear.
XXIX
A HIGH FLYER
Thus Saint-Arthur became, as to Monsieur de Roncherolle, a zealous,
courteous, obliging, and above all, a very neighborly neighbor. The
little dandy, seeing the gouty gentleman frequently, was astonished to
find him possessed of much intelligence and joviality, with a piquant,
original way of telling a story, and a memory abundantly supplied with
comical, entertaining and sometimes rather risque anecdotes; but in
Saint-Arthur's eyes this last quality doubled their merit; he tried to
remember some of the tales that Roncherolle had told him, and went off
to repeat them to his mistress, who was greatly amused and said to him:
"My word! why, you know any number of funny stories now! it's amazing,
my dear; do you know that you are really getting to be amusing; can it
be that you have some wit of your own? Oh! how well you have concealed
your capacity!"
"Why, yes, I have concealed it," replied Saint-Arthur, stroking his
chin; "I'm concealing lots of other things, too."
"Oh! you surprise me more and more, my dear."
Roncherolle, being forced to keep his room, was not sorry someone should
come to visit him; the nonsense of his little messenger made him laugh;
the story of his new friend's _bonnes fortunes_ diverted him mightily;
and when Saint-Arthur said to him: "Don't you think that I am a
fortunate mortal with the ladies?" he would reply with a slight shrug:
"It's a fact that the ladies are very fond of men like you."
Saint-Arthur asked his neighbor several times to teach him some of his
methods of drinking champagne; but Roncherolle simply smiled and
replied:
"Those things can't be taught except at the table."
At last the gout entirely disappeared, and one day Saint-Arthur failed
to find Roncherolle in his room; he was sorely disappointed, for his
neighbor's witty conversation had become necessary to him; he retained
some scraps of it now and then. It is always well to frequent people of
intelligence, they allow themselves to be robbed so readily!
The little dandy rose early the next day, in order to find his neighbor
before he went out; he caught him as he was leaving his bed and said to
him:
"You are better, I see, as you go out now?"
"Thank God! did you expect me to remain in that old easy-chair forever?"
"No, of course not; I am delighted that you are better; but I missed you
yesterday, because, when I talk with you, I always remember some of the
funny little stories that you tell so well, and I amuse Zizi with them.
Yesterday, I had nothing at all to tell her, and she called me stupid;
that's just a way of speaking, you know----"
"I understand perfectly.--I am very sorry, but your charmer may find you
stupid again to-day, for I have no inclination to keep my room, in order
to tell you stories."
"And that isn't what I came to ask you to do, but something much better.
Will you do us the honor to dine with us to-day?"
"Where?"
"At Bonvalet's, corner of Rue Chariot."
"Oh! I know Bonvalet's! I have often dined there."
"Well, does it suit you to-day?"
"It suits me very well."
"Ah! you delight me. There will be Zizi Dutaillis, you know."
"Yes, you have already told me that. I shall be enchanted to make her
acquaintance; I have always been very fond of professional ladies."
"There will also be a friend of mine, an author--Monsieur Jericourt; do
you know him?"
"I never heard of him."
"He's a fellow of great talent, who will go a long way."
"Who says so? himself?"
"No, a newspaper that he writes for."
"Oh! that amounts to the same thing. However, I will give your friend
credit for as much talent as you choose; I am of an obliging
disposition."
"We will dine at half-past five; I know that it's bad form to dine so
early, but it's on Zizi's account; she acts in the last play, and there
is no fun in hurrying."
"All right! I promise to be punctual."
"Very good! By the way, you will teach me the thirty-three ways of
drinking champagne, won't you?"
"You won't be able to learn all thirty-three at one sitting. That would
be too great a risk to take. But we will do our best."
"That's right; we will learn as many as possible.--Until to-night."
At precisely half after five, Monsieur de Roncherolle, having donned his
least threadbare coat and the one which fitted him best at the waist, a
tight pair of trousers, a snow-white waistcoat, patent leather shoes, a
black satin cravat tied in a dainty knot, and with his hat a little on
one side, arrived at Bonvalet's, leaning not too heavily on his cane,
and asked for Monsieur de Saint-Arthur's private room. A zealous waiter
escorted him and opened the door of a pleasant room, just large enough
for four people to be neither too crowded nor too much at their ease.
Mademoiselle Zizi Dutaillis was three-fourths reclining on a divan,
toying with a lovely bouquet which her lover had just given her, and
taking a flower from it now and then to put in her fair hair, after
which she glanced at herself in a mirror. The young actress wore a
bewitching pink and black costume, a medley of silk, velvet and lace,
which strikingly resembled those of the famous Spanish dancers who were
kind enough to come to Paris to introduce us to the charms of the
genuine dances of their country. That costume was very becoming to the
young woman, who, with her black eyes, her tiny mouth, her very dark
eyelashes and her very light hair, was the most coquettish and saucy
little minx that it was possible to find in the boulevard theatres.
Saint-Arthur, who was at the window, ran to meet Roncherolle.
"Ah! how good of you!" he cried; "you are a punctual man!"
"I never knew what it was to keep ladies waiting," said the newcomer,
saluting Mademoiselle Zizi; she had not quitted her horizontal position
when she saw the guest enter, and gave him an unceremonious little nod
and said:
"Bonjour, monsieur."
"Mademoiselle Dutaillis," said the little dandy, taking his neighbor's
hand and assuming a solemn expression, "I have the honor of presenting
Monsieur de Roncherolle, my neighbor, who has been pleased to accept the
invitation which--in your name as well as in mine--to have the
pleasure----"
"Bah! that's enough! have you finished? You tire us with your speeches!
Monsieur will present himself all right; we're here to have a spree and
get a little tight. There's no need of making a lot of fuss to say that,
is there, monsieur?"
"Bravo! that's the kind of a speech I like!" said Roncherolle, taking
Zizi's hand and patting it; "and if I were more active, I would say
also: this is the kind of woman I like!"
"Listen to that! you're not shy! You're an old rounder, you are; anyone
can see that right away. You have made a fool of yourself for women,
haven't you?"
"I glory in it; I have but one regret, and that is that I can't do it
any more!"
"Do you hear, Alfred? Take monsieur for your model. Let his cane be your
oriflamme! You will always find him on the path of glory!"
As she spoke, Zizi had taken possession of Roncherolle's cane; she
thrust it into a mustard pot on the table and waved cane and mustard pot
in the air. Roncherolle sank on a chair, laughing till the tears came;
but Saint-Arthur cried out, because she had spattered him with the
mustard, which he had received in the eye and on his waistcoat.
"_Sapristi!_ take care, Zizi; see what you've done; you're spattering
mustard on my waistcoat."
"What a calamity! Waistcoats can be cleaned, my friend."
"But you have also thrown some into my eye!"
"Eyes can be cleaned too."
"It stings me horribly."
"That will make your sight clearer; and perhaps you are going to see
things you don't expect, which will dazzle you! So don't cry, but attend
to the important business that brings us together--the grub! Have you
given your order? I'm very hungry myself; and you, monsieur?"
"I am well disposed to vie with you."
"With a fork only?"
"Ah! be careful; your eyes are the best remedy for the gout, I believe."
"Oho! if I was sure of that, I'd apply for a patent for my eyes.--By the
way, Frefred, what about that rare bird, that miraculous bird, you were
to give me? When will he appear? Are we going to eat him roasted?"
"I should think not! That would be a great shame, for he is magnificent.
But I am perfecting his education; I'll give him to you when he is able
to say pretty things."
"I am sure that you are not teaching him anything at all."
"Oh! ask my neighbor; he'll tell you that it was my cockatoo's education
that led to our acquaintance."
"That is the truth, _belle dame_; oh! you will possess a very knowing
bird."
"That will be a change for me, as I have never had anything but
canaries.--Come, Frefred, is the dinner ordered? I am to act to-night,
you know--in the last piece luckily. I don't go on till half-past ten,
but I must have time to dress first; and when you have just dined and
have to hurry, it swells you out and you can't get into your dresses."
"The dinner is served; I am glad to believe, my diva, that you will be
content."
"I flatter myself that I shall be; besides, it's the first time you have
entertained monsieur, and you ought to make it a point of honor to let
him see that you have some skill in ordering a little Balthazar. Ring
for the waiter, my dear boy."
"But, you see, I--I asked Jericourt to come, and he promised."
"Bah! I don't care a hang for your Jericourt, who always keeps us
waiting. Why did you have to invite him? I've had my fill of your
Jericourt for some time past! He puts on airs and calls everything
detestable that others write. And sweet things his plays are, too!
people stand in line to get tickets."
"Why, Zizi, I thought it would please you; formerly you were never
satisfied if Jericourt didn't dine with us."
"Oh! formerly--that may be! but formerly and to-day--there's half a
century between the two.--Say, monsieur, ought we to wait for his
friend, who's always loafing, but always keeps people waiting, to give
himself importance? Just exactly like the people who are slightly known
in art or literature, and who, the first time a new play is given, never
come till they're sure it's begun, because then everybody has to move to
let them get to their stalls. And they're convinced that everyone says:
'Ah! that's So-and-so; that's the famous author! that's the celebrated
artist! see--he combs his hair in a way that shows his genius!'--But
instead of the exclamations of admiration that they think they call
forth as they pass, if they had sharper ears, they'd hear: 'Oh! what a
nuisance! what a bore! to disturb everybody in the middle of an act! The
devil take the fellow! He must be very anxious to show himself! but he
isn't much to look at! It's just a little bit of self-advertising! And
then!'--isn't that so, monsieur?"
"Why, do you know, fascinating Zizi, that you are a keen observer?"
"I don't know what I am, but I know that I have a tremendous appetite,
and that I want to dine. It's five minutes to six. We have waited a long
while already."
"I agree with you, a lady should never wait for a gentleman."
Saint-Arthur rang and the waiter served the dinner. They attacked the
oysters, which they watered with an excellent chablis. From time to time
the host exclaimed:
"I don't care, I'm surprised that Jericourt doesn't come; I told him
that he would dine with my honorable neighbor."
"You should have announced a neighbor of the other gender," said
Roncherolle; "that would have been more likely to attract the
gentleman."
"Never mind! never mind! let's go on eating! He'll come for dessert and
we'll give him some nuts and raisins," said Zizi.
But just as the soup was served, Jericourt appeared; and he scowled
slightly when he saw that they had not waited dinner for him.
"I say! come on, you miserable slow-coach!" cried Saint-Arthur; "don't
you ever mean to be punctual?"
"What difference does it make--when you don't wait for me?" retorted
Jericourt, with a bare salute to the company.
"Wait for you!" cried Zizi; "on my word! I think not! Catch us having
pains in the stomach for monsieur!"
"My friend," said Alfred, "let me present Monsieur de Roncherolle, my
neighbor."
Jericourt bent his head slightly, with a patronizing glance at
Roncherolle, whose costume probably seemed to him far behind the fashion
of the day. The old gentleman, observing the arrogant air with which the
man of letters saluted him, made haste to say to Saint-Arthur:
"I beg pardon, my dear neighbor, but I did not ask you to present me to
monsieur. Present him to me, if you please--that is all right; but that
I should be presented to him--that I don't like."
Saint-Arthur was dumfounded; Jericourt compressed his lips and the
little actress began to laugh, saying:
"You don't seem to be very strong in the matter of etiquette, Alfred;
you'll never be appointed an ambassador, my boy!"
Jericourt, observing that the strange guest was of a punctilious temper
and familiar with good society, decided to take the thing jocosely; and
he rejoined, bowing to Roncherolle:
"In truth, it was my place to be presented to monsieur, for he has the
advantage of age."
"A melancholy advantage, is it not, monsieur? But one must needs accept
it when it comes."
"Will you have some oysters, Jericourt? I'll ring for the waiter."
"No, thanks, I don't eat oysters; I don't care about them any more."
"The deuce! you don't care about oysters! Why, I've seen the time when
you adored them!"
"What a donkey you are, Alfred," cried Zizi, "to be surprised because
tastes change!"
"Well! my tastes never change so far as food is concerned; I love
oysters, I shall always care for them."
"Perhaps it's the oysters that care for you," said Jericourt, helping
himself to soup.
"Hum! this begins well," said Roncherolle to himself, filling the
actress's glass with madeira, while she glared savagely at Jericourt.
That gentleman, as he ate his soup, glanced at the gentleman opposite
from time to time, and said to himself:
"I know that man; this certainly isn't the first time that I've seen
him; but where in the devil have I met him?"
Roncherolle, for his part, having recognized the man of letters at the
first glance, smiled slyly as he submitted to be stared at, and
continued to be most attentive to his fair neighbor, who said to him,
eating for four all the while:
"You please me, you do! you're a good fellow! you're worth a deal more
than all these youngsters! you're as young as they are, only you've been
so longer!"
At last Jericourt, unable to contain himself, said to his vis-a-vis:
"Mon Dieu! monsieur, it seems to you perhaps that I stare at you rather
persistently."
"That flatters me, monsieur; I assume that you find me pleasant to look
at."
"That is not just the reason, monsieur; the fact is that it seems to me
that this is not the first time we have met."
"True, monsieur; and I recognized you instantly, when you entered the
room."
"Be good enough then to remind me where it was."
"It was near here--at the Chateau d'Eau flower market; you were
bargaining for a bouquet, as was an exceedingly ugly little fellow--a
friend of yours, I think--and you did not make up your mind; whereupon I
arrived and put an end to your hesitation by buying the bouquet;--do you
remember now?"
"Yes, monsieur, I remember very well."
And Jericourt pressed his lips together again and scowled, because that
reminder recalled no agreeable memories.
"Then there was a _gamin_ who threw the ugly little fellow down, and as
he fell he tore his trousers."
"Where?" queried Mademoiselle Zizi.
"Only on the knees."
"Bah! that isn't amusing enough!"
"There was also a young flower girl--a very pretty girl, on my word!"
"I know her," said Saint-Arthur; "she supplies me; it's Violette."
"What does she supply you with, you big monster?" cried Zizi, raising
her fork to her lover, as if to stab him.
"Mon Dieu! it's simple enough, my angel; a flower girl supplies me with
flowers, naturally."
"Hum! you would be quite capable of going to her for other supplies."
"O Zizi! for heaven's sake, don't be jealous like this. Besides, this
flower girl is one of Jericourt's conquests; one of his victims."
"I don't deny it, I committed that sin; and monsieur here will bear me
out in saying that the little one is worth the trouble."
"I will bear you out in saying that the little one is pretty, monsieur,
but that's all; for, on the day that I saw you in her company, you did
not have the air of having made a conquest of her!"
"This old fellow is decidedly antipathetic to me!" said Jericourt to
himself.
XXX
MANY WAYS OF DRINKING CHAMPAGNE
"Come, Alfred! some champagne--right away! I want some champagne--and I
want it frappe."
"Here it is, my siren; it's behind us, cooking in the ice.--Ah! now is
the time when Monsieur de Roncherolle is going to teach us a lot of
pretty things.--Jericourt, monsieur knows thirty-three ways of drinking
a glass of champagne!"
"Monsieur is quite capable of it."
"For my experiments," said Roncherolle, "I must have cups, not goblets."
"Here are some; I ordered two kinds of glasses."
"I fill my glass--this is the first way; attention!"
Roncherolle coolly emptied his glass and said:
"First of all, there's that way--to drink as everybody else does."
"Oh! I know that."
"It's lucky that you know one," said Zizi; "otherwise it might be
thought that you had to be driven to water."
"Let us go on to the second way."
"You will allow me to eat a little sweetbread first?"
"That is only fair."
"Otherwise," sneered Jericourt, "one might think that you invited
monsieur to dinner for the sole purpose of learning to drink."
"And if that were so," rejoined Roncherolle, "I should not bear my
neighbor a grudge; that would prove that I am still good for something,
and one so often entertains people who are good for nothing!"
"The second way, my dear fellow, the second way!" said Zizi, with a
playful tap on Roncherolle's cheek.
"At your service, _belle dame_.--Look--this glass is full; I put it on
this plate, and the point is to drain it without touching it with the
hands or spilling a drop."
"Oh! that must be extremely difficult--I will go farther and say that it
seems to me impossible," said Saint-Arthur.
"Not at all--look."
Roncherolle took the plate on which the glass stood, lifted it, put the
glass to his lips, then tipped it toward his mouth, still holding it
steady with the plate, and swallowed all it contained.
"Ah! charming, delightful!" cried Alfred.
"I have seen that done before, but I had forgotten it," said Zizi;
"wait; I believe that I can do it."
The young actress did exactly as Roncherolle had done, and succeeded
perfectly.
"It's your turn, Jericourt."
"Do that! why that's the ass's bridge!" replied the man of letters, with
a shrug.
"Well, do it then."
"No, I didn't come to dinner to play tricks."
"That's a pity," said Roncherolle, "for I am sure that monsieur must
know some that we do not."
"In that case," said Saint-Arthur, filling a glass to the brim with
champagne and putting it on a plate, "it's my turn; now that I have seen
the thing done twice, I don't see why I shouldn't do it too; I am no
more of a fool than other people."
"That's too bad, my dear; if you were, it would be a way of attracting
attention!"
"Hush, Zizi! don't say nasty things, but watch; I am going to begin."
The pretty youth succeeded in raising the glass to his lips, but just as
he was about to drink, he lifted the plate too high, and all the
contents of the glass fell on his shirt and his cravat. Alfred cried
aloud in dismay, while his three guests roared with laughter, that
incident having restored Jericourt's good humor.
"_Sapristi!_ I am done for. I was on the edge of success, for I
certainly should have drunk it all without spilling a drop."
"But you didn't spill a drop," said Roncherolle; "the whole business
went."
"I am wet through, my shirt is drenched and my cravat; what shall I do?
I can't show myself in this condition."
"Well then, don't show yourself, my friend, keep out of sight. At all
events, it will be dark when you leave here, and you'll only need to
button your coat military fashion; that will give you the air of a hero,
it will change you completely."
"But I am all wet, I am----"
"Nonsense! take a napkin and wipe yourself, and above all things don't
be sulky; we came here to enjoy ourselves, and you still have to learn
thirty-one ways of drinking champagne."
Saint-Arthur made no reply; he stuffed three napkins into his bosom and
began to eat again.
"Deuce take it! my dear man," said Jericourt, drinking his wine slowly,
"that is what comes of trying to learn original things in order to make
yourself agreeable in society; you don't always succeed."
"In fact, there are some people who never succeed," observed
Roncherolle.
"I request a suspension of the lessons in drinking champagne," said
Alfred; "I must dry myself before attempting anything else."
"We consent," said Zizi, "on condition that it is not to interfere with
our drinking."
"It seems to me that you are doing very well," said Jericourt; "you will
be rather gay in your play to-night!"
"So much the better! The play lacks gayety, and I shall do well to
impart a little to it."
"I came near acting once," said the host, still sponging himself. "Do
you remember, Jericourt, that place in the country you took me to some
weeks ago--at Nogent-sur-Marne?"
"Yes, it was very amusing."
"There was one thing that I didn't call amusing, and that was being
obliged to escort that lady back to Paris--an ex-pretty woman."
"Why were you such a fool as to tell her that we had a coupe waiting?
She instantly caught the ball on the bound and asked us to give her a
little room in our carriage."
"Little was hardly the word; that lady may have been thin once, but she
isn't now."
"Ah! I never heard of this lady that you brought home!" cried the young
actress, with an American glance at her lover. "That has rather a
crooked look!"
"Oh! really, my diva, when I tell you that she was on the decline!"
"It seems to me that you too were on the decline--with her."
"However, she was a woman of great distinction, a baroness!"
"Listen to that! monsieur must have baronesses now!"
"The Baronne de--de Grangeville--that's the name."
"De Grangeville?" said Roncherolle, who, on hearing that name, replaced
on the table the glass that he was about to put to his lips. "Did you
say that the lady you brought home was the Baronne de Grangeville?"
"Yes, my dear neighbor; do you know her?"
"No--that is to say, her name recalled a person whom I used to know."