Mortified at the barbarous resolution pronounced by you so positively
yesterday evening,--that you would remain single the rest of your
life, as a compliment due to the memory of your husband,--I retired to
my chamber. Throwing myself upon my bed, I dreamt that I was dead, and
was transported to the Elysian Fields.
I was asked whether I wished to see any persons in particular; to
which I replied that I wished to see the philosophers.--"There are two
who live here at hand in this garden; they are good neighbors, and
very friendly towards one another."--"Who are they?"--"Socrates and
Helvetius."--"I esteem them both highly; but let me see Helvetius
first, because I understand a little French, but not a word of Greek."
I was conducted to him: he received me with much courtesy, having
known me, he said, by character, some time past. He asked me a
thousand questions relative to the war, the present state of religion,
of liberty, of the government in France. "You do not inquire, then,"
said I, "after your dear friend, Madame Helvetius; yet she loves you
exceedingly: I was in her company not more than an hour ago." "Ah,"
said he, "you make me recur to my past happiness, which ought to be
forgotten in order to be happy here. For many years I could think of
nothing but her, though at length I am consoled. I have taken another
wife, the most like her that I could find; she is not indeed
altogether so handsome, but she has a great fund of wit and good
sense; and her whole study is to please me. She is at this moment gone
to fetch the best nectar and ambrosia to regale me; stay here awhile
and you will see her." "I perceive," said I, "that your former friend
is more faithful to you than you are to her; she has had several good
offers, but refused them all. I will confess to you that I loved her
extremely; but she was cruel to me, and rejected me peremptorily for
your sake." "I pity you sincerely," said he, "for she is an excellent
woman, handsome and amiable. But do not the Abbe de la Roche and the
Abbe Morellet visit her?"--"Certainly they do; not one of your friends
has dropped her acquaintance."--"If you had gained the Abbe Morellet
with a bribe of good coffee and cream, perhaps you would have
succeeded: for he is as deep a reasoner as Duns Scotus or St. Thomas:
he arranges and methodizes his arguments in such a manner that they
are almost irresistible. Or if by a fine edition of some old classic
you had gained the Abbe de la Roche to speak _against_ you, that would
have been still better; as I always observed that when he recommended
anything to her, she had a great inclination to do directly the
contrary." As he finished these words the new Madame Helvetius entered
with the nectar, and I recognized her immediately as my former
American friend Mrs. Franklin! I reclaimed her, but she answered me
coldly:--"I was a good wife to you for forty-nine years and four
months,--nearly half a century; let that content you. I have formed a
new connection here, which will last to eternity."
Indignant at this refusal of my Eurydice, I immediately resolved to
quit those ungrateful shades, and return to this good world again, to
behold the sun and you! Here I am: let us _avenge ourselves_!