_House of Commons, Monday, March 20._--"That's the best speech
HARCOURT has made this Session," said GEORGE CURZON, as we walked into
Lobby to support Government against onslaught of SAGE OF QUEEN ANNE'S
GATE, who disapproves its Uganda policy.
"Which speech?" I asked, eagerly, always anxious to learn. GEORGE
CURZON just back from far East; has sat astride the Wall of China,
and taken five-o'clock tea with the QUEEN OF COREA. ULYSSES, with his
twenty-years' tramp, not in it with him. "Which speech?" I repeated.
"The speech he didn't make just now in reply to CHAMBERLAIN," said
CURZON, in that sententious tone, and with that grave manner he has
learned among the Apaches of the Ural Mountains.
Wants thinking over, this; but is quite true. A great temptation for
the SQUIRE; would have been irresistible at one time. JOSEPH had made
a brilliant speech, scintillating with diamond dagger-points. Yielding
to the habit of heredity, he had been more than usually disagreeable
towards his Brethren. "The original JOSEPH," as the SQUIRE remarked,
in a little aside, whilst the speech went on amid uproarious delight
of the Gentlemen of England, "had one soft place in his resentful
heart. But our JOE finds no BENJAMIN among us--unless, indeed, it be
TREVELYAN, and, I believe, if, after filling up his sack, he had put
in any extraneous substance, it would not have been a cup of silver."
Time was when the SQUIRE would have jumped at this opportunity.
Benches crowded with jubilant gentlemen in dinner dress; excitement
of cheers and counter-cheers filled House. Few things delight it more
than encounter between these two brilliant swordsmen. Only half-past
eleven; Twelve-o'clock Rule suspended; plenty of time for business
by-and-by; half an hour's sport hurt nobody.
When SQUIRE rose, a ringing cheer went up from Ministerialists. Their
turn now. JOE was "going to catch it." But SQUIRE knew better than
that. Opportunity tempting; almost irresistible. But business first,
pleasure after. With touching air of resignation, SQUIRE said they
had listened to a very good speech, and now he hoped the Vote would
be agreed to; at which point he meekly sat down. Shock so sudden and
unexpected that no one but NOLAN moved, and he, finding himself on
his legs, had no words ready. Whilst he was gasping in search of them,
Closure moved; Chairman, who is getting well into the saddle, put
question with lightning-like rapidity; before Committee quite knew
where it was, it was dividing on the Uganda Vote.
_Business done._--Supplementary Estimates concluded; Report of Supply
agreed to; way cleared for Appropriation Bill.
_Tuesday Night._--HENRY FOWLER explained Parish Council Bill in speech
of equal force and lucidity. "Hands all round," as TENNYSON said, in
applause of speech and approval of Bill. JESSE COLLINGS rather hinted
that anything good in measure was conveyed from RITCHIE'S Bill, and
everyone knows that RITCHIE was mere lay-figure behind which JESSE
controlled policy of Local Government Board under last Administration.
Even this criticism meant as compliment. No harsher note disturbed
chorus of approval.
JOKIM, in effusion of moment, led into making interesting confession.
As he says, only he put it stronger, general impression is that he
is not particularly attached to Agricultural Labourer. BOBBY SPENCER,
when he made his historic declaration--"Mr. SPEAKER, Sir, I am not
an Agricultural Labourer"--understood to have JOKIM in his mind;
endeavouring to ingratiate himself with the statesman who, at the
time, was CHANCELLOR OF EXCHEQUER. JOKIM, certainly, through long
and honourable career, never lost opportunity of hustling HODGE.
Deductions drawn from this attitude entirely erroneous. Only been
dissembling his love. Made clean breast of it to-day. Clasping his
hands with genuine emotion, tear plainly tickling through his voice,
he exclaimed, "It has been the dream of my life to educate the
Agricultural Labourer in Parish affairs!"
[Illustration: "CATCHING VOTES."
(_Suggested by the Picture "Catching Flies."_)]
"Well, I must say, I never would have thought it," said GRANDOLPH,
regarding with new interest his Right Hon. friend.
_Business done._--Parish Councils Bill brought in.
_Thursday._--Pretty to watch Mr. G. in conversation with Prince ARTHUR
on question of Vote of Censure. When CAMERON, "doing a bit of bounce,"
as BRODRICK said, asked PREMIER whether, supposing Opposition
resolved to move Vote of Censure, a day wouldn't be found for them,
Ministerialists cheered and Opposition responded. House never more
like public school than when a fight is being got up. Now spirit rose
to bubbling point; cheering and counter-cheering incessant. Only Mr.
G. sat silent, apparently so deeply interested in Orders that he had
not noticed what was forward. But he saw it all, saw a foot or two
further into futurity than the jubilant throng behind him. CAMERON
had unwittingly dealt trump card to Opposition avowedly bent on
obstructing Home-Rule Bill. Had a pretty good go to-day. Two hours
for Questions; two hours more to be used up on Motion for Adjournment.
That would serve to throw Registration Bill over sitting and spoil Mr.
G.'s little programme. But this suggestion of Vote of Censure coming
from other side, worth at least couple of days. Mr. G. saw it all,
and once glanced quickly across table in search of sign that anyone on
Front Bench opposite had made the discovery. Thought he saw a gleam
of intelligence in GRANDOLPH'S eye. Hoped things might blow over;
but there was inconvenient questioner behind, with Scotch persistency
waiting answer. Ministerialists cheering like mad; Opposition
truculently responding; all waiting for him. Must do or say something.
Wouldn't commit himself by saying anything. Half rose from seat and
bowed assent.
[Illustration: POPPING THE QUESTIONS;
_Or, Scene from old Burlesque of "Obstruction" as revived at St.
Stephen's Theatre Royal._]
By this time Prince ARTHUR began to see light. Some smart fencing
followed; Prince ARTHUR pressed home Vote of Censure question; Mr. G.,
whilst carefully avoiding any movement that might seem like retreat,
evaded the point. Later, when GRANDOLPH remarked that PRIME MINISTER
had challenged them to move Vote of Censure, Mr. G. angrily retorted,
"I did nothing of the sort." Too late now; Right Hon. Gentlemen on
Front Opposition Bench having put their heads together, determined to
ride in at gate CAMERON obligingly opened. Drew up Motion of Vote of
Censure, and Mr. G. must needs, out of his diminishing hoard of days,
find one for debating it; Opposition mean to make it two, or even
three.
[Illustration: _Mr. G._ (_sings sotto voco_), "How happy could I be
with either! Were only Uganda away!"]
"I wish," said Mr. G., in those chest-notes that indicate profounder
indignation, "my people would leave me to manage the business of
House."
_Business done._--Four hours wasted. Vote of Censure invited.
_Friday Midnight._--Wonder to find SAGE OF QUEEN ANNE'S GATE still at
post of duty. Business rather heavy work; think it would be well that
so precious a life should be cared for. Say this to him.
"You're very kind, TOBY," he answered, just a little wearily "but I
never think of myself when the interests of my QUEEN and Country are
at stake. Fact is, I have charge of a Bill drafted in the interests of
our fellow-citizen the Sweep. He has thrown himself into my arms (of
course I use the phrase in a Parliamentary sense) and I am resolved
to do my best for him. I am told that the business which called the
Judges into private consultation the other day was a proposal to place
my bust, crowned with laurel, on a prominent pedestal in the Royal
Courts of Justice. Well, I have done something in my time for justice;
just now all my sympathies are with the Sweep. I receive deputations
of them every day. No, they don't enter by the chimney, but come in by
the front-door in ordinary fashion. When there are more than five of
them, and they stay over twenty minutes, they leave a little smell
lingering in the room. But that's nothing. I'm waiting now to move
Second Reading of my Bill. Want Mr. G. to take it up. Have told him
people really don't care for Home-Rule Bill, whereas, if he gave his
mind to it, he might rouse the country on the question of the harmless
necessary Sweep. But no use. He's too deeply rooted in his attachment
to his Home-Rule scheme. Daresay I shall get my Bill through first."
_Business done._--Patience of long-suffering SPEAKER breaks down
at last. JEMMY LOWTHER did it. On Appropriation Bill moved
incomprehensible Amendment, in unintelligble speech; SPEAKER came down
on him "like cartload of bricks," as JOHN BURNS put it. JAMES only
temporarily subdued; will probably come up smiling on Monday.
* * * * *
Transcriber's note:
Missing or illegible/damaged punctuation has been repaired.