THE PLAY
"Sorry, sir," said the man in the box-office of the Grand, "but the
house has been sold out for two days now. The standing room has gone
too."
"Can you tell me what this is all about, that every one is so crazy to
see it?" the man at the wicket asked, with studied carelessness. He
was a thick-set man, with dark glasses, and wore a battered hat, and a
much bedraggled waterproof.
"The women here have got up a Parliament, and are showing tonight,"
said the ticket-seller. "They pretend that only women vote, and women
only sit in Parliament. The men will come, asking for the vote, and
they'll get turned down good and plenty, just like the old man turned
them down."
"Did the Premier turn them down?" asked the stranger. "I didn't hear
about it."
"Did he? I guess, yes--he ripped into them in his own sweet way. Did
you ever hear the old man rage? Boy! Well, the women have a girl
here who is going to do his speech. She's the woman Premier, you
understand, and she can talk just like him. She does everything except
chew the dead cigar. The fellows in behind say it's the richest thing
they ever heard. The old boy will have her shot at sunrise, for sure.
"He won't hear her," said the man in the waterproof, with sudden
energy. "He won't know anything about it."
"Sure he will. The old man is an old blunderbuss, but he's too good
a sport to stay away. They're decorating a box for him, and have his
name on it. He can't stay away."
"He can if he wants to," snapped the other man. "What does he care
about this tommyrot--he'll take no notice of it."
"Well," said the man behind the wicket, "I believe he'll come. But
say, he sure started something when he got these women after him.
They're the sharpest-tongued things you ever listened to, and they
have their speeches all ready. The big show opens tonight, and every
seat is sold. You may get a ticket though at the last minute, from
some one who cannot come. There are always some who fail to show up at
the last. I can save you a ticket if this happens. What name?"
"Jones," said the gentleman in the waterproof. No doubt the irritation
in his voice was caused by having to confess to such a common name.
"Robertson Jones. Be sure you have it right," and he passed along the
rail to make room for two women who also asked for tickets.
The directors of the Woman's Parliament knew the advertising value of
a mystery, being students of humanity, and its odd little ways. They
knew that people are attracted by the unknown; so in their advance
notices they gave the names of all the women taking part in the play,
but one. The part of the Premier--the star part--would be taken by a
woman whose identity they were "not at liberty to reveal." Well-known
press women were taking the other parts, and their pictures appeared
on the posters, but no clue was given out as to the identity of the
woman Premier.
Long before sundown, the people gathered at the theatre door, for
the top gallery would open for rush seats at seven. Even the ticket
holders had been warned that no seat would be held after eight
o'clock.
Through the crowd came the burly and aggressive form of Robertson
Jones, still wearing his dark glasses, and with a disfiguring strip of
court plaster across his cheek. At the wicket he made inquiry for his
ticket, and was told to stand back and wait. Tickets were held until
eight o'clock.
In the lobby, flattening himself against the marble wall, he waited,
with his hat well down over his face. Crowds of people, mostly women,
surged past him, laughing, chattering, feeling in their ridiculous
bags for their tickets, or the price of a box of chocolates at the
counter, where two red-gold blondes presided.
Inside, as the doors swung open, he saw a young fellow in evening
dress, giving out handbills, and an exclamation almost escaped him. He
had forgotten all about Peter Neelands!
Robertson Jones, caught in the eddies of women, buffeted by them, his
toes stepped upon, elbowed, crowded, grew more and more scornful of
their intelligence, and would probably have worked his way out--if he
could, but the impact of the crowd worked him forward.
"A silly, cackling hen-party," he muttered to himself. "I'll get out
of this--it's no place for a man--Lord deliver me from a mob like
this, with their crazy tittering. There ought to be a way to stop
these things. It's demoralizing--it's unseemly."
It was impossible to turn back, however, and he found himself swept
inside. He thought of the side door as a way of escape, but to his
surprise, he saw the whole Cabinet arriving there and filing into the
boxes over which the colors of the Province were draped; every last
one of them, in evening dress.
That was the first blow of the evening! Every one of them had said
they would not go--quite scornfully--and spoke of it as "The Old
Maid's Convention"--Yet they came!
He wedged his way back to the box office, only to find that there was
no ticket for him. Every one had been lifted. But he determined to
stay.
Getting in again, he approached a man in a shabby suit, sitting in the
last row.
"I'll give you five dollars for your seat," he whispered.
"Holy smoke!" broke from the astonished seat-holder, and then,
recovering from his surprise, he said, "Make it ten."
"Shut up then, and get out--here's your money," said Mr. Jones
harshly, and in the hurriedly vacated seat, he sat down heavily.
Behind the scenes, the leader of the Woman's Party gave Pearl her
parting words:
"Don't spare him, Pearl," she said, with her hand around the girl's
shoulder, "it is the only way. We have coaxed, argued, reasoned, we
have shown him actual cases where the laws have worked great injustice
to women. He is blind in his own conceit, and cannot be moved. This
is the only way--we can break his power by ridicule--you can do it,
Pearl. You can break down a wall of prejudice tonight that would take
long years to wear away. Think of cases you know, Pearl, and strike
hard. Better to hurt one, and save many! This is a play--but a deadly
serious one! I must go now and make the curtain speech."
"This is not the sort of Parliament we think should exist," she said,
before the curtain, "this is the sort of Parliament we have at the
present time--one sex making all the laws. We have a Parliament of
women tonight, instead of men, just to show you how it looks from the
other side. People seem to see a joke better sometimes when it is
turned around."
Robertson Jones shrugged his shoulders in disgust. What did they hope
to gain, these freaks of women, with their little plays and set little
speeches. Who listened or noticed? No one, positively no one.
Then the lights went out in the house, and the asbestos curtain came
slowly down and slowly crept into the ceiling again, to reassure the
timorous, and the beautiful French garden, with its white statuary,
and fountain, against the green trees, followed its plain asbestos
sister, and the Woman's Parliament was revealed in session.
The Speaker, in purple velvet, with a sweeping plume in her
three-cornered hat, sat on the throne; pages in uniform answered the
many calls of the members, who, on the Government side were showing
every sign of being bored, for the Opposition had the floor, and the
honorable member from Mountain was again introducing her bill to give
the father equal guardianship rights with the mother. She pleaded
eloquently that two parents were not any too many for children to
have. She readily granted that if there were to be but one patent, it
would of course be the mother, but why skimp the child on parents?
Let him have both. It was nature's way. She cited instances of grave
injustice done to fathers from having no claim on their offspring.
The Government members gave her little attention. They read their
papers, one of the Cabinet Ministers tatted, some of the younger
members powdered their noses, many ate chocolates. Those who listened,
did so to sneer at the honorable member from Mountain, insinuating she
took this stand so she might stand well with the men. This brought a
hearty laugh, and a great pounding of the desks.
When the vote was taken, the House divided along party lines.
Yawningly the Government members cried "No!"
Robertson Jones sniffed contemptuously; evidently this was a sort
of Friday afternoon dialogue, popular at Snookum's Corners, but not
likely to cause much of a flutter in the city.
There was a bill read to give dower rights to men, and the leader of
the Opposition made a heated defence of the working man who devotes
his life to his wife and family, and yet has no voice in the
disposition of his property. His wife can sell it over his head, or
will it away, as had sometimes been done.
The Attorney General, in a deeply sarcastic vein, asked the honorable
lady if she thought the wife and mother would not deal fairly--even
generously with her husband. Would she have the iron hand of the law
intrude itself into the sacred precincts of the home, where little
cherub faces gather round the hearth, under the glow of the
glass-fringed hanging lamp. Would she dare to insinuate that love had
to be buttressed by the law? Did not a man at the altar, in the
sight of God and witnesses, endow his wife with all his goods? Well
then--were those sacred words to be blasphemed by an unholy law which
compelled her to give back what he had so lovingly given? When a man
marries, cried the honorable Attorney General, he gives his wife his
name--and his heart--and he gives them unconditionally. Are not these
infinitely more than his property? The greater includes the less--the
tail goes with the hide! The honorable leader of the Opposition was
guilty of a gross offense against good taste, in opening this question
again. Last session, the session before, and now this session, she has
harped on this disagreeable theme. It has become positively indecent.
The honorable leader of the Opposition begged leave to withdraw her
motion, which was reluctantly granted, and the business of the House
went on.
A page brought in the word that a delegation of men were waiting to be
heard.
Even the Opposition laughed. A delegation of men, seemed to be an old
and never-failing joke.
Some one moved that the delegation be heard, and the House was
resolved into a committee of the whole, with the First Minister in the
chair.
The first minister rose to take the chair, and was greeted with a
round of applause. Opera glasses came suddenly to many eyes, but the
face they saw was not familiar. It was a young face, under iron gray
hair, large dark eyes, and a genial and pleasant countenance.
For the first time in the evening, Mr. Robertson Jones experienced a
thrill of pleasure. At least the woman Premier was reasonably good
looking. He looked harder at her. He decided she was certainly
handsome, and evidently the youngest of the company.
The delegation of men was introduced and received--the House settled
down to be courteous, and listen. Listening to delegations was part of
the day's work, and had to be patiently borne.
The delegation presented its case through the leader, who urged that
men be given the right to vote and sit in Parliament. The members of
the Government smiled tolerantly. The First Minister shook her head
slowly and absent-mindedly forgot to stop. But the leader of the
delegation went on.
The man who sat in the third seat from the back found the phrasing
strangely familiar. He seemed to know what was coming. Sure enough, it
was almost word for word the arguments the women had used when they
came before the House. The audience was in a pleasant mood, and
laughed at every point. It really did not seem to take much to amuse
them.
When the delegation leader had finished, and the applause was over,
there was a moment of intense silence. Every one leaned forward,
edging over in their seats to get the best possible look.
The Woman Premier had risen. So intent was the audience in their study
of her face, they forgot to applaud. What they saw was a tall, slight
girl whose naturally brilliant coloring needed no make-up; brilliant
dark eyes, set in a face whose coloring was vivid as a rose, a
straight mouth with a whimsical smile. She gave the audience one
friendly smile, and then turned to address the delegation.
She put her hands in front of her, locking her fingers with the thumbs
straight up, gently moving them up and down, before she spoke.
The gesture was familiar. It was the Premier's own, and a howl
of recognition came from the audience, beginning in the Cabinet
Minister's box.
She tenderly teetered on her heels, waiting for them to quiet down,
but that was the occasion for another outburst.
"Gentlemen of the Delegation," she said, when she could be heard, "I
am glad to see you!"
The voice, a throaty contralto, had in it a cordial paternalism that
was as familiar as the Premier's face.
"Glad to see you--come any time, and ask for anything you like. You
are just as welcome this time as you were the last time! We like
delegations--and I congratulate this delegation on their splendid,
gentlemanly manners. If the men in England had come before their
Parliament with the frank courtesy you have shown, they might still
have been enjoying the privilege of meeting their representatives in
this friendly way."
"But, gentlemen, you are your own answer to the question; you are the
product of an age which has not seen fit to bestow the gift you ask,
and who can say that you are not splendid specimens of mankind? No!
No! any system which can produce the virile, splendid type of men we
have before us today, is good enough for me, and," she added, drawing
up her shoulders in perfect imitation of the Premier when he was about
to be facetious, "if it is good enough for me--it is good enough for
anybody."
The people gasped with the audacity of it! The impersonation was
so good--it was weird--it was uncanny. Yet there was no word of
disrespect. The Premier's nearest friends could not resent it.
Word for word, she proceeded with his speech, while the theatre rocked
with laughter. She was in the Premier's most playful, God-bless-you
mood, and simply radiated favors and goodwill. The delegation was
flattered, complimented, patted on the head, as she dilated on their
manly beauty and charm.
In the third seat from the back, Mr. Robertson Jones had removed his
dark glasses, and was breathing like a man with double pneumonia. A
dull, red rage burned in his heart, not so much at anything the girl
was saying, as the perfectly idiotic way the people laughed.
"I shouldn't laugh," a woman ahead of him said, as she wiped her
eyes, "for my husband has a Government job and he may lose it if the
Government members see me but if I don't laugh, I'll choke. Better
lose a job than choke."
"But my dear young friends," the Premier was saying, "I am convinced
you do not know what you are asking me to do;" her tone was didactic
now; she was a patient Sunday School teacher, laboring with a class of
erring boys, charitable to their many failings and frailties, hopeful
of their ultimate destiny, "you do not know what you ask. You have not
thought of it, of course, with the natural thoughtlessness of your
sex. You ask for something which may disrupt the whole course of
civilization. Man's place is to provide for his family, a hard enough
task in these strenuous days. We hear of women leaving home, and we
hear it with deepest sorrow. Do you know why women leave home? There
is a reason. Home is not made sufficiently attractive. Would letting
politics enter the home help matters. Ah no! Politics would unsettle
our men. Unsettled men mean unsettled bills--unsettled bills mean
broken homes--broken vows--and then divorce."
Her voice was heavy with sorrow, and full of apology for having
mentioned anything so unpleasant.
Many of the audience had heard the Premier's speech, and almost all
had read it, so not a point was lost.
An exalted mood was on her now--a mood that they all knew well. It
had carried elections. It was the Premier's highest card. His friends
called it his magnetic appeal.
"Man has a higher destiny than politics," she cried, with the ring in
her voice that they had heard so often, "what is home without a bank
account? The man who pays the grocer rules the world. Shall I call men
away from the useful plow and harrow, to talk loud on street corners
about things which do not concern them. Ah, no, I love the farm and
the hallowed associations--the dear old farm, with the drowsy tinkle
of cow-bells at even tide. There I see my father's kindly smile so
full of blessing, hardworking, rough-handed man he was, maybe, but
able to look the whole world in the face.... You ask me to change all
this."
Her voice shook with emotion, and drawing a huge white linen
handkerchiefs from the folds of her gown, she cracked it by the corner
like a whip, and blew her nose like a trumpet.
The last and most dignified member of the Cabinet, caved in at this,
and the house shook with screams of laughter. They were in the mood
now to laugh at anything she said.
"I wonder will she give us one of his rages," whispered the Provincial
Secretary to the Treasurer.
"I'm glad he's not here," said the Minister of Municipalities, "I'm
afraid he would burst a blood vessel; I'm not sure but I will myself."
"I am the chosen representative of the people, elected to the highest
office this fair land has to offer. I must guard well its interests.
No upsetting influence must mar our peaceful firesides. Do you never
read, gentlemen?" she asked the delegation, with biting sarcasm, "do
you not know of the disgraceful happenings in countries cursed by
manhood suffrage? Do you not know the fearful odium into which the
polls have fallen--is it possible you do not know the origin of that
offensive word 'Poll-cat'; do you not know that men are creatures of
habit--give them an inch--and they will steal the whole sub-division,
and although it is quite true, as you say, the polls are only open
once in four years--when men once get the habit--who knows where it
will end--it is hard enough to keep them at home now! No, history is
full of unhappy examples of men in public life; Nero, Herod, King
John--you ask me to set these names before your young people. Politics
has a blighting, demoralizing influence on men. It dominates them,
hypnotizes them, pursues them even after their earthly career is over.
Time and again it has been proven that men came back and voted--even
after they were dead."
The audience gasped at that--for in the Premier's own riding, there
were names on the voters' lists, taken, it was alleged, from the
tombstones.
"Do you ask me to disturb the sacred calm of our cemetries?" she
asked, in an awe-striken tone--her big eyes filled with the horror of
it. "We are doing wery well just as we are, very well indeed. Women
are the best students of economy. Every woman is a student of
political economy. We look very closely at every dollar of public
money, to see if we couldn't make a better use of it ourselves, before
we spend it. We run our elections as cheaply as they are run anywhere.
We always endeavor to get the greatest number of votes for the least
possible amount of money. That is political economy."
There was an interruption then from the Opposition benches, a feeble
protest from one of the private members.
The Premier's face darkened; her eyebrows came down suddenly; the
veins in her neck swelled, and a perfect fury of words broke from her
lips. She advanced threateningly on the unhappy member.
"You think you can instruct a person older than yourself, do
you--you-with the brains of a butterfly, the acumen of a bat; the
backbone of a jelly-fish. You can tell me something, can you? I
was managing governments when you were sitting in your high chair,
drumming on a tin plate with a spoon." Her voice boomed like a gun.
"You dare to tell me how a government should be conducted."
The man in the third seat from the back held to the arm of the seat,
with hands that were clammy with sweat. He wanted to get up and
scream. The words, the voice, the gestures were as familiar as his own
face in the glass.
Walking up and down, with her hands at right angles to her body, she
stormed and blustered, turning eyes of rage on the audience, who
rolled in their seats with delight.
"Who is she, Oh Lord. Who is she?" the Cabinet ministers asked each
other for the hundredth time.
"But I must not lose my temper," she said, calming herself and letting
her voice drop, "and I never do--never--except when I feel like
it--and am pretty sure I can get away with it. I have studied
self-control, as you all know--I have had to, in order that I may be a
leader. If it were not for this fatal modesty, which on more than
one occasion has almost blighted my political career, I would say
I believe I have been a leader, a factor in building up this fair
province; I would say that I believe I have written my name large
across the face of this Province."
The government supporters applauded loudly.
"But gentlemen," turning again to the delegation, "I am still of the
opinion even after listening to your cleverly worded speeches, that
I will go on just as I have been doing, without the help you so
generously offer. My wish for this fair, flower-decked land is that I
may long be spared to guide its destiny in world affairs. I know there
is no one but me--I tremble when I think of what might happen these
leaderless lambs--but I will go forward confidently, hoping that the
good ship may come safely into port, with the same old skipper on the
bridge. We are not worrying about the coming election, as you may
think. We rest in confidence of the result, and will proudly unfurl,
as we have these many years, the same old banner of the grand old
party that had gone down many times to disgrace, but thank God, never
to defeat."
The curtain fell, as the last word was spoken, but rose again to show
the "House" standing, in their evening gowns. A bouquet of American
beauty roses was handed up over the foot-lights to the Premier, who
buried her face in them, with a sudden flood of loneliness. But the
crowd was applauding, and gain and again she was called forward.
The people came flocking in through the wings, pleading to be
introduced to the "Premier," but she was gone.
In the crowd that ebbed slowly from the exits, no one noticed the
stout gentleman with the dark glasses, who put his hat on before he
reached the street, and seemed to be in great haste.
The comments of the people around him, jabbed him like poisoned
arrows, and seared his heart like flame.
"I wonder was the Premier there," one man asked, wiping the traces
of merriment from his glasses, "I've laughed till I'm sore--but I'm
afraid he wouldn't see the same fun in it as I do":
"Well, if he's sport enough to laugh at this, I'll say he's some man,"
said another.
"That girl sure has her nerve--there isn't a man in this city would
dare do it."
"She'll get his goat--if he ever hears her--I'd advise the old man to
stay away."
"That's holding a mirror up to public life all right."
"But who is she?"
"The government will be well advised to pension that girl and get her
out of the country--a few more sessions of the Women's Parliament, and
the government can quit."
He hurried out into the brilliantly lighted street, stung by the
laughter and idle words. His heart was bursting with rage, blind,
bitter choking. He had been laughed at, ridiculed, insulted--and the
men, whom he had made--had sat by applauding.
John Graham had, all his life, dominated his family circle, his
friends, his party, and for the last five years had ruled the
Province. Success, applause, wealth, had come easily to him, and he
had taken them as naturally as he accepted the breath of his nostrils.
They were his. But on this bright night in May, as he went angrily
down the back street, unconsciously striking the pavement with his
cane, with angry blows, the echo of the people's laughter in his ears
was bitter as the pains of death.