finding how well acquainted she was with the story of their lives; but
seeing there was nobody else from whom they could squeeze money, they
still pretended that they meant to drag her to prison. She appealed to
heaven against the unreasonableness and injustice of their behaving in
that manner when her husband was absent, and he too a man of such
quality. The Breton bellowed for his fifty crowns; the bailiffs
persisted in declaring that they had never set eyes on the breeches, God
forbid! The attorney privately urged the alguazil to search Colindres'
clothes, for he suspected she must have possessed herself of the fifty
crowns, since it was her custom to grope in the pockets of those who
took up with her company. Colindres declared that the Breton was drunk,
and that it was all a lie about his money. All in short was confusion,
oaths, and bawling, and there would have been no end to the uproar if
the lieutenant corregidor had not just then entered the room, having
heard the noise as he was going his rounds. He asked what it was all
about, and the landlady replied with great copiousness of detail. She
told him who was the damsel Colindres (who by this time had got her
clothes on), made known the connection between her and the alguazil, and
exposed her plundering tricks; protested her own innocence, and that it
was never with her consent that a woman of bad repute had entered her
house; cried herself up for a saint, and her husband for a pattern of
excellence; and called out to a servant wench to run and fetch her
husband's patent of nobility out of the chest, that she might show it to
the Señor Lieutenant. He would then be able to judge whether the wife of
so respectable a man was capable of anything but what was quite correct.
If she did keep a lodging-house, it was because she could not help it.
God knows if she would not rather have some comfortable independence to
live upon at her ease. The lieutenant, tired of her volubility and her
bouncing about the patent of gentility, said to her, "Sister hostess, I
am willing to believe that your husband is a gentleman, but then you
must allow he is only a gentleman innkeeper." The landlady replied with
great dignity, "And where is the family in the world, however good its
blood may be, but you may pick some holes in its coat?" "Well, all I
have to say, sister, is, that you must put on your clothes, and come
away to prison." This brought her down from her high flights at once;
she tore her hair, cried, screamed, and prayed, but all in vain; the
inexorable lieutenant carried the whole party off to prison, that is to
say, the Breton, Colindres, and the landlady. I learned afterwards that
the Breton lost his fifty crowns, and was condemned besides to pay
costs; the landlady had to pay as much more. Colindres was let off scot
free, and the very day she was liberated she picked up a sailor, out of
whom she made good her disappointment in the affair of the Breton. Thus
you see, Scipio, what serious troubles arose from my gluttony.
_Scip._ Say rather from the rascality of your master.
_Berg._ Nay but listen, for worse remains to be told, since I am loth to
speak ill of alguazil and attorneys.
_Scip._ Ay, but speaking ill of one is not speaking ill of all. There is
many and many an attorney who is honest and upright. They do not all
take fees from both parties in a suit; nor extort more than their right;
nor go prying about into other people's business in order to entangle
them in the webs of the law; nor league with the justice to fleece one
side and skin the other. It is not every alguazil that is in collusion
with thieves and vagabonds, or keeps a decoy-duck in the shape of a
mistress, as your master did. Very many of them are gentlemen in feeling
and conduct; neither arrogant nor insolent, nor rogues and knaves, like
those who go about inns, measuring the length of strangers' swords, and
ruining their owners if they find them a hair's breadth longer than the
law allows.[60]
[60] When Cervantes wrote this, a decree had recently been issued
limiting the length of the sword.
_Berg._ My master hawked at higher game. He set himself up for a man of
valour, piqued himself on making famous captures, and sustained his
reputation for courage without risk to his person, but at the cost of
his purse. One day at the Puerta de Xeres he fell in, single-handed,
with six famous bravoes, whilst I could not render him any assistance,
having a muzzle on my mouth, which he made me wear by day and took off
at night. I was amazed at his intrepidity and headlong valour. He dashed
in and out between the six swords of the ruffians, and made as light of
them as if they were so many osier wands. It was wonderful to behold the
agility with which he assaulted, his thrusts and parries, and with what
judgment and quickness of eye he prevented his enemies from attacking
him from behind. In short, in my opinion and that of all the spectators
of the fight, he was a very Rhodomont, having fought his men all the way
from the Puerta de Xeres to the statues of the college of Maese Rodrigo,
a good hundred paces and more. Having put them to flight, he returned to
collect the trophies of the battle, consisting of three sheaths, and
these he carried to the corregidor, who was then, if I mistake not, the
licentiate Sarmiento de Valladares, renowned for the destruction of the
Sauceda.[61] As my master walked through the streets, people pointed to
him and said, "There goes the valiant man who ventured, singly, to
encounter the flower of the bravoes of Andalusia."
[61] An old promenade of the city.
He spent the remainder of the day in walking about the city, to let
himself be seen, and at night we went to the suburb of Triana, to a
street near the powder-mill, where my master, looking about to see if
any one observed him, entered a house, myself following him, and in the
court-yard we found the six rogues he had fought with, all untrussed,
and without cloaks or swords. One fellow, who appeared to be the
landlord, had a big jar of wine in one hand and a great tavern goblet in
the other, and, filling a sparkling bumper, he drank to all the company.
No sooner had they set eyes on my master than they all ran to him with
open arms. They all drank his health, and he returned the compliment in
every instance, and would have done it in as many more had there been
occasion--so affable he was and so averse to disoblige any one for
trifles. Were I to recount all that took place there--the supper that
was served up, the fights and the robberies they related, the ladies of
their acquaintance whom they praised or disparaged, the encomiums they
bestowed on each other, the absent bravoes whom they named, the clever
tricks they played, jumping up from supper to exhibit their sleight of
hand, the picked words they used, and, finally, the figure of the host,
whom all respected as their lord and father,--were I to attempt this, I
should entangle myself in a maze, from which I could never extricate
myself. I ascertained that the master of the house, whose name was
Monipodio, was a regular fence, and that my master's battle of the
morning had been preconcerted between him and his opponents, with all
its circumstances, including the dropping of the sword-sheaths, which my
master now delivered, in lieu of his share of the reckoning. The
entertainment was continued almost till breakfast time; and, by way of a
final treat, they gave my master information of a foreign bravo, an
out-and-outer, just arrived in the city. In all probability he was an
abler blade than themselves, and they denounced him from envy. My master
captured him the next night as he lay in bed; but had he been up and
armed, there was that in his face and figure which told me that he would
not have allowed himself to be taken so quietly. This capture, coming
close upon the heels of the pretended fight, enhanced the fame of my
poltroon of a master, who had no more courage than a hare, but sustained
his valorous reputation by treating and feasting; so that all the gains
of his office, both fair and foul, were frittered away upon his false
renown.
I am afraid I weary you, Scipio, but have patience and listen to another
affair that befel him, which I will tell you without a tittle more or
less than the truth. Two thieves stole a fine horse in Antequera,
brought him to Seville, and in order to sell him without risk, adopted
what struck me as being a very ingenious stratagem. They put up at two
different inns, and one of them entered a plaint in the courts of law,
to the effect that Pedro de Losada owed him four hundred reals, money
lent, as appeared by a note of hand, signed by the said Pedro, which he
produced in evidence. The lieutenant corregidor directed that Losada
should be called upon to state whether or not he acknowledged the note
as his own, and if he did, that he should be compelled to pay the amount
by seizure of his goods, or go to prison. My master and his friend the
attorney were employed in this business. One of the thieves took them to
the lodgings of the other, who at once acknowledged his note of hand,
admitted the debt, and offered his horse in satisfaction of the amount.
My master was greatly taken with the animal, and resolved to have it if
it should be sold. The time prescribed by the law being expired, the
horse was put up for sale; my master employed a friend to bid for it,
and it was knocked down to him for five hundred reals, though well worth
twelve or thirteen hundred. Thus one thief obtained payment of the debt
which was not due to him, the other a quittance of which he had no need,
and my master became possessed of the horse, which was as fatal to him
as the famous Sejanus[62] was to his owners.
[62] The successive owners of this animal were Seius, Dollabella,
Cassius, and Anthony. The first of them was executed, the rest committed
suicide.
The thieves decamped at once; and two days afterwards my master, after
having repaired the horse's trappings, appeared on his back in the Plaza
de San Francisco, as proud and conceited as a bumpkin in his holiday
clothes. Everybody complimented him on his bargain, declaring the horse
was worth a hundred and fifty ducats as surely as an egg was worth a
maravedi. But whilst he was caracolling and curvetting, and showing off
his own person and his horse's paces, two men of good figure and very
well dressed entered the square, one of whom cried out, "Why, bless my
soul! that is my horse Ironfoot, that was stolen from me a few days ago
in Antequera." Four servants, who accompanied him, said the same thing.
My master was greatly chopfallen; the gentleman appealed to justice,
produced his proofs, and they were so satisfactory that sentence was
given in his favour, and my master was dispossessed of the horse. The
imposture was exposed; and it came out how, through the hands of justice
itself, the thieves had sold what they had stolen; and almost everybody
rejoiced that my master's covetousness had made him burn his fingers.
His disasters did not end there. That night the lieutenant going his
rounds, was informed that there were robbers abroad as far as San
Julian's wards. Passing a cross-road he saw a man running away, and
taking me by the collar, "At him, good dog!" he said, "At him, boy!"
Disgusted as I was with my master's villanies, and eager to obey the
lieutenant's orders, I made no hesitation to seize my own master and
pull him down to the ground, where I would have torn him to pieces if
the thief-takers had not with great difficulty separated us. They wanted
to punish me, and even to beat me to death with sticks; and they would
have done so if the lieutenant had not bade them let me alone, for I had
only done what he ordered me. The warning was not lost upon me, so
without taking my leave of anybody, I leaped through an opening in the
wall, and before daybreak I was in Mayrena, a place about four leagues
from Seville.
There by good luck I fell in with a party of soldiers, who, as I heard,
were going to embark at Cartagena. Among them were four of my late
master's ruffian friends; one of them was the drummer, who had been a
catchpole and a great buffoon, as drummers frequently are. They all knew
me and spoke to me, asking after my master as if I could reply; but the
one who showed the greatest liking for me was the drummer, and so I
determined to attach myself to him, if he would let me, and to accompany
the expedition whether they were bound for Italy or Flanders. For in
spite of the proverb, a blockhead at home is a blockhead all the world
over, you must agree with me that travelling and sojourning among
various people makes men wise.
_Scip._ That is so true that I remember to have heard from a master of
mine, a very clever man, that the famous Greek, Ulysses, was renowned as
wise solely because he had travelled and seen many men and nations. I
therefore applaud your determination to go with the soldiers, wherever
they might take you.
_Berg._ To help him in the display of his jugglery, the drummer began to
teach me to dance to the sound of the drum, and to play other monkey
tricks such as no other dog than myself could ever have acquired. The
detachment marched by very short stages; we had no commissary to control
us; the captain was a mere lad, but a perfect gentleman, and a great
christian; the ensign had but just left the page's hall at the court;
the serjeant was a knowing blade, and a great conductor of companies
from the place where they were raised to the port of embarkation. The
detachment was full of ruffians whose insolent behaviour, in the places
through which we passed, redounded in curses directed to a quarter where
they were not deserved. It is the misfortune of the good prince to be
blamed by some of his subjects, for faults committed by others of them,
which he could not remedy if he would, for the circumstances attendant
on war are for the most part inevitably harsh, oppressive, and untoward.
In the course of a fortnight, what with my own cleverness, and the
diligence of him I had chosen for my patron, I learned to jump for the
king of France, and not to jump for the good-for-nothing landlady; he
taught me to curvet like a Neapolitan courser, to move in a ring like a
mill horse, and other things which might have made one suspect that they
were performed by a demon in the shape of a dog. The drummer gave me the
name of the wise dog, and no sooner were we arrived at a halting place,
than he went about, beating his drum, and giving notice to all who
desired to behold the marvellous graces and performances of the wise
dog, that they were to be seen at such a house, for four or eight
maravedis a head, according to the greater or less wealth of the place.
After these encomiums everybody ran to see me, and no one went away
without wonder and delight. My master exulted in the gains I brought
him, which enabled him to maintain six of his comrades like princes. The
envy and covetousness of the rogues was excited, and they were always
watching for an opportunity to steal me, for any way of making money by
sport has great charms for many. This is why there are so many puppet
showmen in Spain, so many who go about with peep shows, so many others
who hawk pens and ballads, though their stock, if they sold it all,
would not be enough to keep them for a day; and yet they are to be found
in taverns and drinking-shops all the year round, whence I infer that
the cost of their guzzling is defrayed by other means than the profits
of their business. They are all good-for-nothing vagabonds, bread
weevils and winesponges.
_Scip._ No more of that, Berganza; let us not go over the same ground
again. Continue your story, for the night is waning, and I should not
like, when the sun rises, that we should be left in the shades of
silence.
_Berg._ Keep it and listen. As it is an easy thing to extend and improve
our inventions, my master, seeing how well I imitated a Neapolitan
courser, made me housings of gilt leather, and a little saddle, which he
fitted on my back; he put on it a little figure of a man, with lance in
hand, and taught me to run straight at a ring fixed between two stakes.
As soon as I was perfect in that performance, my master announced that
on that day the wise dog would run at the ring, and exhibit other new
and incomparable feats, which, indeed, I drew from my own invention, not
to give my master the lie. We next marched to Montilla, a town belonging
to the famous and great christian, Marquis of Priego, head of the house
of Aguilar and Montilla. My master was quartered, at his own request, in
a hospital; he made his usual proclamation, and as my great fame had
already reached the town, the court-yard was filled with spectators in
less than an hour. My master rejoiced to see such a plenteous harvest,
and resolved to show himself that day a first-rate conjuror. The
entertainment began with my leaping through a hoop. He had a willow
switch in his hand, and when he lowered it, that was a signal for me to
leap; and when he kept it raised, I was not to budge.
On that day (for ever memorable in my life) he began by saying, "Come,
my friend, jump for that juvenile old gentleman, you know, who blacks
his beard; or, if you won't, jump for the pomp and grandeur of Donna
Pimpinela de Plafagonia, who was the fellow servant of the Galician
kitchen wench at Valdeastillas. Don't you like that, my boy? Then jump
for the bachelor Pasillas, who signs himself licentiate without having
any degree. How lazy you are! Why don't you jump? Oh! I understand! I
am up to your roguery! Jump, then, for the wine of Esquivias, a match
for that of Ciudad Real, St. Martin, and Rivadavia." He lowered the
switch, and I jumped in accordance with the signal. Then, addressing the
audience, "Do not imagine, worshipful senate," he said, "that it is any
laughing matter what this dog knows. I have taught him four-and-twenty
performances, the least of which is worth going thirty leagues to see.
He can dance the zaraband and the chacona better than their inventor; he
tosses off a pint of wine without spilling a drop; he intones a sol, fa,
mi, re, as well as any sacristan. All these things, and many others
which remain to be told, your worships shall witness during the time the
company remains here. At present, our wise one will give another jump,
and then we will enter upon the main business."
Having inflamed the curiosity of the audience, or senate, as he called
them, with this harangue, he turned to me and said, "Come now, my lad,
and go through all your jumps with your usual grace and agility; but
this time it shall be for the sake of the famous witch who is said to
belong to this place." The words were hardly out of his mouth, when the
matron of the hospital, an old woman, who seemed upwards of seventy,
screamed out, "Rogue, charlatan, swindler, there is no witch here. If
you mean Camacha, she has paid the penalty of her sin, and is where God
only knows; if you mean me, you juggling cheat, I am no witch, and never
was one in my life; and if I ever was reputed to be a witch, I may thank
false witnesses, and the injustice of the law, and a presumptuous and
ignorant judge. All the world knows the life of penance I lead, not for
any acts of witchcraft, which I have never done, but for other great
sins which I have committed as a poor sinner. So get out of the
hospital, you rascally sheep-skin thumper, or by all the saints I'll
make you glad to quit it at a run." And with that she began to screech
at such a rate, and pour such a furious torrent of abuse upon my master,
that he was utterly confounded. In fine, she would not allow the
entertainment to proceed on any account. My master did not care much
about the row, as he had his money in his pocket, and he announced that
he would give the performance next day in another hospital. The people
went away cursing the old woman, and calling her a witch, and a bearded
hag into the bargain. We remained for all that in the hospital that
night, and the old woman meeting me alone in the yard, said, "Is that
you, Montiel, my son? Is that you?" I looked up as she spoke, and gazed
steadily at her, seeing which, she came to me with tears in her eyes,
threw her arms round my neck, and would have kissed my mouth if I had
allowed her; but I was disgusted, and would not endure it.
_Scip._ You were quite right, for it is no treat, but quite the reverse,
to kiss or be kissed by an old woman.
_Berg._ What I am now going to relate I should have told you at the
beginning of my story, as it would have served to diminish the surprise
we felt at finding ourselves endowed with speech. Said the old woman to
me, "Follow me, Montiel, my son, that you may know my room; and be sure
you come to me to-night, that we may be alone together, for I have many
things to tell you of great importance for you to know." I drooped my
head in token of obedience, which confirmed her in her belief that I was
the dog Montiel whom she had been long looking for, as she afterwards
told me. I remained bewildered with surprise, longing for the night to
see what might be the meaning of this mystery or prodigy, and as I had
heard her called a witch, I expected wonderful things from the
interview. At last the time came, and I entered the room, which was
small, and low, and dimly lighted by an earthenware lamp. The old woman
trimmed it, sat down on a chest, drew me to her, and without speaking a
word, fell to embracing me, and I to taking care that she did not kiss
me.
"I did always hope in heaven," the old woman began, "that I should see
my son before my eyes were closed in the last sleep; and now that I have
seen you, let death come when it will, and release me from this life of
sorrow. You must know, my son, that there lived in this city the most
famous witch in the world, called Camacha de Montilla. She was so
perfect in her art, that the Erichtheas, Circes, and Medeas, of whom old
histories, I am told, are full, were not to be compared to her. She
congealed the clouds when she pleased, and covered the face of the sun
with them; and when the whim seized her, she made the murkiest sky clear
up at once. She fetched men in an instant from remote lands; admirably
relieved the distresses of damsels who had forgot themselves for a
moment; enabled widows to console themselves without loss of reputation;
unmarried wives, and married those she pleased. She had roses in her
garden in December, and gathered wheat in January. To make watercresses
grow in a handbasin was a trifle to her, or to show any persons whom you
wanted to see, either dead or alive, in a looking-glass, or on the nail
of a newborn infant. It was reported that she turned men into brutes,
and that she made an ass of a sacristan, and used him really and truly
in that form for six years. I never could make out how this was done;
for as for what is related of those ancient sorceresses, that they
turned men into beasts, the learned are of opinion that this means only
that by their great beauty and their fascinations, they so captivated
men and subjected them to their humours, as to make them seem
unreasoning animals. But in you, my son, I have a living instance to the
contrary, for I know that you are a rational being, and I see you in the
form of a dog; unless indeed this is done through that art which they
call Tropelia, which makes people mistake appearances and take one thing
for another.
"Be this as it may, what mortifies me is that neither your mother nor
myself, who were disciples of the great Camacha, ever came to know as
much as she did, and that not for want of capacity, but through her
inordinate selfishness, which could never endure that we should learn
the higher mysteries of her art, and be as wise as herself. Your mother,
my son, was called Montiela, and next to Camacha, she was the most
famous of witches. My name is Cañizares; and, if not equal in
proficiency to either of these two, at least I do not yield to them in
good will to the art. It is true that in boldness of spirit, in the
intrepidity with which she entered a circle, and remained enclosed in it
with a legion of fiends, your mother was in no wise inferior to Camacha
herself; while, for my part, I was always somewhat timid, and contented
myself with conjuring half a legion; but though I say it that should
not, in the matter of compounding witches' ointment, I would not turn my
back upon either of them, no, nor upon any living who follow our rules.
But you must know, my son, ever since I have felt how fast my life is
hastening away upon the light wings of time, I have sought to withdraw
from all the wickedness of witchcraft in which I was plunged for many
years, and I have only amused myself with white magic, a practice so
engaging that it is most difficult to forego it. Your mother acted in
the same manner; she abandoned many evil practices, and performed many
righteous works; but she would not relinquish white magic to the hour of
her death. She had no malady, but died by the sorrow brought upon her by
her mistress, Camacha, who hated her because she saw that in a short
time Montiela would know as much as herself, unless indeed she had some
other cause of jealousy not known to me.
"Your mother was pregnant, and her time being come, Camacha was her
midwife. She received in her hands what your mother brought forth, and
showed her that she had borne two puppy dogs. 'This is a bad business,'
said Camacha; 'there is some knavery here. But, sister Montiela, I am
your friend, and I will conceal this unfortunate birth; so have patience
and get well, and be assured that your misfortune shall remain an
inviolable secret.' I was present at this extraordinary occurrence, and
was not less astounded than your mother. Camacha went away taking the
whelps with her, and I remained to comfort the lying-in woman, who could
not bring herself to believe what had happened. At last Camacha's end
drew near, and when she felt herself at the point of death, she sent for
her and told her how she had turned her sons into dogs on account of a
certain grudge she bore her, but that she need not distress herself, for
they would return to their natural forms when it was least expected; but
this would not happen 'until they shall see the exalted quickly brought
low, and the lowly exalted by an arm that is mighty to do it.'