"'A general meeting of the Conversation Club was held on Monday in the
Examination Hall. With his usual mulishness, Sarah thought he'd have a
cut in, and it was resolved to give him a chance. Thanks to the
drivelling idiotcy of Warminster, who doesn't even know the feminine
genitive of _corpus_, he scraped through; and, as he couldn't do much
worse than Coxhead, he did a shade better.'"
"All very well," growled Coxhead, "he did a jolly sight better than
you."
"'Coxhead, who is hereby expelled for using slang, was, as usual, down
with the paupers at the bottom. A town cad called Brown, who managed to
conceal his cribs, came out first, and it was decided to tack Sarah on
to him. Trimble, as might be expected, came a cropper in his English
grammar--'"
"A cram! They never examined us in it!"
"There you are; you don't even know it when you see it--'came a cropper
in his English grammar.'"
"I tell you I didn't," expostulated Trimble. "Shut up."
"Shut what up?"
"Yourself."
"Come and shut me."
A warm argument ensued, which knocked over the table, and was only
composed by my reminding the club that we didn't want to disturb the
peace of the new cock of the house on his first night.
"All right," said Langrish, "where was I?--'English grammar. Purkis,
not having paid his subscription, naturally came out too low to be
classed, but to give him a lift he was allowed to be stuck in between
Trim and Coxhead, who being outsiders at the best of times, had plenty
of room for another.'"
"All very well--what sort of howler did _you_ come?" asked the outraged
Purkis.
"'It being considered well to stick one Selkirker into the list, the
hon. secretary made room for Corderoy, and is hereby thanked on his
retirement.'"
"Hullo!" said I, "don't say that, Langrish."
"Fact is," said Langrish, dropping the minutes, "I've got to. I've gone
down, you see."
"Oh, but you've worked like a cart-horse. I move, Trim seconds,
Warminster thirds, Coxhead fourths, Purkis fifths, and the paupers
sixth, that old Lang be and hereby is perpetual secretary of the
Ph.C.C., and that it's all rot his retiring."
"Oh, all serene," said Langrish, evidently pleased. "That's your look-
out. Where was I?--'thanked on his retirement, but as nobody else can
read his writing, he is hereby asked to hang on, which he hereby does.
The meeting then adjourned.'"
We decided to celebrate the evening by a state tea, as which the usual
loyal and patriotic toasts were given; of which I will only trouble the
reader with one, that delivered by Warminster, the late president.
"It's a sell, of course, getting down; but we all had a good look in,
and Sal's come out best man this once. We aren't going to jack it up
though, and he'll have to mind his eye (cheers). After all, what with
the mess he made over Tempest's bills (loud cheers), and the shindy
about the guy, and all that rot about the barge, he's shown he's fit for
the job (laughter). But he'll have to make a good show-up for Sharpe's
now, or we'll let him know. We've scored a bit of a record, and we
don't want to fool it away (loud cheers), and any fellow who doesn't put
it on doesn't deserve to be a Ph.C.C. or anything like (prolonged
applause). Gentlemen, with these remarks I beg to give the health of
'the army and navy and reserve forces' (loud cheers)."
The "reserve forces" were the most striking feature, after all, about
the wind-up of the Conversation Club that night.
Before I went to bed I looked in at Tempest's study, where, to my
delight, I found Dicky Brown.
"Hullo, I was just coming to fetch you," said the new captain. "Don't
you think this a pretty good show for old Plummer?"
"Rather," said Dicky. "I wonder how he's getting on!"
"And I wonder if the pond is full up again yet."
"By the way," said Tempest, "I've never hided you for collaring that
pistol of mine. I may as well do it now."
"Fire away," said I; "I don't mind taking a licking from the captain of
Low Heath."
"It sounds queer, doesn't it?" said Tempest, disarmed by this
compliment. "Between you and me, kids, I think we ought to be able to
make the thing work next term."
"Rather," said I, "only we shall have to keep sitting up to do it."
"So much the better," said they.