DAWN
'The night is mother of the day,
The winter of the spring.'
Mrs. Forsyth came to see her sister directly she returned from town,
and was vexed that she had not been sent for before. She was quite
willing that I should remain where I was, and so after she had returned
home again I had some quiet, restful weeks during Miss Rayner's
convalescence. I call them restful, but though I had the sense of
peace and rest deep down in my heart, I am afraid on the surface I was
restless and ill at ease. Every post awakened fresh expectation and
hope, only to be followed by the depression of disappointment. I
prayed much to be given a quiet mind, and I do think, to some extent,
my prayer was answered. And I had the intense joy of seeing Miss
Rayner's whole life change, her interests and thoughts now centred on
things above. She did not say much, but her Bible was now her constant
companion, and I felt by her conversation how real and deep the change
was in her.
It was one evening in the beginning of July that we were sitting out in
a low verandah that ran along one side of the house. The sun was
setting in front of us, and a glorious sunset it was; the sky was
illuminated with rosy light from the deepest crimson to the most
delicate pink, and the fleecy clouds that passed by seemed bathed in
its golden splendour.
'It always makes me think of heaven's gates,' I was saying to Miss
Rayner; but before she had time to reply we were startled by the sudden
appearance of Hugh.
In a moment I was on my feet, and I felt every vestige of colour leave
my face.
'You have some news!' I cried.
For answer he quietly put a letter in my hand, and when I saw the
well-known writing the reaction was too much, I sat down and burst into
a flood of tears.
Miss Rayner wisely left me alone. She drew Hugh away, and took him
inside the drawing-room, saying, 'It has been a strain to the
child--this time of suspense, though she has taken it so quietly. She
will be better left to herself.'
And then when they had left me I opened my letter. It had evidently
met with some delay on the road, for it was written a long time past.
Only one sheet as follows:--
'MY DEAREST,--
'How you must have wondered at my silence, and how little I thought
what a test your love and trust would be put to during this long time!
When I reached New York I found it imperative to push on somewhere in
these remote regions, from where I date this letter. I had only time
to send you a card, but I little thought how long it would be before
you would hear from me again. A bad accident resulted in my being
stretched on a sick-bed for two whole months, and I am only now able to
write. But I am on the way to speedy recovery now, and as soon as I
can be moved I shall make the best of my way home to you. The business
I was called out here about is at an end. Circumstances have made me
wonder, as I lie on my bed, whether it is still right to allow you to
link your life with mine. But I cannot write it. I must see you face
to face, if God permits, and then we must talk it over. I am hoping to
be in England soon after you receive this. Till then, darling,
good-bye.
'Ever yours,
'P. STANTON.'
I sat with the letter in my hand, one thought after another following
in rapid succession. But what really filled me with anxiety and dismay
was the date on which the letter was posted. According to his
statement he ought to have arrived in England long before this, and why
had he not done so?
I rose from my seat and called Miss Rayner, who came to my side at once.
'Well? Good news, I hope!' she said cheerily.
'Why isn't he here?' I said, and I handed her the letter. She read it,
and told Hugh its contents, as I did not seem to have the voice to
speak.
'He may have been delayed,' Hugh said at once, 'I will go up to his
agents again in town, and find out if they know anything of his
movements.'
'Again!' I exclaimed. 'Have you been before then?'
'Yes,' he said hesitatingly; 'there was nothing to tell you, or I would
have done so. They had lost sight of him themselves.'
'When did you go?' I demanded, 'and what did they say? Oh! Hugh! you
might have told me. I didn't know he had any agents in town, or I
would have gone myself. Let me come with you now--tonight.'
Miss Rayner laid her hand on my arm. 'Don't be so excited, child. Use
a little of your common sense. Do you think there is any chance of
getting up to town at this time of night, or if there were, would you
be likely to get the information you need? Hugh can sleep here, and go
up the first thing tomorrow morning.'
To this Hugh agreed at once. He seemed almost as anxious as I for the
welfare of his friend.
The letter had brought little comfort to me, but I could see it had
greatly relieved Miss Rayner's mind. My one fear now was that it was
illness, perhaps death, that was the cause of his absence.
'He says so little,' I remarked presently; 'he does not tell me the
nature of the accident, or how badly he has been hurt. And why should
the letter have been delayed?'
'That is easily accounted for,' said Hugh, taking up the envelope and
examining the post-mark. 'He was evidently at some rough mountain
place when he wrote, and posts are few and far between. If you trust
your letters to a messenger or a passer-by, you may think yourself
fortunate if he remembers to post them at all, and they may often lie
in his coat pocket for weeks before he thinks of them.'
That was an anxious evening to me. As I was wishing Hugh 'good-night'
I said, 'I have never thanked you yet for coming over to me at once
with the letter. It was very good of you.'
'The governor suggested posting it, but I thought you would like to get
it as soon as possible. Nell was dying to open it; she told me to tell
you she wanted you home again. When are you going to part with her,
aunt?' And he turned towards Miss Rayner as he spoke.
'When she wants to go,' was the blunt reply.
I went to bed soon after, but I could not sleep. I read and re-read
the letter, and wished much that further details had been given. Yet
when I thought of him penning those lines on a sick-bed, perhaps with
the greatest difficulty and pain, I could wish he had not troubled to
write so much. Earnestly did I pray that his health and strength might
be given back to him. I felt it such a comfort to pour out all my
doubts and fears to God, knowing that He was not only willing to
listen, but able to control all Himself, and watch over and protect,
yes, and heal the absent one. I fell asleep, repeating to myself, 'The
steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord,' and it brought comfort to
my soul.
Hugh was off the first thing the next morning, but Miss Rayner would
not allow me to go up to town with him, and it seemed the longest day
that I had ever spent. Miss Rayner asked me if I would like to return
to the Forsyths at once, but I shook my head.
'You are not quite strong yet,' I said to her, 'and I do like being
here. I feel as if they will be so full of questions, and will pick my
letter to pieces, if I go back. General Forsyth always imagines the
worst about people. None of them believed it must be illness that
caused his silence, though I felt myself it must be. They all ascribed
the worst motives they could think of for it. And--and sometimes I
feel I can't forgive them for doubting and mistrusting him so.'
'You don't mean that?' Miss Rayner said, looking at me steadily.
'No,' I said, colouring a little, 'I have no ill-feeling really, I
ought not to have harboured it for an instant, but it would come. I
try and look at it from their side, and of course I know that what you
all say is true. A few months ago he was a stranger; oh! Miss Rayner,
tell me, do you fear the worst? If he is dead, I think my heart will
break!'
'Hearts are not so easily broken,' Miss Rayner replied, with a little
sigh; 'my dear, you must have patience and wait. I think most likely
he has only been delayed. You would have heard before now if the worst
had happened.'
Hugh returned about eight o'clock that evening, but he had little news
to give us. Philip's agents had known only quite recently of his
illness, and were expecting to hear of his arrival in England every day.
So there was nothing for me to do but wait patiently. I left Miss
Rayner soon after, for the Forsyths wanted me back.
'I shall miss you, child,' she said, as we were parting, 'and you must
pray for me. I find that the habits of a lifetime are not easily
uprooted; if I get into a tangle, I shall send for my little minister
to put me straight again.'
'No; you don't want any one to come between you and God,' I said with a
smile; but I left her with a heavy heart. We had grown, in spite of
the disparity between our ages, to be such very close friends since her
illness.
And then I took up my old life again, hoping every day to hear fresh
tidings, and trying to bear the disappointment as brightly and bravely
as I could.
One afternoon I wandered out by myself to the moor. It was a hot day
in August, but there was always a breeze up there, and I loved to get
away from every one; the loveliness and stillness soothed and comforted
me. I had my Bible with me, and the hours slipped by so quickly that
when I began to retrace my way homewards I found it was much later than
I had imagined. At the entrance to the village I met Kenneth. 'Well,
you are a nice one!' was his remark when he saw me; 'do you know we
have been scouring the country for you all the afternoon? A telegram
came for you about a quarter of an hour after you had left the
house--Goodness gracious! are you going to faint? There's nothing
wrong--allow me to finish my sentence--and now there's something better
than a telegram arrived in the shape of a two-legged specimen----'
'He has come then!' I exclaimed. 'Oh, Kenneth, tell me!'
'Who has come? Who are you expecting? You interrupt me so that I have
lost the thread of my discourse, and forget what I was going to say.'
Then seeing that I was not in a state to stand much more joking, he
altered his tone. 'Yes, he has arrived, looking rather seedy, but he
is alive. He has been closeted with the governor for the last two
hours, giving an account of himself. I hope it is all fair and square,
but he won't let us into his secrets, though I told him his conduct had
been rather "fishy" in our eyes. What are you going to do? Run away
from me? You are such a dignified little soul generally, that I
expected we should have a saunter up to the house together; but I
forgot that "love lends wings," isn't that the saying? I will race you
if you like. Now, one, two, three, and away!'
And in another minute we were tearing through the village and up the
avenue to the house in a style that would have greatly shocked Mrs.
Forsyth, had she seen us. Kenneth gave a loud 'whoop' when we entered
the hall, which brought every one out at once, but I was only conscious
of one form, one greeting, and the next minute I found myself drawn
into the empty library. Then my composure gave way: clinging hold of
him, I could do nothing but sob, and for some minutes there was perfect
silence between us. I could only feel the touch of his fingers on my
hair, and the strong beating of his heart, against which my head was
resting.
And then I controlled myself, and looked up into his face. 'Oh,
Philip, how ill you must have been! How worn and ill you look! Are
you well again?'
'Very nearly well, thank God!' was the reply. 'And now come and sit
down, childie, here by me, and let me tell you everything. You have
never doubted me, have you? I need not ask you, for your eyes tell me.
Only you are looking white and thin, darling. The suspense must have
tried you!'
'It is all right now,' I said. 'I am longing to hear it all.'
But Philip's explanation had to be postponed--the gong rang for dinner,
and I knew we must not keep the others waiting.
As I went up to my room to change my dress, Nelly seized hold of me.
'Oh, Hilda, I'm so glad for you! And it will come all right, though
father is shaking his head downstairs, and saying to mother he doubts
whether he ought to countenance your engagement proceeding. What is
it? has he lost money?'
'I don't know,' I answered,' and I don't care. I only know he is safe
home again, that is quite enough for me at present!'