A GATHERING CLOUD
'O friend! O best of friends! Thy absence more
Than the impending night darkens the landscape o'er!'--_Longfellow._
'Miss Rayner is in the drawing-room, and would like to see you, miss,'
was the message brought to me one afternoon.
I hastened in. She had been to see me twice whilst I was ill, but
neither time was I well enough to enjoy her visit. I had written to
tell her of my engagement, and was a little doubtful as to how she
would receive the news. I had not heard from her since.
'Well,' she said, drawing me towards her by both hands, 'you haven't
been long about this affair, child! You did not know such a person was
in existence a couple of months ago. And it isn't a curate, after all!'
'Would you rather it had been, Miss Rayner?' I asked, laughing.
'I abominate the tribe, as you know, but, as far as I am concerned,
this Mr. Stanton may not be much better. Who is he, and what is he?
He is an unknown quantity to me!'
'He is a Christian and a gentleman,' I said warmly 'and one of Hugh's
literary friends.'
'A dreamy book-worm like Hugh? That does not commend him to me; I
should wish you something better. Now don't try to crush me with that
fiery look. How do I know what he is like? I only know that you must
have had very short acquaintance with him, and you could afford to
wait. You are quite a child still.'
'Shall I call him and introduce him to you? He is in the house,' I
asked very quietly, for I knew Miss Rayner was only trying to draw me
out.
'Not just yet; my call is on you this afternoon. Are you feeling
strong again? How that attack has pulled you down! Are they feeding
you up well?'
'Yes, I am getting well fast.'
She sat down and talked to me for some time, and then allowed me to go
and fetch Philip.
I need not have been afraid of the result, though I had prepared him
for her extremely blunt way of speaking.
As she shook hands with him, she said,--
'I have come over to see what you are like. I take an interest in this
child here, and I was not best pleased at the news. I hope you mean to
be good to her. Are you sure you are suited to each other?'
Philip was not in the slightest disconcerted by this speech, only a
gleam of humour was in his eye as he replied, 'That remains to be seen.
Of course we think we are at present, but that is always the case. I
think you will allow I am strong enough to protect her, and old enough
to know my own mind. I doubt if I am good enough for her, but I am
going to try to do my best.'
Miss Rayner was silent for a minute.
He added, 'I am really glad to meet with any one who takes an interest
in Hilda. Her friends seem to be few and far between. She has spoken
to me of you, and of how much she enjoyed her visit to you.'
And then they drifted into an easy, amicable conversation one with the
other, whilst I for the most part was silent, only putting in a word
now and then. Afterwards Mrs. Forsyth came in, and then Miss Rayner
did not stay much longer. I had one word alone with her in the hall.
'I see by your anxious eyes what you want to ask,' she said
good-naturedly, pinching my cheek as she spoke. 'I am slow to make
friends, but he looks honest and good, and is presentable; you might do
worse, I suppose; only don't be hurried into a hasty marriage, I
implore you. Get to know each other through and through first. Ah!
well, you have knocked down one of my castles in the air, but I might
have expected it! I am sure I wish you every happiness, child.' A
quick sigh followed her words, and then she called out brightly to us
as she got into her trap,--
'Come over and dine with me both of you one night; if not now, when
next you come down, Mr. Stanton. I suppose you will be continually
hovering about this neighbourhood now!'
The last day of Philip's visit soon came. I drove down to the station
to see him off, but I dreaded the parting.
'You must write to me often, and tell me all about yourself,' he said,
trying to speak cheerfully; 'and when Easter comes I have a plan in my
head. I shall get a cousin of mine to come down with her husband to
Cobham Hall, and then she will help me entertain my visitors. I shall
invite all of you down, for I want you to see your future home,
childie. Meanwhile, I shall doubtless be able to run down here for a
day or two and see you. Mrs. Forsyth has kindly asked me to do so
whenever I can.'
'Yes,' I said; 'the future looks very bright to me, almost too bright
sometimes, I think. Oh, how good God has been!'
Then after a moment's silence I said, 'I shall miss you so, Philip. It
will seem like a dream.'
'You will "dwell deep,"' he said, smiling as he quoted my favourite
verse. 'We are not solely dependent on each other's presence for
happiness, are we? We shall be able to strengthen each other's hands
by prayer.'
He went; and I think others besides me missed him. His presence made
itself felt wherever it was. Hugh had behaved very well about our
engagement. He said to me, with a grave smile, when first he heard of
it,--
'You have gained a friend, and I have lost one. I ought to be vexed, I
suppose.'
'Oh no,' I replied; 'your friendship with him remains unchanged. You
will find there will be no difference. I cannot be to him what you
are, and if he does not spend quite so much time with you now as he has
done, it will not always be so.'
But he turned away with a laugh and a shake of his head.
We were very quiet for some time after Philip's departure. Constance
went away on a visit to Mr. Stroud's relatives. Kenneth went up to
London, and as I was still far from strong, I was left to do very much
as I liked, Nelly accompanying her mother when she went out. General
Forsyth called me into his study one morning to have a talk over my
future.
'Have you any idea in your own head when your marriage is to be? Has
Stanton said anything to you about it?'
'I--I don't wish to hurry about it,' I said confusedly; 'he is willing
to wait.'
'How long?' demanded my guardian shortly.
'Are you wanting to get rid of me?' I asked, a little vexed by his tone.
'Do not be so foolish!' was the reply. 'I intend, as I have told you
before, to treat you as I should one of my daughters; but it seems to
me that there is nothing to wait for. Constance is going to be married
about Easter. I do not see why that time should not suit you.'
'Oh no,' I cried; and though I had resented them at the time, Miss
Rayner's words came before me. 'I would rather wait longer; please let
me, if it is not inconvenient to you.'
He said no more, but I wondered much if the Forsyths were relieved at
the possibility of my leaving them soon. I said something of the sort
to Nelly, who, of course, eagerly disclaimed it. 'Why, Hilda, we shall
miss you awfully! I don't know what I shall do, unless I get engaged
before you go. Fancy me being left here alone, the old maid of the
family! I dare say I shall not marry. I have never seen a single man
that I care for yet. Some one asked me the other day if I wasn't
jealous of you! So ridiculous! I am sure I would be frightened out of
my life by Mr. Stanton. I am very glad he picked upon you. You are
just made for each other, you two! I wouldn't have him for my husband
for worlds! Sometimes when he is thinking, he looks so severe and cold
that he makes me shiver. Grace Dawkin said the other day that he
looked like a man with a "dark past." Have you ever asked him about
his past, Hilda? Because, really, we know very little about him. Hugh
seems to know hardly anything. Mother is satisfied, because she knows
he comes of a good family; but he may have murdered some one, or done
anything, for all we know!'
I knew it was of no use being angry with Nelly, or I could have scolded
her well for her way of talking; she always said out anything and
everything that came into her head without a thought of whether her
hearers would like it or not. There was a little difficulty at first
about my taking my Sunday class again. Mrs. Forsyth had an objection
to it, but she finally consented, and only forbade me to visit in any
of the cottages if there was sickness. Roddy was well again, and no
other cases of diphtheria had been heard of. I promised her I would be
careful, and joyfully took up my work again, but found I missed Jim
much more than I could have imagined. He had always been so helpful at
the class, arranging the seats, keeping an eye on the very little ones,
and guiding Kitty Brown to and fro. Poor Kitty missed him dreadfully.
'He never teased me, teacher, like the other boys do; he never said a
cross word. I wish sometimes it had been me that was took; but I
'spose I'm not good enough.'
'I think Jesus, perhaps, wants you to do some work for Him that Jim
couldn't,' I replied, answering her in much the same way I had been
answered myself a short time before.
Here Roddy broke in. 'What's Jim doing, teacher? Mother says singin'
hymns. Won't he never get time to write a letter to me? I asked him
to.'
'He is doing just what Jesus wants him to, Roddy. You mustn't expect a
letter, but you will see him again one day, and that will be better
than a letter.'
So the time slipped on, and writing so constantly to Philip and hearing
from him in return, was my greatest consolation during his absence.
Twice he managed to come down for a couple of days, which were much
enjoyed by us both; and then Easter drew near, and with it all the
bustle attending the preparations for Constance's wedding. After it
was over we were to go down to Cobham Hall, which was Philip's place,
and stay there for three or four weeks, and Nelly as well as myself was
greatly looking forward to it.
Two days before the wedding we were gathered, a large and merry party,
in the drawing-room after dinner. Philip had come down that afternoon,
but in spite of his pleasure at being with us again, I fancied he was
ill at ease, and wondered at the cause.
'Now, Goody Two-Shoes,' Kenneth cried, when music was going on, 'give
us something extra nice from your fiddle. Get into a dream over it,
and make us all as dreamy as yourself.'
I took my violin up, and standing in my favourite position against one
of the French windows I began to play. Everything that evening is
stamped vividly upon my memory. I can see now the yellow jasmine
outside the windows fluttering to and fro in the breeze, the lilacs and
laburnums on the lawn sending some of their sweet fragrance through one
of the half-opened doors, and the last rays of the setting sun gilding
the tops of the distant hills. As I turned my eyes inwards, I saw a
bright fire, General Forsyth on one side reading the evening paper,
Mrs. Forsyth on the other, busy with her fancy work and little table
before her. At the piano, lounging about in different attitudes, were
Nelly and several girl cousins, Kenneth and two other gentlemen in the
background, whilst at the farther window stood Constance with Mr.
Stroud. Philip was bending over a book with Hugh at a small table
near, but when I began to play he threw himself into an easy chair, and
resting his head upon his hand, prepared himself to listen. I noted an
abstracted, moody look in his eyes, and it was in vain that he tried to
hide it. I began to play one of Beethoven's sonatas, but drifted on
from that to my own fancies, and glancing out into the dusky twilight,
seemed to feel, rather than see, great banks of heavy, gloomy clouds
roll up and envelop us in their darkness. A strange depression seemed
to take possession of me, a heavy weight to settle down upon my
spirits. I played on dreamily, until suddenly I was stopped by a cry
from Constance, 'Do for pity's sake stop that wail, Hilda; one would
think you were playing our funeral dirge!'
Her sharp tone so startled me that my violin fell to the ground with a
crash. I gave a shiver, and Kenneth said, 'Has an evil spirit taken
possession of you, Goody? You have put us all into the blues by the
uncanny cries and moans that have proceeded from your fiddle! What is
the matter with you?'
I could not answer him, Philip was picking up and replacing my violin
in its case, after which he laid his hand on my arm. 'Come into the
library with me.'
I followed him; he stirred up the fire, which was nearly out, and then
drew me to him.
'What is the matter, childie?'
Nothing could have been more tender than his tone. The tears came to
my eyes, and I rested my head against his shoulder with a sigh.
'I don't know,' I said. 'What is the matter with you, Philip?'
'You have sharp eyes to see that anything is the matter,' he replied,
smiling; then, in a graver tone, he added, 'I have something worrying
me--a matter of business that I cannot speak of at present to you. You
must trust me, Hilda. Can you do this, do you think, even if
appearances are against me?'
He raised my face to his as he spoke, and our eyes met. Trust him! I
felt as I met his clear, open gaze that I would trust him through any
amount of doubt or mystery, and I told him as much as we stood by the
firelight together.
'I wish,' he said presently, 'that it was our wedding that was going to
take place to-morrow; and yet I don't know--perhaps it will be best for
you that it is not.'
A heavy sigh followed, and then we were both startled by the appearance
of a servant.
'A telegram, sir.'
Philip took it and turned to me.
'I must leave you. Darling child, don't look so distressed. I am
vexed that I should have to go before the wedding, but it is imperative
that I should. I must write and tell you my movements when I know
them. I shall just catch the 10.30 train to town if I go at once.
Hilda, say good-bye to me here before I go to the drawing-room. Trust
me, little one, and pray for me.'
I clung to him, for I still felt the shadow of a dark cloud hovering
over us. 'Why need you go? Where are you going? When are you coming
back again? We were to have travelled to your home together. Don't go
till you have told me more, Philip. You _must_ not leave me like this!'
He looked surprised at my vehemence. 'Dear child, you are overwrought.
I shall be back in a few days at the most, I hope. Good-bye, my
darling; God bless you and keep you!' And taking me in his arms, he
kissed me over and over again. I said no more, my tongue seemed tied,
and he left me standing by the fire, feeling as if a great unknown
trouble was settling down upon me.
I stayed there, heard his voice in the hall, and then a confused babel
of questions and exclamations from the others. When, a few minutes
later, I heard him leave the house, I flew upstairs to my room; I knew
from my window I should see a bend of the road along which he must
pass, and as I saw the trap driving rapidly along I leant out and waved
my handkerchief. He saw my signal. I suppose the light in my room and
the unclosed shutters to the windows helped him to do so, and taking up
the lantern in front of the trap he waved it to me. Then came a knock
at my door, and Mrs. Forsyth appeared. 'Do you know the reason of this
sudden disappearance, Hilda? I do wish sometimes Mr. Stanton were a
little more communicative.'
'It was a telegram,' I said, trying to speak quietly; 'only a matter of
business, he said, but it obliged him to go to London immediately.'
'It is very annoying. I was quite counting on his presence to-morrow.
We seem to have such a scarcity of men. Are you not coming down to the
drawing-room again?'
'I would rather not, please,' I said; for I felt I could not go through
all the questions and remarks that would assail me.
Mrs. Forsyth did not stay, and I, trying to fight with the nameless
fears in my heart, took refuge and comfort in prayer.