A TEST
'As woods, when shaken by the breeze,
Take deeper, firmer root;
As winter's frosts but make the trees
Abound in summer fruit;
So every bitter pang and throe
That Christian firmness tries,
But nerves us for our work below,
And forms us for the skies.'--_Henry Francis Lyte._
It was not to be wondered at that my thoughts dwelt much upon Mr.
Stanton for the next few days. It was so strange to feel that there
was another now in the house who was a follower of Christ, and I
wondered if he would have a good influence over Hugh.
One afternoon I was coming back from the village, where I had been to
give Jim his reading lesson, when Mr. Stanton overtook me, and we
walked home together. I had never as yet seen him alone, and felt a
little shy of him; but he soon made me feel at ease by his ready
sympathy, and I found myself telling him of my different interests in
the village. And then he presently said, 'Do you find your life
difficult at times in such surroundings?'
'Sometimes I do,' I responded, 'but never too difficult.'
'No,' he said; 'we are never placed in circumstances where it is
impossible to serve our Master. I sometimes wish a little more of the
martial spirit could be instilled into many Christians. A true soldier
does not shirk or shrink from the front in battle, but a Christian is
very apt to hide his colours if he gets upon the enemy's ground.'
'It is a puzzle to me sometimes,' I said, 'when it is best to keep
silent and when to speak. One's life ought to tell most amongst
unconverted people, and yet that tempts one sometimes to hide one's
light. It is easy to go on one's way quietly without saying a word to
any one, but perhaps it is not being faithful. What do you think about
it, Mr. Stanton?'
'I think,' he said, 'if we are living close to the Master, He will
never leave us in doubt as to when the opportunity for speaking occurs.
If we are ready and waiting on Him, we shall be led to do the right
thing. Many good people do more harm than good by making up their
minds that they are bound to deliver a message, whether the occasion
warrants it or not. And then it is often done in their own strength,
and not in the power of the Spirit. I think the answer to all such
difficulties is: Live close to Christ, and let Him give you your
orders--no one else. The longer I live, the more strongly I feel how
useless it is to go by other Christians' experiences. God leads us all
in different ways. Let us strive to learn the sound of His slightest
whisper, and take His Word only as our guide. We cannot go wrong then.'
We talked on till we reached home. I could not help feeling the
comfort of having some one to speak to on the subjects that were so
dear to me. I had had so few to help or advise me, and though I knew
the truth of what Mr. Stanton said, that we could not frame our lives
by others' experiences, yet, as a young Christian, I felt refreshed and
strengthened by his words. When I said something of this sort to him,
he smiled.
'You have not suffered by the loneliness of your position, Miss Thorn;
it has only brought you to know Christ more intimately, and to lean
upon Him harder. I have seen a good deal of young Christians pinning
their faith to a human being: in some cases a friend who has been the
means of their conversion, or a favourite preacher. It is natural, but
Satan often uses it as a snare. The Master is not appealed to so often
as the friend. He sinks into the background, and when the friend is
removed they feel utterly stranded, and in some cases fall back in
their Christian life.'
When we reached the house, we found every one in the drawing-room at
tea. Miss Willoughby was in high spirits. She was organizing some
tableaux that the Forsyths were trying to get up, and was pressing
every one into her service.
'Now, Hilda Thorn,' she said laughingly, as I entered the room, 'I am
going to ask you a great favour. Don't purse up that little mouth of
yours in anticipation. It is nothing sinful, upon my honour it is not.'
'You shall not torment her till she has had a cup of tea,' said Nelly
good-naturedly. 'Come and sit down by me, Hilda.'
'Will you give her plenty of sugar then, please, Mrs. Forsyth?' Miss
Willoughby pursued; 'I want her temper sweetened.'
'I don't think she possesses a temper,' put in Kenneth. 'I know for a
fact that I often lose mine in trying to make her lose hers!'
'If she never loses it, she must have it in her possession,' said Miss
Willoughby drily; and every one laughed.
'What is it you want?' I asked a few moments after, having disposed of
my tea.
'Just at present we want a little soothing. There is an east wind
to-day, and not being a piece of perfection like yourself, I feel on
edge! I have not been treated well. I had my eye on Mr. Stanton for
King Arthur, and Hugh tells me they are dining in town on the 6th,
which is the date we have fixed. I suspect they have arranged it
between them. Then Constance and I want to pose for the same
character; she thinks she is better suited to it than I, and she likes
her own way. I think the contrary, and I like mine. And the fact is
that I've been told that you are a great violinist--"Music hath power
to soothe the savage breast." Will you do us the favour of playing to
us now? We shall feel more peaceably disposed towards each other
afterwards, I know.'
I willingly complied, and played one thing after another. When I put
down my violin, I saw Miss Willoughby give an approving nod towards
Mrs. Forsyth, and then she said, 'Thank you--that is a great treat.
Now I feel at peace with all mankind; do you?'
'I think I generally do,' I replied.
'Well, now, what I want to ask you is this,--and I am sure you will not
be so ill-natured as to refuse,--would you mind playing a little like
that just behind a screen for us? You won't be seen at all, and no one
will know who it is. Nelly says you have scruples about taking part in
tableaux; but of course this could not be an objection.'
Miss Willoughby dropped the half-mocking tone in which she usually
addressed me, and for an instant I felt I could not refuse. Nelly saw
my hesitation, and took advantage of it. 'Do say "Yes," Hilda; we want
a violin, and Violet does play so atrociously; there is no one about
here that can do it as well as you. It will only be for about ten
minutes.'
'Why do you want it?' I asked.
'I will tell you,' said Kenneth; 'we are to have some moving tableaux,
illustrating certain pithy sayings. Miss Willoughby has mentioned the
one we want you for,--"Music hath charms," etc. I think I am to pose
as one of the villains. We are divided as to whether it is to be a
duel or a cold-blooded murder; but I know my part is to transform my
face from that in which diabolical hatred and fiendish rage is
depicted, into a gradual state of simpering, smiling imbecility, and I
think the curtain will fall upon me and my rival locked in each other's
arms, shedding maudlin tears of love into our respective shirt-fronts!'
'The moral is so awfully good,' urged Nelly; 'do be obliging just this
once, Hilda.'
'Of course she is going to do it,' said Miss Willoughby.
'I will give you an answer to-morrow,' I said slowly, and taking up my
hat and cloak I left the room.
It was hard sometimes to keep clear of the gaiety around me, and this
was one of the cases in which I much wished for advice. I felt
inclined to appeal to Mr. Stanton; he had stood a little apart from the
others talking to General Forsyth, but I felt sure that he had been
within earshot of the whole conversation. Yet his words that afternoon
came back to me. I must get my orders from my Master, and not from
him. And, as so often before, I went down on my knees in my room, and
with my Bible before me sought the advice I needed.
I felt, when I at length rose, that I was best out of it altogether. I
knew my wish to oblige them and show them that I had no ill-feeling
about it might land me into further difficulties. It would be the thin
end of the wedge. And though I dreaded the scoffing remarks of Miss
Willoughby, and knew she would be really put out by my refusal, my mind
was quite made up, and meeting her on the stairs going down to dinner
two hours later, I told her I could not do it.
She only laughed at me. 'Nonsense, child! you will think better of it;
don't be in such a hurry to refuse.' Then, drawing my arm within hers,
she went on in a coaxing tone as we descended the stairs together: 'I
have taken a liking to you, Hilda, for I feel you have a true ring
about you. I am afraid I am a dreadful tease, but I tell you honestly
I admire and respect your religious views. Much better be one thing or
the other--and there is no uncertain sound about you. But don't you
think it a pity in the present instance if, in your mistaken zeal, you
would lose the opportunity of rendering us a little service, and so
commending your religion practically to us? I was talking to a
gentleman the other day who said, "What I object to so much in these
so-called good people is their extreme selfishness and indifference to
the likes and dislikes of those with whom they live; good nature and
the ordinary common little courtesies of life seem altogether lacking
in their composition." This isn't much we are asking of you, and I
don't think you will refuse. Five minutes only we want from you. You
needn't be present at the tableaux at all; people will think it is some
hired musician in the background, and you can escape to your room
immediately afterwards. If you refuse, do you think it will bring
credit on your religion? It's the only favour I have ever asked of
you, and it is such a little kindness to do.'
It was hard, in the face of this, to adhere to my resolve. If I had
not come straight from prayer, I don't believe I could have withstood
her.
'I am afraid you will think me very disagreeable,' I said as gently as
I could; 'but I have thought over it, and have made up my mind that it
is best for me not to take part in the tableaux at all. I think with a
little practice Violet will do what you require.'
Miss Willoughby's face was not a pleasant one to see when she saw I
really was in earnest. She dropped my arm at once, and seeing Kenneth
hovering about in the hall she went up to him, 'Take me out into the
balcony; I want a change of atmosphere. Your converted people are all
alike. A nasty, spiteful, ill-natured set of canting hypocrites!'
'It's war to the knife between you two now,' whispered Kenneth to me as
we went in to dinner; 'and I warn you she will give you no quarter.
She is not accustomed to have her plans thwarted. You had better give
in!'
I wondered why Miss Willoughby should have set her heart so upon my
helping them; but that night, when I went to bed, I was enlightened.
Miss Graham tapped at my door, and asked if she might come in for a few
minutes. She very often had a firelight talk with me at bedtime. I
was not feeling inclined for it now, for Miss Willoughby, though
purposely ignoring me in the drawing-room after dinner, had been lavish
with her biting sarcasm on Christianity and some of its followers.
Mr. Stanton had instantly come forward, upon hearing some of her
remarks, and in the discussion that followed she had been decidedly
worsted. Mr. Stanton was not a man to be trifled with, and he told her
some very plain truths. From getting excited, she finally lost her
temper, and the evening had ended unpleasantly for us all. I felt I
had been the innocent cause of it, and was too much perturbed in spirit
to relish a long chat with Miss Graham.
She surprised me by alluding at once to the subject of my thoughts.
'Have you consented to play for them at the tableaux?'
'No,' I said a little wearily as I sat down, and drew a chair forward
for her. 'I have told Miss Willoughby I cannot do it.'
'Is that your final decision? Does she know it is?'
'Yes, and she is very vexed about it.'
'Of course she is. My dear Hilda, I am glad. I think I must tell you
now about it. She is a clever woman, but not a good one. Do you know
that it has been a regular trap for you? Governesses are not supposed
to have ears--and yesterday I was giving Violet a music lesson, when
she and Mr. Kenneth and Miss Forsyth came in. They went over to the
window seat, and there began talking over these tableaux. They did not
lower their voices, and she made a bet with Mr. Kenneth that she would
make you take part in them. He laughed at her, but she said she was in
earnest, and then when he had left the room she propounded her plan to
Constance. If you had agreed to play for them,--which she said she was
pretty sure she would make you do,--she was going to arrange that just
before the curtain fell the screen should be suddenly shifted from in
front of you, and you would then be in full view of the audience. You
were, in fact, to personify the girl for whom the two rivals were
fighting.'
'But,' I said, quite bewildered, 'I should not have been dressed for
the occasion. How could she imagine such a plan would succeed?'
'It was all to be arranged. She said your cream silk would be just the
thing, and Mr. Forsyth was to tell you to wear it that night for
dinner. I assure you Miss Willoughby was quite determined that she
should succeed. I am very glad she has failed, for it would be a
shabby trick to play any one, and I was very vexed that it should be
played on you.'
I was silent. Miss Graham's words were a revelation to me, and I
wondered what I had done to cause Miss Willoughby to act so. And I
understood her anger at having had her plans so frustrated. How
thankful I was that I had not yielded to her entreaties! After a
pause, Miss Graham said, 'You must have a wonderful grip of unseen
things, Hilda, to live your life here so cheerily and brightly, when
you have such constant difficulties and disagreeables arising between
you and the girls.'
I looked up at her. 'It is a happy life, Miss Graham, and no
circumstances can ever make it otherwise.'
She leant forward in the firelight, and, taking one of my hands in
hers, said rather brokenly, with tears glistening in her eyes,--
'I have wanted to tell you--I must to-night; I think it will cheer you
to know that I have found what you have. Do you remember those few
words you said to me in the wood soon after you first came? I could
never forget them. And I was troubled for long afterwards. But I see
it all so differently now; salvation is not to be earned, as you said
to me, but to be received. And I think when one receives salvation,
one receives the Giver with it. I know I have found it so--it does
indeed make life different.'
'Oh, Miss Graham, I am so glad!' I said, and, unable to check myself, I
burst into tears. I think I was overwrought, and this coming on the
top of my other trouble, proved too much for me.
'How long have you--have you known this?' I asked, and in the fulness
of my heart I leant over and kissed her.
'I don't know,' she said with a smile; 'I have been seeking for it on
my knees and with my Bible night after night. Sometimes I fancied I
had the assurance of it, and then it seemed to leave me. I think when
you were at Miss Rayner's I seemed to doubt less and trust more. And
now I don't think I have a doubt at all. I am staking my assurance on
verses like John vi. 37. It was seeing you live your life here that
showed me you must have the real thing, and made me long to have it
too.'
She left me soon after, and I sat on by my fire with silent thanks in
my heart for this news. God had indeed been good to me, and I felt
especially grateful that I had been sent such comfort and cheer after a
rather trying evening.