In the earlier ages, sentiment in love does not appear to have been much
attended to. When Abraham sent his servant to court a bride for his son
Isaac, we do not so much as hear that Isaac was consulted on the matter:
nor is there even a suspicion, that he might refuse or dislike the wife
which his father had selected for him.
From the manner in which Rebecca was solicited, we learn, that women
were not then courted in person by the lover, but by a proxy, whom he,
or his parents, deputed in his stead. We likewise see, that this proxy
did not, as in modern times, endeavor to gain the affection of the lady
he was sent to, by enlarging on the personal properties, and mental
qualifications of the lover; but by the richness and magnificence of the
presents he made to her and her relations.
Presents have been, from the earliest ages, and are to this day, the
mode of transacting all kinds of business in the east. When a favor is
to be asked of a superior, one cannot hope to obtain it without a
present. Courtship, therefore, having been anciently transacted in this
manner, it is plain, that it was only considered in the same light as
any other negotiable business, and not as a matter of sentiment, and of
the heart.
In the courtship, however, or rather purchase of a wife by Jacob, we
meet with something like sentiment; for when he found that he was not
possessed of money or goods, equal to the price which was set upon her,
he not only condescended to purchase her by servitude, but even seemed
much disappointed when the tender-eyed Leah was faithlessly imposed upon
him instead of the beautiful Rachel.
The ancient Gauls, Germans, and neighboring nations of the North, had so
much veneration for the sex in general, that in courtship they behaved
with a spirit of gallantry, and showed a degree of sentiment, to which
_those_ who called them barbarians, never arrived. Not contented with
getting possession of the person of his mistress, a northern lover could
not be satisfied without the sincere affection of her heart; nor was his
mistress ever to be gained but by such methods as plainly indicated to
her the tenderest attachment from the most deserving man.
The women of Scandinavia were not to be courted but by the most
assiduous attendance, seconded by such warlike achievements as the
custom of the country had rendered necessary to make a man deserving of
his mistress. On these accounts, we frequently find a lover accosting
the object of his passion by a minute and circumstantial detail of his
exploits, and all his accomplishments. "We fought with swords," says
King Regner, in a beautiful ode composed by himself, in memory of the
deeds of his former days, "that day wherein I saw ten thousand of my
foes rolling in the dust, near a promontory of England. A dew of blood
distilled from our swords. The arrows which flew in search of the
helmets, bellowed through the air. The pleasure of that day was truly
exquisite.
"We fought with swords. A young man should march early to the conflict
of arms. Man should attack man, or bravely resist him. In this hath
always consisted the nobility of the warrior. He who aspires to the love
of his mistress, ought to be dauntless in the clash of swords."
The descendants of the northern nations, long after they had plundered
and repeopled the greatest part of Europe, retained nearly the same
ideas of love, and practised the same methods in declaring it, that they
had imbibed from their ancestors. "Love," says William of Montagnogout,
"engages to the most amiable conduct. Love inspires the greatest
actions. Love has no will but that of the object beloved, nor seeks any
thing but what will augment her glory. You cannot love, nor ought to be
beloved, if you ask any thing that virtue condemns. Never did I form a
wish that could wound the heart of my beloved, nor delight in a pleasure
that was inconsistent with her delicacy."
The method of addressing females, among some of the tribes of American
Indians, is the most simple that can possibly be devised. When the
lover goes to visit his mistress, he only begs leave, by signs, to enter
her hut. After obtaining this, he goes in, and sits down by her in the
most respectful silence. If she suffers him to remain there without
interruption, her doing so is consenting to his suit. If, however, the
lover has any thing given him to eat and drink, it is a refusal; though
the woman is obliged to sit by him until he has finished his repast. He
then retires in silence.
In Canada, courtship is not carried on with that coy reserve, and
seeming secrecy, which politeness has introduced among the inhabitants of
civilized nations. When a man and a woman meet, though they never saw
each other before, if he is captivated by her charms, he declares his
passion in the plainest manner; and she, with the same simplicity,
answers, Yes, or No, without further deliberation. "That female
reserve," says an ingenious writer, [Dr Alexander,] "that seeming
reluctance to enter into the married state, observable in polite
countries, is the work of art, and not of nature. The history of every
uncultivated people amply proves it. It tells us, that their women not
only speak with freedom the sentiments of their hearts, but even blush
not to have these sentiments made as public as possible."
In Formosa, however, they differ so much from the simplicity of the
Canadians, that it would be reckoned the greatest indecency in the man
to declare, or in the woman to hear, a declaration of the passion of
love. The lover is, therefore, obliged to depute his mother, sister, or
some female relation; and from any of these the soft tale may be heard
without the least offence to delicacy.
In Spain, the women had formerly no voice in disposing of themselves in
matrimony. But as the empire of common sense began to extend itself,
they began to claim a privilege, at least of being consulted in the
choice of the partners of their lives. Many fathers and guardians, hurt
by this female innovation, and puffed up with Spanish pride, still
insisted on forcing their daughters to marry according to their
pleasure, by means of duennas, locks, hunger, and even sometimes of
poison and daggers. But as nature will revolt against every species of
oppression and injustice, the ladies have for some time begun to assert
their own rights. The authority of fathers and guardians begins to
decline, and lovers find themselves obliged to apply to the affections
of the fair, as well as to the pride and avarice of their relations.
The nightly musical serenades of mistresses by their lovers are still in
use. The gallant composes some love sonnets, as expressive as he can,
not only of the situation of his heart, but of every particular
circumstance between him and the lady, not forgetting to lard them with
the most extravagant encomiums on her beauty and merit. These he sings
in the night below her window accompanied with his lute, or sometimes
with a whole band of music. The more piercingly cold the air, the more
the lady's heart is supposed to be thawed with the patient sufferance
of her lover, who, from night to night, frequently continues his
exercises for many hours, heaving the deepest sighs, and casting the
most piteous looks towards the window; at which if his goddess at last
deigns to appear, and drops him a curtsey, he is superlatively paid for
all his watching; but if she blesses him with a smile, he is ready to
run distracted.
In Italy the manner of addressing the ladies, so far as it relates to
serenading, nearly resembles that of Spain. The Italian, however, goes a
step farther than the Spaniard. He endeavors to blockade the house where
his fair one lives, so as to prevent the entrance of any rival. If he
marries the lady who cost him all this trouble and attendance, he shuts
her up for life: If not, she becomes the object of his eternal hatred,
and he too frequently endeavors to revenge by poison the success of his
happier rival.
In one circumstance relating to courtship, the Italians are said to be
particular. They protract the time as long as possible, well knowing
that even with all the little ills attending it, a period thus employed
is one of the sweetest of human life.
A French lover, with the word sentiment perpetually in his mouth, seems
by every action to have excluded it from his heart. He places his whole
confidence in his exterior air and appearance. He dresses for his
mistress, dances for her, flutters constantly about her, helps her to
lay on her rouge, and to place her patches. He attends her round the
whole circle of amusements, chatters to her constantly, whistles and
sings, and plays the fool with her. Whatever be his station, every thing
gaudy and glittering within the sphere of it is called in to his
assistance, particularly splendid carriages and tawdry liveries; but if,
by the help of all these, he cannot make an impression on the fair one's
heart, it costs him nothing but a few shrugs of his shoulders, two or
three silly exclamations, and as many stanzas of some satirical song
against her; and, as it is impossible for a Frenchman to live without an
amour, he immediately betakes himself to another.
There is hardly any such thing among people of fashion as courtship.
Matters are generally so ordered by parents and guardians, that to a
bride and bridegroom, the day of marriage is often the second time of
their meeting. In many countries, to be married in this manner would be
reckoned the greatest of misfortunes. In France it is little regarded.
In the fashionable world, few people are greater strangers to, or more
indifferent about each other, than husband and wife; and any appearance
of fondness between them, or their being seen frequently together, would
infallibly make them forfeit the reputation of the _ton_, and be laughed
at by all polite company. On this account, nothing is more common than
to be acquainted with a lady without knowing her husband, or visiting
the husband without ever seeing his wife.