The company of ladies has a very powerful influence on the sentiments
and conduct of men. Women, the fruitful source of half our joys, and
perhaps of _more_ than half our sorrows, give an elegance to our manner,
and a relish to our pleasures. They soothe our afflictions, and soften
our cares. Too much of their company will render us effeminate, and
infallibly stamp upon us many signatures of the female nature. A rough
and unpolished behavior, as well as slovenliness of person, will
certainly be the consequence of an almost constant exclusion from it. By
spending a reasonable portion of our time in the company of women, and
another in the company of our own sex, we shall imbibe a proper share of
the softness of the female, and at the same time retain the firmness and
constancy of the male.
As little social intercourse subsisted between the two sexes, in the
more early ages of antiquity, we find the men less courteous, and the
women less engaging. Vivacity and cheerfulness seem hardly to have
existed. Even the Babylonians, who appear to have allowed their women
more liberty than any of the ancients, seem not to have lived with them
in a friendly and familiar manner. But, as their intercourse with them
was considerably greater than that of the neighboring nations, they
acquired thereby a polish and refinement unknown to any of the people
who surrounded them. The manners of both sexes were softer, and better
calculated to please.
They likewise paid more attention to cleanliness and dress.
After the Greeks became famous for their knowledge of the arts and
sciences, their rudeness and barbarity were only softened a _few
degrees_. It is not therefore arts, sciences, and _learning_, but the
company of the other sex, that forms the manner and renders the man
_agreeable_.
The Romans were, for some time, a community without any thing to soften
the ferocity of male nature. The Sabine virgins, whom they had stolen,
appear to have infused into them the first ideas of politeness. But it
was many ages before this politeness banished the roughness of the
warrior, and assumed the refinement of the gentleman.
During the times of chivalry, female influence was at the zenith of its
glory and perfection. It was the source of valor, it gave birth to
politeness, it awakened pity, it called forth benevolence, it restricted
the hand of oppression, and meliorated the human heart. "I cannot
approach my mistress," said one, "till I have done some glorious deed to
deserve her notice. Actions should be the messengers of the heart; they
are the homage due to beauty, and they only should discover love."
Marsan, instructing a young knight how to behave so as to gain the favor
of the fair, has these remarkable words:--"When your arm is raised, if
your lance fail, draw your sword directly; and let heaven and hell
resound with the clash. Lifeless is the soul which beauty cannot
animate, and weak is the arm which cannot fight valiantly to defend it."
The Russians, Poles, and even the Dutch, pay less attention to their
females than any of their neighbors, and are, by consequence, less
distinguished for the graces of their persons, and the feelings of their
hearts.
The lightness of their food, and the salubrity of their air, have been
assigned as reasons for the vivacity and cheerfulness of the French, and
their fortitude, in supporting their spirits through all the adverse
circumstances of this world. But the constant mixture of the young and
old, of the two sexes, is no doubt one of the _principal_ reasons why
the cares and ills of life sit lighter on the shoulders of that
fantastic people, than on those of any other country in the world.
The French reckon an excursion dull, and a party of pleasure without
relish, unless a mixture of both sexes join to compose in. The French
women do not even withdraw from the table after meals; nor do the men
discover that impatience to have them dismissed, which they so often do
in England.
It is alleged by those who have no relish for the conversation of the
fair sex, that their presence curbs the freedom of speech, and
restrains the jollity of mirth. But, if the conversation and the mirth
are decent, if the company are capable of relishing any thing but wine,
the very reverse is the case. Ladies, in general, are not only more
cheerful than gentlemen, but more eager to promote mirth and good humor.
So powerful, indeed, are the company and conversation of the fair, in
diffusing happiness and hilarity, that even the cloud which hangs on the
_thoughtful brow_ of an Englishman, begins in the present age to
brighten, by his devoting to the ladies a larger share of time than was
formerly done by his ancestors.
Though the influence of the sexes be reciprocal, yet that of the ladies
is certainly the greatest. How often may one see a company of men, who
were disposed to be riotous, checked at once into decency by the
accidental entrance of an amiable woman; while her good sense and
obliging deportment charms them into at least a temporary conviction,
that there is nothing so delightful as female conversation, in its
best form! Were such conviction frequently repeated, what might we not
expect from it at last?
"Were virtue," said an ancient philosopher, "to appear amongst men in a
visible shape, what vehement desires would she enkindle!" Virtue,
exhibited without affectation, by a lovely young person, of improved
understanding and gentle manners, may be said to appear with the most
alluring aspect, surrounded by the _Graces_.
It would be an easy matter to point out instances of the most evident
reformation, wrought on particular men, by their having happily
conceived a passion for virtuous women.
To form the manners of men, various causes contribute; but nothing,
perhaps, so much as the turn of the women with whom they converse. Those
who are most conversant with women of virtue and understanding, will be
always found the most amiable characters, other circumstances being
supposed alike. Such society, beyond every thing else, rubs off the
_corners_ that gives many of our sex an ungracious roughness. It
produces a polish more perfect, and more pleasing than that which is
received from a general commerce with the world. This last is often
specious, but commonly superficial. The other is the result of gentler
feelings, and more humanity. The heart itself is moulded. Habits of
undissembled courtesy are formed. A certain flowing urbanity is
acquired. Violent passions, rash oaths, coarse jests, indelicate
language of every kind, are precluded and disrelished.
Female society gives men a taste for cleanliness and elegance of person.
Our ancestors, who kept but little company with their women, were not
only slovenly in their dress, but had their countenances disfigured with
long beards. By female influence, however, beards were, in process of
time, mutilated down to mustaches. As the gentlemen found that the
ladies had no great relish for mustaches, which were the relics of a
beard, they cut and curled them into various fashions, to render them
more agreeable. At last, however, finding such labor vain, they gave
them up altogether. But as those of the three learned professions were
supposed to be endowed with, or at least to stand in need of, more
wisdom than other people, and as the longest beard had always been
deemed to sprout from the wisest chin, to supply this mark of
distinction, which they had lost, they contrived to smother their heads
in enormous quantities of frizzled hair, that they might bear greater
resemblance to an owl, the bird sacred to wisdom and Minerva.
To female society it has been objected by the learned and studious, that
it enervates the mind, and gives it such a turn for trifling, levity,
and dissipation, as renders it altogether unfit for that application
which is necessary in order to become eminent in any of the sciences. In
proof of this they allege, that the greatest philosophers seldom or
never were men who enjoyed, or were fit for, the company or conversation
of women. Sir Isaac Newton hardly ever conversed with any of the sex.
Bacon, Boyle, Des Cartes, and many others, conspicuous for their
learning and application, were but indifferent companions to the fair.
It is certain, indeed, that the youth who devotes his whole time and
attention to female conversation, and the little offices of gallantry,
never distinguishes himself in the literary world. But notwithstanding
this, without the fatigue and application of severe study, he often
obtains, by female interest, that which is denied to the merited
improvements acquired by the labor of many years.