_Dear Kate_:
I feel so kind of shamed, kind of choked up and happy, that it is awful
hard for me to put down on paper just what I am a feeling, I don't know
what you will say about it, Kate, and I know that you will nearly drop
dead when you read this, but I am going to get married and--wait a
minute--I am going to marry a cop! Can you beat that? Me, Nancy Lane,
who has been brought up since a kid to feel that cops is her natural
enemy, and to hate a uniform as the devil hates holy water. But some way
I never think of Tom as being a policeman, he is so kind and good and
big hearted, always doing something nice for people, and he is so nice
at home, just like a great, big boy. He loves his little mother and
jollies her and laughs at her, he is just like a good pal to both her
and Jack, and they simply worship the ground he walks on, and I don't
blame them, Kate, because--put your head down close--dear, I do too. It
is the first time I dared say it out loud even to myself. I didn't know
what was the matter with me, I used to be so anxious to get up in the
morning to see him at the breakfast table, and I liked to pour his
coffee, and fasten his stick in his belt and go to the gate with him. It
seemed like the day would never go by until he got back. Sometimes he
would call me up on the telephone. Why, Kate, I couldn't hardly talk to
him and he would notice it and his voice would get worried and he would
ask me if I was sick. When he would come home at night, we would all
have supper, and set around and josh and laugh and talk, him and Jack
half quarreling in a good natured way over their vegetables, or we would
dance, or just set out on the front porch with some of the neighbors
who'd come in. I didn't know I was loving him cause I wanted to be close
to him, but when he was a setting by me, I didn't want to talk or
nothing, I was happy just being near him. One night everybody went in
and left us on the porch together. He was quiet for a long while, then
he moved over closer to me and put his arm around me and he said soft
and quiet-like, "Nan, are you happy here with us?" And I said, "Why, I
ain't never been so happy in my life," and he said, "Do you think you
could stand it to stay always," and I kinda edged away from him and
said, "I can't stay always, I must go to work next week," and he said,
"No, you ain't going to work no more, Nan, except for Tom Cassidy. You
have got a life-long job teaching him to tango." I laughed kinda
nervous-like. "That ain't no lie. It would take more than one life to
teach you to tango." Tom took hold of my face and leaned my head back,
and said, "Nannie, little girl, I just want you. Won't you marry me?"
"Oh, Tom," I said, and I couldn't say no more, and he said, "I don't
know how to make love much, but I do love you, Nan. From the first minit
I laid eyes on you I wanted to take you up in my big arms and take care
of you, you seemed so little and alone--and you crept right inside of
my uniform and stuck around my heart till there ain't room for nothing
else. Why everything I hear says your name, and your face goes dancing
before me as I walk up and down my beat, and when I looked up sudden the
other day at the captain, hanged if for a minit he didn't have red,
curly hair. Say you will marry me, Nancy, and we will be the happiest
bunch in the Bronx." When he had been talking to me it seemed I was just
choked up two ways, one with happiness and the other with misery. I said
to him, "Oh, Tom, I couldn't marry you." He said, "Why not, don't you
love me?" "It ain't that, Tom," I said, "but my family is all crooks.
You couldn't marry _me_." He said, "Well, what has that got to do with
it? I don't see how they can stop me marrying you. Most of them is in
jail anyway." I couldn't help but laugh, as he was so earnest about it,
but I said, "Why, Tom, if they knowed down at Central Office that you
had married me, they might break you. All the bulls know father." And
then Tom got mad. "Break me--what would they break me for? I guess I got
the right to marry the finest little girl in New York if I want to and I
would just as soon take you right up to the chief himself and say
'Chief, this is Nancy Lane and I am going to marry her. Her father is
old Bill Lane, and the worst crook this side of the Pacific, but my
little girl is white and clean right through.' And do you know what he
would do? He would give you one look over with that clever eye of his,
and say, 'Put a rose in your hair and go as far as you like, _and_
because you have shown common sense for once in your life, you will be
made a captain next week.'" I laughed and couldn't say nothing much, and
he moved over close to me again and laid my face against his coat, and
put his head down on my hair, kinda patting my face soft with his big
hand. He said, "Nancy darling, you do like me a little bit, don't you? I
will be so good to you, little one, and I will stand between you and all
your troubles. You have had your share, and you never need to have no
more, cause when things don't go right, all you need to do is to run to
big Tom Cassidy, and rub your little face up and down the front of his
big coat, and squeeze a little water out of one eye, and put a little
tremble in your voice, and he would go out and lick a St. Patrick's Day
procession for you." Then he was quiet but went on after a while soft
and tender like, "I sure do love you, little one. Don't you care for me
a little?" "Oh, Tom," I said, "it ain't little, it is lots." Then he
said, "Why won't you say we will be married?" And I said, "Tom, I care
more for you than for anything in the world, but I wouldn't hurt you for
nothing." And he said, "The only way you can hurt me, Nan, is to say you
won't have me and you don't say that, do you dear?" I looked up at him
for a minit and he must a saw what was in my eyes, cause he was quiet,
just a looking deep into my eyes. Then he drew my face to him with his
two hands and kissed me. Kate I went all of a tremble and it seemed my
heart came right up on my lips when I felt his touch mine, and when he
said, "Say, 'I love you, Tom,'" I only needed to whisper it for him to
hear, and I was glad cause I couldn't have spoke it out loud to save my
soul.
Oh, Kate, I didn't know there was such a thing in the world as what I am
feeling. I am so happy it keeps me quiet, and I like to set by myself
and think of Tom, how big and strong he is, how he will always fight my
troubles. But I feel I will never have troubles if I live with him,
cause he is so good and kind and gentle, that sorrow could never come
near him or his.
I won't write you more, cause if I wrote you a hundred pages, I couldn't
say more than that I'm the happiest girl in the world, cause I love him,
love him, love him.
_Nan_.