extracting explosives from chestnuts. Chauncey Depew was master of that
art long, long, ago.
* * * *
"Keep the Home Fires Burning" is very pretty, and all that, but "keep
the billet fires aglow" is a lot more practical.
* * * *
Broadway, the papers tell us, is now dark after eleven o'clock at night,
and thinks it a hardship. Shucks! We could mention some French cities
that, until recently, were dark after four o'clock in the afternoon.
* * * *
It may be set down as a plain, unvarnished, Teutonic lie that fuel has
become so scarce in the States that minstrel shows will soon be
abolished by Federal order because of a lack of burnt cork.
* * * *
Just think! After the war is over it'll be like going from boyhood into
manhood. We'll "graduate into long trousers" again.
* * * *
Over in the States, Mondays have been declared legal holidays because of
the shortage of coal. But over here, with coal and wood even scarcer, we
drill on washday, whether or no.
* * * *
What puzzles us is how Great Britain, on a diet of that warm beer, can
continue to produce tanks that terrorize the Germans.
* * * *
Mrs. Margaret Deland says she wishes every soldier in the army might see
"Damaged Goods." Shucks, Mrs. Deland; we all saw damaged goods when we
got our belated Christmas packages.
* * * *
Mr. Charles M. Schwab has given up his private car for the duration of
the war, and will, according to a despatch from the States, "do his
travelling in the conventional day coach or Pullman." We, too, have
given up our private cars, and now do our travelling in the conventional
third-class carriages or "Hommes 40, Chevaux 8."
* * * *
Cheer up, lads! Pity the poor chaps back home who got married to escape
the army! Between Hindenburg and a mother-in-law, pick Hindenburg for an
enemy, every time.
* * * *
What has become of the old-fashioned trooper who used to be able to roll
the makin's with one hand while holding in a bucking horse with the
other? For that matter, what has become of the old-fashioned trooper?
* * * *
"Austria Suggests Treating with N.S."--Headline.
No thanks; not now. From past performance, the chance is too good that
the drinks would be doped.
* * * *
Trench coats were worn by the patriotic Wall Street brokers on the New
York stock exchange during that coal-less day; as if, no doubt, to imply
that Wall Street is just as dangerous as the trenches. There isn't much
difference: In one, you may get separated from your kale, and in the
other you may get separated from your bean.
* * * *
"Hertling Thinks England Doesn't Wish for Peace."--Headline.
It all depends on what you mean by peace, Herr Chancellor!
* * * *
Now that the Chinese mission has officially visited the Belgian front,
we suppose Hindenburg will take the queue and get out from in front of
there.
* * * *
It is a singular tribute to the originality of the A.E.F. that not one
of its members has tried to write home that ancient wheeze about "the
French pheasants singing the Mayonnaise."
* * * *
The Kaiser said he didn't want any fuss made over his birthday this
year. He even refrained from making a speech on that auspicious
occasion. But, all the same, there are plenty of people who would dearly
love to give him the fifty-odd spanks to which his age entitles him, and
who, in time, will do so.
* * * *
Now that they've started with bread tickets in Paris, they might do well
in some other parts of France to begin issuing rain checks.
* * * *
The peanut crop in the States is reported to be small this year, which
probably accounts for the decline in the number of pacifists as well.
[Illustration: ON THEIR WAY.--By CHARLES DANA GIBSON
Reproduced by courtesy of "Life."]
----
TO THE FOLKS BACK HOME
----
_To the fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers, wives, sweethearts,
and friends of the men in the American Expeditionary Forces:_
We hear that you have been regaled with some alarming stories about us
of the A.E.F. and our conduct here in France. In fact, some of those
stories have been relayed to us, and if they weren't so far from the
truth we might be inclined to get really mad. But knowing the authors of
some of them--for some of the hysterical stripe have really been over
here--our first inclination is to laugh.
But, after all, it's no laughing matter to be talked about behind our
backs in such a reckless and irresponsible way by reckless and
irresponsible people, though no doubt some of them have the best
intentions in the world and think that they, and they alone, can save
us. (They have probably told you that, and asked you to contribute money
to their worthy cause, haven't they?) What hurts most, however, is the
thought that, though we know you are loyal to us and have the firmest of
faith in us, perhaps these dire tales may have caused you anxiety, may
even have brought you to believe that perhaps, after all, we had become
a bit neglectful of our trust; and that, so believing, you might have
been sorely, and entirely unduly, distressed in spirit.
Be assured that these sensational stories are nothing but myths. Absolutely
nothing else. And we have the facts to prove that they are. Listen:
The percentage of venereal disease in this army of yours is three-tenths
of one per cent.--the smallest percentage on record for any army, or any
civil population, in the world's history. It is a sober army, and a
well-behaved one. The statistics in the possession of the Judge Advocate
General's department prove that there have been, in proportion, fewer
cases of drunkenness, fewer breaches of military discipline among its
members than has been the case with any army whose records have been
preserved.
Now, to take a specific instance. A certain self-constituted "board of
morals" is quoted in a dispatch from the United States to the effect
that 1,046 men of the "north-eastern States" were locked up in the
guardhouse following their first pay day, for drunkenness.
That is the story; here are the facts:
Since the troops referred to as coming from the "north-eastern States"
came to France, the total number of their men locked up in the
guardhouse for all offenses--not for drunkenness alone, mind you--has
been exactly 134 to date. In other words, the self-constituted champions
of sobriety generously multiplied by eight the number of men imprisoned
for all offenses--including as it does those punished for infractions of
rules, insubordination and the like--and passed the enlarged figures on
to you as representing the number of men locked up for drunkenness
alone! No wonder you were scared--as they probably intended you should
be.
Just to refute them again, here is a quotation from the report of a
Protestant chaplain on active service with these same maligned troops
from the "north-eastern States." Bear in mind, too, that this particular
chaplain has been in the army but a short time, and therefore brings a
fresh and impartial judgment to bear on the problems. This is what he
says:
"In performing my priestly functions it has been my privilege to travel
considerably among the troops, and it pleases me immensely to be able to
state that I find moral conditions most satisfactory. The military
authorities are vigilant in removing temptation. We have a clean army;
and I am honestly convinced that the men in France are in less danger
morally than they would be in service in their own country."
"The men in France are in less danger morally than they would be in
service in their own country." That last clause is worth repetition.
Ponder on that, dear people at home.
Here's something more. The Catholic chaplains attached to these same
slandered troops declare that, out of thousands of men admitted to the
confessional, only three have confessed to sins of any magnitude. A
correspondent of an internationally-known daily newspaper, whose
business it is to get facts and to report them accurately, adds this:
"I was in the only town of any size in the whole area occupied by the
troops referred to on the night when they were first paid off in France.
The majority of these men received from two to three months' pay,
totalling in many cases $100 or more. The streets were crowded with
soldiers buying up everything in sight, from candy and chocolate to
clothing, but--it's the absolute truth--I did not see a single drunken
soldier; while the provost guard records show the smallest number of
arrests. Since then I have seen a good deal of the troops referred to as
'North-Eastern,' as a result of which I can unhesitatingly state that if
the troops training in the United States conduct themselves as well,
they're doing nobly."
Finally, the commanding officer of this same body of men--and our
commanding officers are our severest critics and also our only really
competent ones--volunteers this, by way of clinching the argument:
"I never knew any army garrison in the United States before the war to
have anything like so good a record."
As to conditions in general, both Allied and neutral military observers
have expressed themselves as astonished at the remarkably good behavior
of this army of yours. The world does move. Armies no longer live by
forage, loot, and pillage; but even at that, this pay-as-you-go,
behave-as-you-go American Army has been a revelation to our European
Allies.
Take it all in all, these American Expeditionary Forces constitute an
army which is in every way a worthy successor to the first army of
liberty, whose commander was George Washington. It is proud of its
heritage, proud of you people at home who are supporting it and who are
backing it with your labor, your money, your hopes, and your prayers,
proud of the Government that sped it on its way overseas, proud of the
cause for which it is fighting--the greatest cause which any army was
ever called upon to champion. It would rather rot under the soil of
France than to do anything which would cast discredit on the homes it
left, which would impugn in any way the good name of the great people
from whom it was recruited.
Bear all this in mind, good people back in God's country, if you hear
any more stories about us made up out of the same whole cloth. If by any
chance any of you should hesitate to believe us, write to our
commanders, our chaplains, our doctors--anybody in authority. They will
back us to the limit--and we, for our part, will guarantee to come home
to you clean in body, exalted in mind and heart, and with the record
behind us of a man's size job manfully done.
----
MENTIONED IN ORDERS
----
NEW HEADGEAR.
The "Oversea Cap," the latest thing in military headgear, has been
officially adopted as part of the uniform for officers, soldiers and
other uniformed members of the A.E.F. For the latter two classes, the
cap will be of 20 ounce olive drab cloth, or perhaps a little heavier.
There will be no show of coloring on the cap, and the stiffening of the
flap will be the same color as the cap itself. When the cap is issued to
a man, he will be expected to turn in his service hat to nearest
Quartermaster depot.
The officers' Overseas cap will be the same model as that worn by the
men, but the material will be that of the officers' uniform. For
officers other than general officers, the stiffening at the edge of the
flap will be the same color as the arm of the service to which the
officer belongs, and will project far enough above the edge of the flap
to give the appearance of piping when the cap is worn with the flap up.
General officers will have caps with stiffening of the same color as the
cap cloth itself, with a strip of gold braid an eighth of an inch to a
quarter of an inch from the outside of the flap.
Except where the helmet is prescribed, officers actually commanding
troops will wear the Oversea cap. At other times the Oversea or the
service cap is optional.
TRENCH UNIFORMS.
Officers are also authorized to wear the so-called trench coat, with
the insignia of rank on the shoulder. This may also be worn on the
raincoat. Officers serving in the Zone of Advance will be issued all
articles of the enlisted man's uniform and equipment they need; and,
when their duty in the trenches is over, they will return all such
articles.
NEATNESS IN DRESS.
In connection with these new regulations concerning clothing, it is
strictly laid down that every effort must be made at all times by the
officers and men of the A.E.F. to present a neat and soldierly
appearance. When men are not actually engaged on field service, it is
directed that uniforms will be pressed and brushed, and that belts,
leggings, shoes, boots, and brasses will be cleaned and polished. Even
when on active service, it is required that advantage be taken of every
opportunity to clean uniforms and equipment.
"No soldier," says the order, "will be permitted to leave his command on
pass unless he presents a neat and soldierly appearance, which will be
determined at an inspection by an officer."
AMBULANCE VENTILATION.
Ford ambulances in the service of the A.E.F. are to be bored with one
inch auger holes at three-inch intervals in double rows through the
wooden front just at the driver's back and immediately beneath the roof;
in the tail-board, also, there will be fifteen holes. This is to secure
proper ventilation, as deaths have been known to occur, in other Allied
services, within the enclosed bodies of the ambulances which are
equipped with exhaust gas heaters. Ambulance drivers are cautioned to
investigate the condition of their passengers at five-minute intervals.
TYPHOID PROPHYLAXIS.
Any men in the A.E.F. who have not as yet taken typhoid prophylaxis will
be required to do so in the near future; and, in all cases where it is
shown that complete protective measures have not been taken, the surgeon
will administer triple vaccine prophylaxis.
RED CROSS SEARCHERS.
One "searcher" of the American Red Cross may be attached to each
statistical section of the Adjutant-General's department throughout the
A.E.F. and in each hospital sub-section, except in field hospitals.
Information as to casualties, etc., will be furnished freely to Red
Cross searchers subject to the necessary restrictions as to what may be
forwarded, and at what times.
MORE RATIONS.
The meat, coffee and sugar rations of troops engaged in work involving
hard manual labor of eight hours or more a day will be increased 25 per
cent. up to the end of March. This holds true in future from November to
March, inclusive.
RECKLESS DRIVING.
Reckless driving by chauffeurs is frowned upon severely in General
Orders No. 11. In consequence of past accidents, it is now required that
every driver of an A.E.F. motor vehicle which sustains a collision with
any French vehicle or person, or kills or injures a domestic animal,
will prepare a report on Form No. 124, Q.M.M.T.S., immediately after the
collision and before resuming his journey. It is impressed upon the
drivers that this must be done in every case, regardless of how trivial
the injury may appear to be. The driver, after making out his report,
will deliver it to his immediate commanding officer with the least
possible delay. Court-martial proceedings must, in every case, be
instituted against any driver who fails to render such a report
immediately upon return to his station.
HARD LIQUORS.
Soldiers are forbidden either to buy or accept as gifts from the French,
any whisky, brandy, champagne, or, in fact, any spirituous liquors.
Commanding officers are charged with the duty of seeing that all
drinking places where the alcoholic liquors thus named are sold are
designated as "off limits." They are also directed to use every endeavor
to limit to the lowest possible number the places where intoxicants are
sold, and to assist the French authorities in locating non-licensed
resorts.
----
RAILROADING AT THE
FRONT IS NO PICNIC
----
Engineer of Big Lizzie Takes Reporter for a Ride
and Explains a Few Professional
Difficulties.
----
BOCHE TRIES TO BEAN HIM WITH BOMBS.
----
Problems of Garb, Breakfast and Tobacco Happily
Solved by "System D."
----
"_Casey Jones--mounted up the cabin
Casey Jones--with his orders in his hand!_"
The singer, to judge from the way he rolled his r's, ought to have come
from somewhere out in the perrrarrrie country of North America; but to
judge from his costume, he might have come from about anywhere. He wore
the red fez of the Algerian troops, the tunic of his Britannic Majesty's
fighting forces, the horizon-blue slicker of the Armee de France, but
his underpinning, as well as his voice, was downright United States.
Only the khaki trousers and canvas leggins identified him, in part, at
least, as a member of an American Railroad Engineers' Regiment.
"Up to look us over, are you?" he inquired, grinning genially at the
STARS AND STRIPES reporter who had made his way up right behind the
fighting lines, to see the engineers at their work of running supply
trains for the French. "Well, sonny, take a good look. We ain't much on
clothes"--indicating his motley garments--"but believe me, bo, we're
there on work! Y'see, the Boche's birdies make things pretty hot for us
at times, flyin' over our perfectly good right of way and tryin' to beat
us where the stack shows up bright in the dark. So we have to lay over
until they fly back, and then git out and hustle to keep things moving
som'ers near on schedule. At that, day before yest'day, we had every
blooming train on time.
The Workings of System D.
"These duds"--indicating his international collection of garments--"I
know they look funny, but what can a man do? Well, it all works out
right enough by what the French call 'System D'--shift for yourself. We
start out under the U.S., and we draw some--just _some_--clothes from
them. Then they turn us over to the French gov'ment to run this here
line up to the front, see? French gov'ment gives us more clothes--some.
Then along come some Canucks--damn decent chaps, too, and more like
Americans than anything else they've got over here--and they want to
trade off with us for some stuff. That's where the coat come from. This
red dicer"--pointing to the fez--"I copped off'n a nigger. Funny kind of
coon he was, too; couldn't talk English, only French; and we had to
teach him how to shoot crap!
"But we got three complete Uncle Sam uniforms, in three different sizes,
for the use of the whole outfit. Y'see, three men from our comp'ny get
leave in Paree every week, and they just nachhully got to look right
when they go down there. So they match, and the odd man has the pick of
the three suits, so's he can take the one that fits him. Then the other
two flip up, and the guy that don't call it has to take what's left.
Gen'rally he's outer luck.
"Look at this engine o' mine," continued the engineer, pointing to the
big Baldwin locomotive beside him. "Is't she a pippin, though? These
little French ones look like fleas up alongside an elephant aside of
her. They're forty-five like her in the same lot, bought by the French
for $45,000 a throw, and turned out at the works in Philly in twenty
days. They're owned by the French now, but they've got the good old
'U.S.A.' right up there on the water-tender. See it?" He obliged with
his flashlight. "Pull? They can handle 166,000 pounds without batting an
eye!
Misses the Old Bell.
"Only trouble is," he explained, "we haven't got any spare parts for
her, not even spare valves, she was rushed over here in such a hurry.
But at that, she's got it over anything that ever sailed over this line
before. Why, when we first got here some of the French lines were using
old engines that had been made in Germany in 1856. 'Sfact! One of ours,
like Big Lizzie here, can do the work of three of the little fellers;
and, while I'm not the one to say it, perhaps, our regiment has done the
work of an outfit two and a half times as big since it came here.
"Climb up alongside of me in the cab," the engineer invited, "and we'll
give her a pull up the line to the next station." The reporter complied,
and soon his ears were startled with the long blast of a real American
whistle. "Sounds like the real thing, doesn't it?" beamed his guide.
"Beats those little peanut whistles they've got on the little French
dinkeys. Only thing the boys miss is pulling the old bell, but they
can't do it here. Bells in this country are only used for church and for
gas alarms. And it bothers 'em a bit the different signals they've got
to learn: One to start, two blasts to stop, and eight for a grade
crossing. Whew! How much chance would we have to blow eight for a
crossing in the States and let anything get out of the way?"
Every Station Is a Block.
Up grade Big Lizzie puffed, and pulled away with a right good will,
scuttling around the many curves in the road as if she were on a dance
floor. Military railroads have to have plenty of curves, so the Boche
airplanes cannot follow them too closely. At the next station the
reporter had a chance to examine the office of the Illinois Central
agent, all decorated with shells picked up on the famous battlefields at
the head of the line, and to see the bunk house and restaurant for the
men who lay over there. Every station on the line--there are seven--has
an American station master, and all the yards have American yard-masters
and American switchmen. There is, strictly speaking, no block system in
France, but each station is supposed to be the boundary of a block, and
a train simply stays in one station until the one ahead is clear.
"Want some hot water?" queried the engineer of an American who, carrying
a big tank, came up to the engine at one of the stations. "All right: it
isn't Saturday night yet, but over here you've got to wash while the
washing's good. Help yourself out of the engine!" And the American
did--with thanks.
The engineer paused a moment to scan the sky. "Pretty dark for the
Boches to be out," he remarked. "First night out we were chased by one
of 'em in a machine, but we got in all right. That's why we run without
lights now, and make the crew use flashlights instead of lanterns. Right
over there"--pointing to the side of the roadbed, in the snow--"a
'flyin' Dutchman' came down last week, after being chased by a French
plane. His chassis was all riddled with bullets till it looked like
Cook's strainer, and his wings were bent till they looked like
corkscrews. When they came up to look at the machine, they found the
pilot's right body in it, burnt just like a strip o' bacon that's been
left on the stove too long. They found the carcass of the officer that
was with him about 500 yards away, in the woods somewhere. He must have
got a helluva toss when he went.
In Luck on Tobacco.
"Like it?" He repeated the reporter's question. "Like it? Sure; who
wouldn't? Only thing is, we're loaned to the French army, as I told you,
and the French never have learnt how to cook a man's size breakfast.
Now, how in the name of time can a railroad man do a day's work when he
begins it on nothin' but coffee and a hunk of sour bread? But we've been
runnin in luck lately, buyin eggs and things off the people along the
line, and gettin' a little stuff from the U.S.Q.M. now and then, so we
make out pretty well. The only thing that got our goat was when they
offered us the French tobacco ration--seein' as we were in their army,
they thought we were entitled to it. We took one whiff apiece--and then
we said 'Nix!' Since Christmas, though, we've come into luck," he added,
pulling a big hunk of long-cut out of his Canadian blouse. "Have a chew?
"Danger? Hell! What'd we come over for, a Sunday school picnic? No, when
you come right down to it there isn't much. If we get the tip, we just
crawl into the dugouts along the road, and shuffle the pasteboards until
we get the signal that the party is over. I've had livelier times 'n
this out west, with washouts and wrecks and beatin' off a crowd of
greasers from the tracks when they went wild, many a time. No, sir, war
hasn't got much new in the movie thrill line for a railroad man!"
----
AH! THOSE FRENCH!
----
"Mademoiselle, tell me: What is the difference between you and a
major-general?"
"_Mais, oui, m'sieur_, there are many differences; which one does
_m'sieur_ mean?"
[Illustration]
"Ah, Mademoiselle, the general, he has stars upon his shoulders; but
you--you, mademoiselle, have the stars in your eyes!"
----
SHAVING IN FRANCE.
----