LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
"The snob in soul who looks above,
Trampling on what's beneath."
FRANCIS ADAMS.
"Is she a Lady or a Person?" asked a British Matron when I spoke of
a certain young woman. The question is well calculated to set one
pondering on those nice distinctions of class, and sub-distinctions
within the classes, characteristic of most semi-civilised and so-called
highly civilised nations of the world. Unquestionably, my interrogator
was a "lady" in the popular sense of the title. She lived in a large
house, received visits from the rector and the curate, gave parties
attended by well-to-do tradesfolk and one or two professional men,
with their wives and families, and refrained from committing the
misdemeanour of carrying parcels in the street. Undoubtedly she was
considered a lady by most members of her own order. But was she a
lady? I confess I do not know what you in particular mean by a lady. I
must know you tolerably intimately before I can even hazard a surmise.
This dame was the daughter of a tradesman, and she earned her own
livelihood. That is quite enough to stamp her as a mere person in the
judgment of an immense class.
For many years I have been trying to understand the jargon of
Respectability, and I have failed. I cannot get three people in one
room to entirely agree as to the constituents of a lady or a gentleman.
One will tell me that the claim to the distinction depends upon birth;
another denies this, and says it is simply a matter of good manners;
but a third, in spite of my protest that the manners of my housemaid
betoken a _gentle_-woman, affirms that her social status debars a
domestic servant from the label _lady_, though she may be a very
well-behaved young woman. If you think it is easy to obtain a precise
definition of lady and gentleman, I suggest that you interrogate your
near acquaintances, and make notes of the answers. Perchance your luck
is better than mine.
No, I do not to this day know exactly what people mean by calling this
man _gentleman_ and that man plain _man_. I have heard that there was a
time when only those men who plundered the poor, swore "gad-zooks" and
very much worse than that, got drunk nearly every night, and debauched
a great number of maids were the only respectable gentlemen in the
land, all the rest, who were not "up to" this "form" in usual practice
being churls, and knaves, and clowns. It is a matter of history that
these crapulous bandits were the only gentlemen of their day.
But take the phrase in its most modern sense. A. is a patrician, and
therefore pre-eminently a gentleman in the esteem of tens of thousands.
He uses the foulest back-slum expressions in the hunting-field, "pals"
with harlots, gamblers of shady notoriety, and ruffianly hybrid
sportsmen of the turf and ring, drinks to excess, and, after a career
of low vice and mean trickery, he pays his creditors--many of them
struggling tradesmen--sixpence in the pound, or less than that. _You_
say he is no gentleman. Quite so; but he is received in that polite
company where you and I would be cold-shouldered, and the society that
receives him is undoubtedly very high and good society. Moreover,
the Respectable million, though they may roll their eyes unctuously
at his misconduct, would be extremely delighted to have the honour of
entertaining Lord A. at afternoon tea. You know perfectly well, my
friend, that his lordship is "a gentleman bred and born," and that
circles closed to B., an impecunious artist, but a man of exemplary
deportment and refinement of feeling, are open to Lord A.
I hold that the terms lady and gentleman, like the word Respectable,
have become grossly perverted, and are now merely the connotations of
an odious snobbery. I would like to see the phrases deleted from every
dictionary. In their original sense they were good words, _i.e._,
_gentle_-man and _gentle_-woman, or if you will, lady. But they are now
utterly corrupt and meaningless, except when applied to the vulgar of
all ranks. The lady who does washing calls for the woman's linen. The
cant term has become the privileged title of the vulgarest plebeian.
An ignorant, ill-mannered, middle-class woman dubs herself Lady, and
describes her cultured governess as a Person.
Diogenes went about with a lantern looking for a man. Some of us are
questing for those mythical personages known as ladies and gentlemen;
and, like Mrs. Gamp, who doubted the existence of Mrs. 'Arris, we are
feign to believe "there aint no sich a person." When the majority
disagree as to the outward semblance and the inner attributes of "real
gentlefolk," how can we distinguish individuals of the order?
At a flower show I once overheard the daughter of a provincial
solicitor remark to her "lady" friend: "My dear, there is really _no
one_ here but us." I looked around, and saw "bankers and brewers, men
of evil omen," with their resplendent wives and daughters, and a great
number of social small-fry. But these were nobodies. They were not
lawyers, or the sons and daughters of lawyers, therefore they were
nonentities. How quaint are the invidious distinctions and the usages
of Snobbery! For example, it is considered impertinence if a brewer
follows the hounds in a scarlet coat, but a banker may wear the "pink
and buckskins." Such, at any rate, is the unwritten law in some hunting
districts. As for army snobbishness, it is well known that in several
regiments the impecunious officer, not "up to" the extravagant "form"
of the mess, is regarded as a cad by brainless, swaggering subalterns,
whose expenditure on their stomachs amounts to several hundred pounds
per annum. But to write upon the inflated Respectability of "the
Service" would require a separate section of this essay. It is enough
to say that the bullying, blustering military Respectable is usually a
scion of a _parvenu_ family. The type is not only to be found in the
regular forces; it is very common in the county militia and in the
provincial volunteer corps. A son of a wine merchant, or some other
prosperous tradesman, secures a lieutenancy in the volunteers, and soon
rises to a higher rank. He is an officer, and therefore a "gentleman;"
and he lords it over other tradesmen and tradesmen's sons with the air
of a patrician major-general. One of these precious jackanapes once
abused me for a "civilian," and threatened me with "an orderly," in a
raucous tone of wrath, because I inadvertently trespassed within the
lines of a volunteer camp. I said: "Where is the orderly? I'll wait for
him," and I sat down on the grass and smoked my pipe, and summoned
fortitude for the awful tribunal of a court-martial. But the orderly
came not, though the "civilian" waited long and patiently.
Much as I dislike slang, I find the cant terms "side" and "bounce"
so admirably adapted to my purpose in delineating certain phases of
Respectability that I may perhaps be pardoned for using them in this
attempt at a scientific exposition. Side and bounce will carry you
far in Respectable society. Self-assertiveness is an excellent thing.
Johnson and Carlyle were born with the faculty; they knew how to
inspire awe, and no one dared to contradict them. The Yankees call this
quality "side." They say that an egotistical, swaggering, dominant
man "puts on a lot of side." Many men and women make their way to
Respectability by putting on side. The rules are: (1) To appear to know
all about everything. (2) to talk in a loud voice, and to interrupt
other speakers. (3) to push, jostle, and trample upon the weak, the
very young, and the diffident. The man who observes these rules is sure
to get on in the world.
Have you not seen the crowd cower like frightened sheep at the sound
of a self-important voice? If you wish to get the better of your
brother man, you must terrify him and awe him into admiration. There is
a good story of Colonel Burnaby. He was once speaking on a political
platform, and some dissentients made a hubbub, and shouted "Chuck him
out!" Burnaby knew the value of "side." He walked down to the menacing
rowdies, asked one of them for a light, sat down among them, and smoked
his pipe.
We may not love bumptious, thrusting mortals, who make their brother
men their stepping-stones to higher things. But we are all more or less
envious of their success; and we are always giving way to them, and
making their path easy and pleasant. When we see a pompous personage
walking grandly up Pall Mall, and gazing scorn upon the vulgar herd,
we are often tempted to step up to him and say, as Douglas Jerrold, or
someone else, once said to one of these superior persons: "Pray, sir,
are you anyone in particular?" But we don't do it. We wither beneath
the glassy stare of an eye-glass.
Some men are born with "side." It is easy and natural to them. As
children they are never the horse, but always the driver when playing
at horses, and at school they become cocks of the walk and chiefs
of the dormitories. They are destined to be highly respected among
the Respectables, for the rank and file of Respectability like to be
dominated.
The other day I read a letter from a young English Respectable settled
in South Africa. He wrote: "You have no idea how much time it takes to
kick sense into nigger servants." Glorious British supremacy! That is
the way to plant the banner of civilisation in heathen lands.
In a modern comedy which I have seen played (I forget the title), a
flunkey who inherits an unexpected fortune, thumps the table with
his fist, crying, "Now I'll be a gentleman! I'll be a _gentleman_,
by God!" You will possibly try to convince me that this fellow never
could become a gentleman. Why not? Money makes the man. He may not
be a _gentle_-man in _your_ sense, but he is a _gentleman_ in the
estimation of an immense number of the "general public." Do not dupe
yourself with the notion that there is only one kind of gentleman in
the community. There are at least a dozen sorts--the true gentleman,
the real gentleman, my idea of a gentleman, your idea of a gentleman,
Mrs. Grundy's gentleman, the Veneering conception of a gentleman, the
Oxford University definition of a gentleman, the crack cavalry notion
of a gentleman, the county society idea of a gentleman, the gentleman
who keeps a shop, but is too gentlemanly to sell you things over the
counter, the natural gentleman, the born gentleman, the gentlemanlike
person, and so on. Is there no room for Jeames in this mixed
assemblage? Once and for all, clear your mind of the fallacy that your
especial conception of a gentleman is the _only_ true one. There are,
fortunately, not one, but several standards of feminine beauty. There
are also several criteria of the real gentleman and the perfect lady.
Turn to the dictionary for a "correct definition" of gentleman if you
wish to fog your mind still more upon this subject: "Gentleman (from
_genteel_ and _man_)--In a general sense, every educated person above
a labourer, an artisan, or a tradesman, an individual possessed of the
conduct, habit, and outward appearance which belong, or are expected to
belong, to persons born and educated in a high social position; a man
in any station of life who is possessed of good breeding and refined
manners, strict integrity and honour, kindliness of heart, and suchlike
qualities; in a limited sense, a person of good fortune and good
family, whether titled or not; one who bears a coat of arms; a term of
complaisance or respect, as in the plural _gentlemen_, when addressing
a number of persons." Does this hotchpotch of contradiction help you in
determining the qualities of a gentleman? I confess it is of no service
to me.
No, we must end this disquisition as we began it. Terminology merely
bewilders and frustrates clear thought on the question. There is
obviously room and to spare for all of us in the temple of gentility.
We can all be gentlemen and ladies if we choose. The only thing to
decide is, which sort? Personally, I feel honoured at being spoken of
as "that man." "I endeavour," writes M. Taine, "rightly to comprehend
the epithet so essential 'a gentleman'; it constantly recurs, and
comprises a mass of ideas wholly English.... In France we have not the
word, because we have not the things, and these three syllables, as
used across the Channel, summarise the history of English society."[1]
FOOTNOTE:
[1] "Notes on England."