MR. LEE SENDS IN THE ACCOUNT OF HIS GUARDIANSHIP.
The pain of my apprehensions hunted me out of all society. I crept away
into the woods, the next day, wondering what I should do, how it was my
duty to act. I could not bear to see any of the family. No charge had
been made, no suspicion cast on Mrs. Dennison; but it seemed to me that
every member of the household must read my thoughts and condemn me for
them. I felt broken down and driven forth by this woman.
I did not remember or care for the hours of breakfast or dinner;
excitement had driven all thoughts of food from my mind. This increased
my languor and made me more helpless still. Why had this beautiful woman
come to torment me? What had I done to be thus virtually driven into the
fields like a wild animal? I wandered off to the ridge, and sat down on
the rock where I had once conversed with Mrs. Dennison. I do not know
what time of the day it was; for the sun was obscured and the heavens
were fleecy with black clouds. My head ached sadly; but that was nothing
to the pain at my heart.
A storm came up while I sat there; but I was quite unconscious of it
till my clothes were wet through, and I felt all my limbs shivering with
the cold. I did not think of the consequences; it seemed so natural that
I should be beaten down, that I cowered under the fierce rain like a
poor flower that grew by me on the rock. The sunshine might revive
that--would it ever come to me?
I remember feeling a mournful companionship with this solitary blossom,
and sheltering it with a corner of my wet shawl. It was some distraction
to the thoughts that harassed me to fancy the pretty thing as wretched
as myself. Still I sat upon the rock, and still the rain beat down upon
me. At last I heard Lottie's voice through the drifting storm, calling
for me anxiously.
I arose and stood up, trembling from head to foot--the wet had chilled
the very heart in my bosom.
"Why, what is this? Where have you been? What's the matter? Ain't you a
fool, good and strong? Mercy! how you look--how your teeth do chatter!
Now, speak out and let's know if you really are alive!" cried the
kind-hearted creature, attempting to shake the wet from my shawl, but,
finding that hopeless, wringing it between both hands, like a
washerwoman.
"I've been with her all day; haven't left her one minute alone--not even
with him. When he came, I planted myself by the bed, and there I stood
like a monument. She kept asking for you."
"For me?" I faltered, smitten with compunction. "I did not think of
that."
"You've given up thinking of anything, I'm afraid," said Lottie,
shivering. "It wasn't just the thing to run off and leave me to bear the
brunt of all their looks and questions! Not that I answered them--oh,
no! but I wanted to get off and have a good cry as well as you."
"I am very sorry, Lottie."
"But that was nothing till she asked for you over and over again; then
I'd 'a' given anything to have jumped up and after you. Besides, Miss
Jessie was hunting up and down, wondering where you were, and Mr. Lee
looked like a thunder-cloud."
"Mr. Lee?"
"Yes, Mr. Lee! But there you stand with your teeth going
chatter--chatter--chatter--like a squirrel cracking hickory-nuts. Do
come into the house!"
I followed her, meekly enough; she scolding and reviling, and petting me
all the way as if I had been a lap-dog out of favor.
When we reached the house, it was late in the afternoon. I had eaten
nothing that day, and still loathing the idea of food, felt its want in
all my frame.
"Go up to your chamber, quick," said Lottie, hurrying me through the
hall. "Babylon is in the drawing-room, and I wouldn't have her see you
looking so like a drowned hen for nothing. Wouldn't it tickle her!"
This speech aroused me a little, and I struggled up the stairs and
entered my room. Lottie followed me to the door, said something very
peremptory about changing my clothes, and went away.
What possessed me, I do not know; I remember flinging off my wet shawl
and shuddering, with a sense of extreme coldness, as it fell with a
splash on the carpet; I remember, also, feeling how necessary it was
that I should exchange my clothes for dry ones. But as I went toward the
toilet, a letter lying upon it drew my attention from everything else. I
had not the courage to touch it--a reptile coiled there could not have
disturbed me more. So I stood looking at it in the dreary wetness of my
garments, knowing what it meant, and dreading it. I took the letter up
at last. It was thick and heavy; my heart sunk beneath its weight, my
limbs trembled so violently, that I was obliged to sit down on the bed.
I broke the envelope. A thick paper covered with figures fell into my
lap, a leaf of note-paper on which there was writing, fluttered after
it.
I knew what it was. For the first time in my life Mr. Lee had sent me an
account of his guardianship. Those figures, dancing in such fantastic
rows before my eyes, contained an exact statement of my property, its
growth, and aggregate amount. I knew this without the power to read or
make an estimate. I knew also what it all meant. I had long been of age;
my guardian, in that tedious combination of figures, was giving up his
trust. That woman had prevailed; I was no longer welcome under Mr. Lee's
roof. The paper fell from my hands. I took up the note, but only read
the first few lines. They were very kind, but confirmed my fears. I
could not read the note through--the whole room swam around me--a faint
sickness crept to my vitals--nothing but darkness; into this I sank
helplessly, and lay in its sombre depths for weeks.