office was very much pleased with the last job you did, Egg, and they
have authorized me, at my discretion, to increase your honorarium. We’ll
make it a shilling a page, beginning with the present.”
When Mr. Vincent Egg reached the street, he looked at the unexpected
pile of wealth in his hand.
“This is a three weeks’ go at elysium,” said he to himself; “such as I
haven’t had in many a year. And, so far as I am concerned, it is the
Fruit of Falsification, and the Wage of Sin.”
But when Mr. Egg next awoke from his period of slumber in M. Morel’s
back-room, and stretched himself upon the hard cushion of the red velvet
divan, throngs of gawking tourists were trying to steep themselves in
sentiment as they gazed about the old room off the rue des Quatres
Mulets, and looked over the wall at the faded orange and olive trees,
and listened to the story which Virginie told, like a talking-doll, and
dropped into her hand a welcome stream of copper or silver, according as
they were English or Americans.
[Illustration]
THE GHOOLLAH.
I took a long drive one day last Summer to see an old friend of mine who
was in singularly hard luck; and I found him in even harder luck and
more singular than I had expected. My drive took me to a spot a few
miles back of a Southern sea-coast, where, in a cup-like hollow of the
low, rocky hills, treeless save for stunted and distorted firs and
pines, six or eight score of perspiring laborers, attired in low-necked
costumes consisting exclusively of a pair of linen trousers a-piece,
toil all day in the blazing sun to dig out some kind of clay of which I
know nothing, except that it looks mean, smells worse, has a name ending
in _ite_, and is of great value in the arts and sciences. They may make
fertilizer out of it, or they may make water-colors: Billings told me,
but I don’t know. There are some things that one forgets almost as
readily as a blow to one’s pride. Moreover, this stuff was associated in
my mind with Big Mitch.
Of course Billings was making a fortune out of it. But as it would take
six or eight years to touch the figure he had set for himself, and as he
had no special guarantee of an immortal youth on this earth, and as,
until the fortune was made, he had to live all the year around in that
god-forsaken spot, and to live with Big Mitch, moreover, I looked upon
him as a man in uncommonly hard luck. And he was.
[Illustration]
I had been visiting friends in a town some miles inland, and it had
occurred to me that it would be an act of Christian charity to drive
over the hills to Billings’s place of servitude, and to condole with my
old friend. I had nothing else to do--a circumstance always favorable to
the perpetration of acts of Christian charity--and I went. He was
enthusiastically glad to see me--I was the first visitor he had ever
had--and he left his office at once, and led me up the burning hot
sand-hill to his house, which was a very comfortable sort of place when
you got there. It was an old-fashioned Southern house, small but
stately, with a Grecian portico in front, supported by two-story wooden
pillars. Here he was established in lonely luxury, with no one to love,
none to caress, swarms of darkeys, and a cellar full of wines that would
have tempted the Dying Anchorite to swill. Casually dispatching half a
dozen niggers after as many bottles of champagne as they thought we
might need to whet our appetites for luncheon, Billings bade me welcome
again, and we fell to friendly talk.
He began with that kind of apology for his condition that speaks its own
futility, and its despair of any credence. Of course, he said, it was
not a very cheerful sort of life, but it had its compensations--quiet,
good for the nerves, opportunity for study and all that sort of thing,
self-improvement. And then, of course, there was society, such as it
was--mainly, he had to admit, the superannuated bachelors and worn-out
old maids who clung to those decaying Southern plantations--for, it is
hardly necessary to say, not an acre of property in that forlorn region,
save only Billings’s mud-bank, had yielded a cent of revenue since the
war. And, of course, the unpleasant part of it was that none of them
lived less than ten or fifteen miles away, and were only to be reached
by a long ride, and as he--Billings--was never at ease in the saddle, on
account of his liver, this practically shut him out. But then, of
course, Mitch went everywhere, and enjoyed it very much.
“Oh, yes!” said I, reminded of the most unpleasant part of my duty; “and
how is Mitch?”
“He’s dirty well, and it’s devilish little you care!” brayed out an
incredibly brazen
[Illustration]
voice just behind my ear, and a big red hand snatched the bottle of
champagne from my grasp, while a laugh, that sounded like a hyena trying
to bellow, rang in my ears. A great, big, raw-boned youngster, dressed
in clothes of an ingenious vulgarity, dropped heavily into a chair by my
side and laid a knobby broad red hand on my knee, where it closed with a
brutal grip. That was Big Mitch, whose real name was Randolph Mitchel,
and who being by birth a distant connection of dear old Billings, might
reasonably have been expected to be some sort or variety of gentleman.
Yet, if you wanted to sum up Big Mitch, his ways, manners, tastes, ideas
and spiritual make-up generally,--if he could be said to have any
spiritual make-up--you had only to say that he was all that a gentleman
is not, and you had a better descriptive characterization of the man
than you could have got in a volume telling just what he was. This was
not by any means my first acquaintance with Mr. Randolph Mitchel. When I
was a young man his father had stood my friend, and though he had
dropped out of my sight when he went, a hopeless consumptive, to
vegetate in some Western sanitarium, it was natural enough that he
should send to me to use my good offices in behalf of his son, who had
been expelled from a well-known fresh-water college of the Atlantic
slope, very shortly after he had entered it.
Now I am not a hard-hearted man, and a boy with a reasonable, rational,
normal amount of devil in him can do pretty nearly anything he wants to
with me; therefore it signifies something when I say that after giving
up a week to the business, I had to write to poor old Mr. Mitchel, at
the Consumptives’ Home, Bilhi, Colorado, not only that was it impossible
to get his son Randolph reinstated at that particular college, but that
I did not believe that there was any college ever made where the boy had
a prospect of staying even one term out. It was not that he was vicious;
he was no worse on the purely moral side than scores of wild boys. But
he was the most hopelessly, irreclaimably turbulent, riotous, unruly,
insolent, brutal, irreverent, unmannerly and generally blackguardly
young devil that I had ever encountered; and the entire faculty of the
college said, in their own scholastic way, that he beat _their_ time. He
had not even the saving graces of good-nature, thoughtlessness and
mirthful good-fellowship, which may serve as excuse for much youthful
waywardness. The students disliked him as thoroughly as their professors
did, and although he was smart as a steel trap and capable of any amount
of work when he wanted to do it, nobody in that college wanted
him,--_not even the captain of the foot-ball team_.
Was I right? Had I wronged the boy? I asked that captain, and he said
No.
Big Mitch was only twenty-three or so, but he had been many things in
his young life. He had run away and traveled with a circus. He had been
a helper in a racing stable. I don’t know what he was when his father
made a last desperate appeal to poor Billings, and Billings, who did not
know what he was letting himself in for, sent him down to start up work
on the recently purchased mud-pit. There Mitch found his billet, and he
led a life of absolute happiness, domineering over a horde of helpless,
ignorant negros, and white men of an even lower grade who sought work in
that wretched place. And what a life he led the dear, gentle, kindly old
fellow who had sold himself to fortune-getting in that little Inferno! I
knew how Billings must loathe him; I knew, indeed, how he did loathe
him, though he was too gentle to say it, but I knew that the burden my
poor old friend had put upon himself would not soon be shifted. For Big
Mitch was useful, nay, indispensable, for the first time in his life. He
was as honest as he was tough, and he could handle that low grade of
human material as few others could have done. The speculation would have
been a failure without him. “In fact,” Billings told me afterward with
a sad smile, “it is not only that he raises the efficient of the works;
he _is_ the efficient of the works.”
[Illustration]
Big Mitch never bore me the slightest ill-will for the report I had made
to his father. He was too indurated an Ishmael for that. He knew
everybody disliked him, but he did not care a cent for that. When he
wanted other people’s company, he _took_ it. The question of their
enjoyment was one that never entered his mind. It was in pure delight in
seeing me that he grabbed my knee, pinched my knee-cap until it sent a
qualm to my stomach, and told me that he had ordered my driver to go
home, and that I had got to stay and see the country. Things came pretty
near to a lively squall when I got the impudence of this through my
head; but when Billings joined his frightened, anxious pleadings to the
youth’s brutalities, and I saw his humbled, troubled, mortified face, I
yielded.
We were free from Mitch after luncheon, and poor Billings began to make
a pitiful little apology; but I stopped him.
“I don’t mind,” I said; “I was only thinking of _you_.”
“Oh, I’ve got accustomed to it,” he said, trying to smile; “and it’s
really more tolerable than you would think, when you get to know him.
And when he is too--too trying--why, there is one place that he
understands he must respect. Come to my library. You are the first
person who has ever entered it except myself.”
He led me to the door of a room at the end of a dark passage-way. As he
put the key in the lock I noticed a curious smell.
“I want you to see,” said he, “the sort of thing I’m interested in.”
I had not been five seconds in the room before I knew what it was--the
sort of thing he was interested in. Loneliness breeds strange maggots in
the brain of a New Yorker temporarily engaged in the mud-mining
business. My old friend Billings was now a full-blown Theosophist, and
he had that little room stuffed full of more Mahatma-literature and
faquir trumpery than you could shake a stick at. There were skulls and
fans and grass-cloth things and heathen gods till--literally--your eyes
couldn’t rest. There were four-legged gods and eight-legged gods, and
gods with their legs where their arms ought to be, and gods who were of
the gentleman-god and lady-god sex at one and the same time, and gods
with horns and miscellaneous gods, and a few other gods. In odd places
here and there, where he had not had time to arrange them properly,
there were a few more gods.
[Illustration]
And then my poor old friend sat down and tried to put me through the
whole business, and tell me what a great and mysterious thing it was,
and what a splendid scheme it would be to get into the two-hundred and
ninety-seventh state or the thirtieth dilution or the thirty-third
degree, or something, for when you got there you were nothing, don’t you
know?
I was short on Vishnu and I didn’t know beans about Buddha, and for a
long time, I am afraid, I gave dear old Billings a great deal of grief.
But finally I began to get a new light, and Billings convinced me that
there was something in it, and we had some more champagne.
That evening Mitch came for us with a carryall, and said he was going to
drive us twenty miles inland to a “dancing-in-the-barn” function on
somebody’s plantation. I proved to him then and there that he was not.
Billings nearly melted into a puddle while the operation was going on.
He could scarcely believe his eyes when he saw Big Mitch drive off
alone, and I think he had a slight chill. At any rate, he had the
champagne brought to the library, and there he told me that he had not
believed such a thing to be possible; that he looked upon me in a new
light, and that he thought my _Ghoollah_ must be stronger than Mitch’s
_Ghoollah_. I told him that I should be ashamed of myself if it wasn’t;
and then I asked him what a _Ghoollah_ was. Please do not ask me if I
have spelled that word right. I am spelling it by ear, and if my ear for
Hindoo is as bad as my ear for music, I have probably got it wrong. It
sounded something like the noise that pigeons make, and that is as near
as I can get to it. According to Billings, it was Hindoo for my vital
essence and my will power and my conscience and my immortal soul and
pretty nearly every other spiritual property that I carried around in
my clothes. Everyone, it appeared, had a _Ghoollah_. If your Ghoollah
was stronger than the other man’s Ghoollah, you bossed the other man. If
you had a good and happy Ghoollah, you were good and happy. If you had a
bad Ghoollah, you were bilious. If my Theosophy is wrong, please do not
correct it. I prefer it wrong. I told him that I did not see that having
a Ghoollah was anything more than being yourself, but he said it was;
that folks could swap Ghoollahs, or lend them out on call loans.
[Illustration]
Then it all came out. That was the reason that he was driving deeper and
deeper into Theosophy. He had got so sick of Mitch that, feeling it
impossible to shake off his burden, he had seized upon this Ghoollah
idea as offering a ray of hope. He was now trying to learn how to get
into spiritual communication with somebody--_anybody_--else, who would
swap Ghoollahs with him after business hours, so that they could
ride-and-tie, as it were, and give his own weary Ghoollah a rest.
“Look here, Billings,” I said, “this is all rubbish. Now, I’m not
dealing in Ghoollahs, but I’ll tell you what I’ll do. You can find some
sort of a job here for a decent young fellow, and I’ll send one down
who’ll be grateful for the place and who will be a companion to you.
It’s Arthur Penrhyn, Dr. Penrhyn’s boy; a nice, pleasant young
fellow--just what his father used to be, you remember? He was to have
graduated at Union this year, but he broke down from over-study. That’s
the kind of Ghoollah _you_ want, and he’ll do you no end of good.”
* * * * *
This happened in June. I had never expected to see Billings’s mud-heap
again, but I saw it before the end of July. I went there because
Billings had written me that if I cared for him and our life-long
friendship, and for poor Penrhyn’s boy I must come at once. He could not
explain by letter what the matter was.
It added to my natural concern when, on my arrival, Billings hurried me
into the library and I found it as theosophic as ever. I had hoped that
that nonsense was ended. But worse was to come.
“When you were here before,” said Billings, impressively, without having
once mentioned champagne, “you scoffed at a light which you couldn’t
see. Now, my friend, I am going to let you see it with your own eyes,
and you shall tell me whether or no you are convinced that it is
possible for one human being to exchange his entity with another. If I
have brought you here on a wild goose chase, I am willing to have you
procure a judicial examination into my sanity, and I will abide the
issue.”
[Illustration]
He spoke with so much quiet gravity that he made me feel creepy.
“See here, old man,” I said; “do you mean to tell me that you have
succeeded in pairing off with any other fellow’s Ghoollah, or Woollah,
or whatever it is?”
“No,” he said, coloring a little; “it’s not I. It’s--it’s--it’s--in
fact, it’s that boy Penrhyn.”
“What the deuce do you mean?” I demanded.
“I mean that Arthur Penrhyn has changed, or, rather, is changing his
spiritual essence with another man.”
“Indeed,” said I; “and who’s the other man?”
“Randolph Mitchel,” said Billings.
“Mitch?”
“Mitch!”
There is no need of describing the rest of that interview. You have
probably met the man who believes that the spirit of his grandmother
came out of the cabinet and shook hands with him. You can probably
imagine how you would talk to that man if he had brought you eight
hundred miles to tell you about it. That is what happened in Billings’s
library that afternoon, and it ended, of course, in our calling each
other “old man” a great many times over, and in my agreeing to stay to
the end of the week, and in Billings giving me his word of honor not to
open his mouth on the subject unless at the end of that time I asked him
to and admitted that he was right in sending for me. And then Billings
did something that knocked my consciousness of superiority clean out of
me, and gave a severe shock to my confidence. He offered to bet me five
hundred dollars to anything that would make it interesting on that
contingency, and he called me down and down till I had to compromise on
a bet of fifty dollars even. I have met many men in the course of my
life who believed in various spook-religions, but that was the first and
only time that I ever met a man who would back his faith with a cold
money bet.
* * * * *
By way of changing the subject, we strolled down to the quarry. It was
even hotter than before, and it smelt worse, and I did not wonder that
it had driven poor old Billings to Theosophy. It was a scene of
interesting activity, but it could not be called pleasant. I have a
great respect for the dignity of labor, but I think labor looks more
dignified with its shirt on than when reduced to a lone pair of
breeches.
I was about to make a motion to return to the house, when suddenly a
string of peculiarly offensive oaths, uttered in a shrill angry voice,
drew my attention to a heavy wire rope which a gang of men were hauling
across my path. Looking up I saw, as well as I could see anything,
against the dazzling background of the hill, a short, insignificant-looking
figure perched on a rock, from whence it directed, with many
gesticulations and an abounding stream of profanity, the operations of
the toiling, grunting, straining creatures who dragged at the ponderous
cable. Its operations seemed to be conducted with more vehemence than
judgement, and two or three times the rope was on the edge of slipping
back into the pit behind, when it was saved by the men’s quick response
to some directions given in a low, strong voice by a man who stood in my
rear. Some little hitch occurred after a minute or two, and the small
figure, in an access of rage, rushed down from the rock, and, showering
imprecations all around, leaped in among the workmen, pushing, shoving
and cuffing, and after considerable trouble finally got them to doing
what he wanted. I heard the heavier voice behind me utter half-aloud an
expression of annoyance and disgust. Then the little figure passed me,
running back to its rock, and hailed me as it passed.
“Hello, Governor!” it said; “you here? See you when I get this job
done!”
[Illustration]
“Billings,” said I, “who on earth is that?”
“Arthur Penrhyn,” said Billings. I looked again and saw that it was.
Then I turned round and saw behind me the gigantic form of Mitch. He,
too, spoke to me as I passed, and with a look of simple pleasure in his
face that made it seem absolutely strange to me.
“Glad to see you, Sir,” he said.
_Sir!_
* * * * *
“It’s a most remarkable case altogether,” said Billings, who had got
back to his normal self, and had brought out the champagne. “When that
boy came here he was just as you described him--just like his poor
father in the days when we first knew each other. He brooded a little
too much, and seemed discontented; but, considering his disappointment
at college, that was natural enough. Well, do you know, I believe it’s
he that’s doing the whole thing, and that he is effecting the
substitution for his own ends, though I don’t know what they are.”
“Perhaps,” I suggested, “he wants his Ghoollah to get the job away from
Mitch’s Ghoollah.”
“Ahem!” said Billings, looking a little embarrassed; “I--in fact, I’ve
discovered that the best Pundits do not use that word. It ought to be--”
Here Billings gave me the correct word; but I draw the line at Ghoollah,
and Ghoollah it stays while I am telling this story.
“He hadn’t been here a week before I noticed that he kept his eyes fixed
on Mitch all the time they were together. He looked at him as though he
were actually trying to absorb him. Before long, I saw that Mitch began
to be troubled under that steady gaze. He seemed at first angry, then
distressed, and he had long fits of silence. His boisterousness has been
vanishing steadily; but it is not sullenness that he displays--on the
contrary, I have never known him so gentle. He is just as efficient in
his duties, without being so extremely--demonstrative as he used to be.
And as for that other boy, who probably had never uttered a profane word
in his life, or spoken rudely to any human being--well, you heard him
to-day!”
I made up my mind to try to drink fifty dollars’ worth of Billings’s
champagne before the end of the week to even up on my bet; and, as the
days went on, each new development only served to urge me to greater
assiduity in the task. The spirit of Big Mitch looked out of little
Arthur Penrhyn’s insolent eyes, spoke out of his foul mouth, and showed
itself even in tricks of gesture and carriage, and in lines of facial
expression. And Big Mitch, though his huge, uncouth frame and coarse
lineaments lent themselves but ill to the showing of it, carried within
him a new spirit of gentleness and humility. We saw little of him, for
after work hours he kept persistently to his room. But once, late at
night, seeing him, through his open door, asleep over a book, I stepped
softly in and looked over his big shoulders at the half-dozen volumes
that littered his table. They were college text-books, and on the
fly-leaf of each one was the name of Arthur Penrhyn.
* * * * *
I had packed my valise, and was looking for Billings to pay him his
fifty dollars, when Big Mitch came out of his room--it was the noon
hour--and he asked me for the favor of a few words.
“I am ashamed to trouble you, sir,” he said, “but if you could help me
to get any sort of a job in New York, or anywhere else, I’d be more
thankful than I could tell you. I can afford to take almost any sort of
a place where there’s a future, for I am pretty well ahead of the game
financially, and I’ve earned my interest in this concern. And it’s in
such shape now that Mr. Billings can get along without me.”
[Illustration]
“But, my dear boy,” I said, “why do you _want_ to go?”
Big Mitch frowned and fidgeted nervously; then he exploded.
“I’ll give it to you straight,” he said. “It’s that Penrhyn pup. When he
first came here I thought I was just about the nicest little man on
God’s footstool. I was as contented with myself as a basket of eggs. I
knew it all. I was so sharp you could cut glass with me. I was the only
real sport in the outfit. See? And I’d got a roving commission to jump
on people’s necks. Well, _you_ know what I was. And I liked myself.
See?”
“But?” I began. “Arthur Penrhyn--”
“_So did he!_ I don’t believe any one in the world was ever stuck on me
before, but _he_ was. That little ape hadn’t been here a week before he
began to do everything he saw me do, and pretty soon he had me down so
fine that he might have been my twin-brother, if we ever had such runts
in our family. Well, I began to sour on the show. Understand? I could
see for myself it wasn’t pretty. Well, one day I came around a corner,
and there was that baboon sassing back to old man Billings. I was just
going to pick him up and break his neck, when I felt kind of sick at my
stomach, and I says to myself, ‘You swine! that’s the way _you_’ve been
treating that white man! How do you like yourself now?’”
Big Mitch clutched desperately at his rumpled hair.
[Illustration]
“I’m going to be a gentleman,” he grunted, “if I have to chew gravel to
do it. I’ll do it, though, and I’ll show up some day and surprise the
old man before he cashes in his last lung. But if I don’t get a fresh
start pretty soon, I’ll do something to that Penrhyn monkey that won’t
be any young lady’s dancing-class, you bet your boots!
* * * * *