UNCERTAINTY.
Welcome indeed was the gleam of hope, afforded by this discovery, to
the Colonel and Kate.
To their non-legal minds, it appeared that any acknowledgment of money
received, was sufficient, although no sum was mentioned; and Kate even
felt remorse for her hasty condemnation of Mr. Taaffe; as she concluded
the production of the newly found letter, would settle the question at
once, and for ever, and draw forth an humble apology from the offender;
her spirits rose even above their usual height, and overleaping,
with the sanguine vivacity of her age and race, all intervening
probabilities, she revelled in her anticipated visit to Italy, and
spent many a pleasant half-hour in endeavouring to overcome nurse's
inveterate antipathy to "thim rampagin divils, the Frinch" (under which
name she classed all foreign nations and foreigners), and in exercising
her powers of persuasion to induce the Winters and Gilpin to join in
the pilgrimage.
"You know we would not travel in any extravagant style, _Caro
Maestro_," she said, to Winter, as they were enjoying an April day,
which seemed to have borrowed the balmy air of early summer. They had
crossed the ferry, and were strolling side by side, her tall, graceful
form, and elastic step, contrasting strongly with his stout puffy
figure.
"You had better tie a knapsack on your shoulder at once, and trudge
it--humph! ha! not so fast if you please--you walked me up that hill at
a killing pace.
"But seriously--let us consider the best method of setting to work, for
you cannot think how eagerly I look forward to the journey; and if we
go cheaply to work, Mr. Gilpin might join us, and--"
"_Signorina Carrissima_, yes! I want to speak seriously," replied
Winter, in a kinder accents than usual. "Are you not too sanguine
about this journey, You make too little of the law's uncertainties.
Mr. Moore's letters seem to promise well, as you read them. Your
grandfather and I see only, and at best, the promise of a long, perhaps
ruinous litigation. I felt so convinced that this will be the case,
that, from the first, I strongly advised Colonel Vernon to endeavour
to effect a compromise. It is true you have not much to divide, but
remember _chi lascia il poco per haver l'assai nè l'uno nè l'altro
avera mai_,". I see I am acting as usual like a brute," he continued,
thickly. "I intended to say all this by degrees, and tenderly--but I
plunged into it at last too abruptly. My dear child, it cuts me to the
heart, to hear you anticipating such unalloyed enjoyment, and forming
such plans, when perhaps the reverse is before you; and I fancy your
grandfather feels somewhat as I do, though he is more sanguine than I
am."
They walked on a few paces, in silence--Kate's color varying, and her
heart, after feeling, for a second or two, to stand still (at this
sudden and rude shock, to her bright dreams), throbbing as though it
would burst its prison.
"_Bella mia_, dear child, are you angry with me?" cried Winter
anxiously. "Why do you not speak?"
"Simply, kind friend," returned she, putting her arm through his,
"because I could not--angry with you? no; I am obliged to you," she
added, with an effort to smile. "And now tell me all you think, and
what we ought to do."
"Humph! you _are_ a good girl; you see, my dear, it is more than
a month since this business began; if it could have been settled
quickly, it would be settled before this, and successful or
unsuccessful, a chancery suit is ruin. There, you had better know it
all."
"And are we absolutely embarked in this ruinous course?" asked Kate,
faintly.
"I fear so. Did you not see Moore's last letter."
"No; grandpapa said there was nothing new in it."
"Ha! a mistaken tenderness; there certainly was nothing new in it; but
the plot thickens; and, I fear there is no case at present, to preven
Mr. Taaffe proceeding to revive the judgment, and ultimately obtain a
receiver over your grandfather's remaining property."
"A receiver--what for?"
"To receive the rents in payment of the debt, if debt there be."
"What, all of them?"
"Yes all; but, do not be too much cast down, remember you have, few,
but friends sincere; who will stick by you, and--"
"Dear Mr. Winter, let us be silent for a moment, I want to collect my
thoughts."
They walked on in silence for some time.
"Then from what you tell me, before long we may be left quite
penniless! Are you sure that this is a true picture of our case? and
that your hatred of law does not color it!"
"Heaven grant your conjecture may be right," cried Winter. "I only tell
you my own, and I think your grandfather's, real view of the matter.
I have been long wishing for an opportunity to do so. I dreaded the
effect of the shock on your sensitive and imaginative nature, and
intended to have broken it to you gradually."
"But," continued Kate, not noticing the latter part of his speech,
"shall we have nothing left? no money at all! good God! And grandpapa,
what am I to do for him--and nurse? Do not think me very weak, but I
cannot help the terror I feel."
"Miss Vernon, I vow to Heaven, I only intended just to prepare you a
little for the worst; perhaps matters may not be so bad as your alarmed
imagination paints. My great object in speaking thus to you is to show
the necessity for endeavouring to effect a compromise, or at least, to
come to some understanding with your grandfather as to future plans,
you cannot look about you too soon; I know the first shock of a thing
of this kind is terrible--but you are not one of those cowards who
defer looking danger in the face, until it is too late."
"Yes, I know, but what plan can we possibly think of, if we are to have
all our money taken from us, what are we to do?"
"Dear child, be prepared for it. I would in the first place, begin at
once to curtail every possible outlay--look out for a tenant for the
Priory. Take a smaller, humbler abode, or, a thousand times better,
make our house your home, till matters are more decided."
"Always kind and good," murmured Kate, "and there is nothing more you
would suggest?"
"No; except to speak freely of it all to the Colonel, and, by so doing,
creep into his complete confidence."
"Oh! Mr. Winter," cried Kate, with an irrepressible burst of tears,
"and is this to be his end? I always hoped that something, I knew
not what would happen to restore him to his old position; and now to
think of his being obliged to live and end his days in some mean and
unsightly place."
"Courage Kate--you know not what good may be hidden up in store for
you, behind this sterner dispensation; I have experienced severe
poverty, and I tell you, none but those who have felt it, can know how
few, how simple, and yet, how satisfying are the wants and pleasures of
life."
"For you and I, yes; but for grandpapa, at his age, after youth
and manhood spent in the possession and enjoyment of wealth and a
dignified proposition."
"If I mistake not, Colonel Vernon's greatest concern will be on your
account, and if he sees you content, or at least, resigned, he will be
the same."
"Well, we can say no more now; I feel how necessary it was, I should
be roused from my false security, and that you have acted as a true
friend in undertaking, what I know, must have been so painful a task.
I must try and think clearly and deeply; and will speak to you about
my cogitations; meanwhile, as we shall soon be home, let us change the
subject, and I will endeavour to recover my serenity before I meet
grandpapa."
Winter pressed the hand she held out to him, with a feeling of sincere
respect and admiration, for the manner in which she had borne his
communications, and an earnest wish that the platform, at the next
Jews' meeting, might prove insecure, and so open the ranks of the
peerage to Fred Egerton--
"Though," he added, mentally, "there is no knowing the effects of
prosperity on him."
"Is grandpapa at home, nurse?" asked Kate.
"No, miss, he said he felt lonesome, and walked out to see Mr. Gilpin."
Thankful for a few minutes' solitary reflection, she ran to her room,
and hastily fastening the door, threw herself into a chair--not to
think, that would be by no means a correct term to apply to the
confusion of ideas, and images, which presented themselves to her mind;
some most foreign to the subject of the conversation with Winter.
Dungar, and her early days, with their bright anticipations rose
painfully clear before her eyes--the dreadful possibility of seeing her
grandfather in poverty--and the insurmountable difficulty of making
nurse understand the necessity for retrenchment--the distressing
consciousness of the necessity to think deeply, struggling with
the impossibility of fixing her thoughts; and a dim feeling that an
impassable barrier was about to be raised between her and the class of
which Fred Egerton was a representative.
All these and a thousand more undefined, shadowy, outlines swept across
her mind, while she sat so still that she felt the throbbing of her
heart, as if echoed in her head, and she could almost almost hear the
pulses that vibrated through her slight frame.
Frightened at this continued rebellion of her thoughts, against her
will, she threw herself on her knees, silently laying the painful chaos
before the Almighty ruler and searcher of hearts!
"If accepted as coming from God," she murmured, "and therefore good,
nothing is unbearable, Mr. Gilpin says, and he is right; perhaps we
may succeed in this business after all, though I feel quite hopeless,
after what Mr. Winter has said--but if we have no money, could I not
earn it? I have a good knowledge of music--ah, delightful! how proud I
should be, to earn it for grandpapa, who has always taken such care of
me; and nurse would not mind it much. I like teaching. Ah! we may be
happy yet--I must speak to Mr. Winter about it. Ah! nurse's dream may
come true, but by contraries, after all; who can tell what strength
love, and God's good help may lend even to these weak arms," and she
stretched them out. "Enough to support dear grandpapa, perhaps--that
would be a proud achievement!" she said almost aloud, as a feeling of
quiet courage swelled her heart.
She proceeded to bathe her eyes and make her simple toilette,
interrupted, it is true, by a delicious vision that would intrude
itself, of Fred Egerton wealthy and powerful, flying to save her and
hers, and interposing the shield of his affectionate care between them
and every earthly ill; in vain she chided herself for so far-fetched
a thought; instinctively she felt how readily and rapturously he would
perform such a part; and however impressively she told herself she was
absurd and visionary the idea would return. It was the nearest approach
to love that had ever connected itself with him in her mind, and his
image, once invested with this hue, never again lost it.
There has been so much said, and said with eloquence, pathos and truth,
of the heroism of every day life, that I fear to approach ground
already so well occupied; yet I cannot pass, in silence, the resolution
with which Kate calmed herself to meet her grandfather at dinner; and,
her attention now fully roused, preserved that composure even while
observing a thousand minute indications of despondency, which cut her
to the heart.
"Shall I speak to him of business to-night?" she asked herself more
than once; anxious to begin that line of conduct which Winter had
pointed out to be her duty; and, each time as she looked at the worn
expression of that beloved and venerated face, her heart answered,
"No, not to-night, let him have a good night's rest, and to-morrow,
to-morrow, I will unflinchingly approach the subject."
So she brought him his footstool and moved his chair to the right angle
with the fire.
"Are you quite well darling?" said he, gazing up at her as she arranged
a cushion at his back, "I thought you looked pale at dinner."
Ah! Fred Egerton, dashing and fearless as you are, could you brave
danger and death with nobler courage than that which steadied Kate's
voice, when, instead of yielding to the almost irresistible inclination
to throw herself into her grandfather's arms and pour forth passionate
and tearful assurances, that, come what may, there was a world of
inexhaustible love and energy, all his own in her heart, she said
gently, but with a certain cheering steadiness--
"Well, always quite well, dear grandpapa. Now take a nice sleep."
"God bless you, Kate."
Seating herself, book in hand, in the window, away from the fire, for
which the evening was almost too warm, but which the Colonel could
not bear to give up, she gazed long and fixedly at the river, and
the broken bank, the fields, the copse, and an orchard to the right,
now one sheet of blossom; the sturdy old oak, which had looked like
a rugged skeleton all the winter, now bursting into leaf; at the
general flush of delicate, yellowish green which seemed to pervade
all vegetable nature; yet the gradual close of evening, beautiful as
it was, impressed her with a feeling of sadness, partly caused by the
emotions of the day, and partly by the mournful tenderness, which is so
often and so strangely induced, by the contemplation of coming night in
early spring.
As Kate sat leaning her head against the window frame, her book hanging
negligently from her hand, thinking of the rich autumn scene this
view had presented, when Fred Egerton sketched it for her, some little
bustle outside the drawing-room door attracted her attention, it was
opened, and nurse announced,
"Misther and Missis Winther, Miss Kate."
Seldom had visitors been more heartily welcome, their coming was an
inexpressible relief to Kate, and helped her well over the evening she
had almost dreaded.
Few in this trying world of ours, do not know that there are times
when a _tête-à-tête_ with the person we love most on earth is an
ordeal we would fain escape; when we shun the slightest expression of
tenderness, lest it should betray the deep and yearning affection which
swells the heart with sadness, not for ourselves, but for those for
whom no sacrifice would seem painful, could we but save them them from
suffering.
* * * * *
"Shall I brush yer hair asthore?" said Mrs. O'Toole, as she followed
Kate into her room.
"No, dear nurse, only I want a little rest."
"There's a shadow on yer face, darlint, an wont ye spake it out to
yer own ould nurse, that held ye in her arms an ye a dawshy little
craythure, widout a mother. May be, it's bad news of the Captin?"
"Of the Captain! No, we have heard nothing of him; but, good night, I
will tell you all to-morrow, dear nurse--I am weary now."
Kate might have spared herself the anxious thoughts that kept her
waking, as to how she should approach the painful subject of their
difficulties with her grandfather. It was done for her rudely enough,
by a letter from Mr. Moore, announcing in legal terms, the appointment
of a receiver over their remaining property.
She knew by the rigidity with which the Colonel's left hand grasped the
arm of his chair as he read; that some more than usual bad news was
contained in the letter.
"I must see Winter," said he, after a short pause, "I must see him
immediately," he repeated, rising.
"If there is bad news, had you not better tell me first, dear
grandpapa," said Kate, boldly and calmly.
"My dear child, you are unfit for such discussions, they would only
fret you."
"Grandpapa, I am surely old enough to be your confidante, if not wise
enough to be your counsellor; if we are to meet with reverses, it is
only in union we can find strength to bear them. Oh, dear grandpapa,
come what may, let us avoid the pangs of concealment; let me read that
letter."
With a mute expression of surprise, at the tone she had assumed, he
handed her the letter, which but for Winter's communications the day
before, would have enlightened her but little; as it was, she felt
a curious sensation of relief, that the dreaded moment was no longer
to be anticipated, and that from the present hour a mutual confidence
would be established between her and her grandfather.
"We must leave this house of course," she said, musingly, as she
returned the letter. "Shall we receive any more money from Ireland?"
"Not a shilling! Resistance is, I fear, useless, except for my
character's sake; my child, my bright Kate, what will become of you? I
can do nothing."
Never before had she seen the old man's firmness shaken. The low moan,
with which he turned away, covering his face with both his hands, as
if oppressed with the sense of his own helplessness, struck terror
into her heart, while it seemed to arm her with indomitable resolution
to uphold and cherish her beloved parent, round whose declining years
such heavy shadows were gathering. Steadying her voice by an immense
effort, and striving to still the throbbing pulses that shook her
frame, she raised and tenderly kissed the hand that hung, in nerveless
despondency, over the back of a chair near which the Colonel stood.
"My own dear grandpapa, I know how sad all this is, but for my sake
do not be so cast down, do not give way to despair. You have been my
guide, my model all my life! show me how to bear misfortune now!"
She paused to regain command over her traitor voice, that would tremble.
"But, Kate, we are beggars; in another month I shall not know where
to find the price of our daily food; and though Georgina Desmond is
wealthy and generous, dependency is wretchedness."
"Right, dear grandpapa," she replied, almost gladly, at this opening
to the proposition she feared to make, "and we will scorn it. See, I
can play well, and I love to teach, oh, very much; you will let me try
and be so happy as to earn a little for you--I should be so proud!
Not here, but in London, and then we shall be always together, and so
happy! and independent, and--"
"You teach! never," cried the old man, turning from her, excitedly.
"You were born for a different fate. Would to God you had married that
wealthy Englishman, as Georgy wished, but--"
"No, no," interrupted Kate, "is poverty, is earning one's own bread so
miserable a lot, that one should prefer the unutterable wretchedness of
a marriage without affection? But why, dearest and best, am I not to
teach? how many, born to as good a position as mine, have done so, and,
if I do not, what is to become of us?"
"What indeed!" groaned Vernon.
There was a mournful pause. Kate, not daring to break the thread of her
grandfather's thoughts, and silently pressing her smooth, soft cheek
against his wrinkled hand.
"My own consoling angel!" said he at last. "It is a sad lot for you, at
your age, to sink at once into oblivion, and--"
"How do you know that I am to sink into oblivion? how can you tell to
what brilliant destiny this dark passage may be but an entrance? Dear
grandpapa, 'Time and the hours run through the darkest day,' let us
bear the present expecting a brighter future, and now, shall I send for
Mr. Winter?"
"Yes," with a deep sigh, "we cannot act too quickly."
Trembling in every nerve, yet not without a feeling of relief, that the
dreaded explanation was over. Kate penned a hasty note to Mr. Winter,
which he quickly responded to in person.
The long conference that followed placed Winter, '_au fond_,' of the
position of his friend.
The farms of Knockdrum, worth little over two hundred pounds per annum,
were all that was left to the Colonel, of the wreck of his property,
and this poor remainder was barely sufficient to meet the claim of Mr.
Taaffe.
We will not follow the long, desultory conversation that ensued; nor
record the energy with which Winter poured forth proverbs, Spanish,
French, and Italian, to prove the Satanic origin of law; nor the sweet
endurance with which Kate endeavoured to accustom her grandfather's
mind to her project of her teaching.
It was decided that the Priory house and its furniture should be
disposed of at once, and that the Colonel and Kate should take up their
abode at Winter's, till matters could be a little more arranged, and an
answer received from Lady Desmond to Kate's last letter, which informed
her of the delay occasioned by Taaffe's proceedings.
"Remember, Colonel, though I think it too soon to consider Miss
Vernon's proposition, when the time comes I shall be on her side.
Kate, we must have a talk about it--and pray dine with us; when
thinking is of no use it is better to have a rubber; do not be too
much cast down; this '_diluvio_' has shown you the crown jewel you
have still left; it is only the diamond that sparkles in the dark. And
now, come and see poor Gilpin with me. You may as well, when you have
answered that confounded letter. Here's your desk." Aside to Kate, as
the old man settled himself to write. "We must not leave him too much
by himself."
Light and pleasant is the task to paint the the various phases of
joy, for whatever light touches it beautifies; but rare is the skill
that can truly depict the gloom of sorrow, and fascinate the eye, by
a depth of shadow that admits of little variation! For those who are
gliding along on the smooth waters of prosperity, turn from a picture
with which they cannot sympathise, and whose most exquisite touches,
uninstructed by care or adversity, they pronounce overdrawn; and even
the treaders of rough paths, wearied with 'the burden and heat of the
day,' give but a reluctant glance, at what only reminds them of their
own griefs, and exclaim; "this we know, this we have felt, tell us of
joy, of hope, of true friends, and tender hearts; cheat us into a happy
dream, even though it lull us but for a moment, even though the waking
be bitter, and our souls will bless you."