On everything which a feller buys, from pinochle decks to headache
medicine, he will have to put a stamp.
"I see where this here Chump Clark says that incomes from over ten
thousand dollars should ought to be confiscated," Abe Potash observed to
his partner, Morris Perlmutter, one morning in September.
"Sure, I know," Morris replied, "and if this here Chump Clark has a good
year next year and cleans up for a net profit of ten thousand two
hundred and twenty-six dollars and thirty-five cents, then he'll claim
that all incomes over ten thousand two hundred and twenty-six dollars
and thirty-five cents should ought to be confiscated, Abe, and that's
the way it goes. I am the same way, Abe. Any one what makes more money
as I do, Abe, I 'ain't got no sympathy for at all."
"I bet yer Vincent Astor thinks that John B. Rockafellar should ought to
be satisfied mit the reasonable income which a feller could make it by
working hard at the real-estate business the way Vincent Astor does,"
Abe commented.
"John B. Rockafellar _oser_ worries his head over the ravings of a
protelariat," Morris said. "But, anyhow, Abe, there's a whole lot to
what this here Chump Clark says at that. If we compel men to give up
their lives for their country, why shouldn't we compel them fellers
which has got incomes of over ten thousand dollars to give up their
property for their country also?"
"Well, I'll tell you, Mawruss," Abe replied. "This here Chump Clark is a
Congressman, and the way I feel about it is, that when a Congressman
wants to say something in Congress, y'understand, he should ought to be
compelled to first submit it in writing to a certified public accountant
or, anyhow, a bookkeeper, y'understand, because the average Congressman
'ain't got no head for figures. Take Mr. Clark, for example, and when he
reckons that everybody which gets drafted is going to give up his life
for his country, y'understand, you don't got to be the head actuary of
the Equitable exactly in order to figure it out that he's made a
tremendous overestimate. So when the same feller talks about
confiscating incomes over ten thousand, it ain't necessary to ask how he
come to fix on ten thousand instead of five thousand or fifteen
thousand, because whether he tossed for it or dealt himself three cold
hands, and the hand representing ten thousand dollars won out with treys
full of deuces, y'understand, the information ain't going to help us
finance the war to any extent."
"Why not?" Morris asked.
"Because you take yourself, for instance, and we would say for the sake
of argument that in nineteen seventeen you turned over a new leaf and
worked so hard that you made fifteen thousand five hundred dollars."
"Listen, Abe," Morris interrupted, "if there is a new leaf coming to any
one around here, Abe, I wouldn't mention no names for the sake of an
argument or otherwise."
"All right," Abe said, "then we'll say you didn't work no harder, but
just the same, Mawruss, if you was to make fifteen thousand five hundred
dollars in nineteen seventeen, and this here Chump Clark gets the
government to confiscate fifty-five hundred dollars on you, how much
would they confiscate on you in nineteen eighteen?"
Morris shrugged his shoulders. "What is the use of talking pipe dreams?"
he said.
"I ain't talking pipe dreams," Abe retorted. "This is something which
not only Chump Clark suggested it, but Senator LaFollette also as a good
scheme for financing the war."
"Evidently they don't expect the war to last long," Morris commented,
"which the most the government could hope to collect is the excess
income for nineteen seventeen, because if the government confiscates
five thousand five hundred dollars on me in nineteen seventeen, am I
going to go around in the summer of nineteen eighteen beefing about
business being rotten because here it is the first of July, nineteen
eighteen, and so far all the government could confiscate on me is two
thousand two hundred and sixty-seven dollars and thirty-eight cents,
whereas on July first, nineteen seventeen, I had already got confiscated
on me two thousand four hundred and thirty-one dollars and fifty cents?
_Oser a Stueck!_ If I have made ten thousand dollars as early as April
first, nineteen eighteen, and I know that all further profits for
nineteen eighteen is going to be confiscated by the government,
y'understand, right then and there I am going to shut up shop and paste
a notice on the door: