"And the only kick they've got, Mawruss," Abe
said, "is that President Wilson won't expose
his hand, which, if he did, he might
just so well throw the game to Germany
and be done with it." _Frontispiece_
"I bet yer over half a czar's morning mail already
is circulars from casket concerns
alone, Abe." _Facing p._ 2
"'So,' Mrs. Hoover says, 'you had one of them
sixty-cent table-d'hote lunches to-day again,
and now of course you 'ain't got no appetite.
How many times did I tell you you
shouldn't eat that poison?'" " 50
"Perhaps it's because this here Lord George and
King George is related maybe," Morris suggested.
"I don't think so," Abe replied.
"The name is only a quincidence." " 60
"'Well, if we are such big experts on machine-guns,
we should ought to know a whole lot
more about machine-guns as Colonel Lewis,
and what does that _Schlemiel_ know about
machine-guns, _anyway_?'" " 108
"And five minutes after the jury had returned a
verdict would be on his way up to the Matteawan
Asylum for the Criminal Insane." " 152
"Take, for instance, sopranos, and they come in
two classes. There is the soprano which
hollers murder police and they call her a
dramatic soprano. And then again there is
the soprano which gargles. That is a coloratura
soprano." " 180
"For instance, who is it that says whole-wheat
bread irritates the lining from the elementry
canal? The ignorant man? _Oser!_" " 202