America
THE Democratic party of the nation ain't dead, though it's been givin'
a lifelike imitation of a corpse for several years. It can't die while
it's got Tammany for its backbone. The trouble is that the party's been
chasm' after theories and stayin' up nights readin' books instead of
studyin' human nature and actin' accordin', as I've advised in tellin'
how to hold your district. In two Presidential campaigns, the leaders
talked themselves red in the face about silver bein' the best money and
gold hem' no good, and they tried to prove it out of books. Do you think
the people cared for all that guff? No. They heartily indorsed what
Richard Croker said at die Hoffman House one day in 1900. "What's the
use of discussin' what's the best kind of money?" said Croker. "I'm
in favor of all kinds of money--the more the better." See how a real
Tammany statesman can settle in twenty-five words a problem that
monopolized two campaigns!
Then imperialism. The Democratic party spent all its breath on that in
the last national campaign. Its position was all right, sure, but you
can't get people excited about the Philippines. They've got too much at
home to interest them; they're too busy makin' a livin' to bother
about the niggers in the Pacific. The party's got to drop all them
put-you-to-sleep issues and come out in 1908 for somethin' that will
wake the people up; somethin' that will make it worth while to work for
the party.
There's just one issue that would set this country on fire. The
Democratic party should say in the first plank of its platform: "We
hereby declare, in national convention assembled, that the paramount
issue now, always and forever, is the abolition of the iniquitous and
villainous civil service laws which are destroyin' all patriotism, ruin
in' the country and takin' away good jobs from them that earn them. We
pledge ourselves, if our ticket is elected, to repeal those laws at once
and put every civil service reformer in jail."
Just imagine the wild enthusiasm of the party, if that plank was
adapted, and the rush of Republicans to join us in restorin' our country
to what it was before this college professor's nightmare, called civil
service reform, got hold of it! Of course, it would be all right to
work in the platform some stuff about the tariff and sound money and the
Philippines, as no platform seems to be complete without them, but they
wouldn't count. The people would read only the first plank and then
hanker for election day to come to put the Democratic party in office.
I see a vision. I see the civil service monster lyin' flat on the
ground. I see the Democratic party standin' over it with foot on its
neck and wearin' the crown of victory. I see Thomas Jefferson lookin'
out from a cloud and sayin': "Give him another sockdologer; finish
him"' And I see millions of men wavin' their hats and singin' "Glory
Hallelujah!"