THE SIN OF INGRATITUDE.
"The sun may shine upon the clod till it is warm,
Warm for its own poor darkling self to live.
He smites the diamond, and oh, how glows the gem,
Chilling itself, irradiant, to give.
"The silent soul, that takes but gives not out again,
In shining thankfulness, a smile, a tear,
Absorbing, makes none other glad, and misses so
The purest and the best of love's rich cheer."
--MARY K. A. STONE.
A blessing given ought always to have some return. It is better to be
a diamond, lighted to shine, than a clod, warmed to be only a dull,
dark clod. We all receive numberless favors, but we do not all alike
make fitting return.
Krummacher has a pleasant little fable with a suggestion. When
Zaccheus was old he still dwelt in Jericho, humble and pious before God
and man. Every morning at sunrise he went out into the fields for a
walk, and he always came back with a calm and happy mind to begin his
day's work. His wife wondered where he went in his walks, but he never
spoke to her of the matter. One morning she secretly followed him. He
went straight to the tree from which he first saw the Lord. Hiding
herself, she watched him to see what he would do. He took a pitcher,
and carrying water, he poured it about the tree's roots which were
getting dry in the sultry climate. He pulled up some weeds here and
there. He passed his hand fondly over the old trunk. Then he looked
up at the place among the branches where he had sat that day when he
first saw Jesus. After this he turned away, and with a smile of
gratitude went back to his home. His wife afterward referred to the
matter and asked him why he took such care of the old tree. His quiet
answer was, "It was that tree which brought me to him whom my soul
loveth."
There is no true life without its sacred memorial of special blessing
or good. There is something that tells of favor, of deliverance, of
help, of influence, of teaching, of great kindness. There is some
spot, some quiet walk, some room, some book, some face, that always
recalls sweet memories. There is something that is precious to us
because in some way it marks a holy place in life's journey. Most of
us understand that loving interest of Zaccheus in his old tree, and can
believe the little fancy to be even true. In what life is there no
place that is always kept green in memory, because there a sweet
blessing was received?
Yet there seem to be many who forget their benefits. There is much
ingratitude in the world. It may not be so universal as some would
have us believe. There surely are many who carry in their hearts,
undimmed for long years, the memory of benefits and kindnesses received
from friends, and who never cease to be grateful and to show their
gratitude. Wordsworth wrote:--
"I've heard of hearts unkind,
Kind deeds with coldness still returning;
Alas! the gratitude of men
Hath left me oftener mourning."
However, Archdeacon Farrar, referring to these words, says, "If
Wordsworth found gratitude a common virtue, his experience must have
been exceptional." There certainly are hearts unkind that do return
coldness for kind deeds. There are children who forget the love and
sacrifices of their parents and repay their countless kindnesses, not
with grateful affection, honor, obedience, thoughtfulness, and service,
but with disregard, indifference, disobedience, dishonor, sometimes
even with shameful neglect and unkindness. There are those who receive
help from friends in unnumbered ways, through years, help that brings
to them great aid in life--promotion, advancement, improvement in
character, widening of privileges and opportunities, tender kindness
that warms, blesses, and inspires the heart, and enriches, refines, and
ennobles the life--who yet seem never to recognize or appreciate the
benefit and the good they receive. They appear to feel no obligation,
no thankfulness. They make no return of love for all of love's
ministry. They even repay it with complaint, with criticism, with
bitterness. We have all known years of continued favors forgotten, and
their memory wiped out by one small failure to grant a new request for
help. We have all known malignant hate to be the return for long
periods of lavish kindness.
Ingratitude is robbery. It robs those to whom gratitude is due, for it
is the withholding of that which is justly theirs. If you are kind to
another, is he not your debtor? If you show another favors, does not
he owe you thanks? True, you ask no return, for love does not work for
wages. Only selfishness demands repayment for help given, and is
embittered by ingratitude. The Christly spirit continues to give and
bless, pouring out its love in unstinted measure, though no act or word
or look tells of gratitude.
"If thy true service mounted, in its aim,
No higher than the praise that men bestow
On noble sacrifice, there might be shame
That thou hast missed it so.
"But not for selfish gain or low reward,
Didst thou so labor under shade and sun;
But with the conscious sense that for thy Lord
This weary work was done.
"He asked no thanks, no recognition nigh,
No tender acceptation of his grace,
No pitying tear from one responsive eye,
No answering human face.
"To do God's will--that was enough for Christ,
'Mid griefs that make all agonies look dim.
It shall for thee suffice--it hath sufficed,
As it sufficed for him."
Yet while love does not work for wages, nor demand an equivalent for
its services, it is sorely wronged when ungrateful lips are dumb. The
quality of ingratitude is not changed because faithful love is not
frozen in the heart by its coldness. We owe at least loving
remembrance to one who has shown us kindness, though no other return
may be possible, or though large return may already have been made. We
can never be absolved from the duty of being grateful. "Owe no man
anything but love" is a heavenly word. We always owe love; that is a
debt we never can pay off.
Ingratitude is robbery. But it is cruelty as well as robbery. It
always hurts the heart that must endure it. Few faults or injuries
cause more pain and grief in tender spirits than ingratitude. The pain
may be borne in silence. Men do not speak of it to others, still less
to those whose neglect or coldness inflicts it; yet It is like thorns
in the pillow.
"Blow, blow, thou winter wind;
Thou art not so unkind
As man's ingratitude."
Parents suffer unspeakably when the children for whom they have lived,
suffered, and sacrificed, prove ungrateful. The ungrateful child does
not know what bitter sorrow he causes the mother who bore him and
nursed him, and the father who loves him more than his own life; how
their hearts bleed; how they weep in secret over his unkindness. We do
not know how we hurt our friends when we treat them ungratefully,
forgetting all they have done for us, and repaying their favors with
coldness.
There is yet more of this lesson. Gratitude, to fulfil its gentle
ministry, must find some fitting expression. It is not enough that it
be cherished in the heart. There are many good people who fail at this
point. They are really thankful for the good others do to them. They
feel kindly enough in their hearts toward their benefactors. Perhaps
they speak to other friends of the kindnesses they have received. They
may even put it into their prayers, telling God how they have been
helped by others of his children, and asking him to reward and bless
those who have been good to them. But meanwhile they do not in any way
express their grateful feelings to the persons who have done them the
favors or rendered them the offices of friendship.
How does your friend know that you are grateful, if you do not in some
way tell him that you are? Verily here is a sore fault of love, this
keeping sealed up in the heart the generous feeling, the tender
gratitude, which we ought to speak, and which would give so much
comfort if it were spoken in the ear that ought to hear it. No pure,
true, loving human heart ever gets beyond being strengthened and warmed
to nobler service by words of honest and sincere appreciation.
Flattery is contemptible; only vain spirits are elated by it.
Insincerity is a sickening mockery; the sensitive soul turns away from
it in revulsion. But words of true gratitude are always to human
hearts like cups of water to thirsty lips. We need not fear turning
people's heads by genuine expressions of thankfulness; on the other
hand, nothing inspires such humility, such reverent praise to God, as
the knowledge which such gratitude brings,--that one has been used of
God to help, or bless, or comfort another life.
Silence is said to be golden, and ofttimes, indeed, it is better than
speech. "It is a fine thing in friendship," says George MacDonald, "to
know when to be silent." There are times when silence is the truest,
fittest, divinest, most blessed thing, when words would only mar the
hallowed sweetness of love's ministry. But there are times again when
silence is disloyalty, cruelty, unkind as winter air to tender plants.
Especially is this true of gratitude; to be coldly silent, when the
heart is grateful, is a sin against love. When we have a word of
thanks in our heart, which we feel we might honestly speak, and which
we do not speak, we have sorely wronged our friend.
Especially in homes ought there to be more grateful expression. We
wrong home friends more than any other friends. Home is where love is
truest and tenderest. We need never fear being misunderstood by the
loved ones who there cluster about us. Yet too often home is the very
place where we are most miserly of grateful and appreciative words. We
let gentle spirits starve close beside us for the words of
affectionateness that lie warm, yet unspoken, on our tongues. None of
us know what joy and strength we could impart to others, if only we
would train ourselves to give fitting, delicate, and thoughtful
expression to the gratitude that is in our hearts. We would become
blessings to all about us, and would receive into our life new
gladness. Nothing is sadder than the sorrow witnessed about many a
Coffin; the grief of bereavement and loss made bitter by the regret
that now the too slow gratitude of the heart shall never have
opportunity to utter itself in the ear which waited so long, hungry,
and in vain, for the word that would have given such comfort.
"Over the coffin pitiful we stand,
And place a rose within the helpless hand,
That yesterday, mayhap, we would not see,
When it was meekly offered. On the heart
That often ached for an approving word,
We lay forget-me-nots--we turn away,
And find the world is colder for the loss
Of this so faulty and so loving one.
"Think of that moment, ye who reckon close
With love--so much for every gentle thought,
The moment when love's richest gifts are naught:
When a pale flower, upon a pulseless breast,
Like your regret, exhales its sweets in vain."
But it is not enough that we be grateful and show our gratitude to the
human friends who do us kindnesses. It is to God that we owe all.
Every good and perfect gift, no matter how it reaches us, through what
messenger, in what form, "cometh down from above, from the Father of
lights." All the blessings of Providence, all the tender things that
come to us through human love and friendship, are God's gifts.
"Whence came the father-heart in man,
The mother-heart in woman?
The love throughout the cosmic plan
Which makes God's children human?
"These never came: what we control
Is good because 'tis given,
And all made better to man's soul
By the sweet touch of heaven."
We owe thanks to God, therefore, for all that we receive. When we have
shown gratitude to our human benefactors, we still owe our Heavenly
Father thanks and gratitude. It is possible, too, for us to be
grateful to the friends who help us, and yet be as atheists, never
recognizing God, nor giving him any thanks. This is the sorest sin of
all. We rob God, and hurt his heart, every time we receive any favor
at whatsoever hand, and fail to speak our praise to him.
Whatever we may say about man's ingratitude to his fellow-men, there is
no question about man's lack of gratitude to God. We are continually
receiving mercies and favors from him, and yet, are there not days and
days with most of us, in which we lift no heart and speak no word in
praise? Our prayers are largely requests and supplications for help
and favor, with but little adoration and worship. We continue asking
and asking, and God continues giving and giving; but how many of us
remember always or often to give thanks for answered prayer? The angel
of requests--so the legend runs--goes back from earth heavily laden
every time he comes to gather up the prayers of men. But the angel of
thanksgiving, of gratitude, has almost empty hands as he returns from
his errands to this world. Yet ought we not to give thanks for all
that we receive and for every answered request? If we were to do this
our hearts would always be lifted up toward God in praise.
There is a story of some great conductor of a musical festival suddenly
throwing up his baton, and stopping the performance, crying,
"Flageolet!" The flageolet was not doing its part and the conductor's
trained ear missed its one note in the large orchestra. Does not God
miss any voice that is silent in the music of earth that rises up to
him? And are there not many voices that are silent, taking no part in
the song, giving forth no praise? Shall we not quickly start our
heart-song of gratitude, calling upon every power of our being to
praise God?