"Music's the food of love" they say,
This is a passage every one now quotes;
The truth is clear, for in the present day,
Young love is fed entirely _on notes._
* * * * *
"OUR FAILURES."--_Husband._ "I say, Lizzie, what on earth did you make
this mint-sauce of?"
_Young Wife (who has been "helping" Cook)._ "Parsley, to be sure!"
* * * * *
[Illustration: APPEARANCES ARE DECEPTIVE
_He._ "Who's that?"
_She._ "Jack Anstruther and his bride. He married ever so much beneath
him."
_He._ "Doesn't look like it!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: BREAKING THE NEWS
_Newly Affianced One._ "May I be your new mamma, Tommy?"
_Tommy._ "_I_ should like it, but you must ask papa."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: ONE GOOD TURN DESERVES ANOTHER
_She._ "But if you say you can't bear the girl, why _ever_ did you
propose?"
_He._ "Well, her people have always been awfully good to me, and it's
the only way I could return their hospitality."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Ethel._ "Well, Jimmy didn't blow his brains out after
all because you refused him. He proposed to Miss Golightly yesterday."
_Maud._ "Did he? Then he must have got rid of them in some other way!"]
* * * * *
ADVICE TO MATCH-MAKING MAMMAS.--The first and only thing requisite is
simply, as Mrs. Glass very wisely says, "First catch your heir."
* * * * *
A HAPPY HOLIDAY.--_The Bachelor._ "So you're looking after the house
while your wife is taking a holiday? I hope she's enjoying the change?"
_The Benedict._ "I know _I_ am."
* * * * *
"CREATURE COMFORTS."--Good wives.
* * * * *
HOW TO CURE AN IMPRUDENT ATTACHMENT.--_Materfamilias._ "What _is_ to be
done, my dear? He positively _dotes_ on her!" _Paterfamilias._ "Well, we
must try to find him an _antidote_."
* * * * *
DIVORCE.--A matrimonial ticket-of-leave.
* * * * *
THE DESIRE OF PLEASING.--"May I be married, ma?" said a lovely girl of
fifteen to her mother the other morning. "Married!" exclaimed the
astonished matron, "what put such an idea into your head?" "Little
Emily, here, has never seen a wedding; and I'd like to amuse the child,"
replied the obliging sister, with fascinating _naïveté_.
* * * * *
A WOMAN'S WILL.--Won't!!!
* * * * *
[Illustration: "I dunno what 'er misshus 'll shay--but any'ow 'm nor
goin' to preten I'm shober"--(_hic_).]
* * * * *
A CONTRADICTION IN TERMS.--Man and wife.
* * * * *
AUTOMATIC COUPLINGS.--Scotch marriages.
* * * * *
THE FAMILY HERALD.--A monthly nurse.
* * * * *
THE WORST RESULT OF VIVISECTION.--Eve.
(_By an incorrigible Old Bachelor, who is hiding himself for fear of
consequences._)
* * * * *
[Illustration: FINIS]
* * * * *