I live a mild domestic life,
Devoted dearly to my wife,
So much so, that from her extends
My fond affection to her friends;
And first of all--no spooney raw--
Oh, don't I love my mother-in-law!
My pet's old parent's rather stout;
I just might clasp her waist about:
Some three yards round, and not much more.
I've thoughts of widening my front-door,
I shouldn't mind the expense one straw.
Oh, don't I love my mother-in-law!
At times I may myself forget,
Which, if she thinks, she tells my pet;
But when I don't do all I should,
Her telling tends to make me good;
I'm pleased to have her find the flaw.
Oh, don't I love my mother-in-law!
The servants that upon her wait
A pleasure have which must be great.
And yet can we get none to stay.
I grieve so when she goes away!
Tears from my eyes her turned heels draw.
Oh, don't I love my mother-in-law!
A sweet old soul, how pleased I feel
To see her at the social meal
Of dinner sit, her mouth a chink
Ne'er opened save to meat--and drink!
And I'll ne'er grudge (I am so free)
Her gin and brandy in her tea.
I hold her in such filial awe;
Oh, don't I love my mother-in-law!
* * * * *
[Illustration: "Just look at Mr. Jones over there, flirting with that
girl! I always thought he was a woman-hater?"
"So he is; but she's not here to-night!"]
* * * * *
THE STRAIGHT TIP.--"And so now they're engaged! _Well_, Jessie, to think
of _you_, with your beauty and accomplishments, and your lovely voice,
being cut out by such an ignorant little fright as that Maggie Quickson!
You _sang_ to him, I suppose?" "Yes, mamma, by the hour! But _she_ made
_him_ sing, you know, and played his accompaniments for him!" "Why,
_can_ he sing?" "No, mamma; but she made him _believe_ he could!"
* * * * *
MOTTO FOR A "KISS."--Go it, my two lips.
* * * * *
CROSSED IN LOVE.--A wedding-present cheque.
* * * * *
_Q._ What is the difference between a lover asking the object of his
affections to marry him, and a guest who ventures to hint to his host
that the Pommery '80 is rather corked?
_A._ The one pops the question, the other questions the pop.
* * * * *
[Illustration:
_He._ "How would you like to own a--er--a little puppy?"
_She._ "Oh, Mr. Softly, this is so sudden!"]
* * * * *