P.S.--I know my temper is rather short, but then think of my crust! And
it speaks well for me that I would rather be roasted fifty times than
buttered once. I _do_ hate flummery, certainly.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Partner of his Joys_ (_who has superintended the
removal_). "Well, dear, you haven't said how you like the new flat!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration:
_She._ "It's no use bothering me, Jack. I shall marry whom I please."
_He._ "That's all I'm asking you to do, my dear. You please me well
enough!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: AN UNFORESEEN MATRIMONIAL CONTINGENCY
_Angelina._ "Did you ever see anything so wonderful as the likeness
between old Mr. and Mrs. Bellamy, Edwin? One would think they were
brother and sister, instead of husband and wife!"
_Edwin._ "Married people always grow like each other in time, darling.
It's very touching and beautiful to behold!"
_Angelina (not without anxiety)._ "Dear me! And is it _invariably_ the
case, my love?"]
* * * * *
[Illustration:
_The Widow's Intended._ "Well, Tommy, has your mother told you of my
good fortune."
_Tommy._ "No. She only said she was going to marry you!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Young Muddleigh, who has been out buying underwear for
his personal use, purchases at the same establishment some flowers for
his ladye-love--leaving a note to be enclosed. Imagine Young Muddleigh's
horror, on returning to dress, to discover that the underwear had been
sent with the note, and the flowers to him! Muddleigh discovered,
repeating slowly to himself the contents of the note_:--"Please wear
these this evening, for my sake!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: "IS IT A FAILURE?"
_Mamma_ (_their last unmarried daughter having just accepted an offer_).
"Well, George, now the girls are all happily settled, I think we may
consider ourselves fortunate, and that marriage isn't----"
_Papa_ (_a pessimist_). "Um--'don't know! Four families to keep 'stead
of one!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: SO FRIVOLOUS!
_Wife._ "Solomon, I have a bone to pick with you."
_Solomon_ (_flippantly_) "With pleasure, my dear, so long as it's a
funny bone!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: "HUSBANDS IN WAITING"]
* * * * *
[Illustration:
_Stout Wife._ "I shall never get through here, James. If you were half a
man, you would lift me over!"
_Husband._ "If you were half a woman, my dear, it would be easier!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration:
"Was he very much cast down after he'd spoken to papa?"
"Yes. Three flights of stairs!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: "SCORED"
_Little Wife._ "Now, Fred dear, I'm ready."
_Lazy Husband._ "I'm awfully sorry, dear; but I _must_ stay in, as I'm
expecting a friend every minute."
_Little Wife_ (_sarcastically_). "A friend every minute! Heavens, Fred!
What a crowd of friends you'll have by the end of the day!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: DECIDEDLY PLEASANT
_Genial Youth._ "I say, Gubby, old chap, is this really true about your
going to marry my sister Edie?"
_Gubbins._ "Yes, Tommy. It's all settled. But why do you ask?"
_G. Y._ "Oh! only because I shall have such a jolly slack time now! You
know _I've_ pulled off nearly all her engagements so far, only you're
the first one who's been a _real stayer_!!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration:
_He._ "The joke was, both these girls were hopelessly in love with me,
and I made them madly jealous of each other."
_She._ "I wonder you had the face to do it, Mr. Sparkins!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: "WE FELL OUT, MY WIFE AND I"
_He._ "That's absurd! Do you think I'm as big a fool as I look?"
_She._ "I think that if you aren't, you have a great deal to be thankful
for!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: SUCH AN EXAMPLE
_Wife_ (_to husband, who has barked his shins violently against the bed,
and is muttering something to himself_). "Oh, Jack, how _can_ you!
Supposing baby were to hear you!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _She_ (_after they have walked three miles without a word
being spoken_). "Aw say, John, tha'art very quoiet. Has nowt fur to
say?"
_He._ "What mun aw say? Aw dunno know."
_She._ "Say that tha loves me."
_He._ "It's a'reet _sayin_' aw love thee, but aw dunno loike tellin'
loies!"]
* * * * *