We parted--cheerfully! Yet now
I've fallen into disrepute
With nearly all her friends, who vow
That she's an angel, I'm a brute;
Black isn't black enough for me
My conduct will not bear inspection--
A statement which I hold to be
Fair food for critical reflection.
We parted. The consummate ease
With which "united hearts" can range
From their allegiance, if they please,
But illustrates the laws of change.
The thoughts and tastes of yester year
Fall under Father Time's correction--
This is not critical, I fear,
But platitudinous reflection!
We parted. She had quite a pack
Of friends, "nice boys," as she avowed;
She called them Bob, and Dick, and Jack,
And I was--one amongst the crowd.
I did not, people may infer,
Possess entire her young affection--
Yet, be it understood, on her
I cast no shadow of reflection!
We parted. Men cannot persist--
In playing uncongenial parts--
I was a keen philatelist,
Her hobby was collecting--hearts
A simple case. I did not pine
To add my heart to her collection,
She had no stamps to add to mine,
We parted--wisely, on reflection!
* * * * *
CURIOUS DISTINCTION.--The English love; the French make love.--_Madame
Punch._
* * * * *
[Illustration:
_Mr. Grumble._ "I see by the paper that Mount Vesuvius is in eruption."
_Mrs. G._ "Oh, I'm _so_ glad!"
_Mr. G._ "There you are again, Maria. Now why on earth should you be
glad?"
_Mrs. G._ "Well, you can't blame _me_ for it that's all!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: OLD FRIENDS
_He._ "Do you remember your old school-friend Sophy Smythe?"
_She._ "Yes, indeed, I do. A most absurd-looking thing. So silly too!
What became of her?"
_He._ "Oh, nothing. Only--I married her."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: IN THE SAME BOAT
"I don't think she's pretty."
"Neither do I." (_After a pause._) "Did she refuse you too?"]
* * * * *
GREAT EXPECTATIONS.--_Ethel_ (_youngest daughter_). "Oh, pa dear, what
did Geo---- what did young Mr. Brown want?" _Pa._ "Secret, my love.
'Wished to speak to me privately!" _Ethel._ "Oh, pa, but do tell
me--'cause he was so very attentive to me before you came in--and then
asked me to leave the room." _Pa._ "Well, my dear"--(_in a
whisper_)--"he'd left his purse at the office, and wanted to borrow
eighteenpence to pay his train home!"
* * * * *
"SHARP'S THE WORD!"--_Wife._ "Poor mamma is dreadfully low-spirited this
morning, George. Only think--she has just expressed a wish to be
cremated!" _Husband_ (_with alacrity_). "'O'b-less my----" (_Throwing
down his newspaper._) "Tell her to put her things on, dear! I'll--I'll
drive her over at once!!"
* * * * *
[Illustration: ON THE CARDS
_Young Wife._ "Oh, mamma, do you know I believe Alfred's going to
reform, and give up gambling!"
_Her Mother._ "What makes you think so, dear?"
_Young Wife._ "Why all last night he kept talking in his sleep about his
miserable, worthless heart!"]
* * * * *