Said Stiggins to his wife one day,
"We've nothing left to eat;
If things go on in this queer way,
We shan't make _both ends meet_."
The dame replied, in words discreet,
"We're not so badly fed,
If we can make but _one_ end _meat_,
And make the other _bread_."
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Clergyman._ "Augustus, wilt thou take this woman----"
_Bride (late of Remnant & Co.'s Ribbon Department). "Lady!"_]
* * * * *
TO PERSONS ABOUT TO MARRY.--Take care to choose a lady help, and not a
lady encumbrance.
* * * * *
ACCOUNTED FOR AT LAST.--Is it not strange that the "best man" at a
wedding is not the bridegroom? This must be the reason of so many
unhappy marriages.
* * * * *
THE BEST WARDS OF A LATCHKEY.--Homewards!
* * * * *
ONE GREAT LOTTERY OFFICE STILL RECOGNISED BY THE LAW.--The Marriage
Register.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "There goes the _second_ Mrs. Muggeray!"
"Gracious! What on earth did he marry her for?"
"Oh, he said he wanted some one to amuse the children!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: WONDERFUL WHAT AN ADJECTIVE WILL DO
_Brown (newly married--to Jones, whom he entertained a few evenings
previously)._ "Well, what did you think of us, old boy, eh?"
_Jones._ "Oh, pretty flat. Er--awfully pretty flat!"]
* * * * *
SCIENTIFIC ACCURACY.--"But _why_ do you want to marry her?" "Because I
_love_ her!" "My dear fellow, that's an _excuse_--not a _reason_!"
* * * * *
TO PERSONS ABOUT TO MARRY.--What is enough for one, is half enough for
two, short commons for three, and starvation for half a dozen.
* * * * *