MAGNIFICENT ATTITUDE OF THE SENATOR; BRILLIANCY OF BUTTONS; AND PLUCK
OF THE OTHER MEMBERS OF THE CLUB: BY ALL OF WHICH THE GREATEST EFFECTS
ARE PRODUCED.
"Boys," said the Senator, assuming a gay tone, "it's evident these
rascals have planned this arrangement to attack us; but I've got a
plan by which we can turn the tables. Now laugh, all of you." A roar
of laughter arose. "I'll tell it in a minute. Whenever I stop, you
all laugh, so that they may not think that we are plotting." Another
roar of laughter. "Buttons, talk Italian as hard as you can; pretend
to translate what I am saying; make up something funny, so as to get
them laughing; but take good care to listen to what I say."
"All right," said Buttons.
"Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!" said the others.
Now the Senator began to divulge his plan, and Buttons began to
talk Italian, pretending to translate what the Senator said. To do
this required much quickness, and a vivid imagination, with a sense
of the ridiculous, and many other qualities too numerous to mention.
Fortunately Buttons had all these, or else the Club would not have
acted precisely as it did act; and perhaps it might not have been
able to move along in the capacity of a Club any longer, in which
case it would, of course, have had no further adventures; and then
this history would not have been written; and whether the world
would have been better off or worse is more than I can say,
I'm sure.
[What the Senator said.]
"Boys, look at these devils, one on each side of us. They have
arranged some signal, and when it is given they will spring at us.
Look sharp for your lives, and be ready to do what I say. Buttons,
listen, and when you don't hear look at me, and I'll repeat it."
[_Club_.--"Ha! hal ha! ha! ha!"]
[What Buttons said he said.]
"He says, most noble Captain, and gentlemen, that he is desperately
hungry; that he can't get what he wants to eat. He generally eats
dried snakes, and the supply he brought from the Great American
desert is exhausted; he wants more, and will have it."
[Sensation among bandits.]
[What the Senator said.]
"My idea is to turn the tables on these varmints. They put themselves
in our power. What they have arranged for themselves will do for us
just as well as if we planned it all. In fact, if we had tried we
could not have adjusted the present company better."
[_Club_.--"Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!"]
[What Buttons said he said.]
"He says he wouldn't have come out here to-day, but had a little
difficulty just before he joined our party. He was landing from
the American ship of war, and on stepping on shore a man trod on
his foot, whereupon he put him into the water, and held him there
till he was drowned."
[Bandits looking more respectfully.]
[What the Senator said.]
"Listen now, Buttons. We will arrange a signal, and at a certain word
we will fall on our neighbors and do with them as they propose doing
with us. But first let us arrange carefully about the signal; for
every thing depends on that."
[_Club_--"Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!"]
[What Buttons said he said.]
"It makes him feel amused, he says, when he thinks how odd that
guide looked at him when he made him go down into the crater of
Vesuvius; gave him five minutes to say his prayers, and then lifted
him up in the air and pitched him down to the bottom. He thinks
he is falling still."
[Bandits exchange glances.]
[What the Senator said.]
"First, we must keep up our uproar and merriment to as great an
extent as we can, but not very long. Let it be wild, mad, boisterous,
but short. It will distract these vagabonds, and throw them off their
guard. The first thing on the programme, then, is merriment. Laugh as
loud and long as you can."
[_Club_.--"Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!"]
[What Buttons said he said.]
"He doesn't know but what he'll have a little trouble about a
priest he killed last night. He was in a church, and was walking
about whistling, when a priest came up and ordered him out;
whereupon he drew his revolver, and put all six of the bullets in
the priest's head."
[Bandits cross themselves, and look serious.]
[Illustration: The Bandits Captured.]
[What the Senator said.]
"The next thing is, to have some singing. They seem to like our
glorious national songs. Give them some of them. Let the first one
be 'Old Virginny.'"
[_Club_.--"Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!"]
[What Buttons said he said.]
"He heard that the priest was not dead. As he always makes sure
work, he intends to look in the morning, and if he's alive, he'll
cut his throat, and make all his attendants dance to the tune of
'Old Virginny.'"
Buttons had to work on that word "Old Virginny," for the quick ears
of the Italians had caught it. Bandits cross themselves again.
_Captain_.--"I don't believe a word of it. It's impossible."
Bandit No. 6.--"He looks like it, any way."
In fact, the Senator did look like it. His hair tinged to an
unnatural hue by the sulphur of Vesuvius, his square, determined
jaw, his heavy, overhanging brow, marked him as one who was capable
of any desperate enterprise.
[What the Senator said.]
"Next and last, Dick, you are to sing 'Yankee Doodle.' You know
the words about 'coming to town riding on a pony.' You know that
verse ends with an Italian word. I am particular about this, for
you might sing the wrong verse. Do you understand, all of you? If
so, wink your eyes twice."
[The Club all winked twice. Then, as usual:
"Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!"]
[What Buttons said he said.]
"He says there is no danger for him, however, for foreigners are
in terror of the tune of 'Yankee Doodle.' If he were arrested by
the Government, the American Admiral would at once send ashore a
file of marines with an 'ultimatum,' a 'Columbiad,' a 'spanker
boom,' a 'Webster's Unabridged,' and a 'brachycatalectic,' to demand
his surrender at the cannon's mouth."
[Great sensation among the bandits at the formidable arms of
American marines.]
[What the Senator said.]
"Look at me. There are six. I will take two; each of you take
one--the man on your right, remember. As Dick, in singing, comes
to that word, each of you go at your man. Buttons, you hear, of
course."
[_Club_.--"Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!"]
[What Buttons said he said.]
"They think in town that he is the Devil, because he has killed
seven men in duels since he came, and has never been wounded. People
don't know the great American invention, worn next the skin, which
makes the body impervious to bullets."
[_Captain_, sneering.--"I don't believe it."
Bandit No. 3.--"I don't know. They invented the revolver. If only I
had one."]
[What the Senator said.]
"Boys, arrange to your minds what to do. Grab the gun, and put
your man down backward. I'm almost ashamed of the game, it's so
easy. Look at these boobies by me. They are like children. No
muscle. The fellows at the end won't dare to shoot for fear of
wounding their own man."
[_Club_.--"Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!"]
[What Buttons said he said.]
"He's made up his mind to go and take part in the war in Lombardy.
He will raise a band of Americans, all clothed in the great shot-proof
shirt, and armed with revolvers like ours, that shoot twelve times,
and have bullets like bomb-shells, that burst inside of a man and
blow him to pieces."
_Captain_, coldly,--"That crow didn't blow up."
_Buttons_.--"Oh yes it did. It was dark, and you didn't notice.
Go get it to-morrow, examine it, and you will find traces of the
exploded shell."
_Bandit No. 4_.--"Santa Maria! What lies this giant tells his friends!
and they all laugh. They don't believe him."
_Bandit No. 3_. "Well, that revolver is enough for me; and they all
have them."
The above conversation was all carried on very rapidly, and did not
take up much time.
At once the Club proceeded to carry out the Senator's plan. First
they talked nonsense, and roared and laughed, and perfected their
plan, and thus passed about ten minutes. Then Buttons asked the
Italians if they wished more music.
"Answer, gallant Captain of these Kings of the Road. Will you hear
our foreign songs?"
"Most gladly," said the gallant Captain. "There will yet be time
before we get our supper."
A sinister gleam in his eye as he said this about the supper did not
escape the notice of Buttons. Thereupon he handed the guitar to Dick,
and the latter began to sing once more the strains of "Ole Virginny."
The Italians showed the same delight, and joined in a roaring chorus.
Even the men by the door stood yelling or whistling as Dick sang.
Lastly, Dick struck up the final song. The hour had come!
"Yankee Doodle came to town
To buy himself a pony,
Stuck a feather in his hat
And called it--_Maccaroni_!"
As the song began each man had quietly braced himself for one grand
effort. At the sound of the last word the effect was tremendous.
The Senator threw his mighty arms round the Captain and the other
bandit. They were both small men, as indeed Italians are generally,
and beside his colossal frame they were like boys to a grown man. He
held them as if a vice, and grasping their hands, twisted them back
till their guns fell from their grasp. As he hurled the affrighted
ruffians to the floor, the guns crashed on the stone pavement, one
of them exploding in its fall. He then by sheer strength jerked the
Captain over on his face, and threw the other man on him face
downward. This done he sat on them, and turned to see what the others
were doing.
Buttons had darted at No. 5 who was on his right, seized his gun and
thrown him backward. He was holding him down now while the fellow was
roaring for help.
Dick had done about the same thing, but had not yet obtained
possession of the gun. He was holding the Doctor's pistol to the
bandit's head, and telling him in choice Italian to drop his gun, or
he would send him out of the world with twelve bullets.
The Doctor was all right. He was calmly seated on Bandit No. 3, with
one hand holding the bandit's gun pointed toward the door, and the
other grasping the ruffian's throat in a death like clutch. The man's
face was black, and he did not move.
Mr. Figgs had not been so successful. Being fat, he had not been
quick enough. He was holding the bandit's gun, and aiming blows at
his face.
"Doctor," said the Senator, "your man's all right. Give it to Figgs's
man."
The Doctor sprang up, seized Figgs's man by throat, just as he
staggered back, and brought him down.
The whole thing had been done in an incredibly short time. The
robbers had been taken by complete surprise. In strength they were
far inferior to their assailants. Attacked as they were so
unexpectedly the success of the Americans was not very wonderful.
The uproar was tremendous. The women were most noisy. At first all
were paralyzed. Then wild shrieks rang through the hall. They yelled,
they shouted, they wrung their hands.
The four bandits at the end of the hall stood for a moment
horror-struck. Then they raised their guns. But they dared not fire.
They might shoot their own men. Suddenly Dick, who had got the gun
which he wished, looked at the door, and seeing the guns levelled
he fired the revolver. A loud scream followed. One of the men fell.
The women rushed to take care of him. The other three ran off.
"Doctor," said the Senator, "have you a rope? Tie that man's hands
behind him."
The Doctor took his handkerchief, twisted it, and tied the man's
hands as neatly and as firmly as though they were in handcuffs. He
then went to Buttons, got a handkerchief from him, and tied up his
man in the same way. Then Dick's man was bound. At that moment a
bullet fired through one of the windows grazed the head of Mr. Figgs.
"Dick," said the Senator, "go out and keep guard."
Dick at once obeyed. The women screamed and ran as he came along.
Then the two men whom the Senator had captured were bound. After a
while some pieces of rope and leather straps were found by Buttons.
With these all the bandits were secured more firmly. The men whom the
Senator had captured were almost lifeless from the tremendous weight
of his manly form. They made their captives squat down in one corner,
while the others possessed themselves of their guns and watched them.
The wretches looked frightened out of their wits. They were
Neapolitans and peasants, weak, feeble, nerveless.
"It's nothing to boast of," said the Senator, contemptuously, as he
looked at the slight figures. "They're a poor lot--small, no muscle,
no spirit, no nothing."
The poor wretches now began to whine and cry.
"Oh, Signore," they cried, appealing to Buttons. "Spare our lives!"
At that the whole crowd of women came moaning and screaming.
"Back!" said Buttons.
"Oh, Signori, for the sake of Heaven spare them, spare our husbands!"
"Back, all of you! We won't hurt any one if you all keep quiet."
The women went sobbing back again. The Doctor then went to look at
the wounded man by the door. The fellow was trembling and weeping.
All Italians weep easily.
The Doctor examined him and found it was only a flesh wound. The
women were full of gratitude as the Doctor bound up his arm after
probing the wound, and lifted the man on a rude couch. From time to
time Dick would look in at the door to see how things were going on.
The field was won.
"Well," said the Senator, "the other three have probably run for it.
They may bring others back. At any rate we had better hurry off. We
are armed now, and can be safe. But what ought we to do with these
fellows?"
"Nothing," said Buttons.
"Nothing?"
"No. They probably belong to the 'Camorra,' a sort of legalized
brigandage, and if had them all put in prison they would be let
out the next day."
"Well, I must say I'd rather not. They're a mean lot, but I don't
wish them any harm. Suppose we make them take us out to the road
within sight of the city, and then let them go?"
"Well."
The others all agreed to this.
"We had better start at once then."
"For my part," said Mr. Figgs, "I think we had much better get
some thing to eat before we go--"
"Pooh! We can get a good dinner in Naples. We may have the whole
country around us if we wait, and though I don't care for myself,
yet I wouldn't like to see one of you fall, boys."
So it was decided to go at once. One man still was senseless. He was
left to the care of the women after being resuscitated by the Doctor.
The Captain and four bandits were taken away.
"Attend," said Buttons, sternly. "You must show us the nearest way
to Naples. If you deceive us you die. If you show us our way we may
perhaps let you go."
The women all crowded around their husbands, screaming and yelling. In
Vain. Buttons told them there was no danger. At last he said--
"You come along too, and make them show us the way. You will then
return here with them. The sooner the better. Haste!"
The women gladly assented to this.
Accordingly they all started, each one of the Americans carrying a
gun in one hand, and holding the arm of a bandit with the other.
The women went ahead of their own accord, eager to put an end to
their fears by getting rid of such dangerous guests. After a walk of
about half an hour they came to the public road which ran near to
the sea.
"I thought I smelt the sea-air," said Dick.
They had gone by the other side of Vesuvius.
"This is the road to Naples, Signori," said the women.
"Ah! And you won't feel safe till you get the men away. Very well, you
may go. We can probably take care of ourselves now."
The women poured forth a torrent of thanks and blessings. The men were
then allowed to go, and instantly vanished into the darkness. At first
it was quite dark, but after a while the moon arose and they walked
merrily along, though very hungry.
Before they reached their hotel it was about one o'clock. Buttons and
Dick stared there. As they were all sitting over the repast which they
forced the landlord to get for them, Dick suddenly struck his hand on
the table.
"Sold!" he cried.
"What?"
"They've got our handkerchiefs."
"Handkerchiefs!" cried Mr. Figgs, ruefully, "why, I forgot to get back
my purse."
[Illustration: Sold.]
"Your purse! Well, let's go out to-morrow--"
"Pooh! It's no matter. There were only three piastres in it. I keep my
circular bill and larger money elsewhere."
"Well they made something of us after all. Three piastres and five
handkerchiefs."
The Senator frowned. "I've a precious good mind to go out there
to-morrow and make them disgorge," said he. "I'll think it over."