THE BALL.
The autumn of 18-- was as uncomfortable and _triste_ a season as I have
ever known; commerce and crops alike looked down--respectable prophets
of Tory tendencies shook their heads with redoubled vigor and gloomy
but intense satisfaction at the near approach of that total ruin
they had so often foretold; and the unfortunate devils of starving
mechanics, unable to solve the problem of depression, were raising
shindies by way of relieving their minds. Under these circumstances,
it pleased the Horse Guards, in the plenitude of their power and
inhumanity, to banish Her Majesty's -- Regiment of Light Dragoons to
an infernal region of smoke and "sansculottism" situated in the west
of England, and known to mortals as the wealthy and busy town of
Carrington.
Here then were we hurried at the very beginning of grouse shooting,
from first-rate quarters in North Britain.
Terrible was the change which came o'er all our spirits; every thing
was against us; I do not believe I ever saw such rain. Byron talks
about "nature's tear drops,"--she gave us a shower bath! The effect
of all this may be imagined. I am certain it was that fatal quarter
confirmed our Major in the deep rooted love for "Kingston's old port,"
which finally cut him off at 65, while pretty little Mrs. Pemberton,
the paymaster's wife, no longer guided in the way she should go, by
fashion and the aristocracy, fell from the right path into a meeting
house, and eloped with the preacher! But our rulers care little for our
morals.
_Au commencement_, the rich manufacturers were very civil, and gave
us some most enormous dinners. Their daughters, pretty girls enough,
we found tolerable, as women must always be, even under the most
distressing circumstances; but we had nothing to talk of to them. It
was so confounding to try conversation with girls who had not a single
subject in common with you; who looked on sporting as loss of time, and
to whom all one's allusions, illustrations, and even good stories were
an unknown tongue. Their brothers were "very awful," as Sammy Spectre
says; and, when we asked the fellows to mess, they got so brutally
drunk, and talked such stupid slang, we were thoroughly disgusted; so
when the first terror of burnt mills and broken windows was passed,
and the respectable cotton spinners, taking time to breathe, collected
their scattered faculties, and remembered their dislike to the
military, we were most ready to dispense with their society, and our
communications were soon almost totally cut off.
Such was our position towards the beginning of September, when one
morning, as I was forgetting my misfortunes in Alison's Account of the
Vendean War, which in all probability I should have never read but
for our unlucky change of quarters, Tom Ashley broke into my room,
exclaiming, "Keep your books for a _dernier ressort_ my dear fellow!
Come along and get your tickets."
"For what," said I peevishly, for I am capable of acknowledging an
author's magic sometimes.
"No humbug! You do not mean to say you have not read the placards
announcing the Festival in the New Music Hall? Grisi, Mario, and all
the rest of them. A grand mass in G, and something still grander in Z?"
"No! I know nothing about it."
"Well, know it now! There are to be three days' hard work. Sacred and
scientific in the morning; profane and light in the evening; to wind up
with a fancy and full dress ball on Thursday."
"Well, it is something to do, so I am _à vos ordres, mon cher_," said
I, taking my hat.
We found the town full of fresh looking country faces, and, after some
delay and crowding, secured our tickets. The oratorio was very like all
other oratorios; the concert like all other concerts. There were airs
in both that made one think some other world must exist besides this
one of duns and devilry, and art and army agents. But a glance at the
singers, one thought of their characters was quite enough to dispel
any heavenly illusions. I have since tasted the exquisite enjoyment of
hearing the lovely tones and words "I know that my Redeemer liveth,"
thrill from pure lips, and then I knew what music meant; but at the
time of which I write I felt that any better feeling roused in me was
false, both in cause and effect.
All our fellows liked music, or were used to it; but I think they were
glad enough to kick their heels at the ball. I found myself there
about eleven o'clock, listening to a very inspiriting quadrille,
and gazing at the pretty little plebs and their snobbish partners,
wondering if they really could be satisfied to waste their sweetness
on such specimens of humanity (for there is a natural refinement
about women); and the brutes were so pre-occupied with self, so
divested of that profound attention I always thought every woman
expected, otherwise there was little to distinguish the gathering
from a ball at Lady Y----s or Lady L----s; the lights, music, and
refreshments, were first rate, the dresses handsome, many in good
taste; the thing wanting was the spirit of easy enjoyment which only
people sufficiently well bred to be natural dare venture on. Occupied
in these philosophic reflections, I stood among a group of my brother
officers, who were mingling their critiques of the morning's concert
with strictures on the mob round us, when my eye was caught by a pair
of fair graceful shoulders to the right in front of me; there was
something indescribable in the proud deer-like carriage of the head,
with its simple classic knot of chestnut brown hair, which made me
almost involuntarily exclaim "That is a gentlewoman whoever she is;"
and nervously anxious to see if a _nez retroussé_ or _un nez noble_
adorned the countenance which was hidden from me, I edged my way into
a commanding but unremarkable position. It was neither, but one that
harmonised well with her broad smooth forehead and short tremulous
upper lip; the general expression of the face was a sort of proud
yet gentle sadness, perhaps thoughtfulness is the best word. Above
middle height, her easy rounded figure moved slightly and apparently
unconsciously to the music, while her dress (and this I always
consider a most important characteristic) was very gauzy and white,
and perfectly without ornament except, indeed, a bouquet of brilliant
flowers which seemed to fasten the folds over the bosom. How little
does this miserable description convey the impression of grace and
harmony this fair girl's countenance and figure stamped upon my mind!
but I know were I to write for ever I should still be dissatisfied.
There was a _fierté_ so thorough bred and yet so soft in her air, that
I could have imagined her at home in the most splendid court, and
what rendered this perhaps more striking, was the remarkable contrast
presented by her companions.
She was leaning one arm on the back of a seat occupied by a little thin
woman like a respectable housekeeper, with a fierce contrivance of
lace and flowers on her head; beside her, and also behind the chair,
was a plump comfortable looking man, past middle age, whose round rosy
face was adorned with two little restless laughing twinkling black
eyes; a large bunch of seals to a black ribbon appeared below his
waistcoat in bygone style, held up in a sort of relief by the goodly
protuberance below. As I glanced at these details, this last individual
said something to his beautiful companion with a sort of gravity over
all his face except the eyes; she bent her head gently to hear, and
then her lips parted with such a smile, that I wondered I could have
thought her countenance expressed pride, thought, anything, but happy
merriment: such a smile must come from the heart.
"And where it most sparkled, no glance could discover
In eyes, lip, or cheek, for she brightened all over."
That finished me, "I must know her, I must dance with her," I exclaimed.
"Yes, but how," said Burton, who had been watching me, "I was trying to
find out who she is before you came in, and no one knows them."
"How very odd," said Ashley.
"She is so strangely unlike the people with her, and all the others,"
said I.
"Ah! Egerton has received a death blow."
"Command yourself my dear fellow."
"She must be Cinderella under the chaperonage of the cook and butler."
"I am determined," said I, "to know her, and _selon les régles_; for
that is no young lady to treat with scant ceremony."
So saying, I took Burton's arm and moved off to try and catch one
of the Stewards; we succeeded, but the savage would do nothing;
"didn't like" and "could not say." So we left him; and Burton was
laughingly pouring forth consolations, when I exclaimed, "I have
it! I will pretend to recognise her as some acquaintance;--profound
deference--many apologies &c. Eh? get up a little conversation, it
requires nerve, but you know I am half Irish!"
"It requires great tact and impudence; I wish you well thro' it," said
Burton gravely.
This little conversation took place near a pillar, of which there was a
row, two and two, across both ends of the room, dividing it into three
compartments; the centre and largest of which formed the ball room. On
re-entering it we missed the group of which we were in search, and for
a moment I thought that my inexorable ill-luck had sent them home;
but no! I soon discovered the unmistakeable profile close to the very
pillar at the other side of which we had held our consultation. "Done!
by all that's unfortunate," I exclaimed. "No, no," said Burton, "it is
impossible they could have overheard us, besides, they may have only
just got there."
"Well, _coute qui coute_, I will venture."
"And I will watch."
The next moment I was bowing profoundly with all the grace I could
muster. "I fear I am too presumptuous in hoping that you do not quite
forget me."
She gazed on me at first with such a puzzled but full and steady glance
from her dark clear grey eyes, that I felt ashamed of myself; then
again sparkling all over with a smile and look of recognition, she held
out her hand, saying quietly--"I am very stupid not to know you at
once, but the moustache alters you, and it is a long time since I saw
you; how is your brother?"
I was electrified--the most cutting declaration that my flimsy artifice
was seen thro', could not have perplexed me more. A momentary glance
showed me Burton, standing transfixed, with mouth and eyes wide open;
then rallying my scattered ideas I hastened to avail myself of this
happy mistake, and answered that my brother was quite well, and would
be delighted to hear I had met her. She bowed. But I had a brother,
could she really know him? Her next words solved the problem: "How did
he like your leaving the regiment? It was so pleasant to be always
together," murmuring something of submission to necessity. I begged
her to join the quadrille then forming, to which, after some slight
hesitation, she assented, saying to her friends, "Shall I find you
here?" "Yes," said "he of the seals," as G. P. R. James would call him,
"I am glad you are going to dance;" the little woman gave her a smile
and a nod, and we joined the quadrille. Longing to draw her from her
reminiscences which kept me in a frightful state of mind lest I should
make a false step, not daring to start almost any topic lest it should
betray me, I feel convinced I presented an illustration of the acme of
boobyism. At length I ventured to remark that I was surprised not to
have seen her at any of the oratorios; this was true at all events. "We
only came over for yesterday's performances," she said, "and arriving
very early we got up near the orchestra. How superb that double chorus
was. I should like to have heard it in some huge dim cathedral; the
theatric decorations of that concert room seemed to jar upon the eye."
"Yes! I quite agree with you; I am certain had I heard it under those
circumstances I should have been ready to shave my head, tie a cord
round my waist, and join the Franciscans _sur l'instant_!"
I felt more at ease--"If I can avoid my brother and the old regiment I
am tolerably safe." I thought--"if I could get the smallest glimpse of
who I am I should go ahead famously."
A few more sentences, broken by the movements of the dance, when my
partner, returning to me, again threw me off my centre, by suddenly
raising her eyes to mine with a sort of demure merriment sparkling in
them, saying, "You have not enquired for any of your old friends! But,
military memories are proverbially short, and yours is no exception
I fear." Passing over the dangerous commencement of this speech, I
launched into a glowing defence of military memories in general, and
my own in particular, and wound up by entreating her to give me the
fullest intelligence of all my old friends. She shook her head, "Ah!
those generalities speak but badly of the kindliness of recollection I
like." Good Heavens! I was getting deeper in the mire; the rich soft
tones that could not be uttered by any one not possessed both of heart
and intellect, seemed to sink into mine! So, hastily stammering that
she did me great injustice, I reiterated my request for all the news
she could impart. "I suppose you know all about the--"
"I cannot remember the numbers of regiments," said she, looking to me
for the word.
"Oh! of course," said I hastily, "a copious correspondence places me
pretty well _au fond_."
"Yes! but my cousin, I know you will be glad to hear though you have
not the grace to ask, is still abroad, and, I hear, as beautiful as
ever, and refusing all that princes and peers can offer to induce her
again to try the lottery of marriage."
"Ah! the loved are not always soon forgotten," said I, trying to chime
in with the tone of subdued feeling which seemed to pervade all my
fair companion said. She looked at me with an air of disapprobation
and replied gravely, "Notwithstanding their great disparity of years,
my cousin did truly and deeply feel her husband's loss." I had better
take care! could I but draw her off from her confounded cousin! At
that moment she dropped her fan; I looked at it for a moment before
restoring it to her; it was antique, with gold sticks, and of great
value, the only part of her toilet that bespoke wealth. "You remember
that fan and Lady Desmond's grand ball?" said she smiling. "Indeed I
do," I exclaimed, enraptured to have learned at one _coup_ that Dublin
was the scene of our acquaintance and that Lady Desmond was a mutual
friend. Here, however, the quadrille ended, and accepting my arm, my
unknown belle turned her steps and mine, _malgré moi_, in the direction
of the oft mentioned pillars, near which we had left her chaperons;
but those deserving individuals had, with praiseworthy carelessness,
disappeared, and my companion after looking round in vain, said, in a
somewhat anxious tone, "they are certainly not here, I shall never find
them again." I suggested the probability of nature requiring support,
and that the refreshment room would be the most likely place in which
to recover her lost guardians.
Assenting to this, and to my proposal of an ice, we were soon moving
_en masse_ with the other dancers towards the tea rooms, and now, freed
_pro. tem._ from the incubus of cousins and brothers, whom my partner
appeared to forget in her keen appreciation of the many ridiculous
points in the mob around her, I felt my spirits rise to concert pitch,
the embargo on my tongue removed, and, fancying myself most agreeable,
the passage to the refreshment table seemed to me to be performed with
miraculous rapidity.--Here, after a short inspection, we discovered
the missing individuals, and hastening towards them with speed I
thought rather ungracious, this puzzling, but fascinating girl, with
an inclination of the head and a smile in which much suppressed mirth
seemed struggling, dropped my arm and took her station beside her
incongruous companions. But I was not to be so easily sent adrift; I
had not served a twelve or thirteen years' apprenticeship to ball rooms
to be thus dismissed if I choose to stay; so with a deferential bow, "I
shall bring your ice here," said I; and rapidly securing one, I had
the satisfaction of hearing her say, as I approached with it, as if in
continuation of something, "knew him slightly in Dublin, a long time
ago;" which, in some measure, placed me _au dessous des cartes_; for if
only a slight acquaintance, I could not be expected to have very many
subjects or reminiscences in common with her; so resolutely determined
to stand my ground, have another dance, learn who she really was, and,
if possible, lay the foundation of a future acquaintance, I took up
a position beside the beautiful incognita, and ventured to discuss
Ireland in a guarded and general manner, observing, with perfect truth,
that two of the pleasantest years of my life had been spent there. I
could perceive a decided increase of cordiality in Miss ---- (what would
I not have given to know the name) as I pronounced this eulogy on her
native country--for I had soon guessed, by the indescribable spirit
of frankness, arch, yet tempered with a certain dignity in its gay
_abandon_, which pervaded her manner, that she was Irish--and just as
she had turned laughingly to answer some playful charge against its
characteristics, spoken apparently through a medium of mashed potatoes
in his throat, by the man with the seals, Burton touched my arm,
"Egerton, don't keep all your luck to yourself, introduce me."
"Hold your tongue--for Heaven's sake, my dear fellow," I exclaimed in a
rapid aside--"don't breathe my name: at this moment I have not the most
remote idea who I am, and am constantly on the verge of an unpardonable
scrape; be silent and begone, I will tell you all afterwards." Silenced
and amazed, poor Burton retired, and my unknown friend, turning to me
as I stood elate at having conquered difficulties, again showed me
my uncertain footing by observing--"But you used to cherish the most
heretical opinions on these points, and offend me not a little by their
open avowal." What an ill-bred savage she must identify me with! "Raw
boys are always odious and irrational; you should not have deigned to
listen to me," said I in despair.
"Oh! you were by no means a raw boy, you looked quite as old as you do
now; besides, it is not half a century since we met," she replied, with
another distracting look; and then--with a merry burst of apparently
irrepressible laughter, in which, though I could not account for it,
her friends and myself joined--it was so infectious, added--"You
must forgive me, but really your reminiscences seem to be in such
inextricable confusion, I cannot help laughing." In an agony lest all
should be discovered--with the respectable couple before-mentioned for
umpires, I urged in defence "that my memory was like the background
of a picture from which one figure alone stood out clear and well
defined." Then, observing that she was beating time to the sound of a
most delicious waltz just begun, "Am I too unreasonable to ask for a
waltz as well as a quadrille," I said. She half shook her head, then,
smiling to her companions, observed--"It is so long since I had a
waltz I cannot resist it; shall I keep you too late, _Caro Maestro_?"
"No, no," said the lady with the cap, "we will go and watch you." In
a few moments I was whirling my fair incognita round to the inspiring
strains of the Elfin Waltz, then new and unhacknied.
What a delicious waltz that was! My partner seemed endowed with the
very spirit of the dance: her light pliant form seemed to respond to
every tone of the music, and not an unpractised _valseur_ myself, I
felt that I was, at all events, no encumbrance to her movements. I have
never heard that waltz since--whether ground on the most deplorable of
barrel organs, or blown in uncertain blasts from the watery instruments
of a temperance band--without seeing, as in a magic mirror, the whole
scene conjured up before my eyes: the intense enjoyment of my partner,
which beamed so eloquently from her soft grey eyes, and spoke volumes
of the nature it expressed: the childlike simplicity with which, when
at length wearied, she stopped and said, turning to me--"You dance
very well! How I have enjoyed that waltz!"
Many a stray sixpence those reminiscences have cost me! "But," she
continued, "it must be late, and I cannot keep my friends any longer,
let us find them as soon as possible." This was soon done, and, to my
infinite chagrin, my partner declared herself quite ready to depart,
pronouncing a glowing eulogium on my dancing. "You must have taken
lessons since I had the pleasure of meeting you, for formerly--" There
she stopped, for the philanthropic little cavalier she had called _caro
maestro_ interrupted her, wrapped a shawl round her, begging she would
hold it to her mouth and keep that feature closed during her passage to
the carriage, and led the way with his, I supposed, wife, leaving me
still in possession of the little hand which had rested on my shoulder
during the waltz. Now, or never, I thought.
"I fear I have induced you to prolong that waltz beyond your strength,"
for I felt her arm still trembling with the exertion, "you must allow
me to assure myself to-morrow that you have felt no ill effects?"
"We are not staying here," she said with some hesitation; "we only came
in for the festival and leave to-morrow."
Here we reached the passage, and _il caro maestro_ proceeding to
discover their carriage, I felt myself, of course, bound to divide my
attentions with the lady of the cap, and, not choosing to prosecute my
enquiries within range of her ears, I remained some time in a state of
internal frying till he returned, and I was again _tête-à-tête_ for a
moment with their charge.
"But do you not reside in the neighbourhood?" We were close at the
door. Smiling with her eyes, she shook her head, pointed to the shawl
which she held to her mouth in obedience to the injunction she had
received, and remained silent; I was distracted. "Forgive me," I
exclaimed, "and pray speak; I must see you again."
"Come, my dear," cried my tormentor, "you'll catch cold, make haste!"
Her foot was on the step;--she was in, her guardian opposite her;--the
glass drawn up. "Move on," said the policeman. One glance, as she bowed
full of arch drollery, and I was left on the door step repeating, over
and over, "No. 756--756," while my brain was in a whirl of excitement,
my beautiful vision gone, and my only clue to discover her the number
of a cab!